I have a problem, but am I an alcoholic?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
What harm can three more nights do?? Could be a lot of harm, depending if you're driving or get into an accident, either driving or riding with someone else. All the really bad things that haven't happened to you YET can happen at any time. I tried to control my drinking but never could. And now I do'nt drink at all and don't have to worry about what I did or said or where I went and with whom. All those "yet"s can happen to you.
I wish you the best, and welcome to our family!
I wish you the best, and welcome to our family!
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Enough harm to take the "choice" to drink out of your hands. If you get as drunk as you're expressing to us.. that's a mighty hefty gamble with both your life and your freedom that I wouldn't think is worth the 'fun'.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
I have an idea. Why not try to drink three or four at the house? You say you can handle one at the house but when you go out your drinking is uncontrollable.
When you're out you probably have 3-4 to begin with and that sets you off.
My guess would be that it takes more than one beer to triger the craving in your particular case, As soon as you hit two or three, it's anybodys guess as to what will happen.
This way, you can safely try your experiment at home in front of the ball game.
When you're out you probably have 3-4 to begin with and that sets you off.
My guess would be that it takes more than one beer to triger the craving in your particular case, As soon as you hit two or three, it's anybodys guess as to what will happen.
This way, you can safely try your experiment at home in front of the ball game.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by curiousfox 
But here's hoping it doesn't come to that! What harm can 3 more nights do? (let's hope that's not famous last words! lol)
Cheers. Will let you know how I do
Cheers. Will let you know how I do
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Portugal
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by curiousfox
Thanks for the support guys.
I've decided I'm going to give myself 3 more nights going out, really really make a conscious effort to try and control myself with how much I'm drinking (which to be fair I havn't really tried that hard to do in the past I don't think), and see how I get on. I feel I owe myself that.
It might not work, and those 3 nights out I might end up as just as much of a mess as usual... but I think it's worth a go. If it doesn't work then I'm going to have to look at stopping altogether I think.
But here's hoping it doesn't come to that! What harm can 3 more nights do? (let's hope that's not famous last words! lol)
Cheers. Will let you know how I do
I've decided I'm going to give myself 3 more nights going out, really really make a conscious effort to try and control myself with how much I'm drinking (which to be fair I havn't really tried that hard to do in the past I don't think), and see how I get on. I feel I owe myself that.
It might not work, and those 3 nights out I might end up as just as much of a mess as usual... but I think it's worth a go. If it doesn't work then I'm going to have to look at stopping altogether I think.
But here's hoping it doesn't come to that! What harm can 3 more nights do? (let's hope that's not famous last words! lol)
Cheers. Will let you know how I do
I think its awesome that you are looking at this so young - awesome but also a little sobering (pardon the pun!) because if you have a niggling feeling now that something is wrong then I dare say that will grow.
If you are determined to have another 3 nights out to see if you can control your drinking are going to set certain limits to see if you can stick to them? Like one drink an hour? Or a maximum of 3-4 drinks for the night? Or stopping drinking at 1am? See how you feel about hitting those limits and if you cross over them look at the excuses you make up for yourself.
You see I am familiar with those limits - whenever I got to them I felt resentful, irritated and made an excuse of this being a particularly special night that exempt me from adhering to the limits I had set.... funny how every night out turned into one of those special nights!
Also one more thing beware that you don't end up drinking more because you set a limit and then crossed over it and so now you might as well get really drunk! That was a favourite of mine too
Keep in touch!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Where's the line? It's right behind you. You crossed over it when you said "I don't think I'm ready to stop drinking. I don't know if I need to." That is called denial, trust me. And your comment of learning to control your drinking? As I said 2 days ago-NORMAL PEOPLE DON'T THINK LIKE THAT!! Read my lips - you, sir, are an alcoholic. Start dealing with it and cut out the rationalizing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
hello,nice to meet you and i wish you well,part of alcoholism is an obsession to drink like "normal people" it sounds already like this obsession is manifesting itself within you! already the blackouts and other stuff that goes along with alcoholism.i do hope its just curoisity on your part and you find that you can control your drinking.i was the same as you at a young age and then all of a sudden 20 yrs had gone by obsessing about trying to control my drinking and failing.i was beat.best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Glasgow Scotland UK
Posts: 46
Hi curiousfox and welcome ,
I wouldn't feel comfortable if I set ' the limits ' . I would prefer being free .
The only thing is DDD - ' Don't Drive Drunk ' ,
Well , see you after weekend , be honest as you are ,
I wouldn't feel comfortable if I set ' the limits ' . I would prefer being free .
The only thing is DDD - ' Don't Drive Drunk ' ,
Well , see you after weekend , be honest as you are ,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 12
Okay... I'm back.
And I've cocked up big time.
After coming here before, I did try hard, and I did do better... I've had nights out where I've only been mildly drunk, or even tipsy.
Even had a night out where I drove, had 2 shandys right at the start of the night, then just drank soft drinks the rest of the night, and another time I just didn't drink at all
So I CAN drink without being ridiculously drunk.
