sfgirl

I think this is thing— you can feel like drinking and not drink. It sucks, yeah, but doable.

I mean there are things that we often do even though we have thoughts against it like stay at work the whole day even though we would rather buzz off and go surf or something. But we stay at work. We don't get into a whole conversation in our head with that little voice that is like come on let's go to the beach. Nor do we argue, well if I run out the door now maybe no one will notice, no Jill will notice, no she won't, maybe I can convince the boss,— point is we don't give a lot of energy to arguing with that voice. No, we just notice, oh I don't want to be at work again, I would rather be at the beach, and we keep on working away.

Dee74

It's not a walk in the park - otherwise none of us would be here. We'd just do it.

I doubt it's any more difficult that the way we live as active addicts - but it seems to suck more cos we're depriving ourselves - after years of instant gratification with booze, deprivation hurts.

But it's not impossible - theres a whole mess of people here to prove that.

And yes, ice cream helps LOL
D

OZboy

..i'm still here..
i ain't goin' no-where..

OZboy

..you ok?..

keithj

I found better than relief from these thoughts. I found freedom through AA's 12 steps. AAers consider that the obsession was removed. And I have to say, it did almost feel like an outside force removed those thoughts from me. It's just a psychic transformation into a person that doesn't have those thoughts; a person that sees booze as neutral and is protected from it.

Prior to that, the pain and desperation faded after a few months. My resolve melted after a few months of sobriety. Prior to that, I couldn't really stop those thoughts. I'd be OK for a while and then the thoughts would creep back in.

One idea that makes sense to me now, but didn't at the time I got sober, was that I was chasing ghosts. I wanted to relive that euphoric feeling of drinking, that carefree release. But as an alcoholic who had drank past that point, those feelings were not possible for me. Booze simply could not provide that feeling for me any more. Those things were dead.

"For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt — and one more failure."
AA Big Book, Ch. 11, 1st Ed.

Boleo

There is nothing wrong with thinking so long as you are aware of the following words of wisdom:

Student: "What part of human thinking is delusional?"

Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj: "100%"

Tantra Hinduism, Zen Buddhism, Taoism and Existentialism all say the same thing about thinking:

"All logic and reason leads to an Abyss"

Rad44

I have found that the Alcohol craving I experience seems to come and go without much rhyme or reason and lasts varying lengths of time from a few seconds to a few weeks. It is more of an emotional plea my Alcoholic Brain is trying to make to overpower the Rationality of my Real Brain. Negotiating with my Alcoholic brain leads invariably to disaster but unfortunately that rational fact doesn't really mitigate the pull that Alcohol still exerts.

Although this is a long and difficult struggle, I can say that the craving and obsessive thinking get much fewer and farther between over time but never completely go away. Also the prescription Drug Naltrexone has helped me a great deal in easing these symptoms. Also a tragic comfort to me is seeing other Alcoholics who succumb to their cravings and start drinking again.

I keep waiting for one of these stories to turn out with a good ending. So far every single "experiment" with relapse both for myself and seen or heard about in others has turned out to be an unmitigated catastrophe. When I Do the Math, those are Powerful Odds for my Rational Brain to overrule my Alcoholic Brain when it is lying to me saying "It will be Different This Time".

Freeport

Some random thoughts and quotes I've saved over the past 113 days from SR that help me get through the challenges:


"The 8th drink didn't get me drunk, no it was the first sip that got me every time. Not having a first sip spared me the 8th 100 percent of the time."


"Am I just pulling another excuse to not stop drinking out of my butt or is this a legitimate excuse that is actually worth risking my very life for?"


"There are no problems that drinking cannot make worse."


"On your worst days, remember: At least you’re sober."


And the No. 1 message I've gotten from SR: "Untreated drinking problems get worse."

24hrsAday

you will never get relief from your pain through drinking.. i always remember that if i get drunk.. on the other side of the drunk is a world of hurt.. i have done it enough that i no longer doubt it (at all)

Anna

Jade, there is lots of good advice here.

What I know is, the 'voice' is not you, it's not me. It's just the addict voice. I can listen to it, hear it for what it is, disregard it, and carry on. It's not who I am, and it's not who you are. You can do this!