Coming to the End!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Coming to the End!!
It's kinda hard to describe but it's been a gradual process happening over the course of the last 9 months and especially during my last massive binge. Basically getting wrecked has felt like a journey with obviously the beginning (honeymoon), Middle (platea - groundhog-day) and now the ending (Going to AA meetings and wanting sobriety).
There is just a gut feeling that I have inside of me that gives me strength and that I feel like sobriety is 'coming in it's own time' and is not be forced at all, it has to naturally come.
The feelings I get when bingeing now, when coming down/hungover, are so very Low and Hopeless that I literally could not carry on down the path as I would either drink myself to death/commit suicide/or be institutionalised just due to the severity of the Lows that I get.
It became apparent to me that I am different to "peers" of mine of the "wreckhead" variety in that they seem to either not get the Lows or just be able to cope with them or that they are not bothered about maintaining getting drunk/drugged, which is fair enough.
I know in my heart that the person I become is not trully "me"! or who I really want to be but an "Alter-ego" who is a whirlwind and cannot be stopped.
This gives me great hope/strength that at age 23 I am feeling this as it makes me feel deep-down that maybe it will be possible for me to not have to have binges in the future and that I can succeed in what ever I do and be Happy and at peace with myself.
Thanks, Just needed to write this down.
There is just a gut feeling that I have inside of me that gives me strength and that I feel like sobriety is 'coming in it's own time' and is not be forced at all, it has to naturally come.
The feelings I get when bingeing now, when coming down/hungover, are so very Low and Hopeless that I literally could not carry on down the path as I would either drink myself to death/commit suicide/or be institutionalised just due to the severity of the Lows that I get.
It became apparent to me that I am different to "peers" of mine of the "wreckhead" variety in that they seem to either not get the Lows or just be able to cope with them or that they are not bothered about maintaining getting drunk/drugged, which is fair enough.
I know in my heart that the person I become is not trully "me"! or who I really want to be but an "Alter-ego" who is a whirlwind and cannot be stopped.
This gives me great hope/strength that at age 23 I am feeling this as it makes me feel deep-down that maybe it will be possible for me to not have to have binges in the future and that I can succeed in what ever I do and be Happy and at peace with myself.
Thanks, Just needed to write this down.
Alcoholic
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Calais Maine
Posts: 37
A Whirlwind...
Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST 
I know in my heart that the person I become is not trully "me"! or who I really want to be but an "Alter-ego" who is a whirlwind and cannot be stopped.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST
This gives me great hope/strength that at age 23 I am feeling this as it makes me feel deep-down that maybe it will be possible for me to not have to have binges in the future and that I can succeed in what ever I do and be Happy and at peace with myself.
Amen and yes you can and will! Good for you.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
I agree with Caria - what I would do to have those years (decades) back. I would never have come to the conclusion that I had to quit when I was in my 20's. It was still fun back then. So much chaos and insanity followed - I'm so glad you won't go through what many of us did, Neo.
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