However, unfortunately these nights are still vastly outnumbered by the nights that I AM way beyond the point of control.
Anyway, the reason I'm here now...
On Sunday night I was out, and got to this absurdly drunken point, where again I remember next to nothing about the night, just little patches scattered throughout... and none of them good
I did a few stupid things, but most not too bad to get hung up on.
However, I was massive, massive **** to this girl I was with, who is my best friend, and I can't even explain how much I would never want to upset her.
Basically, and most of this is just from what I've been told since I don't remember it, I was pulling her away or having a go at her anytime she tried to speak to guys I didn't know, or even a few times when they just looked at her!
I was being over-protective, way over-protective, and although it came from a good place, it didn't come out that way. But I took it too far, and thats why. And not only that, but I was non-stop texting her while I wasn't with her, and some of those messages were pretty rude
She was massively pissed off at me, and one of my hazy memories of the night was a vague recollection of her slapping me, which she told me that she had (and fully deserved, no complaints there)
I've tried apologising, and she says it's fine, but it doesn't sound convincing. She's not happy with me. She told me after that she'd had a **** night and wish she'd not even gone. I asked how much of that was my fault and she said I'd definetely made a big contribution.
I again tried apologising today, and to explain myself, and she said it's fine and don't worry... but also said she'd never go on a night out with me ever again. It doesn't help though that I could barely even get out the words I wanted to say... been running it through in my head all day the things I need to say to her, then got on the phone and I was talking gibberish and couldn't finish a sentence!
I feel like ****. I don't know what to do. She doesn't seem normal with me, and to be honest I can't blame her. I think we'll be fine in the long run, maybe I just need to give it time... but I don't like that as she's my best friend and we speak all the time. It's been 2 days and I'm already missing getting random messages from her. If I text her, she does tend to reply after a while, but its short and blunt...
I don't know what to do. I need to fix this.
See, problem is, and the reason I've come here to spill my guts out, is because in the past, yeah I've done lots of stupid things when I'm drunk, but they've only ever effected me.
This time I've hurt someone else. And probably the person in the whole world I'd least want to upset! I feel like ****, and feel so guilty and pathetic and confused, and have a big ball of just bleh in the pit of my stomach.
How do I fix this?
Maybe I'm in the wrong place, because my problem isn't so much the drinking, because I can control it... but I have to work REALLY hard to do that... but it's result of my drinking... So obviously the drinking is a problem
But thats not the problem I'm trying to solve right now! Argh!
****** EDIT****
SORRY, was trying to delete this as I put it another thread
And I've cocked up big time.
After coming here before, I did try hard, and I did do better... I've had nights out where I've only been mildly drunk, or even tipsy.
Even had a night out where I drove, had 2 shandys right at the start of the night, then just drank soft drinks the rest of the night, and another time I just didn't drink at all
So I CAN drink without being ridiculously drunk.
However, unfortunately these nights are still vastly outnumbered by the nights that I AM way beyond the point of control.
Anyway, the reason I'm here now...
On Sunday night I was out, and got to this absurdly drunken point, where again I remember next to nothing about the night, just little patches scattered throughout... and none of them good
I did a few stupid things, but most not too bad to get hung up on.
However, I was massive, massive **** to this girl I was with, who is my best friend, and I can't even explain how much I would never want to upset her.
Basically, and most of this is just from what I've been told since I don't remember it, I was pulling her away or having a go at her anytime she tried to speak to guys I didn't know, or even a few times when they just looked at her!
I was being over-protective, way over-protective, and although it came from a good place, it didn't come out that way. But I took it too far, and thats why. And not only that, but I was non-stop texting her while I wasn't with her, and some of those messages were pretty rude
She was massively pissed off at me, and one of my hazy memories of the night was a vague recollection of her slapping me, which she told me that she had (and fully deserved, no complaints there)
I've tried apologising, and she says it's fine, but it doesn't sound convincing. She's not happy with me. She told me after that she'd had a **** night and wish she'd not even gone. I asked how much of that was my fault and she said I'd definetely made a big contribution.
I again tried apologising today, and to explain myself, and she said it's fine and don't worry... but also said she'd never go on a night out with me ever again. It doesn't help though that I could barely even get out the words I wanted to say... been running it through in my head all day the things I need to say to her, then got on the phone and I was talking gibberish and couldn't finish a sentence!
I feel like ****. I don't know what to do. She doesn't seem normal with me, and to be honest I can't blame her. I think we'll be fine in the long run, maybe I just need to give it time... but I don't like that as she's my best friend and we speak all the time. It's been 2 days and I'm already missing getting random messages from her. If I text her, she does tend to reply after a while, but its short and blunt...
I don't know what to do. I need to fix this.
See, problem is, and the reason I've come here to spill my guts out, is because in the past, yeah I've done lots of stupid things when I'm drunk, but they've only ever effected me.
This time I've hurt someone else. And probably the person in the whole world I'd least want to upset! I feel like ****, and feel so guilty and pathetic and confused, and have a big ball of just bleh in the pit of my stomach.
How do I fix this?
