First tine feeling crap after AA meeting.
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Join Date: May 2009
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First tine feeling crap after AA meeting.
Hi everyone, Thought I would get this off my chest while it is fresh in my mind.
I have just got back from Friday night AA meeting and am feeling not entirley good, I would have felt much better if I hadn't gone and wish I'd stayed at home tbh.
Things that annoyed me is that for a start I am by miles the youngest person there at 23, everyone is much older and thus I feel like I cannot relate to anyone there about the fact that it a Friday night and I am walking through town, which is bustling with young people out and about in the Pubs/clubs and I am sitting in a Friggin Church room listening to everyone spouting how grateful they are that they are there, well I suppose they were out and about in town when they were my age.
Too much like the 'God-squad' at times, it always seems to me that agnostics/atheists have no beef about forcing their beliefs on people but religious people always have to slip in little comments about how they are 'superior' cause of their god that they 'know' exists. I mean wtf.
The whole thing seems somewhat culty; many of them refer to it as 'The Fellowship' this makes me uneasy. They also try to preach about how you must go about it in a certain way. The reason I'm there is cause I don't wanna drink and am sick of what drinking makes me become , end of.
I find the serenity prayer at the end too much like a church doo or something and the fact that we have to stand in a circle whils't holding hand is again too culty and makes me uneasy.
The whole thing about how many there say they 'hand'over each day as they are incapable of managing without this also I find hard to grasp and do not ever wish or want to do this.
Few people there I see as being similar to myself, sure drinking patterns maybe similar but there seems to no real 'free-spirits' knoocking about. I cannot see me making any major friendships with the characters there, sure they are 'good' people but ultimately at the age of 23 (and living in Englnad) it is necessary that I can go in to pubs/clubs and socialise with people and have the good times that I used to have and wan't at the god-damn weekend!! You gotta go out of the house for gods sake!! some people seem happy with staying in but just not drinking.
There is much more but I don't wish to go on, you get the message, I ain't knocking AA but I feel at times (like poeple always do to groups etc) that it becomes too militant and a way of life cause at the end of the day I have a desire to stop drinking simple as.
Thanks for SR site as it is a great forum and I get a lot of the stuff I need from here.
Cheers.
I have just got back from Friday night AA meeting and am feeling not entirley good, I would have felt much better if I hadn't gone and wish I'd stayed at home tbh.
Things that annoyed me is that for a start I am by miles the youngest person there at 23, everyone is much older and thus I feel like I cannot relate to anyone there about the fact that it a Friday night and I am walking through town, which is bustling with young people out and about in the Pubs/clubs and I am sitting in a Friggin Church room listening to everyone spouting how grateful they are that they are there, well I suppose they were out and about in town when they were my age.
Too much like the 'God-squad' at times, it always seems to me that agnostics/atheists have no beef about forcing their beliefs on people but religious people always have to slip in little comments about how they are 'superior' cause of their god that they 'know' exists. I mean wtf.
The whole thing seems somewhat culty; many of them refer to it as 'The Fellowship' this makes me uneasy. They also try to preach about how you must go about it in a certain way. The reason I'm there is cause I don't wanna drink and am sick of what drinking makes me become , end of.
I find the serenity prayer at the end too much like a church doo or something and the fact that we have to stand in a circle whils't holding hand is again too culty and makes me uneasy.
The whole thing about how many there say they 'hand'over each day as they are incapable of managing without this also I find hard to grasp and do not ever wish or want to do this.
Few people there I see as being similar to myself, sure drinking patterns maybe similar but there seems to no real 'free-spirits' knoocking about. I cannot see me making any major friendships with the characters there, sure they are 'good' people but ultimately at the age of 23 (and living in Englnad) it is necessary that I can go in to pubs/clubs and socialise with people and have the good times that I used to have and wan't at the god-damn weekend!! You gotta go out of the house for gods sake!! some people seem happy with staying in but just not drinking.
There is much more but I don't wish to go on, you get the message, I ain't knocking AA but I feel at times (like poeple always do to groups etc) that it becomes too militant and a way of life cause at the end of the day I have a desire to stop drinking simple as.
Thanks for SR site as it is a great forum and I get a lot of the stuff I need from here.
Cheers.
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
First time I am starting to entertain thoughts of drinking again in the future and thinking about how I love drinking and how I am denying some of life's pleasures if I am never gonna have benders again listening too music and feeling that magic. This will pass but I didn't want to feel like this, especially as I bothered to go to AA.
