keithj

True enough. The more tolerant I become, the more listening I do, the more I see the truth in this. I kind of think it's a 3 step program for a lot of people. 1) Stop drinking. 2) Start praying. 3) Carry the mess.

You can hear it when it's shared at meetings. It's a litany of things they used to do and how thankful they are to not be drinking and doing those same things. But if you listen close, it's really a litany of consequences they suffered and how thankful they are not to be suffering those consequences at the moment. But there is little mention of any step work or transformation or spiritual awakening. I believe those people share that stuff because it's the only experience they have. They can't share about the tranformative experience because they haven't had it. Most of them aren't around a year later.

firestorm090

Good Morning SR friends,

After thinking about all of this and my emotional meltdown last night, I realize that most of it is coming from my stubborn refusal to listen to others, because I judge them from appearances first. Yesterday, one of the guys at the meeting was young, maybe mid-twenties, and had his hair spiked, huge things in his ears, and his fingernails were painted black, all kinds of tatoos, and his pants were off his butt, showing his boxers. I couldn't concentrate on what was being said for a while, because I kept looking at his fingernails, wondering why a guy would do that to himself. Also, he had a tatoo on his chin, a strange, circular thing with points coming up by his lips, and I thought how is this guy ever going to get a good job, I was so fixated on his appearance that I never heard what he said when he spoke. I am just out of touch with all this new stuff people do and find it hard, (being totally honest here) to understand why it buggs me so much. I know it's me, and that I don't have much tolerance, so I guess I need to work on that. Accepting others as they are is tough for me sometimes, especially when they look like this guy, maybe that's todays version of being cool, but I just don't get it. He also had these huge rings on his fingers, and bracelets that kept clacking each time he rested his arm on the table, which again bugged me. Guess I have a ton of work to do in the acceptance department.

Overall, I think these guys were sincere, and it's my perception and stubborness that are keeping me stuck. I need to learn to be less judgemental and listen to the message, but I must admit I have a hard time doing that. I have to work on this.

Thanks for all of your responses. I'm not giving up, I blew a gasket last night, but will work on repairing the damage and keep trying to find the peace I had a few days ago again. I liked feeling okay, it was a nice change, so I want that back.

Thanks P, for the pic of the pug, that was special.

IO Storm

I get where you are coming from FS..

When I came into AA..I hadn't "lost all"... just a totalled truck, a DUI, an overdose of

pills in blackout, a stay in mental ward/rehab. My first AA meeting..the secretary

was an elderly lady with bright red hair who wore a dress that looked like a

tablecloth in an Italian restaurant. There was guy with both ears tattooed green.

A lot of old guys preaching to us newcomers. I didn't stay long. I..was not like

(those) people! I thought I was in with a bunch of low lifes..weirdos.

Really. I didn't stay sober either. I did have to "try the experiment"..and go out

and "lose all" in the end. Today..it doesn't matter to me if anyone has 20 years

and little money. It is none of my business. My business, after relapsing 6 times

is staying sober and helping someone to get sober. I surely do understand your

frustrations..and loved your post. I love your posts in AA 12 Step Support too.

Vent away..FS!!! It is good for the soul..this is a safe place to do it.

And, if AA is not right for you..please find a program that is.

Love,

Sher

IO Storm

Whoah FS..we were posting at the same time...coincidence? Maybe.

Mark75

probably not...

Firestorm... Keep checking out different meetings. There are probably guys out there with pierced body parts and tattoos that need to talk with that guy whose bracelets clang together, you are just not one of them.

I find different types of people at different meetings. Those with meetings with people I can relate to are the ones I go back to. That doesn't mean that I don't want diversity... I had a prejudice corrected when a young guy (I'm your age...) shared... spikey hair, some hardware... his sincerity and willingness really touched me. I needed to hear what he said that night.

Remember... don't lose sight of the forest for the trees!!

Mark

Tazman53

Firestorm there is a book written by an AA old timer called something like "A New Pair of Glasses".

