when is it relasping?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
"The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker." AA Big Book, Ch 3, 1st Ed.
Maz,
I assume that 59 days ago you made a decision to be sober. Some circumstances in your life drove you to the decision that you couldn't drink normally. What has occured in your life to change that decision? Or is it just the great obsession brought on by a cunning baffling and powerful addiction that every person who has failed to stay sober knows so well.
All of the things I tried to control and enjoy my drinking are the experience that forms the foundation of my Step 1. I've tried all of the experiements years ago, and I have no need to repeat them.
Threads like this are very common. They are one reason why I push the Big Book so hard. Even if you have no desire to recover by taking the 12 steps, the book does a great job of describing common experiences and mental states preceeding that first drink. It is termed insanity. You may well find yourself described in the pages of those first 3 chapters.
Maz,
I assume that 59 days ago you made a decision to be sober. Some circumstances in your life drove you to the decision that you couldn't drink normally. What has occured in your life to change that decision? Or is it just the great obsession brought on by a cunning baffling and powerful addiction that every person who has failed to stay sober knows so well.
All of the things I tried to control and enjoy my drinking are the experience that forms the foundation of my Step 1. I've tried all of the experiements years ago, and I have no need to repeat them.
Threads like this are very common. They are one reason why I push the Big Book so hard. Even if you have no desire to recover by taking the 12 steps, the book does a great job of describing common experiences and mental states preceeding that first drink. It is termed insanity. You may well find yourself described in the pages of those first 3 chapters.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: East Coast
Posts: 437
Maz,
In MHO I don't think one drink qualifies as a relapse unless your original goal was to never drink again. For me I think if I have 1 drink it will either make me tired or make me want more. I see no benefit to either of those circumstances and I at this point am not willing to try. I said I would not drink for 1 year and I am at almost 11 months. It has taken me almost as long to be fairly certain that 1 or 2 is not in my cards. I am so afraid to go back to where I was or worse that I will think long and hard before I would attempt a drink. I just can't see me having one drink while others can have as much as they want. I listen to all those who have tried. I still have not met anyone who drank alcoholicly and said yea now I can have a drink every once in a while. I know for me I liked it way to much. Good luck.
In MHO I don't think one drink qualifies as a relapse unless your original goal was to never drink again. For me I think if I have 1 drink it will either make me tired or make me want more. I see no benefit to either of those circumstances and I at this point am not willing to try. I said I would not drink for 1 year and I am at almost 11 months. It has taken me almost as long to be fairly certain that 1 or 2 is not in my cards. I am so afraid to go back to where I was or worse that I will think long and hard before I would attempt a drink. I just can't see me having one drink while others can have as much as they want. I listen to all those who have tried. I still have not met anyone who drank alcoholicly and said yea now I can have a drink every once in a while. I know for me I liked it way to much. Good luck.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Originally Posted by littlefish 
I can have one drink! I just pour myself a glass of wine, pour the rest of the bottle down the drain, make sure the liquor cabinet is locked and there is no alcohol in the house. Make sure I'm doing this right before a two day holiday when the liquor stores will be closed. Shoot myself in the foot so I can't walk to a bar and, then I'm perfectly capable of having one!
Ha Ha hA haahahhhahhhaaa!!!!!!!!!!! You made me laugh out loud!
OMG - that is so true. Well put!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
For me also, one drink would be a relapse cause I can never limit myself to 'just one'. It always turns into too many. Best I don't drink at all. And as far as missing the 'fun' at parties, I like being the only one without a hangover the next day and I don't miss acting the drunken fool at the party.
One drink is just opening the door to more drinking, in my opinion. I've tried and failed too many times to 'control' my drinking. I'll not try it anymore.
One drink is just opening the door to more drinking, in my opinion. I've tried and failed too many times to 'control' my drinking. I'll not try it anymore.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 37
I've found that if I go an extensive period without drinking that I can just have a couple of beers when I start back. However, it never lasts long. Within a month I am back to blacking out every time I drink. That's why I've decided I have to stop completely.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 16
It took me a long time to understand that I am better off not drinking at all. I could always do fine drinking socially, no more than 2-3 just about every time....but as long as I allow myself to drink at all, I find that I eventually began scheming/planning for a little private binge party.
On the path to self discovery
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 161
IMHO It really depends on why you stopped drinking to begin with, and if you really think you can 'have just one'.
If you had just one and that was it that would be great, but if there exists the likelihood that you will end up having more than you intended, then how are you gonna feel about it then? And is it worth it?
If it is a while away perhaps you will have a different perspective then?
If you had just one and that was it that would be great, but if there exists the likelihood that you will end up having more than you intended, then how are you gonna feel about it then? And is it worth it?