I felt great after Mondays meeting, but there was one younger person their but how is friendships gonna be the same if you can't get wrecked or go to bars/pubs/clubs and you are 23 and live in England and is someone who is an out and out 'Party boy' and feels like something is 'Missing' . I sure as hell don' wanna replace it with God or Spirituality as that just ain't me and it aint cause I aint got an open mind, I have a very open mind (which is why I love drinking/drugging 'getting mashed) and have thought long and hard and this boy ain't never gonna pray.
Your mind produces everything that you think of and 'comes' to you in thoughts, it has too we are merely animals just like my pet dog and just like monkey's,cats and every other living organism.
I felt great after Mondays meeting, but there was one younger person their but how is friendships gonna be the same if you can't get wrecked or go to bars/pubs/clubs and you are 23 and live in England and is someone who is an out and out 'Party boy' and feels like something is 'Missing' . I sure as hell don' wanna replace it with God or Spirituality as that just ain't me and it aint cause I aint got an open mind, I have a very open mind (which is why I love drinking/drugging 'getting mashed) and have thought long and hard and this boy ain't never gonna pray.
Your mind produces everything that you think of and 'comes' to you in thoughts, it has too we are merely animals just like my pet dog and just like monkey's,cats and every other living organism.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I feel the same as you with some of what you said.
Thats why I work a secular program. Unfortunately the f2f in those programs are hard to come by.
But I am not a sociable person anyway so it really doesnt bother me.
Check out the secular section if you want..Heres a link. Read the sticky called "secular web". It has various different alternative programs that may interest you.
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Thats why I work a secular program. Unfortunately the f2f in those programs are hard to come by.
But I am not a sociable person anyway so it really doesnt bother me.
Check out the secular section if you want..Heres a link. Read the sticky called "secular web". It has various different alternative programs that may interest you.
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
This was your first AA meeting? If so try different meetings, look for meetings not held in a church. Over here there are young persons meetings too, I was once at a meeting in OC California and I was one of the oldest people there at 45 years old, many people there could've been one of my kids!
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
The AA fellowship reminds me a lot of society itself. 
Knowing there is a lot that I don't like helps me cope, and it helps me appreciate what I do like.
I take what I want and leave the rest.
I could go on and on about what I don't like about AA (and NA)... but for me... the good I find in the program seriously outweighs the bad. And I focus on the good now.
I hope you find some better meetings.
Knowing there is a lot that I don't like helps me cope, and it helps me appreciate what I do like.
I take what I want and leave the rest.
I could go on and on about what I don't like about AA (and NA)... but for me... the good I find in the program seriously outweighs the bad. And I focus on the good now.
I hope you find some better meetings.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 271
Hi Neo. Sorry that you're having a rough night. I'm glad you posted here though!
Sometimes there is a "young people's" meeting available. Not where I am, but bigger cities have them. Sorry, that's not much help.
I really feel for you but don't know how to help. I hope you find a way to get what you need. I'll be thinking about you.
Sometimes there is a "young people's" meeting available. Not where I am, but bigger cities have them. Sorry, that's not much help.
I really feel for you but don't know how to help. I hope you find a way to get what you need. I'll be thinking about you.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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Hi,
I think that early recovery is just very hard.
It involves making a lot of changes in life.
I am not an AA person, but it does work for many people.
And, maybe you could consider doing different things when you go out - go for coffee, do volunteer work, take a course. There are lots of things to do, no matter your age. I hope you find something that suits you.
I think that early recovery is just very hard.
It involves making a lot of changes in life.
I am not an AA person, but it does work for many people.
And, maybe you could consider doing different things when you go out - go for coffee, do volunteer work, take a course. There are lots of things to do, no matter your age. I hope you find something that suits you.
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Join Date: May 2009
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All of the meetings in around area are held in church rooms (Doesn't bother me as such) There are no young people's meetings in Birmingham city, Just isn't the amount of people at 23 willing to admit/accept they are alcoholics living in England. I am fairly rare tbh and everyone I have met advised me of this.
But more than any of this the thing that bothers me is that Englands Young persons/social culture is built upon meeting in pubs. It is the first thing you say when you meet new people, fancy going to the pub, not everyone certainly but for this boy writing this i LOVE pub culture and the banter and general craic of being in a pub/club with the tunes blasting out and the 'girlies' all dressed up an looking sexy and the sexy barmaids maids, man I am missing it and fearing that by attending AA I will be missing out on this.
