firestorm090

I know I've been posting quite frequently lately, and I hope that's okay with everyone.

Have you ever wondered if there's a bigger scheme to all this pain and suffering? Have you ever wondered if there's a bigger plan at play in our lives and that our difficulties may actually be the tools we can use to help others? I'm curious. I'm beginnig to think that maybe all of this stuff we put ourselves and others through while in our addictions can actually become useful to others if we are able to use that experience to help another walk a different, possibly better path in life. Free will allows us to screw up royally, however what if those screwups become stepping stones for others, or bridges they can use to pass over some of the troubled waters we encounter in life each day? What if our passages through the dark tunnels of life are so that we may shine a light from the other side to help others find their way?

Maybe we are just a small fraction of the worldwide population holding a candle for the weary sufferers of addiction, but a lone candle can help light up a room which was cloaked in total darkness. I want to be part of that group, the group that helps show the way, and maybe, by joining in with that group, I can find my own way to a better life, a life that works, a life full of work and rewards, love, laughter and tears that are real, where people really do care, and hope springs eternal for everyone.

I know, maybe it's just more delusional thinking, but I'd sure love to think it's not. It would help me a lot to think that maybe all of this pain, bewilderment, suffering, and loss could actually have value, could serve a purpose. Maybe that really is what recovery is all about, to lose ourselves in order to gain a purpose and become useful. What if that's exactly what is supposed to happen? What if?

Gypsy Feet

I totally think that is true. My example for all paths having value is the path of Bill W. If it were not for the fact that he was a drunk, how many people would not have found their way out of the darkness through AA?

thirtybubba

I agree with Gypsy Feet, Bill W was one who led many as you say.

Maybe it is delusional, but if so, it's a shared delusion. It seems to me in a world so naturally interconnected there ought to be an outlet for this type of pain, a reason for it to be, and for some to overcome it. If it's to guide others along through the same journey, well, that makes sense to me.

Oh, and Gypsy mentioned AA, but I'd suggest that being here is another of those groups, a more modern version wherein people can come and get help from those who have been there before. In which case, you're already part of it...

-TB, thinking deeper than her words can express properly right now

Dee74

I've always looked at it as simply making something good out of a bad situation I was in- but yes I find some purpose out of all that madness now - trying to help others avoid it

I find that humbling...keeps me grounded anyway
D

NewBeginning010

I would say I have had an awakening of sorts by going through my alcoholism & recovery. I have lost a lot due to my alcoholism so I also have a lot to gain through my recovery. Its still a work in progress for me

Don't worry about posting a lot FS, I have stayed very close to SR and believe this site to be a integral part of my program.

Hope all is well FS

penny74

l believe that everything that happens to you, happens for a reason.
It's a pity you can't always see what it is.


Life is a process. We are a process. The universe is a process.

firestorm090

Thanks everyone for your kind comments.

I can't seem to get tired tonight, so I'm up and on here, to help me stay focused on recovery. It helps to read that others feel this way too.

I find it hard to even believe that I have become who I am today, with all my worries over such trivial stuff, wrapped up in my own little world of obsessive thought, that until twelve days ago was also warped with booze and xanax, and still is for the most part. It's amazing what we do to ourselves all in the pursuit of finding a way to live with ourselves, and when we can't, the bottle becomes our magic elixir, our solution to all discomfort, only to then turn on us and beat us into a state of total bewilderment and despair. When the party ends, when all the guests have gone home to their loved ones, and we are left alone with our bottle, the reality of our plight becomes too much to bear. We slip slowly into our shell and therein we find the hell so many people speak of, only they think it comes after life. I think hell is alive and well right here, I've been there and the name fits. It is hell on earth, and it's waiting patiently in the next glass of wine, the next shot of whiskey, the next six-pack of beer that looks so tempting. I need to remember the hell of just a few days ago, for if I don't, I may have to go through it all again, or worse the next time I choose to think that I've got it all under control, that I've licked alcohol, that I've in fact beaten it. That's the very day that it will sucker punch me again and knock me to the mat. And it's hell trying to get up again.

yeahgr8

There is a guy a little older than me, at SR, who started to email me away from SR whilst i was out there sharing his experiences and consequences and hope. His contact and story helped me get my ass to AA and begin working on myself so i reckon yeah all of our lives are there to help the newcomers get sober and as we are all different in terms of people, places and things each of us have a path that a newcomer may relate to whereas they may not to another. With that in mind and, if we put this into practice, then we would be saving lives and allowing others to get the help they need without going quite as far as we did...it's a gift really as long as we make use of it!

Reese321

Yes. Struggle is the force that allows us to see the important things in life. I certainly wouldn't say that alcoholism (or any other addiction) is necessary to see these things, but it certainly provides a stark contrast to what is needed, and what is not.

The fact that you are tackling this question shows that you are already on the road to discovering this possibility.

Getting over alcohol is not easy. It convinces us that we are someone that we are not. It may very well sucker-punch you back into the ground, but that is only because we are trying to capture something that is not attained through reality. It may very well be real. But sometimes the way we attain something determines its larger implications. I hope this makes sense. So attaining this through sobriety is more real because you dont need a crutch to do so.

You can either attain your real self through alcohol, or you can attempt to do it through your sober self. If you feel that you need to talk to people, call a friend, or go to AA. If you feel that you can do it yourself, then go for it and I offer you my best luck! Either way, you need to find the value in yourself. If you cant see this value, then you are not ready to take on sobriety on your own.

Good luck and keep posting!

Spiritwind

Ha No problem Don't drink Read the big book Go to meetings Keep it simple stupid you don't have to be a Philosphy major a Christian or a oldtimer just don't Drink even if your ass falls off! :wtf2:

Aysha

Ok..I dont do meetings. But I think thats what they mean by "Giving it away?"
Not only does it help the newcomer. But I think it keeps the old timers grounded as well.
I mean..Why else would those old timers keep going to meetings for so long?
I can only hope that my experiences can help another.

Great thought..Far from delusional.
Sry I didnt read the rest of the posts. Kinda skimming before work.