Newtosoberlivin

hubby and I got into a slight argument, and I nearly slipped, as I desperately wanted to deal with my aggravation with an ice cold beer or two or three or more...you get the picture....

we had a crossed communication issue...my daughter (9 years old) had a playoff tournament for her softball game today, and though I didn't expect the rest of my family (hubby and stepkids) to attend the first game at 8 a.m. as it was quite early, I expected them at the 9:30 and 12:30 games. When they didn't show for the 9:30 game, needless to say I was pretty po'ed since my daughter was so disappointed. Mind you, I didn't remember to take my cellphone with me, so he couldn't contact me in anyway. Anyhow, since he works with computers full time, and has been doing a major server overhaul at work (and hence looking at a ton of different monitors and screens lately, which oftentimes causes him migraine headaches), he was in bed laid up with yet another migraine, which he started to get last night but managed to fend off. Wasn't so lucky this morning, he was laid up in bed until well after 10:30 with a nasty migraine. He and the kids did show up for the 12:30 game, but I was still ticked off and disappointed, so (yes) I did pout a bit and make sort of an issue out of it. After that, I burst into tears, after stating to him that I planned to take out our canoe on the lake (we live on the edge of a lake, our front yard is literally the shore) by myself, with a six pack (and I stated vehemently b/c I was po'ed, "and I don't mean O'Doul's, either" in sort of a nasty way). Needless to say, we weren't exactly sitting together for most of the game, and then I felt terrible for saying that b/c I didn't really mean it (I did when I said it, but knew I wouldn't really indulge in having even one drink, even though the urge was very strong, that's what made me cry so hard, soooo frustrating!!!). All I could think of after we talked it through and I told him how hard this can be at times, was how I couldn't wait to post on here, and say how happy I am that I DIDN'T buy any, I DIDN'T drink any alcohol, and I DIDN'T give into that urge. We just talked it out, made up, and he told me once again how proud of me he was, I told him I don't want to blow this and how far I have come (17 days today, which isn't a long time, but for me, it seems like it!), and that I want to continue on the path that I am on.

So here I am, still sober, happy, but still a bit pissed off and angry that I can't drink like others and I know it in my head, although my heart had different ideas sometimes, just old habits, I guess. Tomorrow is my daughter's end of year celebration party at her coaches house and the other moms were all joking about what alcoholic drink they are bringing, and that was even harder to listen to! I joined in their joking and laughing about it, but inside I was dying just a bit. Sometimes this really sucks! Thanks for listening I just really needed to get this out of my head.

Believe808

That's great you didn't drink. It doesn't really suck not drinking, I have found that I can have just as much fun sober if not more, than when I was drinking. You did the right thing by coming here and posting. Hooray for you. Do you go to AA meetings?

tommyk

Congrats on 17 days!

Thentram

Well done! Its hard to work through difficult emotions when you are used to being able to turn to alcohol. I'm glad you didn't drink and grats on your 17 days!

Newtosoberlivin

I'm soooo glad I didn't do that too!!! It's just something that I'm sooo used to having done in the past whenver I would get angry, upset or frustrated, and well, habits are hard to break, aren't they? Whether they are good or bad, but they CAN be broken and we CAN retrain our minds, it just takes time.

My hubby has been great in his support of this, really great, honestly. I am lucky, my family has also been nothing but supportive. All of them have stated how happy and proud they are that I am taking this step and being so serious about doing this (living a life of sobriety FINALLY). My friends have also reacted very positively, all of them having said pretty much the same thing when I have told them my decision to no longer drink. It's come down to (paraphrasing) "good for you!"

Believe, I don't attend or participate in AA any longer, I have started to participate in LifeRing and have found it more to my liking. I also see a regular counselor as well as a psychiatrist for bipolar as well as general mental health, and that helps a lot also. I have been sleeping and eating in much healthier manner also, but I need to keep my appetite in check so I don't pile on pounds. The first week or so, I was eating everything in sight!!! I'm not a tiny person, but I'm not exactly big either. (5'6 and about 132 lbs. but well proportioned). I've been trying to eat healthy things whenever i get hungry, like cottage cheese with chives, salad with low fat dressing, crackers (Ritz especially love these things!), cheese, cool pops, sherbert, baby carrots, wheat thins, and occasionally popcorn with butter. Sometimes I'll splurge and have regular chips and dip, but in limited quantites, as that stuff is addictive (but delicious, I must say!). Been craving sweets a lot also, but I suspect that's my body craving the sugar it's no longer getting through beer that I no longer drink. So that's also in limited quantities (I forgot how AWESOME nutty buddies taste!!! Ummmmmmm!).

Anyhow, I just need to say that I love having these boards to keep my honest, and to post my challenges on, as well as victories! You guys rock!!