SillyBilly

I've had the worst day. It keeps getting worse.

Now that the 'euphoria' of quitting has worn off I'm just angry and depressed. I wanted to euphoria to last. What's the point?


I still went to work today, just finished, what a ***** shift. I stormed out before and raided the skittles vending machine LOL. Kinda took the edge off .. a little bit.


I want to get so smashed tonight. I don't even have any money - which is a good thing i guess. Means I cant go to the pub and grab a bottle. **** me I could really go a glass of scotch right now. Or 3, 4 .. make it 10.


I almost had an accident on the way to work. Some d1ckhead was tailgating me on the freeway when I pulled out overtaking a truck. I'm a f%&king P plater mate. The law says I have to drive 100. I dont give a s$#t if you're in a hurry. I'm not losing my license AGAIN so you can get past.

I flipped him the bird while he was behind me which only antagonised him further. I swerved in front of the truck and he belted past me. I gave him daggers and almost veered off the road. At 100 kms that would've bloody killed me. No thanks.

I'm leaving work now to head home. At least it's not peak hour anymore. I hope I make it home without any hassles.

I had a bunch of stuff in my head earlier - on my way to work - which I needed to post. I think i posted some of it here. Maybe when I calm down I'll remember the rest.

Taking5

Hang tough Billy and don't drink.

Jaman34

Yeah..the euphoria of being clean left me after a week and a half or so and I really noticed wanting something if I did my old habits of sitting in the chair watching T.V....So I found keeping busy has really worked for me..anything....I painted the bathroom, take the dogs to the park, take the wife away for the night(if ya have the cash), I'm starting to work out again,Mainly running and I feel I release alot of my pent up hostility....because I am oth the mind that most people are stupid and they get on my nerves regularly.....but this keeping myself busy really seems to help....hope it lasts.....plus it does help me sleep better.....when I do sleep...Hope you have a better day today!!!

OZboy

hey billy,wednesday night stuck in radelaide...stop it..you're cracking...me up...* cheers...Oz..

Dee74

Hey Billy

so many times I fell victim to this disillusion, Billy - until I came here to SR, started reading, and I realised, to my shock, that euphoria is not meant to last.

I was thinking with my old mind - the mind that tried to keep me euphoric for 24/7.
Noone should be euphoric all the time - it takes all the meaning and joy out of it.

That doesn't mean life can't be good - I'm having the best time of my life ever now - but it's a learning process, and it can be rough.

We all have to learn to ride the rollercoaster of day to day existence - bad days at work, people cutting us off, having no money - and deal with all that, and the rush of emotions that sober living brings....and face it all, not run away into a bottle.

It's a big ask sometimes - for all of us.

But you're not alone. Lean on your AA meetings and keep posting here.

I hope you feel better now you're at home, mate

D

SillyBilly

On the drive home I remembered one of the things I was going to post earlier.

I've been taking anti-depressant medication for the past 6 months. I spoke to my GP today about weaning me off the meds. He said go for it. Whenever you're ready.

Maybe I should wait a bit longer before I actually do it. LOL


You know what's funny is this is exactly how long I lasted last time I quit drinking. I made it almost 2 weeks.

Then I had a bad day and said F%&k it!!

Tazman53

Billy what you are going through right now does not surprise me, I rode the pink cloud for a little while and then all hell broke lose in my head, the anger, frustraion, irratability piled on and the only relief I had known for many years for that stuff was drinking it away.

What helped me a lot early on was going to meetings, talking to others in recovery on the phone, staying busy..... busy working on my recovery.

The best advice I have gotten in sobriety was from my counselor in detox, he suggested I go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor, well I was hemming and hawing about the 90+ meetings in 90 days. I told him that I was married with kids and worked full time, there was no way I could spend that much time in meetings.

He said fine, will you agree to dedicate as much time to working on your recovery as you did drinking? Well he had me there, I had not drawn a sober breath in 5 years, so I did get a sponsor, I went to more then 90 meetings in 90 days, I took the steps with my sponsor, I did not drink, I recovered and the whole time I was actually spending more time with my family doing things then I had done in years. I made a lot of friends along the way and enjoy life and the freedom I have from the bondage of my alcoholism.

What you are going through right now is normal, above is what got me through it and made it a whole lot easier.

Quse56

Pray! Pray! Pray!

Anna

Billy,

It's unrealistic to expect the euphoria to last.

I never had the euphoria at all, so I just moved forward slowly.

But, there are going to be bad days. Just because you're sober doesn't mean everything in your life will be perfect. Recovery is about learning to live life on life's terms, not your terms.

Hang in there, Billy!

Chamabama

My first 2 weeks of sobriety went very smoothly. I wouldn't describe it as euphoria, but I did feel pretty dang good.

