Kat67

Yeah, I'm feeling a little sorry for myself. Finding myself stuck back into my ex's crappy life and drinking again. I feel alone and sad.
I need to unload this bag of crap I've been lugging around for, feels like forever. Trying to find someone to talk to but its a slow process. I feel like I want to burst.
I keep trying to tell myself that I want to be happy and I do, but whenever I get a little happy I turn around and sabotage it all away again.
Make new friends then ignore them because I'm busy with my ex.
I've been stuck between two worlds for awhile now and it feels super weird.
I'm just racking my brain in wonder "Why do I keep doing this to myself!?"
Keep finding myself in a hard place.
I keep milking this cow cow expecting to get something good, instead I get bit in the bum every time. Looking to my ex for the wrong reasons.
I don't mean or want to look for it in someone else but I'm looking forward to finding out why I do.
Whenever I'm feeling down I try to talk to my mom because she's a really smart woman and always has something to say to make me feel better.
She made a really good point when she said "You need to give up the life you have in order to have the life that is waiting for you"
I love you mom and Happy Mothers Day and to all the mom's in SR
Thanks for reading

helluvacook

Well I'm only on my first day of sobriety, but I feel much better now than I did this morning! All I can offer you is :ghug2 and to tell you that I've been there with the whole ex thing. I've been sucked in to his world and it's a toxic place to be.

Somebody told me a long time ago "If you do what you always did, then you get what you always got." That was when I left him, the addict/alcoholic ex. Isn't it ironic that I am now a binge drinker?

Well, anyway, I hope you feel better soon.

coffeenut

Your mom does indeed sound like one smart cookie. Hope you stick around SR. It's an awesome place to find sobriety.

Dean62

The reason why is everyone wants to be loved to the extent that we sometimes are willing to get what we can from the wrong source. It's sometimes easier to stick with what we know.

Listen to your mom kat. You need to Let Go of what you think is your life in order to recieve the life that is meant for you.

The question for you is give up, let go, surrender.....to what?

Anna

Kat,

You can make the choice to get out of the vicious cycle. I was stuck in the cycle of not being ready to completely stop drinking for a long time. I not only wasted time and energy, but risked my health. And, things got worse.

I hope you reach the point where you want/need to get better, more than anything else.

Tazman53

Kat there is a solution, that solution is change. I had no idea how to change when I was still drinking and had less of an idea of how to change those times when I quit drinking.

I finally surrendered to the fact that I had no idea how to stay sober, I had to just give up on doing it my way alone and to admit that I needed help and be willing to listen to other alcoholics who had found a solution to their drink problem.

When I became willing to do what ever it took to stay sober I started following suggestions given to me by recovering alcoholics who knew how to stay sober long term.

Why not give AA or another long term recovery program a shot, it can't hurt.

jamdls

Hi Kat, life often does hand us a bunch of crap. I drank heavy for 25 yrs and carried all the sh*t with me everywhere I went, it was an enormous burden, once i got sober though I found it was a whole lot easier to deal with it all;and gradually I was able to discard at least 95% of it. Sounds like you've got a good relationship with your mom, hold on to that. I've only been on SR a few months but reading the advice given here is also pretty darn amazing and just being able to "journal" your struggles and triumphs here can be extremely theraputic.

Judy

Kat67

Yeah I went to a AA meeting today and shared that ive been feeling pretty miserable lately but its really nice to go to AA and listen to what others have to say. I'm having a problem with letting go and the first step. I find it hard sometimes to believe in a higher power. When I was younger I believed in it a lot more. For some reason I'm scared to let go now.

prettypoison

Kat I'm glad to see you're being proactive. That is awesome. I can relate to feeling stuck between two worlds. I have been in a few difficult relationships where I put him first and couldn't function well staying in it -- but couldn't make up my mind to get out of it. I see that now as a codependent relationship. It wore me out mentally. And I know that drinking only made it worse. I couldn't see things for what they really were. I numbed, ignored, procrastinated and anything else I could not to have to tackle the real problem. I didn't know how to put my needs first. No matter what happens in your relationship, you will serve yourself best by staying sober. It will help you in the decisions you make and also begin to define what it is you really want. Sobriety is the mechanism that will get you there. You mom gives good advice (wish mine would have told me that a long time ago). I'm rooting for you :ghug3