joedris

Dear Kez, I would hazard a guess as to the reason you can't stop drinking is that you likely have this little problem we call alcoholism. You drink because you cannot not drink. And your fears of having to live that dreadful life without (gasp!) a drink in your hand? That's what we call rationalization. And please don't think I'm being a condescending boor here (one of my many character defects), I just speak from experience. At some point we've all been where you're at right now.

It's good that you've come to realize that you can't stop drinking by yourself. Very, very few people can. I know I couldn't. What saved my life was AA. You may want to give that a try. Others will have different experiences and suggestions, so you'll never run out of ideas here.

As to the issue of your realtionship surviving if you stop drinking? Who knows? If it's a strong relationship, it'll survive. If it was built on the foundation of drinking and having fun, then probably not. But if it fits into that second type, it's better that the relationship not survive anyway. The important thing right now is for you to start taking care of yourself. And you have to do this with or without the support of your husband. I know this sounds selfish, but in working to recover from alcoholism you need to look out for #1. Getting sober for some elses' sake never works.

And one other thing. Life without alcohol is a lot more fun that life with alcohol. Trust me on this one.

cathydoll1

Hi there. I also just joined this group, and I am scared too. In my case, I am not married, and no drugs involved. I didn't even start drinking til i was in my early 40s! We don't have a lot in common except that neither of us seem to have the willpower to stop.

I kept thinking, I am JUST drinking wine, it's not so bad...but when you drink wine night after night, to help you drown your grief, or whatever, and to help you sleep, you are in trouble.

I can't really say a lot more that will help, other than, hang in there. I have found in the few days after I joined this site, that there are lots and lots of wonderful people out there, going through the same things. We can all try to support each other.

Hang in there. You are not alone.

OZboy

..kez and oz sandy..

..just simply be kind to yourselfs.

..no one wants to be on an SR site..

..so enjoy shareing your story with us...we have not done any thing
...really....wrong...lol...OZ..

left4lonely

i am new here too. and i have to say that the feeling of being different and alone has been what has kept me from staying strong and accepting that i can't drink... ever. as if people were made to be able to drink, haha. Some believe that the wine of the bible was more or less grape juice and wine that fermented into alcoholic wine was wine gone bad. Before ever reading that, i noticed that grape juice makes me smile just from the taste so i believe it! So who is with me to go lobby for prohibition! woo! Im so glad you all are here and sharing because it helps to not feel like I'm alone in this battle for life.

CarolD

Glad you are here with us...Welcome!

Wolfchild

Kez

Hi everyone,,, thankyou for everyones comments it has helped soooooo much...well it was my birthday yesterday I drank and smoked cigs and dope, and I new yesterday that today was the day that i had to stop... thankyou Tazman your message has been springing thru my brain since you wrote it " i will stop when my desire to not drink becomes stronger than the desire to drink"" too right. I have a sore throat from smoking and feel like crap, I think and i dont know if this is a long shot,, but its like i had to start smoking when i was drinking again because it has scared the **** out of me,, I have asthma and when i did smoke full time i was puffing on a fag with one hand and puffing on my puffer with the other I could barely breathe,, its like the alcohol alone wasnt scaring me allowing my desire to drink to be greater than the desire not to drink,, but now that ive added the cigs to the drinking equation i am scared half to death,,,,, so yesterday i made the decision to stop drinking because i was scaring myself too much with the smoking and now my desire to stop drinking is greater than my desire to drink....
so today is the first day,, and I can tell you i am so scared coz right about now is when i usually start and I am so not going to...... I just dont want to bust,,, my husband rekons hes not going to either till the weekend,, I asked him if he was strong enough to do that and he said we'll see... but i know this is my fight so if he does i gotta be stronger than that coz i really dont want to drink, if i can get through today tomorrow may be easier..................

NewBeginning010

Looks like a perfect plan Kez we have been covering up a lot of emotions & feelings for a long time with alcohol. Its a scary first step when we try to go out & not drink like we always have.

I haven't found the perfect analogy for it but going out & doing things sober that you used to do while drinking feels similar to what it would feel like to be naked everywhere you go lol. Feeling awkward, shy, embarrassed, uncertain, lost, confused, sad, lonely (I could go on & on ;-). Now if you are a nudest my analogy wont work hehe.

The good news is that you can work with these feelings & start to notice them & understand why they are there and how they fit into your life. Dont get me wrong, its not an easy road... sometimes its tough as hell but... worth everything when you start to connect with your true self (spirit) and others on a sober level.

Keep sharing & I look forward to reading about your journey into recovery. You can do this, be proud of yourself for taking your first steps.

Take Care,

NB

Kez

thankyou Newbeginning,,,, this is hard i just want this night to go real quick......

thirtybubba

Good luck on that one, Kez. I wish that too. But anything worth having... well you know the rest.

It'll get better, I promise. And I don't speak lightly, I have heard tell many a time, and I have lived it too. Magical (for lack of a better word) things do happen when you deny a body alcohol...

Kez

Thankyou OzSandy, yes i dont have shops close to me either,, but yesterday i had all this alcohol left over and i just new if it was sitting in my fridge that would be it, so i told my husband thats it its all going down the sink,,, so instead he took it for the weekend for himself and stashed it in the shed,,,,, so i know that it is so close,, but im not gonna touch it I cant!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kez

thanks TB am going to resist,, I know what will happen and how low I go if I dont.......
its just so dam hard