First tine feeling crap after AA meeting.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Hi Neo, I know what you mean about AA in England (there are no young peoples meetings), even at 40 I often feel like everyone is way older than me, lol. It also annoys me when most peoples shares consist of how grateful they are to be there and how grateful they are to AA, they just say it cos they can't think of anything to say, I reckon.
And yes, we have a big drinking culture here, more than America from what my American friends tell me. It seem like people in America do stuff sober, bowling, movies going for coffee, in this country we go to the Pub and that is all.
I am concerned that you are romanticising the whole Pub scene, thinking how great it is, as you have posted before it wasn't like that for you, you were drinking alone so you wouldn't have to deal with the shame of what you were doing in front of people.
So you are not missing out on a fun time at the Pub, you are missing out on the horrible way alcohol now makes you feel and making a fool of yourself in public.
At 23 you have so much you could do, you could save all the money you would be spending in the Pub at weekends and go travelling for example. Join a gym there are lots of sexy girlies there!
And yes, we have a big drinking culture here, more than America from what my American friends tell me. It seem like people in America do stuff sober, bowling, movies going for coffee, in this country we go to the Pub and that is all.
I am concerned that you are romanticising the whole Pub scene, thinking how great it is, as you have posted before it wasn't like that for you, you were drinking alone so you wouldn't have to deal with the shame of what you were doing in front of people.
So you are not missing out on a fun time at the Pub, you are missing out on the horrible way alcohol now makes you feel and making a fool of yourself in public.
At 23 you have so much you could do, you could save all the money you would be spending in the Pub at weekends and go travelling for example. Join a gym there are lots of sexy girlies there!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 617
I take what I want and leave the rest.
That's what I did- kept the AA prinicples THAT DID work for me & threw away the ones that didn't. I give AA a lot of credit for teaching me a lot, but I couldn't take it hook, line, & sinker. You could propably find people your own age at NA meetings- that's what I did when I was younger, & it really helped me a lot. Twelve steps are twelve steps as far as I am concerned, dealing with basic common ground issues.........................
That's what I did- kept the AA prinicples THAT DID work for me & threw away the ones that didn't. I give AA a lot of credit for teaching me a lot, but I couldn't take it hook, line, & sinker. You could propably find people your own age at NA meetings- that's what I did when I was younger, & it really helped me a lot. Twelve steps are twelve steps as far as I am concerned, dealing with basic common ground issues.........................
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Just wanted to say welcome Neo, haven't seen you around before. I too understand what you are saying about AA meetings. They aren't my "cup of tea" either. I'm glad they are there and they do help a lot of people. Do you have a sponsor or anyone in AA that you have more of a personal relationship with? Even if they are a bit older, maybe they can help introduce you to some good sober activaties.
There may very well come a time when you feel comfortable enough with youself that you can socialize in a pub and not be tempted to drink. It doesn't sound like you are near there yet, but it also sounds like you have the sense to realize that!!
I'm sure you've heard it before here, but you are lucky and wise to have been able to see where your drinking was leading you at such a young age. At the same time, I'm 40, and I still struggle and can't imagine what it would have been like at your age. No doubt I would have missed some good times, but I would have also missed the trip to the emergancy room, the divorce from the woman I still love, over 5 years away from my young son, etc. Looking back on it now, I would have given up the "good times" a hundered times over.
You said it is helping you writing here, that is great, because not only are you helping yourself, you are helping others at the same time, so keep it up. Hope you hang in there, you sound like you gotta a good head on your shoulders. Take care.
There may very well come a time when you feel comfortable enough with youself that you can socialize in a pub and not be tempted to drink. It doesn't sound like you are near there yet, but it also sounds like you have the sense to realize that!!
I'm sure you've heard it before here, but you are lucky and wise to have been able to see where your drinking was leading you at such a young age. At the same time, I'm 40, and I still struggle and can't imagine what it would have been like at your age. No doubt I would have missed some good times, but I would have also missed the trip to the emergancy room, the divorce from the woman I still love, over 5 years away from my young son, etc. Looking back on it now, I would have given up the "good times" a hundered times over.
You said it is helping you writing here, that is great, because not only are you helping yourself, you are helping others at the same time, so keep it up. Hope you hang in there, you sound like you gotta a good head on your shoulders. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: AZ
Posts: 60
I had a similar experience with AA. Also, I got tired of hearing the same people ramble on every day about the same things. I just couldn't connect to them. On the other hand I did start drinking again.......
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
From what I've seen and experienced myself in AA is that only a small handfull of members seem to be coming from the bar. The bulk are past the point that alcohol is a vital part of their social life. Mainly because the social life has taken a back seat to drinking. Most are seemingly content with their isolated lifestyle where their alcohol is #1 in their life. Friends and family come second.
I would bet that in the last ten years of my drinking I hit the bar less than 5 times.
For that reason you probably won't hear a lot of people in AA meetings talk about how they enjoyed themselves at the bar while drinking Coke the whole time.
As far as AA meetings and God. That's what Alcoholics Anonymous is. It's a "Spiritual Program of Action" where we rely on God to releive us of our alcoholism.
The Big Book first edition Pg 44 says:
Then Pg 45 says:
I would bet that in the last ten years of my drinking I hit the bar less than 5 times.
For that reason you probably won't hear a lot of people in AA meetings talk about how they enjoyed themselves at the bar while drinking Coke the whole time.
As far as AA meetings and God. That's what Alcoholics Anonymous is. It's a "Spiritual Program of Action" where we rely on God to releive us of our alcoholism.
The Big Book first edition Pg 44 says:
If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer.
That means we have written a book which we believe to be spiritual as well as moral. And it means, of course, that we are going to talk about God.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: carlisle uk cumbria
Posts: 45
aa no good for me
im glad i have found a thread on this .as i find aa totally not good for me,,the standing in circles thing at the end ..i totally agree if your not in there culture you may aswell not be there,there advice is always the same by that i meen is they will only stick by the fellowship and nothing else, they remind me a bit like robots who have just been programmed in to say only them things and them things only ,,like if you keep going to the barbers evantually you will get a haircut ,,erhhhhhhh where have i heard that before ..if you want someone to talk to as one 2 one your wasting your time because they will only talk to you about what they have been brainwashed with through the fellowship thing ,,,and not one person in my group bothers to keep intouch so thats why i stopped going. I am not saying going to church is a bad thing ,,but i would have felt more comftable if it was in a non church inviroment ,,,i dont know why thats just me i guess ...
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