I know I am an alcoholic and accept this but I also Love going out and drinking and getting mashed and I feel like even if I go to a pub I will be missing out on much of the experience by being a tea-totaller ( I have never heard one person mention any of this in any share at the 12 or so AA meetings I have been to)
How will I get this feeling/enjoyment again? I am struggling a wee bit at the minute; it is not that accepting I am alcoholic and powerless over alcohol (I know I am) it is just that I miss many apects and feelings that I got when drinking and out drinking and wonder how I will experience those feelings agin without it.
Thanks again for the SR forums, it is great to be able to type this, I feel bad for typing it but hopefully I will find it helps me, I for sure ain't gonna drink but the 'mind-games' are coming in again.
But more than any of this the thing that bothers me is that Englands Young persons/social culture is built upon meeting in pubs. It is the first thing you say when you meet new people, fancy going to the pub, not everyone certainly but for this boy writing this i LOVE pub culture and the banter and general craic of being in a pub/club with the tunes blasting out and the 'girlies' all dressed up an looking sexy and the sexy barmaids maids, man I am missing it and fearing that by attending AA I will be missing out on this.
I know I am an alcoholic and accept this but I also Love going out and drinking and getting mashed and I feel like even if I go to a pub I will be missing out on much of the experience by being a tea-totaller ( I have never heard one person mention any of this in any share at the 12 or so AA meetings I have been to)
How will I get this feeling/enjoyment again? I am struggling a wee bit at the minute; it is not that accepting I am alcoholic and powerless over alcohol (I know I am) it is just that I miss many apects and feelings that I got when drinking and out drinking and wonder how I will experience those feelings agin without it.
Thanks again for the SR forums, it is great to be able to type this, I feel bad for typing it but hopefully I will find it helps me, I for sure ain't gonna drink but the 'mind-games' are coming in again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
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Another thing I will add (as I think it is helping me typing my feelings out) is that in England for a Male like myself who lives in a fairly 'working class' town pubs/drinking is engrained within the social fabric of society. It is different from America as from a very young age (Baby) you are taken into pubs and from the age of 16 I have been drinking in them and I feel "whole" when I order that pint of Beer at the bar. Maybe hard for the Americans to understand but fellow Englishman may understand what I mean, it is like all your life you grow up waiting to get served in Pubs and everything and many many many happy memories are formed in pubs drinking alcohol with mates etc.
Going for a coffee just don't cut it for me in England as it just don't feel right. You get a feeling of arriving home when you order that pint from the bar in england in some knida way.
I dunno gues I'm just feeling a bit mixed up about stuff at the minute.
Going for a coffee just don't cut it for me in England as it just don't feel right. You get a feeling of arriving home when you order that pint from the bar in england in some knida way.
I dunno gues I'm just feeling a bit mixed up about stuff at the minute.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,475
Yes, I understand that you are struggling.
Like I said, recovery involves making BIG changes. If you want to stay sober, I don't think hanging out in pubs is the best way to do it. For me, I couldn't be around people who were drinking for a long time.
There are other ways to have fun and relax. Take a look at some of the threads on the boards here. Here's a good one:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-sobriety.html
Like I said, recovery involves making BIG changes. If you want to stay sober, I don't think hanging out in pubs is the best way to do it. For me, I couldn't be around people who were drinking for a long time.
There are other ways to have fun and relax. Take a look at some of the threads on the boards here. Here's a good one:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-sobriety.html
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 271
I've never been to England, but visited Ireland. Pubs really are such a significant part of the culture, much more so than bar-hopping here, which is really just recreation (for normies anyway). I wonder if Anna's idea of enrolling in a class might help - get you around people your own age, exchanging ideas, etc.
Funny thing now: One thing that made me chuckle is that Europe is all metric - everywhere and everything is in metric. Except when it comes to beer, then it's served in pints! I just found it funny.
