just checking in and still sober
it's been about a month since i posted. last post i was stressed because i drank about 3.5 glasses of whine over two nights, one of those being my 39th bday . among other things i said i wasn't really getting support and was going to go get some.
well, i didn't get any support but i haven't drank again since late august. before those glasses of whine i hadn't drank in about 5 weeks, so overall..... i'll take that.
lots of things have happened since....in no particular order.
i want to drink!! every damn day, but i seem to get over the urge pretty quickly and once i am over it, the urge is strangley a distant memory and has zero power over me.
i had a lightbulb moment one day while cutting the grass. when you try to moderate consumption, you are giving the urge power. the urge has enough power, never feed the urge!
i've gone to a few parties, been a designated driver, stayed out at the bars until 4AM and never once faltered but in all honesty a little pot helped and so did some N/A beer.
i've lost 12-14 pounds, at least. clothes i fit into in college now hang off me. i have to by all new pants.
fitness related i've got a gas tank that i can't believe. what used to get my HR up to 145-150 now is like 120, it is crazy.
people tell me i look "refreshed and rested" i certainly feel that way.
i eat a ton of ice cream but not sweating that since the weight is still falling off. anyway they are vanity pounds so i don't want to get stuck on how i look, although it does make me smile inside.
lots of my drinking friends come up to me and ask questions that tell me they've thought quitting many many times and deep down they know they need to. i encourage everyone of them and i pray that one day they will come with me.
this is probalby my proudest acheivement, likely because it was the hardest and i had to do it on my own. that doesn't mean i don't condone support, all the support in the world won't help until you say to your self and mean it, this is it, no more.
i was recently told "i wish i had your courage" and that was nice to hear, it all feels good, but i still want to drink every day and that is why i know i can't drink anyday........ever.
lastly, i stumbled on sobriety, i wasn't actively trying to quit. i woke up with a horrid hangover and then 3 hours later got a nasty flue. whilst sick i got a toe hold, an inch, something small that i knew i could use to break the chain and damnit i am neve going to let go. the addiction gave me one inch, i saw it, latched on to it and continue to keep fighting for it.
i just read on another post, someone likes to go for walks so i am heading out the door with a pep in my step.
thanks for reading and thanks for this site, i love you all.