The longer I am sober the better my glasses are, the great thing is though I can still feel what you are saying. Keep seeking, keep an open mind. One thing I have learned in the rooms is to simply listen to the message and not to look at the person delivering it.

There are a few folks today that when they share I close my eyes and just listen, for some reason the message comes through when I am not seeing who is saying it. Not in all cases though, I will be the first to admit there are some really squirrely folks in the rooms, but hey they are staying sober and even though what they share may not help me at all, it may very well be helping some one else.

We have a common problem, and a common solution with a lot of different ways to arrive at that solution.

IO Storm

What I forgot to say...was..the folks I mentioned before..tattoo guy and the red haired

lady (she was) became people I looked forward to seeing at meetings each time I

"came back." I was always welcomed. They are gone now..most of the old timers too.

I miss them.

firestorm090

Well, my thank you button is on the fritz again, lol.

I agree with all of you, the problem is in my head, and I need to be more tolerate of others. That's an area where I really need much work and I'm going to do what is necessary to adjust to this new way of living. I guess I need to be like a duck with some of these guys, just let it roll of my back and keep truckin, because I'm sure there are some good guys and gals at these meetings. Funny, I heard about this 13th step and now I'm seeing the step in action firsthand. Run, that's what I'm doing, I'm running from this quick, because I'm already screwed up enough, I don't need my emotions to fall into a blender again, only to come out as a huge pile of mush.

It seems the older I get, the slower my mind works, and the more my emotions bounce all over the place. Sometimes I feel like a puppet on a string.

IO Storm

"It seems the older I get, the slower my mind works, and the more my emotions bounce all over the place. Sometimes I feel like a puppet on a string."
___________

Maybe not so much age, FS.

Early sobriety..maybe? Some folks hate slogans. I love them. Like this one..

"Easy Does It"... I agree with Laurie..you are right where are supposed to be.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

We..all of us..didn't get to this place in our lives overnight...and it takes time

(and work) and patience with ourselves to get well.

CrackQuack

Ya know, if a guy, who snorted coke, can become Prez. A guy, who smoked weed (and denied inhaling, puuullleeeze) can become Prez.. You can too.. If you really wanted that. I am just saying..
I felt so angry, at first. I was SO P ISS ED at the man who handed me that crack pipe. It was ALL his fault. He should have never kept pushing me to take it. Ya know? That a$$hole! F*ck him, I hope he dies. He got me hooked on it. He had to know, he's an addict. He HAD TO F*cking KNOW! Right? It was a game to him, I know it. He can't treat women with an ounce of respect. They are nothing but toys to him and I was too good for him, so he made a game of getting me hooked on crack...........
THEN.......
I woke up. It's not his fault. He has his share in it, yes. But I TOOK that pipe. I went ahead, despite knowing what I did. I thought I could handle it. Nothing else had grabbed ahold of me. I conveniently forgot my WHOLE family is nothing but a bunch of addicts. My uncles, cocaine and heroin. My aunt, pills and God knows what else. My grandfather and father, both alcoholics. Gee, something would get me eventually. I just hadn't found it yet. Heroin. YUCK. Tried it. Didn't like it. I could drink, and put it down. No problem. One beer or mixed drink, I am OK. Cocaine, in powder form, I could snort a couple fat lines and be fine. Weed. ****... That was maybe once a year. Pills. Took those as directed. Both OTC and prescription. Now, crack.. WHOA. I met my match. It started like all the others, then I kept going and going and going. I sold everything. I stole. I lied. I neglected my family. My friends. My pets. Went through several jobs. NOTHING stood in the way of me getting that crack.
Then I realized, after my relapse, just truly how close I AM to losing it ALL. If I think not having my trailer for my race car is punishment it is NOTHING compared to losing one uncle and my father to suicide. NOTHING compared to my other uncle, who has aids from a dirty needle! NOTHING compared to being arrested and stuck with a record of drug abuse/manufacturing like my ex. NOTHING compared to losing those closest to me because -I- chose crack over them. My loved ones can only take so much.
Be angry. Be extremely angry. But direct your anger towards that addiction. That demon that drove you to your bottom. Those people REALLY do know what it's like. You are more like them than you think. They know it, and you will learn that too. Don't look at the differences. If I did, I could go on and on. I never prostituted. I never got arrested. I was never truly homeless either. Etc. Etc.....
BUT, yes, we could all have gotten that far. Aren't we lucky that we are still alive? To be able to recovery. To be able to share our stories. Keep going back to those meetings. LOOK for the similarities. You will wake up and see them. I promise. You will see all of us addicts are more alike than you think. Of course, the road that lead us there is always different, but our addictions are all the same. We've all done SOMETHING wrong, very very wrong, in order to get our DOC.
It's OK to be angry. Just try to re-direct that anger to WHAT REALLY DESERVES IT. Your addiction. BEAT IT. It's legal to beat the he ll out of addiction!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:ghug3

