Bigred7

I have been sober now for 33 days. I do not even desire a drink. I have caused such a tornadoe with the effects of Alcoholism in my life. My Fiancee has moved out however, we have been talking. I have spent most of the past 12 nights sleeping with her at her new apartment. She holds me close in her arms and tells me how much she loves me but, she is not sure she can live with me again. Granted I did a lot of damage. No infidelity but I did become physical. I have tried to explain to her that we can go back through the bad times and every one has alcohol involved. She fell in love with me. The person who is not a drunk. I was not a drunk when we first met. That part evolved into an ugly, egotistical, arrogant person who was never wrong and wanted everyone to see how good I had it. Unfortunately, I made everyone sick with my revelation and I did not understand what I was doing. Bad decisions with alcohol involved.

Now I am free of the alcohol, but the damage has been done. When I hold her close and she holds me, we share in that same feeling of pure love. It's when were done that she regress'es back to the negative side. Will he do it again. I explain that this was meant to happen. I put my faith in God and he has shown us a way to become a stronger more loving couple through this horrible experience. Other people have done this, why don't we? She is having a very hard time trying to decide. She say's she nees more time and at the same time, I keep coming over to her place, invited by her or myself. She does say she wants me. I am so confused as I know it will take time. We really have shared in the most beautiful Love experience of our lives only to be destroyed by the bitterness and my stupidity of alcohol. We all have emotional baggge, but most of us have the capability of dealing with that on an everyday basis without ramifications of doing something stupid. I made a big mistake. I am so very remorseful for conducting my life in such a manor. Now I have top put my faith in God and this program to keep what I had. I only hope that she will come around to believe in me once again.

Any thoughts out there from all you fellow AA members?

Bigred7

Dee74

I'm not an AA member but I welcome you to SR, BigRed

I had a lot of atoning to do - not just to loved ones but a lot of people - and I found the best way to do that was through action - which was hard for me to do....I did a lot of talking nonsense when I was a drunk.

I had to learn a lot of patience and humility too - I did the work to make myself better but it wasn't up to me when or if people forgave me...

I'm sure other AA members will be along very soon.
D

Anna

I'm not an AA person either, but I would say that it will take time. I had to learn a lot about being patient when I began recovery. I had to learn to let go of the people that I wanted to understand me and what I was going through. They didn't understand and they needed time to accept the changes in me. I couldn't change that.

Stay focused on your recovery.

Bigred7

Thank you,

I am struggling but not with my addiction. My struggle is to not let go of the most important part of my life. Me. Then I can show and do all the loving things a man does when he has found his soulmate.

I Love the John Denver Inspiration. He is one of my all time favorites.

keithj

Taking the 12 steps and living the principles in my daily has allowed me to know what unconditional love really is. I thought I knew before, but that process of the steps opened a new world for me without the selfish motives. It's one of the great gifts of really living the AA program.

SillyBilly

Welcome to the boards bigred :ghug3

I'm glad you found AA. It has helped a lot of people and it sounds like you are one of them, or soon to be.

I wish you all the best mate - with your addiction and your relationship. Keep posting!

Also congratulations on your sober time

Isaiah

Might she be interested in Al-Anon?

I don't know anything about it personally, but I have AA friends who are also in Al-Anon and they speak well of it as a support group.

Also, read about steps 8 & 9, those are the reparation steps.

Bigred7

Thanks Billy,

I so much want what you all have and I am dilligently working the steps. I faulter a lot due to my compulsive behavior however, I do speak from the heart. It's now that time just stands still and my old shortcomings brings me back to the what I want uinstead of what would a good human being do in this time. I have the tools, I just need to use them better.

Thank you again.

Mark75

Hey

You know, all I can say is time takes time... The other slightly irritating mantra, is "easy does it".

CONGRATS on the 33 days... but you shouldn't be thinking about major changes in your relationship for quite a while. I know it is taking me a lot longer than just a few months for my sanity to return.

Yes use the tools, maybe better, be definitely LONGER.

Mark

Bigred7

It is so hard to let that part of me go. I am still so very much in love with her as she also say's to me. She is smart and skeptical for which she should. If I were in her shoes, I would do the same. I do believe we have a Love that has never happened before in each of our lives. We are both over 45 and never has either one of us felt like this. That is why I have faith and believe God has opened this door to both of us to see that together, we can build a stronger, more loving and caring relationship with the knowledge of all my shortcomings. I am intelligent except when I drink. I have not even had an incling of desire to drink. Not in my vocabulary or dictionary. I have seen and felt the devistation my drinking has caused.

Thanks for your kind words of wisdom.

tommyk

Study the 12 steps and learn to 'live the difference' between sobriey and 'recovery'.

She will notice the change.

Wolfchild

i have learned how to let go of my focus/attention of a person, place, or thing so that i can see and learn what God wants to show me about me. i have found that i must keep my priorities in order or i will look to something outside of myself to make me more complete. i am free to be me in any situation, circumstance, or relationship because i continue to only accept responsibilty for my life and my recovery and remain committed doing the next right thing.

If you continue to work the simple and spiritual Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions, you may come to find that blaming alcohol for your problems doesn't bring as much relief as surrendering your life to the will of your Higher Power.

Take it easy, let her be where she's at, and be mindful of your own progress!

flutter

I don't use AA in my recovery, but wanted to let you know that I hope things work out as best they can

1_day@_a_time

Contemplate COMPLETE DEFEAT & admit it.

Accept complete defeat.

Make a DECISION to live your life applying spiritual principles as a way of life* and she will see the change.

It's a process, not an event.

"I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me & my attitudes."

* head knowledge is useless, it's the application that builds new character