sad
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 1,390
sad
My boy turned 21 yesterday and went out and got plastered. I thought he really wasn't going to follow in my foot steps because I started using when I was 12. I guess he did wait longer than me.
I wish the best for him and hope he learned about using and how much it can wreck a life by what he learned from me.
Talk about feeling hopeless and wishing you could choose the path that your kids go down.
I so don't want him to have to endure the things I did and the damage I caused. I hope he can drink or use like normal people.
I wish the best for him and hope he learned about using and how much it can wreck a life by what he learned from me.
Talk about feeling hopeless and wishing you could choose the path that your kids go down.
I so don't want him to have to endure the things I did and the damage I caused. I hope he can drink or use like normal people.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Chaos, perhaps he is not an alcoholic, from studies I have read and what I hear in the rooms most of us start drinking at an early age, not all of us, but most of us. That being said, my father was a recovered alcoholic, I never saw him drink, he had his last drink the day I came home from the hospital after I was born. It was no secret in my family that my dad was an alcoholic, I heard all the stories, but I never lived them!
All I knew was that my dad was an alcoholic and he stayed sober for 19 years until his death so I foolishly felt I could drink and if I needed to quit it would be an easy matter. Well I was 52 when I quit, I did not draw a sober breath the last 5 years of my drinking.
Any how my son being raised by an active alcoholic knew exactly what an alcoholic was and what they put their family through. He was one of my biggest supporters when I first got sober! Well about a year after I got sober his wife called........ she wanted me to talk to him, his drinking was getting out of control! I explained to her that me talking to him would probably prolong the bottom he needed to hit and that the best thing she could do was go to alanon, take care of herself and my grandson, and pray that he found his bottom soon. Thank God about 3 months later I get a call from my son, drunk and crying....... he said "Dad, I'm an alcoholic!" We spoke for a little bit and then I told him to go to bed and call me when he was sober. He did call me the next morning. He has not drank since.
So in an odd kind of way, his going through hell with a drunk for a dad saved his children from being raised by a drunk.
All I knew was that my dad was an alcoholic and he stayed sober for 19 years until his death so I foolishly felt I could drink and if I needed to quit it would be an easy matter. Well I was 52 when I quit, I did not draw a sober breath the last 5 years of my drinking.
Any how my son being raised by an active alcoholic knew exactly what an alcoholic was and what they put their family through. He was one of my biggest supporters when I first got sober! Well about a year after I got sober his wife called........ she wanted me to talk to him, his drinking was getting out of control! I explained to her that me talking to him would probably prolong the bottom he needed to hit and that the best thing she could do was go to alanon, take care of herself and my grandson, and pray that he found his bottom soon. Thank God about 3 months later I get a call from my son, drunk and crying....... he said "Dad, I'm an alcoholic!" We spoke for a little bit and then I told him to go to bed and call me when he was sober. He did call me the next morning. He has not drank since.
So in an odd kind of way, his going through hell with a drunk for a dad saved his children from being raised by a drunk.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Hey mxchaos. I hear what you're saying. My kids are a lot younger and of course I'm concerned about their future. I worry that maybe one of them may choose the same things. The only thing I can do is continue to support them and love them.
The one good thing that I can project for myself is that I have already traveled the road of recovery. No one in my family has and I did a lot of work ALL ON MY OWN to get where I'm at today. If anything I have all my knowledge that I know I can share.
I have no idea of how you feel but hang in there.
This is TODAY stay where your feet are, right underneath you.
The one good thing that I can project for myself is that I have already traveled the road of recovery. No one in my family has and I did a lot of work ALL ON MY OWN to get where I'm at today. If anything I have all my knowledge that I know I can share.
I have no idea of how you feel but hang in there.
This is TODAY stay where your feet are, right underneath you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
There's a lot of good advice here (((mx)))
Vegi and Anna have great suggestions - you have a lot of knowledge about this - share it - talk with your boy. Let him know he's got you in his corner, no matter what.
and stay in today, ok? Don't run off with the 'woulda shoulda couldas' - stick in the day - I think your son needs you, mx
D
Vegi and Anna have great suggestions - you have a lot of knowledge about this - share it - talk with your boy. Let him know he's got you in his corner, no matter what.
and stay in today, ok? Don't run off with the 'woulda shoulda couldas' - stick in the day - I think your son needs you, mx
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 438
Sending you good thoughts, mxchaos. I had a long talk w/my 14-year old a few days ago after a bout of worrying over what he might do, drinking-wise, in the near future (he just started high school.)
But going out and getting plastered on your 21st birthday doesn't necessarily mean you're doomed to any particular fate so try not to fret, ok?
But going out and getting plastered on your 21st birthday doesn't necessarily mean you're doomed to any particular fate so try not to fret, ok?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In my head...tis dark in here!
Posts: 213
Originally Posted by stephnc 
But going out and getting plastered on your 21st birthday doesn't necessarily mean you're doomed to any particular fate so try not to fret, ok?