mac911

Two things that you can readily change in your life is perception and choice.

You can be the rock in the river that let's the water flow around it or be the rock in the river that continually fights the current. Your choice.

Good luck, take care of yourself first.

Tommyh

firestorm,now you are on to the truth...glad you did not drink about this stuff

jamdls

I first went to AA around 2003, went to a regular meeting then to a women only meeting and I thought the people were odd. I "wasn't like them" in any way shape or manner and I "knew" I could casually drink.... so then I wasted another 4 years being drunk. I went back to AA in 2007 and at first I still couldn't relate to most of the people, they seemed "a lot worse off" than me...; but one night at a meeting someone talked about seeing the similarities instead of the differences and then it all started to click. We are all different in some ways-some are doctors or lawyers or other professionals some are homeless, some have been in and out jail, some are family men or women, some are hookers, etc etc but we all have 1 thing in common and that of course is the inability to control our drinking or drug use and once you see the commonality it becomes easier to listen and to learn.

Judy

Gypsy Feet

I love you fs my friend!!!! I am so glad you are feeling a bit better today. I am going to go out, paint my nails black, buy boys boxers and let them show, and get lots of horrid tattoos and then I'll send you 100 pictures a day til it looks normal to you!!!

I will totally go on a date with you when you only have 11 months 22 days sober, to Wendys!!

firestorm090

Hi Lisa,

You're a sweetheart. I would be lucky if you went on a date with me, black nails and all.

After talking with a friend today, she helped me realize how arrogant and judgemental I can be at times, bummer. I've always thought if I could just stop drinking, my life would be so much easier. Now, it seems I have more work to do than I ever imagined, geez, it's enough to make me want to scream, "Enough already!!"

So all we have to do, as suggested, is go to meetings, get a sponsor, read the BB, work all twelve steps, pray, meditate, totally change how we live our lives, help others, live honestly, (that's a tough one there) stop deluding ourselves, stop living in denial, face reality, make amends to all we have harmed, (that's a few pages for me, lol) eat a bunch of icecream when I get sugar cravings, (this one I like, gobble gobble) and learn to live from within, (which is a real mess right now, I might add) learn how to be patient, tolerate, compassionate, trustworthy, interdependent instead of codependent, grateful, etc. That's it. Gosh, I thought not drinking would do it.

Looking forward to that date, the countdown has begun, lol.

coffeenut

Glad you are feeling better, storm.

Gypsy Feet

My list was much shorter=)
1) quit drinking

The rest of the stuff, figure out life, learn to be peaceful, end world hunger, etc,
will always be a work in progress

<3 (thats a nerd sideways e-heart!!)

laurie6781

roflmao

By jove I do believe you have it!!!!!! <vbg> See how simple it is? lol

the good news is you don't have to do all that in 1 day. The other good news is ...... progress not perfection.

Just think, you will learn how to laugh at yourself, and lots of other fun things.

I am glad you are getting a bit of a sense of humor and are feeling better.

Love and hugs,

Antone

Get it out, partner! Check back when you can.

jsml1234

Hey FS,
hang in there sir.
I'm glad you came here to SR after your trying experience and not saying WTF and drinking... you set a good example for me.
Strong work and thanks.