Caria

its been 8 days now ... and not sure what it is but i keep having this "voice" in my head that says ..you can have one drink, just one OR another that says ok maybe not now but later on when im "settled" i'll be able to enjoy a cocktail here and there..i know i cant ... but i cant help this thoughts, this "longing" .... this really is a war.

ANGELINA243

Hang on to those 8 days.....I hear that voice too right now. I understand. You are not alone.

readyforhelp

I experienced this something fierce in the beginning. Now, it is an occasional thing, like today I thought, "oooh, a burger and a beer would be nice." Then, luckily I was able to play it out: There is NEVER just a beer. It will pass.

Glad you are here!

Hevyn

Hi Caria. I was obsessed with those thoughts in the beginning. I had lived my life using alcohol to cope with every occasion, every event in my life. Sad that I thought it was helping me, or enhancing things. You will learn to ignore or deal with the little voice - it doesn't stay this intense for long.

Taking5

In AA there is a saying "play the tape to the end". If you were to have one drink, and somebody filmed it, how do you think the film would end? In my case, there was never "one drink". I would be off on a multiday drunk.

So think about how this would end for you. I hope this helps.

NEOMARXIST

Man you summed up perfectly what happens to me, after about 3-4 weeks that voice has totally took over my thinking, just that I only consider drinking alcohol in-terms of a 'drunk' so my drunk would be 9 cans Lager. I need to learn not to give in to that 'voice'.

least

Playing the tape thru to the bitter end is good. Reminds us what alcohol wants us to forget: the blackouts, throwing up, anxiety, the shame, the guilt, to damage done while drinking, not to mention the damage done to our bodies and minds from drinking.

It does get easier and the voice won't always be so loud and insistant.

igottobesober

Stay strong, I listened to the voice after 6 days and I was right back to my old ways.

Emily2002

HAng in there, Caria. Wrestling these days, too, but don't want to listen so I'm on SR while sipping on a Virgin Mary.

I've yo-yoed too often over the past three years or so and although I've made significant "progress" -- as in fewer blackouts, hangovers, etc. -- it's become pretty clear that whenever I convince myself I can have a cocktail here and there I'm eventually right back where I started.

Hungover.
Depressed.
Dissapointed in myself.

Square one.

Time to rack up the days for me.

Congratulations on 8 days. Do you REALLY want to chance it?

Anna

Caria,

A book that really helped me understand that feeling is "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. She was a young, high-functioning alcoholic and the book is a memoir of her love affair with alcohol.

Pilgrim

In my experience, non alcoholics (heavy drinkers) can think through the drink and decide not to drink. It's difficult for them but it works. That advice is well intentioned but useless in my case because I am an alcoholic and I lost the power of choice when it comes to drinking or not drinking. I became restless and irritable when I stopped and all I could remember was the ease and comfort that would come to me if I drank again. The suffering didn't come into my memory.

When I did my programme and took it seriously (to save my life) the mental obsession was lifted. I wasn't trying not to drink. The problem of whether or not I would drink just vanished. I don't have to struggle with the voice at all any more. Is that something you would go to any lengths for?

Dee74

Thinking through the drink and 'playing the tape' helps me Caria
It took me 20 years to get here to accepting it, but I can't have just one or two...

8 days is very early. Try to keep busy. Post here as much as you like.
It gets better.

D

tommyk

That voice in my head is a lying m'fer.

I never wanted just one, I never had just one.

Just one? Pfffffft.

Lies, lies, ******** and lies. I tell that inner voice that if I drink or drug I want total & complete annihilation, so stfu about this 'just one' nonsense.

And yes... play the tape all of the way through.

brokenhalo

caria,

i too am there with you. the voice speaks many different languages, and it seems to wear different costumes each time it comes. you can see through it though, and you are proving that right now. stay strong. we're with you.

be well,

bh