If it is a while away perhaps you will have a different perspective then?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 86
When I decided to stop drinking at first it was to see if I made it 21 days without a drink, I did that, and then it ended up being 60 days. I have no desire to go and drink alcohol like I use to anymore. It's friday afternoon here and 60 days ago I would already been to the shop getting some alcoholic drinks.
There has been plenty of times in the 60 days where I could of had a drink, alcohol is alway in the fridge cos my sister drinks wine and I never felt the need for it. I also live near the shop where I could easily go and buy a bottle but feel no need for it. I also don't see the need to go out and party and get sloshed. I think there is a difference in getting blind drunk with friends, drinking a bottle alone compared to have a couple of drinks at a dinner or at a wedding etc. It says in the big book and I'm not talking about the AA one that it's Ok to drink, just don't be a drunkard and don't let the alcohol run your life.
I think it is ok to have that glass now and then and why the guilt because of it. Family members of mine rarely drink but do drink now and then like a birthday or newyears eve. What's wrong in only drinking on those kind of occasions.?
There has been plenty of times in the 60 days where I could of had a drink, alcohol is alway in the fridge cos my sister drinks wine and I never felt the need for it. I also live near the shop where I could easily go and buy a bottle but feel no need for it. I also don't see the need to go out and party and get sloshed. I think there is a difference in getting blind drunk with friends, drinking a bottle alone compared to have a couple of drinks at a dinner or at a wedding etc. It says in the big book and I'm not talking about the AA one that it's Ok to drink, just don't be a drunkard and don't let the alcohol run your life.
I think it is ok to have that glass now and then and why the guilt because of it. Family members of mine rarely drink but do drink now and then like a birthday or newyears eve. What's wrong in only drinking on those kind of occasions.?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by maz09
When I decided to stop drinking at first it was to see if I made it 21 days without a drink, I did that, and then it ended up being 60 days. I have no desire to go and drink alcohol like I use to anymore. It's friday afternoon here and 60 days ago I would already been to the shop getting some alcoholic drinks.
There has been plenty of times in the 60 days where I could of had a drink, alcohol is alway in the fridge cos my sister drinks wine and I never felt the need for it. I also live near the shop where I could easily go and buy a bottle but feel no need for it. I also don't see the need to go out and party and get sloshed. I think there is a difference in getting blind drunk with friends, drinking a bottle alone compared to have a couple of drinks at a dinner or at a wedding etc. It says in the big book and I'm not talking about the AA one that it's Ok to drink, just don't be a drunkard and don't let the alcohol run your life.
I think it is ok to have that glass now and then and why the guilt because of it. Family members of mine rarely drink but do drink now and then like a birthday or newyears eve. What's wrong in only drinking on those kind of occasions.?
There has been plenty of times in the 60 days where I could of had a drink, alcohol is alway in the fridge cos my sister drinks wine and I never felt the need for it. I also live near the shop where I could easily go and buy a bottle but feel no need for it. I also don't see the need to go out and party and get sloshed. I think there is a difference in getting blind drunk with friends, drinking a bottle alone compared to have a couple of drinks at a dinner or at a wedding etc. It says in the big book and I'm not talking about the AA one that it's Ok to drink, just don't be a drunkard and don't let the alcohol run your life.
I think it is ok to have that glass now and then and why the guilt because of it. Family members of mine rarely drink but do drink now and then like a birthday or newyears eve. What's wrong in only drinking on those kind of occasions.?
Can I ask what you are looking for by coming to SR? It seems like you already know what you want & what works for you.
If you are good with drinking (and it doesn't affect your life in a really negative way) then good on you... enjoy.
Take Care
NB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 86
no to be honest I don't know what I want. I know I don't wanna be where I was before though and I'm very thankful that I have made it this far, I feel like I can go further in my soberity. I think I'm just bored. I keep analysing every thought in my head because I'm not doing much at the moment and it's annoying me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 86
it's not worth it, I made up my mine I am not going to listen to that little voice in my head even though it does sound tempting. It's not worth it health wise and family wise. I went through crap the first few weeks of being sober I am not going there again.
I think when you give up alcohol,youdon't just give up the drink,you give up a whole lifestyle. That lifestyle I have said goodbye too, if my friends don't agree with it then that's there problem and maybe they weren't real friends in the first place. I think I need to take up a hobby to keep my mind occupied. I have deferred study until next year so need to find something to do in my time.
Thanks for the replies they have helped alot.
I think when you give up alcohol,youdon't just give up the drink,you give up a whole lifestyle. That lifestyle I have said goodbye too, if my friends don't agree with it then that's there problem and maybe they weren't real friends in the first place. I think I need to take up a hobby to keep my mind occupied. I have deferred study until next year so need to find something to do in my time.