...it could work the other way too...he may feel so rough as a result he may not touch it again ....life's a journey at the end of the day, he has to make his own way and learn as and when from his own experiences...you can only guide him, the rest is his bag.....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ozstrayleeya
Posts: 2,950
Originally Posted by mxchaos
I do have to let him live his own life and learn to just take a deep breath when I panic. I should be used to this by now.
thank you for all being here for me!
thank you for all being here for me!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
You know what it all really boils down to is fairly simple, we need to be honest with our children and open with our children about our own alcoholism and most important of all so I have found out from my own experience with my son is that we need to stay sober to where if our child discovers they too have a problem they have a SOBER parent with a SOLUTION to share with them that worked for us to where they can come to us!
live to ride ride to live
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 1,390
I am very open with my kids about my addiction and mental health because I was taught not to talk about anything and that's how I became me. The addicted mess that I was. I really need to learn that my feelings and thoughts get out of control really fast and that just because he's being an normal person and doing what a 21 year old should do that it's not the end of the world.
glad your all here for me
thanks
glad your all here for me
thanks
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ozstrayleeya
Posts: 2,950
Originally Posted by tommyk
Well... I only hope that after being plastered and living through it, he feels the pain of the aftermath, and he keeps that in mind before ever getting plastered again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 666
Wow.. again this forum hits home.
My son is 2 1/2. I spent a lot of last night sitting holding him because he had a fever of 104 and wanted to be held, so my wife and I took turns.
As I held him I was astonished by how much he looks like me when I was his age. He's got allergies just like me, asthma just like me, loves to run just like me, and enjoys a good laugh just like me.
The thought of him running the streets (or staggering around the streets) just like daddy tears me up inside. It was raining last night here in Boston. I remember hobbling around the streets on a cold rainy night, nowhere to go, chasing a drink that I couldn't find... cold, wet, miserable, and alone.
That ain't gonna happen to my boy. No way, no how. The chain has been broken. He'll know love, happiness, and family. Should the unthinkable happen - we'll be there. Never alone.
Mike
My son is 2 1/2. I spent a lot of last night sitting holding him because he had a fever of 104 and wanted to be held, so my wife and I took turns.
As I held him I was astonished by how much he looks like me when I was his age. He's got allergies just like me, asthma just like me, loves to run just like me, and enjoys a good laugh just like me.
The thought of him running the streets (or staggering around the streets) just like daddy tears me up inside. It was raining last night here in Boston. I remember hobbling around the streets on a cold rainy night, nowhere to go, chasing a drink that I couldn't find... cold, wet, miserable, and alone.
That ain't gonna happen to my boy. No way, no how. The chain has been broken. He'll know love, happiness, and family. Should the unthinkable happen - we'll be there. Never alone.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 53
Talking to your son isn't just a good piece of advice it's something you need to do. It will be good for the both of you. Even if he has a bad reaction it will always be there in his head and he'll know that the door is open.
I wish my parents had talked to me and my siblings. We have 2 alcoholics, 2 suicides and a drug addict all in the immediate family (excluding my siblings and I) and I had to find out just that much by accident and over a long period. I'm not trying to freak you out just presenting an example. My brother and sister both did drugs and drank, my brother more so than my sister. Neither of them talked to me either. All I knew is I didn't get to see them as much. They probably thought they were protecting me but it just left me in the dark. The closest anyone got was my brother. He told me if I wanted to know what immediate addiction was he'd do meth with me. Wrong approach, that made me never want to do meth though
My mom and I finally talked about my drinking problem in May I think it was. She told me she knew but didn't know it was that bad. I guess I'm good at keeping up appearances.
So I guess I'm trying to say talking needs to happen whether there is a problem or not cause if you wait tail you think there is one it's probably a lot worse then it appears to be.
My brother and sister got off drugs and alcohol a long time ago and never looked back. They are both living happy and successful lives now. They don't know about my problem though. The door is supposed to swing both ways. Well look there, I just taught myself a lesson. Guess I have some phone calls to make.
Your son will appreciate the talk, maybe not at first but he will down the line somewhere.
I wish my parents had talked to me and my siblings. We have 2 alcoholics, 2 suicides and a drug addict all in the immediate family (excluding my siblings and I) and I had to find out just that much by accident and over a long period. I'm not trying to freak you out just presenting an example. My brother and sister both did drugs and drank, my brother more so than my sister. Neither of them talked to me either. All I knew is I didn't get to see them as much. They probably thought they were protecting me but it just left me in the dark. The closest anyone got was my brother. He told me if I wanted to know what immediate addiction was he'd do meth with me. Wrong approach, that made me never want to do meth though
My mom and I finally talked about my drinking problem in May I think it was. She told me she knew but didn't know it was that bad. I guess I'm good at keeping up appearances.
So I guess I'm trying to say talking needs to happen whether there is a problem or not cause if you wait tail you think there is one it's probably a lot worse then it appears to be.
My brother and sister got off drugs and alcohol a long time ago and never looked back. They are both living happy and successful lives now. They don't know about my problem though. The door is supposed to swing both ways. Well look there, I just taught myself a lesson. Guess I have some phone calls to make.
Your son will appreciate the talk, maybe not at first but he will down the line somewhere.
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