Living In Sobriety
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
I'm sorry that you are out of whack today, Stoney. Positive vibes are coming across the pond with the message in the bottle that you are not alone with you.
PS: I would love to see a "hugs" button...
PS: I would love to see a "hugs" button...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Morning folks. I am in the same headspace as Stoney today - althought I slept, my thinking is still out of whack. Hating myself, my surroundings, and everyone in it. I KNOW it's the med change but boy is this uncomfortable.
Elizabeth - you are in the Caribbean? Wow - I am jealous too. I mean, it's sunny out and all - but there are also busy stores and roads nearby - and I would love to live somewhere silent and remote and tropical where everything was at a slower pace. Oh well, if I keep trying, maybe I can find that inner quiet again.
Nelco that sounds like a very interesting way to wake up - I almost felt as though I were there, the way you described it. Isn't it nice, you guys, that we can share pieces of our world with one another this way?
My daughter is getting ready to go out with her father for the afternoon. The windows are open, I have incense burning, and country music on the radio. I just found this radio station and I love it. Usually I listen to hip-hop or pop - very frenzied, fast music. And found this station the other day, and listened to the words - a country song always has a story behind it, and I felt myself connecting with it. A nice feeling. So it's playing in the background and is helping my mood.
After daughter goes I'll drive down the road for an extra large coffee then I'll settle in here for a while. Some cleaning to be done - but whatever.
Tomorrow we are going to Canada's Wonderland a huge amusement park. It's our annual police picnic so tickets are dirt cheap. This year I invited my sister and two nieces to join my daughter and I. Early start tomorrow. Silly Billy, you asked how old my daughter is - she is 13, nearly 14.
I got mad at her a bit yesterday. Initially her dad wasn't going to spend time with her (he's anal about 'his' weekends) so I said to my daughter that he was ********. I shouldn't have said that, but it made me mad when she defended him. I know where it came from - my eldest won't even speak to me and I haven't done even a tenth of what their father did to our youngest - and she forgives him everything. Why is my eldest so hard on me? Why does she keep doing this? Some days I tell myself that I don't care.
But I do.
I'm so lonely. But I want to be alone. Does this make sense? Probably not.
Elizabeth - you are in the Caribbean? Wow - I am jealous too. I mean, it's sunny out and all - but there are also busy stores and roads nearby - and I would love to live somewhere silent and remote and tropical where everything was at a slower pace. Oh well, if I keep trying, maybe I can find that inner quiet again.
Nelco that sounds like a very interesting way to wake up - I almost felt as though I were there, the way you described it. Isn't it nice, you guys, that we can share pieces of our world with one another this way?
My daughter is getting ready to go out with her father for the afternoon. The windows are open, I have incense burning, and country music on the radio. I just found this radio station and I love it. Usually I listen to hip-hop or pop - very frenzied, fast music. And found this station the other day, and listened to the words - a country song always has a story behind it, and I felt myself connecting with it. A nice feeling. So it's playing in the background and is helping my mood.
After daughter goes I'll drive down the road for an extra large coffee then I'll settle in here for a while. Some cleaning to be done - but whatever.
Tomorrow we are going to Canada's Wonderland a huge amusement park. It's our annual police picnic so tickets are dirt cheap. This year I invited my sister and two nieces to join my daughter and I. Early start tomorrow. Silly Billy, you asked how old my daughter is - she is 13, nearly 14.
I got mad at her a bit yesterday. Initially her dad wasn't going to spend time with her (he's anal about 'his' weekends) so I said to my daughter that he was ********. I shouldn't have said that, but it made me mad when she defended him. I know where it came from - my eldest won't even speak to me and I haven't done even a tenth of what their father did to our youngest - and she forgives him everything. Why is my eldest so hard on me? Why does she keep doing this? Some days I tell myself that I don't care.
But I do.
I'm so lonely. But I want to be alone. Does this make sense? Probably not.
