Set Up and Knocked Down But Still Sober,By God

Old 07-28-2009, 10:14 PM
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Set Up and Knocked Down But Still Sober,By God

My wife suggested to me after 4 months of sobriety(mine) that a trial separation might be a good thing so that we could work on ourselves and our relationship protected by a little space. I put down a deposit and first months rent today on a 6 month lease on a little apartment leaving her set up in our beautiful house. During our counseling session today she told me for the first time she wanted me to sign papers putting the house in her name with me resposible for half the payments etc. and had seen a lawyer without telling me. Surprised me and our therapist who had helped us devise the trial seraration plan. She said she wanted to make sure the next time I relapsed and would that if I got into a DUI she'd be taken care of.She also wanted me to take out additional life insurance. She said I owed it to her and she knew it was just a matter of time before I relapsed and she wanted whats coming to her. Needless to say it caught me and our therapist off guard. I'm now trying to figure out my next move--it will not be to a bottle. Whatever happens I have my sobriety and I intend to keep it.I might lose everything else but I'll have that.

“We want what we can’t have and don’t want what we do have; we want more of what we like and less of what we don’t like…Behind every suffering, Buddhist teachers say, is the desire for things to be different. This attempt to control or manage what cannot be changed interferes with our going on being. We worry about the past and anticipate the future or worry about the future and anticipate the past. Our self-centeredness causes us to create an uneasy relationship with the world in which we try to fend off any threats to our hard-fought security. This sets up an indefensible position; we become like a fortress: a self within a body that is threatened from all sides.”—Mark Epstein
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Old 07-28-2009, 10:19 PM
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Whatever happens I have my sobriety and I intend to keep it.I might lose everything else but I'll have that
Right on Fitz. I hope this transitional time is short, and that things will work out for you soon, mate.

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Old 07-28-2009, 10:27 PM
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Red face

Congratulations on your newfound strength and best wishes on your new begginings

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Old 07-29-2009, 04:44 AM
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Hey Cool. I'm right there with you. I have been through the mill with my X and some of the stuff I understand when I put myself in his shoes. However, I, like yourself, am choosing sobriety over anything else and I'm getting through some hellish times here.

The X needs a place to live and who do you think he's come to asking for help? Heh......

Oh how the tables have turned.

I hope you'll get yourself an attorney or some legal help in the meantime. Cover your @ss as best you can. That's pretty rough seeing someone work hard to get their life back and then to know someone is trying to swipe it right out from underneath them.

Hang in there, you can get through this.
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Old 07-29-2009, 07:25 AM
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I would strongly suggest that you speak to an attourney before doing anything, this could be fairly open ended and you need to watch out for your self. I understand her wanting to protect herself, but you probably should not open the door to wide for her to use this for other reasons.

BTW glad to hear your sobriety is #1 no matter what!
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Old 07-29-2009, 07:55 AM
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Sounds like pre-divorce prep work to me. I've been there. See an attorney and keep your sobriety intact. The bottle won't make her come back or go away any easier.

Best wishes.
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Old 07-29-2009, 08:10 AM
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Well, I don't know about where you live, but in Texas if you have a mortgage the only way you would legally be able to put it in your wife's name would be for her to qualify for the mortgage in her own name and refinance. The odds of the mortgage company agreeing to transferring the property to your wife's name and removing yours are pretty much zilch. Most Warranty Deeds with Vendor's Lien (deeds that have a lien on them) have a "due on sales" clause, which means if you transfer the property (and transferring to your wife would be a transfer) the total amount on the lien becomes immediately due and payable. So, it may well be that you cannot legally put the house in her name anyway. Just something to think about.

Way to go on the sobriety!!! Keep it up!!
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Old 07-29-2009, 08:13 AM
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Hi Cool,

I'm sorry that you're going through this!
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:39 PM
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It is good you are not drinking.
If it was me I would get a lawyer and I would not move out until I did so.
Oh and I would definitely not take a drink.
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Old 07-29-2009, 04:06 PM
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Stay strong..
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