Thanks for the replies they have helped alot.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Here's me. but when drinking could be found in doorways!
Posts: 1,138
Hi.... I know this sin't exactly what you are talking about... but i wrote this else where and wanted you to think about it:
Cunning! Baffling! Powerful!
The subtle triggers…
I was sat at 2am, messing around on the computer and I thought I would listen to some music. So I searched on YouTube and picked some music I hadn’t listened to for some time, about 10 years… The Orb and The Future Sound of London. Nice, calm and relaxing.
I was pretty settled and I thought OK, I’ll watch the videos. I felt myself going back to 10 years ago when I last did any serious drug-taking. In a split second, I was taken back to the feelings, sounds, tastes, smells and touch I had then (not sure this makes sense).
I felt so warm/cosy/protected… I wanted to be there… I really wanted to be there. If I had had anything here I would have taken it.
It didn’t last long though. My recovery head kicked in and I remembered all the things that were not so nice… the paranoia, shaking, vomiting, crying for some sleep, having to take more drugs just to function, expense, losing people, blackouts, waking up places I didn’t know, hurting people emotionally.
I turned the music off…
Today, I woke up and listened to it again. It didn’t have the same meaning…. but I am gonna have to watch that being caught up feeling. I forget sometimes how fragile this grip on my new reality is. Even after 10 years, it’s still fragile.
I need protecting… from outside influences, but mainly from my own thought processes.
It amazes me, that something as simple as a peice of music or a video can have such an effect on me. Cunning and baffling is right… but how powerful it can be after so long? That scares me.
I will just have to be more vigilant with my thought process and the triggers.
I also know this is also probably just a transference (not sure if I made that word up) from stopping drinking. Who knows how my mind works, ‘cos I sure don’t have a clue :o)
Be well
Louis
Then this thought popped into my head afew days later.... hope this makes sense:
Hey…..
I just realised something….. i was listening tonight to the music i spoke about befoer and thought about the feelings (cosy/protected) i said i had the other night…. that i felt like i did 10yrs ago…. and if i had had something i would have took it…
Well… it just clicked… i had them feelings the other night and i had no substances inside me…. i got that feeling by just listening to a peice of music….
So… i didn’t actually need them substances to acheive that feeling again….
Not sure this is making sense…. but it feels good....
I guess what i am getting at is it does get easier and i know now i dont need drink/drugs to get the feelings i search for.... i just need to be careful where i get them!!!!
sorry if this dont help...
be well louis
Cunning! Baffling! Powerful!
The subtle triggers…
I was sat at 2am, messing around on the computer and I thought I would listen to some music. So I searched on YouTube and picked some music I hadn’t listened to for some time, about 10 years… The Orb and The Future Sound of London. Nice, calm and relaxing.
I was pretty settled and I thought OK, I’ll watch the videos. I felt myself going back to 10 years ago when I last did any serious drug-taking. In a split second, I was taken back to the feelings, sounds, tastes, smells and touch I had then (not sure this makes sense).
I felt so warm/cosy/protected… I wanted to be there… I really wanted to be there. If I had had anything here I would have taken it.
It didn’t last long though. My recovery head kicked in and I remembered all the things that were not so nice… the paranoia, shaking, vomiting, crying for some sleep, having to take more drugs just to function, expense, losing people, blackouts, waking up places I didn’t know, hurting people emotionally.
I turned the music off…
Today, I woke up and listened to it again. It didn’t have the same meaning…. but I am gonna have to watch that being caught up feeling. I forget sometimes how fragile this grip on my new reality is. Even after 10 years, it’s still fragile.
I need protecting… from outside influences, but mainly from my own thought processes.
It amazes me, that something as simple as a peice of music or a video can have such an effect on me. Cunning and baffling is right… but how powerful it can be after so long? That scares me.
I will just have to be more vigilant with my thought process and the triggers.
I also know this is also probably just a transference (not sure if I made that word up) from stopping drinking. Who knows how my mind works, ‘cos I sure don’t have a clue :o)
Be well
Louis
Then this thought popped into my head afew days later.... hope this makes sense:
Hey…..
I just realised something….. i was listening tonight to the music i spoke about befoer and thought about the feelings (cosy/protected) i said i had the other night…. that i felt like i did 10yrs ago…. and if i had had something i would have took it…
Well… it just clicked… i had them feelings the other night and i had no substances inside me…. i got that feeling by just listening to a peice of music….
So… i didn’t actually need them substances to acheive that feeling again….
Not sure this is making sense…. but it feels good....
I guess what i am getting at is it does get easier and i know now i dont need drink/drugs to get the feelings i search for.... i just need to be careful where i get them!!!!
sorry if this dont help...
be well louis
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