Miracles Happen
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
That amusement park sounds like so much fun. Damn Carribean, amusement parks, and i'm just cleaning out rooms ugh
I remember going to them with my kids, such fun days. So many pictures and memories.
I remember going to them with my kids, such fun days. So many pictures and memories.
Miracles Happen
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
And Ro, I know the feeling of being lonely, and when I am like that I want to be alone too, go figure. That's the time when we need to reach out and help someone else, get out of our heads, cause in our heads are some really bad and dark neighborhoods!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Yes, at least we have the boards. I have friends I could call, but I don't want to. I'll be damn glad when this med starts to kick in. My doc told me to just stop the old and start the new but I read about it afterwards and the old is very hard to get off of, unless you piggyback it with a drug in the same class. I thought the new old was, and it's not. That may explain why I'm such an uberspaz. I read that word on a site for mental illness last night and I liked it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Originally Posted by stone 
Ro, when you feel really down and you know it is the med change you aren't allowed to think about stuff, OK? 
I am bein bossy like Donna! 
I am bein bossy like Donna! Deal. I'll be back. Right after I cut out my temporal lobe.
Miracles Happen
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
Originally Posted by Rowan
And by the way - if anyone suggests a meeting, I'll kill them.
If I went to a meeting and someone quoted me a slogan, I'd sock 'em in the jaw. Thy will be done.
If I went to a meeting and someone quoted me a slogan, I'd sock 'em in the jaw. Thy will be done.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Now Stoney, YOU have castles and knights and haunted places and Queens, The chunnel AND the Mediteranean in your back yard! And Ro, you have Quebec (sorry, that's the only place I've been in Canada)!!!! And you have amusement parks (no such thing here)!
I'm just goshin'....
I'm sorry about your eldest, Ro. I think mother/daughter relationships are so inflammatory. Or at least, have the potential. When I think of all the hours spent watching plays, doing homework, Halloween costumes, sleep overs and let's not even speak about breast feedings...well, when they swoon and say Oh Daddy, you're so sweet..........Let's just say, I'm not at my best. Don't get me started on inequality...In any case, you are doing the best YOU can and that's all anyone could ask of you. That sounds like fun at the amusement park.
And Believe, I know that you are just bustin' our chops. I love the humor, the bantering, the quips...oh no...here come the warm fuzzies again!!!!...
I think I'm getting addicted. I was up at 7:30 and was on the site (mostly) for 4 HOURS!!!!! I gotta watch myself. I'm going to look like Gollum, with long spindly fingers and huge, buggy eyes...
Love you all
I'm just goshin'....
I'm sorry about your eldest, Ro. I think mother/daughter relationships are so inflammatory. Or at least, have the potential. When I think of all the hours spent watching plays, doing homework, Halloween costumes, sleep overs and let's not even speak about breast feedings...well, when they swoon and say Oh Daddy, you're so sweet..........Let's just say, I'm not at my best. Don't get me started on inequality...In any case, you are doing the best YOU can and that's all anyone could ask of you. That sounds like fun at the amusement park.
And Believe, I know that you are just bustin' our chops. I love the humor, the bantering, the quips...oh no...here come the warm fuzzies again!!!!...
I think I'm getting addicted. I was up at 7:30 and was on the site (mostly) for 4 HOURS!!!!! I gotta watch myself. I'm going to look like Gollum, with long spindly fingers and huge, buggy eyes...
Love you all
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Wow - so much insight - NOT! lol
I feel a tad better - cleaned the bathroom and my bedroom and started the laundry. Called my folks which was actually pretty nice. Daughter home now. My mind has a little less clutter in it. Will take her shopping later once the crowds have thinned some. She needs shoes and we need food.
I feel a tad better - cleaned the bathroom and my bedroom and started the laundry. Called my folks which was actually pretty nice. Daughter home now. My mind has a little less clutter in it. Will take her shopping later once the crowds have thinned some. She needs shoes and we need food.
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