Funny thing now: One thing that made me chuckle is that Europe is all metric - everywhere and everything is in metric. Except when it comes to beer, then it's served in pints! I just found it funny.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 285
Been there, especially like really early on. Not all meetings are good for everyone. Shop around. But looking back, it was mostly on me when I would feel like that at a meeting, I was in a bad mood and looking for every little thing to latch onto to be critical of. Best advice I got was to try and focus on the similarities not the differences. There will always be lots of differences but if you aren't open to the possibility of similarities, you ignore them. Also, not all meetings are as big on the "God stuff" but it is a big part of the AA program. I have looked into secular alternatives to AA but in my experience, unless you live somewhere where they actually have physical secular meetings, it is kind of pointless. And there aren't a ton of places outside of New England and the West-Coast that do (correct me if I am wrong please). Recovery works through interaction between alcoholics/addicts. Meetings are necessary. Online is a nice suppliment as well but not an alternative to real-life. I would encourage you to keep going, keep an open-mind, and try to focus on similarities.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Just a friendly reminder of where you were, it doesn't sound quite like the party/good time that you are now talking about/remembering at the pub.
Here is your first post \/ Good luck in your recovery.
NB
Here is your first post \/ Good luck in your recovery.
NB
Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST 
Hi there, I have been viewing the forums on this site for about 9 months, back and forth, as I convince myself I have not got a drink problem. But now I'm back again and have finally signed up.
I contacted Alcoholics-Anonymous via email yesterday and they responded back to me. This is what I sent them;
"Hi there, I am 23 years old, I have drank heavily for the past 7 years roughly, longest I have been without a drink is 3 weeks. Over the last couple of years I have had many occassions where I have said to myself that I need to stop but after a week or so I think why should I stop, I love drinking and everyone else does it.
I am a lead guitarist/Musician and I have almost felt it my right/expectation to get wasted like all my hero's did. I am due to get my driving licernse back in 2.5 months after a 2 year ban for Drink Driving, I do not trust myself that I won't do the same again as when I am drinking I am a different person and just feel like self-destructing, I am no-longer a happy drunk and get very dark,depressed and angry towards life. I prefer to drink alone as I don't have to feel so much shame about what I did in front of people. I still live my parents and they have been supportive but they recomend that I go to AA.
I have thought about it before but find it hard to imagine never drinking again as it is pretty much my only friend now. I last had a drink on Wednesday which consisted of me drinking alone on a bench in a park drinking mainly super-strenght cans of Lager, I consequently was very emotional when I got home and when the alcohol was wearing off I had bad withdrawal feeling very anxious and panicky and that I needed more, Thanksfully I couldn't get anymore.
I am playing a gig tonight at a local pub and am determined to stick to soft-drinks, I feel Positive about remaining sober after losing that will and drinking very heavily for the last 4 months.
I live in Tamworth, England and have seen there are 2 meetings a week, howver I feel aprehensive about attending as I don't know what to expect and it is almost admitting defeat, drinking has been a part of me and my identity for a long time. I have suffered depression in the past and consequently dropped out of University, I used alcohol as a medicine as it makes me feel good for a while but it just doesn't work anymore.
Sorry for Rambling on, Any advice/help would be much appreciated. I found this email address via soberrecovery.com/forums of which I have become a memeber today. I really don't want to drink again but at the same time it pains me to say this."
Thanks. Hope to hear from you soon.
I contacted Alcoholics-Anonymous via email yesterday and they responded back to me. This is what I sent them;
"Hi there, I am 23 years old, I have drank heavily for the past 7 years roughly, longest I have been without a drink is 3 weeks. Over the last couple of years I have had many occassions where I have said to myself that I need to stop but after a week or so I think why should I stop, I love drinking and everyone else does it.
I am a lead guitarist/Musician and I have almost felt it my right/expectation to get wasted like all my hero's did. I am due to get my driving licernse back in 2.5 months after a 2 year ban for Drink Driving, I do not trust myself that I won't do the same again as when I am drinking I am a different person and just feel like self-destructing, I am no-longer a happy drunk and get very dark,depressed and angry towards life. I prefer to drink alone as I don't have to feel so much shame about what I did in front of people. I still live my parents and they have been supportive but they recomend that I go to AA.
I have thought about it before but find it hard to imagine never drinking again as it is pretty much my only friend now. I last had a drink on Wednesday which consisted of me drinking alone on a bench in a park drinking mainly super-strenght cans of Lager, I consequently was very emotional when I got home and when the alcohol was wearing off I had bad withdrawal feeling very anxious and panicky and that I needed more, Thanksfully I couldn't get anymore.
I am playing a gig tonight at a local pub and am determined to stick to soft-drinks, I feel Positive about remaining sober after losing that will and drinking very heavily for the last 4 months.
