New here. Need advice.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 23
New here. Need advice.
Hi, I am a 40 something male with a wife and 3 kids. I think my wife is an alcoholic. She also smoke marijuana when she can. I should also mention that she has been diagnosed with depression and takes medication for it.
We have been together for 10 years (Married 7). Her father is an alcoholic/drug user, her Mom is an alcoholic/drug user, one sister is also an alcoholic/drug user and her other sister I know smokes mj.
Now my wife was "different" when I met her. "Not me", she said, "this apple rolled far away from the tree". She was, and I know there is a nice person inside somewhere that I fell in love with, I just can't find her.
My wife has become increasingly worse over the years. She has been violent, though not as much today as in the past. She drinks during the week and more on the weekends. Not everyday but often. If we go over her mom's for a visit its a 12 pack of beer. She also drinks rum and will kill more than half the bottle in a few hours.
She adds marijuana, against my desires, to it on occasion with her prescribed medicine. She had also been addicted to Percocet in the past that was tough to recover from.
Since June she has been drunk on Friday night so bad that we would fight about it and she would leave and not come home until Sunday or Monday for four weekends. She would call once "the party' was over and want to 'come home". She doesn't remember much of the fight and blames me for trying to control her and being mean. Once she comes to her senses she agrees she needs help an appolgozes for being how she is. She has admitted that she does not know who she is when she acts like that sober or not. (might be bipolar)
Needless to say she never gets help an the cycle repeats itself over and over. She tells her alcoholic family that I am controlling and blames me for her problems.
Last Friday she took off with the middle daughter who has special needs. Left our son with me. She went to her mom's house and there was a big fight where the police were called and she calle dme crying for a favor. I asked her why and she gave me the guilty "forget it' and hung up. She spent the night in a motel room with the kid. The next day she calls to "come home" and I say yes, partial for the kids sake, but she needs to agree to certain things. She comes in and agrees and then an hour later tells me off and says she wants a divorce and she is done with me. We are still not on good terms and she says she is getting her own place and taking the kids.
I told her I would fight for the kids (custody)and their home and if she wanted out she could leave. She said "not without my babies". today my goal is to care for my family and home and let her be. If she wants help I will give it to her. If she doesn't the marriage will run its course and end. I just need to make sure my kids exposure is limited and they are safe.
There is alot to this story but I have typed enough already. What should I do.
We have been together for 10 years (Married 7). Her father is an alcoholic/drug user, her Mom is an alcoholic/drug user, one sister is also an alcoholic/drug user and her other sister I know smokes mj.
Now my wife was "different" when I met her. "Not me", she said, "this apple rolled far away from the tree". She was, and I know there is a nice person inside somewhere that I fell in love with, I just can't find her.
My wife has become increasingly worse over the years. She has been violent, though not as much today as in the past. She drinks during the week and more on the weekends. Not everyday but often. If we go over her mom's for a visit its a 12 pack of beer. She also drinks rum and will kill more than half the bottle in a few hours.
She adds marijuana, against my desires, to it on occasion with her prescribed medicine. She had also been addicted to Percocet in the past that was tough to recover from.
Since June she has been drunk on Friday night so bad that we would fight about it and she would leave and not come home until Sunday or Monday for four weekends. She would call once "the party' was over and want to 'come home". She doesn't remember much of the fight and blames me for trying to control her and being mean. Once she comes to her senses she agrees she needs help an appolgozes for being how she is. She has admitted that she does not know who she is when she acts like that sober or not. (might be bipolar)
Needless to say she never gets help an the cycle repeats itself over and over. She tells her alcoholic family that I am controlling and blames me for her problems.
Last Friday she took off with the middle daughter who has special needs. Left our son with me. She went to her mom's house and there was a big fight where the police were called and she calle dme crying for a favor. I asked her why and she gave me the guilty "forget it' and hung up. She spent the night in a motel room with the kid. The next day she calls to "come home" and I say yes, partial for the kids sake, but she needs to agree to certain things. She comes in and agrees and then an hour later tells me off and says she wants a divorce and she is done with me. We are still not on good terms and she says she is getting her own place and taking the kids.
I told her I would fight for the kids (custody)and their home and if she wanted out she could leave. She said "not without my babies". today my goal is to care for my family and home and let her be. If she wants help I will give it to her. If she doesn't the marriage will run its course and end. I just need to make sure my kids exposure is limited and they are safe.
There is alot to this story but I have typed enough already. What should I do.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Dadtrying
Welcome to SR. I'm so sorry to hear your story.
The sad fact is, as a former addict myself, I know that nothing or noone could make me quit until I wanted to.
Your wife may or may not decide to do something - I hope she does and soon - but that's her call.
I've learned it's best to focus on what you can do for you and your children. Have you through of Alanon?
we also have Family and Friends forums for people dealing with the same kinds of things as you are. Pls check them out.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
best wishes
D
Welcome to SR. I'm so sorry to hear your story.
The sad fact is, as a former addict myself, I know that nothing or noone could make me quit until I wanted to.
Your wife may or may not decide to do something - I hope she does and soon - but that's her call.
I've learned it's best to focus on what you can do for you and your children. Have you through of Alanon?
we also have Family and Friends forums for people dealing with the same kinds of things as you are. Pls check them out.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
best wishes
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
As Dee mentioned, you'll probably find more help on the other forums. But as an alcoholic I can tell you that there's nothing you can do for your wife. She's the only one that can do anything about her addictions, and from what you've described I seriously doubt that will happen anytime soon. Your priority must be for yourself and your children. Get yourself the best lawyer in town and do everything possible to get permanent custody. And that nice woman you married? She disappeared a long time ago.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
