mamabin

I'm posting here because nobody is in chat.
Here I am again. I drank the last 3 weekends and I'm spending today crying. I'm probably going to miss work and I got a warning for being out 2 weeks ago.
I've played every mind game in the book. (I'm not as bad as others, I can control it, etc. etc.).
I can't control my depression if I can't control my drinking. I didn't want a sponsor because I didn't want to have to answer to anybody. Which is another mind game I know. I still don't want to answer to anybody but it is what it is.
My husband is supportive but he can't help me. If he says anything I take it as controlling or I think he looks down on me.
So I guess it's time for me to realize I just can't drink. Period

ClosetExtrovert

One of the really nice things about not drinking is that I don't beat the living **** out of myself everyday. It's been 9 days and I feel like I'm on vacation.
When you do decide to stop, it's like breathing again.
(((((((((((((((Big Hug))))))))))))))))
I hope you're ready soon.
xxoxo

Believe808

Sorry Mamabin, I couldn't get sober until I admitted I was powerless over alcohol & drugs. I go to AA and have found that there is alot of support there. I will have 9 mths sober in a few days. I could not have done it myself, and am very grateful for the rooms. I'm here if you want to PM me. Keep your chin up and don't drink.

Jade19

Hi Mamabin,

I know exactly how you feel. I am starting day 6 today and so this is all so fresh to me. The mind games are still in full force. I think to myself I have made it full 5 days surely I don't have a problem and then I have to stop myself and think, are you freaking crazy??? Do you remember what you were feeling 5 days ago? The guilt, the shame and not recognizing the face looking back at you in the mirror...ughhh. I don't want to be an alcoholic, but I am. I never had a horrible bottom I hit, thank God, but I did have a moment of clarity...that moment of I DON'T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS!!! And so I made a change. If someone or something is making me miserable and affecting the quality of my life I would eliminate it, so why should I treat booze any differently? I deserve a better life and so do you. I can sit and let my mind play all these games and win or I can just admit that I am powerless and stay sober, if for just today. Today is all I have. I don't know about tomorrow or where I will be but I know where I have been and I don't want to go back there again. I am thinking of you and I hope you realize that life isn't meant to be this way...you deserve more...we all do.

~Jade

Toomutch

Reading your words brings me back to the desperation I felt while drinking.
I hope you will try something different because what you are doing is not working. You can do this but you need a plan. Do whatever it takes to get and stay sober. Times are tough right now and losing your job would make matters worse.
Please talk to your doctor about the depression and drinking.
You CAN do this!

smacked

and what you posted right there, was the beginning of a WONDERFUL relief to me.. NO more brain damage about it.. just done.

I'm glad you got there, you never have to go back again