tallcactus

((Bugsq..))
Y make me laugh, U kinda sound like my mean hubby, but only in 1 or 2 areas....
U said, "If I like someone, I do things for them. If I don't like them I ignore them. I'm not keeping score, but I'm sure I'm WAAAAAAY ahead on the who did what for who scoreboard." Just like my husband and I love him 2 pieces, but U R keeping score..now U want what U want....
I personally do not reward him 4 all he does, I do, because it is mutual... and we love each other dearly, we do not want it 2 end...we R working on us! Time and seasons change.., we R changing...negotiateting (sp/ wrong) but, love each other, so we R trying 2 give each other what we need...and keep it together.
Stay strong.

Tazman53

Tom you are right when you say I don't know the whole deal, one reason why I asked questions.

I would as several others have suggested see a marriage counselor, your wife may have other problems with you that she can not put her finger on but she can always point a finger at your drinking.

I have been to a marriage counselor before and they can be of tremendous help, but it takes both parties being willing to work at solving marital problems in order for them to be helpful. I am sure you are well aware that marriage is a partnership with give and take on both sides.

bugsquawsher

What I left off on my last post is when I get hurt, I get ticked off. So My hurting can come across as being mad or mean. I don't like to hurt, it makes me feel weak. I don't like to feel weak. What man want's to feel Weak. Not many. I tried the praying thing and it may work for some, But all I ever got was the answering machine with no return call.
The "I'm not a Hooker that doesn't get paid" Comment burnt a Hole in my brain. I just don't know what to say about that. I wish for a little loving , because I did something for my wife and she says I'm calling her a hooker that doesn't get paid. What a Twisted way of thinking.
How am I to ever feel comfortable touching , holding or loving her again with phrases like this bouncing around in my head.
Another one was, when the councilor I talked to (her pastor) and I told him about how she didn't like it when I touched her inappropriately and his responce to me was, I didn't know you could touch your wife inappropriately.
When I relayed this to her, she got mad and said it was her body and she didn't want me touching her than I shouldn't. No problem I said, I have no intentions of touching you at all. Then she equated the pastors and My belief that you couldn't touch inappropriately to Beating your wife. WOW.
Is anyone starting to understand what I have to deal with.

I had to say hooker that doesn't get paid because the forum word list blocked out what she actually told me she wasn't

bugsquawsher

No that didn't come across apparently like I ment it. I truely am Not keeping score.
I did do things for her in hopes of getting her in a good mood. Like's been said if she's happy everyone's happy. I didn't say I did this for you now you owe me that. I said I did this for you and hoped you would want to. And when we did, I always did my very best to make it enjoyable for both.

Tazman53

Tom seriously, see if you can get her to go to a marriage conselor with you. I was in that place with my first wife, she refused to go, now she is my ex, but that was almost 20 years ago and I am verily happily married now to a woman that went through hell for years because of my drinking and was at the end of her rope with me when I finally saw the light.

tallcactus

Please listen toTaz...
My husband and myself R going 2 go 2 counselling, as soon as he gets home, this upcoming Saturday...he has agreed, he doesn't want 2 lose me and I sure do not want 2 lose him....negotiate.......

bugsquawsher

Did I leave that part out?
Per her request I met with her pastor for marriage counseling.
He wanted to meet with us one on one first.
So I met him and we chatted it up for over an hour.
After I got home I told her I spoke with him and that it was her turn.
Nothing happened for a couple of weeks, I kept waiting to be told when we were to meet together. Well she hadn't seen him by herself yet because she said she didnt' feel comfortable talking to him by herself and wanted to meet with someone else.
I said ok, But didn't see how telling two different people was going to solve anything, But then what do I know. I figured having one person with both sides of the story could do more than having two people with one side of the story.
Anyhow she finally did meet with him , so I was told. and that he would call me. I got a call but since I ride a motorcycle everywhere I can't always answer the phone. Turns out all he was calling for was to invite me to some Mens fellowship Thing and that it started at 8 am and I would be out by 9am. So it had nothing to do with counseling at all. So I didn't go.
Any how I'm still waiting for the meeting with him together. I'm afraid to ask when this will be. Not afraid for my life, but that she will take my asking as an attack of some sort. Trust me, I would love to get this straitened out and go back to having a happy life. As far as a paid Counselor goes. I can barely afford to see the doctor for my back problems. Much less a 200 dollar an hour shrink.