The on my third week, I hit a wall. My emotions were all over the place. It was like pms on crack. I was depressed (nobody cares about me, I'm all alone) then angry (the whole world is full of idiots) then giddy (tee hee). I took everything personally (the sun won't come out because the whole world is against me).

It only lasted 9-10 days and now my emotions have really smoothed out. I feel good and I'm glad to feel good. It might be easier to get through if you keep reminding yourself that it will not last. You just have to ride it out.

Ever wonder what ladies with bad pms are going through? Now you know! Just pretend you have pms! LOL!

flutter

When I got sober, and that "euphoria" fizzled, I very quickly had to realize that life had been waiting for me all along. The good, bad and ugly. NOW I just have to deal with it all sober. It's not always euphoric, but so much better than merely trying to survive in the fog of intoxication/withdrawal (wash rinse repeat).

Hang in there!

Hevyn

Hi Billy - so sorry you're in a slump. Since the others say it was inevitable, I respect that. I personally didn't ever have that pink cloud euphoria time. I was damn mad and resentful and wondering how I'd get through the rest of my life without my "friend" by my side. It took months for me to finally get it - I fell back on booze for so long, I had to learn to live again without it. Literally, I hadn't experienced feelings or emotions in decades without numbing them at some point. Finding ourselves again is hard work, but you're doing great Bill. You're never alone with any of this - glad you're using SR as the comfort and help it was meant to be. We're in your corner.

1_day@_a_time

There is more to quiting drinking than quiting drinking.........

I drank to medicate, to make it all seem better.

Without alcohol, now I'm left to cope with no medication.

I feel for the 1st time in years. And I find I'm clueless.

On my own, I have no idea how to live a good life. I keep getting all my "quality information" from my mind & wonder why I'm a mess.

If the alcohol doesn't kill me, being out of control and angry on the hwy will.......

In old character, I'm childish, emotional sensitive and grandiose.

I have found, I can become an entirely new & different person. But not but just quitting alcohol.

There is more to quiting drinking than quiting drinking.........

four812

I can relate to the road rage. I had some incidents of that as I was trying to be a peaceful and loving AA guy.

progress not perfection

i still get crazy in my mind and want to kill most people on the road, but they don't know it today.

keep up the good work

123bubblegum123

hey now Billy, EVERYONE has those days sometimes. Just know that you can't let a bad day interfere with the greatest importance, and your priority of staying sober. You can definitely get through the day, and it's awesome you shared about it on here! Keep on keepin' on my friend, everything will be okay if you stay sober just for today hehe

hugs & support,
Rach

Wolfchild

My disease always seems to want me to stay in my head about sh*t that i really can't do anything about anyway. It's like it tries to create the illusion that i have some type of power to do something about anything. My thinking often looks very similiar to a puppy spending hours chasing it's own tail! Take it easy, call your sponsor and share about this in a meeting. You've already helped me stay clean and sober today, thank you! Posting about this seems to be a beginning of you learning to help yourself. Remember the Serenity Prayer and don't drink, no matter what!

keithj

This is indeed progress. It's one of the areas in my life where it's really cool to see that progress. When my ex filed for divorce, I was pissed. I felt and acted like Billy describes in the original post. I stayed drunk and I stayed feeling like that. It was all her F*CKING FAULT!!! and HOW DARE SHE, WORHTLESS *$%GDN^%^@& *@&^. You get the idea.

As I took the steps, I was able to hold my tongue a little. I still felt that way, but I didn't have to act on it. Then, after a bit more progress, I could even do things for her. But, I still grumbled, and I found subtle ways of letting her know.

Keep taking steps and applying principles. And the coolest thing happened. I caught myself one day just not having those feelings. I could genuinely be concerned for her well being and want to be useful. The feelings were removed.

Just one example. The same thing has happened with many others. I had to inventory some of it multiple times, from different angles, but today I'm free.

1_day@_a_time

KEY PRINCIPLE IN MY LIFE:

Restraint of tongue and pen!

For I can neither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self restaint has become automatic.

shaun00

lol.....after being sober for a while i found that there was a time lapse between my thinking and the point where i open my mouth...

thats a big change...and i stopped grinding my teeth..

Bill.....it ain't easy..but it gets easier in my experience.

my problem was once i put down the drink.......i was left with all the rest.

damn near killed me......without a drink.

you've talked briefly before about the program of recovery outlined in the big book.

thats where i found the solution to "me"......and the need to medicate my feelings all the time.

there is a great post here and is very short....

it says pray...pray...pray.......works plenty for me.

phone your sponsor bill.......

god be with you.

littlebluedog

After only 24 days, I think that's slowy beginning to sink in.

In a meeting, someone talked about praying for the people who you can't stomach. So I have, and it's hard, but it's slowy starting to take the edge off. Key word, slowly.

Hope you have a batter day tomorrow.