I live in Tamworth, England and have seen there are 2 meetings a week, howver I feel aprehensive about attending as I don't know what to expect and it is almost admitting defeat, drinking has been a part of me and my identity for a long time. I have suffered depression in the past and consequently dropped out of University, I used alcohol as a medicine as it makes me feel good for a while but it just doesn't work anymore.
Sorry for Rambling on, Any advice/help would be much appreciated. I found this email address via soberrecovery.com/forums of which I have become a memeber today. I really don't want to drink again but at the same time it pains me to say this."
Thanks. Hope to hear from you soon.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: in France
Posts: 393
Hi Neo
For a long time I put my drinking down to being part of my"cultural identity"-yes I'm english too but honestly i think other english people have moved on.
Not all english people are alcoholics. However as alcoholics we will always find an excuse to keep drinking.
I can understand you feeling uncomfortable at the aa meeting you described. Have you tried SMART recovery meetings? I bet there must be one in Birmingham. There are in all major towns in G.B.
Good luck!
For a long time I put my drinking down to being part of my"cultural identity"-yes I'm english too but honestly i think other english people have moved on.
Not all english people are alcoholics. However as alcoholics we will always find an excuse to keep drinking.
I can understand you feeling uncomfortable at the aa meeting you described. Have you tried SMART recovery meetings? I bet there must be one in Birmingham. There are in all major towns in G.B.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 600
Hi neo,
I hear you. I have had similar feelings of whether the AA is cultish.
Let me also add i know exactly what you're saying about the pub and club scene. I'm from the black country, so not far from you, if you feel like chatting feel free to pm me.
Paul
NB, in fact do you recognise Edgbaston reservoir in my avatar?? lol
I hear you. I have had similar feelings of whether the AA is cultish.
Let me also add i know exactly what you're saying about the pub and club scene. I'm from the black country, so not far from you, if you feel like chatting feel free to pm me.
Paul
NB, in fact do you recognise Edgbaston reservoir in my avatar?? lol
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I guess the point I am making is that I just wan't to hear some people talk about how they have managed to go to pubs/clubs/bars, whatever you wanna call it, and successfully drink soft-drinks and have a good time.
The fact of the matter is that in England, single and at the age of 23 it is not feasible to avoid pubs otherwise you ain't gonna meet/mix/socialise with people of the same age of both male and female in a situation where they are out to enjoy themselves amke new friends/socialise etcect.
Maybe it's different in USA but in England thats the way it is. It is not practical to just never visit a pub/bar/club etcect at a young age.
I just can't seem to relate to anyone about this!
The fact of the matter is that in England, single and at the age of 23 it is not feasible to avoid pubs otherwise you ain't gonna meet/mix/socialise with people of the same age of both male and female in a situation where they are out to enjoy themselves amke new friends/socialise etcect.
Maybe it's different in USA but in England thats the way it is. It is not practical to just never visit a pub/bar/club etcect at a young age.
I just can't seem to relate to anyone about this!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 600
Personally i can now go to a club and have a good time without alcohol, but it's all about who you're with. I don't feel the same about a pub, because at the end of the day people are there for one thing really, but again it's all about who you're with in a pub, whether it's heavy drinkers or not.
I am older than you and can appreciate what you're saying about age. All i can say is what worked for me was to make a massive effort in the early stages of sobriety to meet new people. I did this through taking up scuba. You may be able to do it by taking up a sport or hobby, there are ways to meet people without the need to go into a pub and drink. but it's all about searching out those ways and doing it.
Paul
I am older than you and can appreciate what you're saying about age. All i can say is what worked for me was to make a massive effort in the early stages of sobriety to meet new people. I did this through taking up scuba. You may be able to do it by taking up a sport or hobby, there are ways to meet people without the need to go into a pub and drink. but it's all about searching out those ways and doing it.
Paul
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Seminole, FL
Posts: 3
I left an AA meeting once after 9 months sober and went straight to a liquor store. I felt terrible, I even cried I was so disappointed with myself as I gulped some vodka. So wrapped up I was in my own self that I couldnt take it and accepted the fact that if I died that very day, it really wouldnt matter. Thats truly sick thinking. In retrospect, I dont know the answers, I just dont drink for today. All will either be revealed, or it wont but either way I will go on and I know that you can as well.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
What kind of things do you like to do outside of drinking/pubs & clubs?
Here are some things happening close to where you live Tamworth Meetup Groups - Meetup.com
Here are some things happening close to where you live Tamworth Meetup Groups - Meetup.com
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