Maybe I'm in the wrong place, because my problem isn't so much the drinking, because I can control it... but I have to work REALLY hard to do that... but it's result of my drinking... So obviously the drinking is a problem
But thats not the problem I'm trying to solve right now! Argh!
****** EDIT****
SORRY, was trying to delete this as I put it another thread
Last edited by curiousfox; 11-10-2009 at 10:53 AM.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 513
I used to be like you in college. I could go long periods. When I drank, I binge drank, but I could go long periods. Seemed like everyone else binge drank too.
At some point after college the question - "am I an alcoholic?" nagged quietly in my head. "Of course not," I thought. "I'm successful, my life isn't in ruins, I have relationships, jobs, decent finances, a lovely home." Even so, the question got louder and louder as I started to look forward to drinking, starting to plan drinking, started to feel uncomfortable if I couldn't drink, needy if there didn't seem to be enough to go around the table.
Used to be able to go long periods - I'm 28, almost 29, and found myself drinking every day. Don't ask me how it morphed from every so often to every day - I can't tell you. Then it was just - oh I will only [struggle mightily to] have a glass a day. Oh yes, there were times I could CONTROL what I drank. But then it was two, then three, then a bottle of wine, then trying only for the weekends, then cutting back to a glass a day a again, then trying for the weekends and multiple drinks a night or two during the work week. Heavy drinking on the weekends, some blackouts. A million combinations of attempts at control.
Just because you can "go long periods without it" doesn't mean you're not an alcoholic. It could mean you're just an early stage alcoholic.
Listen to the voice asking you that question.
At some point after college the question - "am I an alcoholic?" nagged quietly in my head. "Of course not," I thought. "I'm successful, my life isn't in ruins, I have relationships, jobs, decent finances, a lovely home." Even so, the question got louder and louder as I started to look forward to drinking, starting to plan drinking, started to feel uncomfortable if I couldn't drink, needy if there didn't seem to be enough to go around the table.
Used to be able to go long periods - I'm 28, almost 29, and found myself drinking every day. Don't ask me how it morphed from every so often to every day - I can't tell you. Then it was just - oh I will only [struggle mightily to] have a glass a day. Oh yes, there were times I could CONTROL what I drank. But then it was two, then three, then a bottle of wine, then trying only for the weekends, then cutting back to a glass a day a again, then trying for the weekends and multiple drinks a night or two during the work week. Heavy drinking on the weekends, some blackouts. A million combinations of attempts at control.
Just because you can "go long periods without it" doesn't mean you're not an alcoholic. It could mean you're just an early stage alcoholic.
Listen to the voice asking you that question.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 513
Originally Posted by Pinkcuda
Not so fast. I'm left stumped in the ability to just have one at the house. It's not something I could ever do.
"I think I can. I think I can"
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 93
You are most likely drinking because of your problems. You may not even realize that. 14 days ago I didn't but it has been two weeks and wow I have learned so much about myself and why I am an alcoholic. You are right on when you say it is not the drinking that is the problem. I was told 10% is the drink 90% is mental. Stick around here. Keep posting. Keep asking. The wisdom and compassion is priceless. Your eyes will start to open, your mind will learn a lot of things deep down you already knew and most of all that evil voice in your head will tell you differently. You will have a power struggle in your own mind...it is exhausting.
Did you know some people go to bars and never drink. They really don't want to. Doesn't cross their mind..it isn't a big deal. If they wanted they would order one drink and maybe not even finish it. Leave the bar with a perfectly good drink just sitting there...can you imagine? I couldn't and it was just yesterday I really believed I have this disease...this allergy to alcohol too.
This I know...it is progressive, it will get worse, it won't help your life, relationships or job. I also know you are young and at my meeting today...yes meeting...so many older people were saying they wish they had realized earlier. So much time was wasted...they were talking to me...I am 37...old to you. So you have come to this realization for a reason...there are better things out there for you then drinking and the trouble that follows. Try to not drink the next time you go out. It is just one time. there will be another the following day. Challenge yourself to stay sober and see what happens...you may be surprised...it WILL be a good thing
Jo
Did you know some people go to bars and never drink. They really don't want to. Doesn't cross their mind..it isn't a big deal. If they wanted they would order one drink and maybe not even finish it. Leave the bar with a perfectly good drink just sitting there...can you imagine? I couldn't and it was just yesterday I really believed I have this disease...this allergy to alcohol too.
This I know...it is progressive, it will get worse, it won't help your life, relationships or job. I also know you are young and at my meeting today...yes meeting...so many older people were saying they wish they had realized earlier. So much time was wasted...they were talking to me...I am 37...old to you. So you have come to this realization for a reason...there are better things out there for you then drinking and the trouble that follows. Try to not drink the next time you go out. It is just one time. there will be another the following day. Challenge yourself to stay sober and see what happens...you may be surprised...it WILL be a good thing
Jo
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
You have to do something to prove to her that you have changed. Being sorry is all well and good,but you need to show change. How about stopping drinking completely? Giving AA a try?
Even if you do change, it will take time to prove that you have changed.
Even if you do change, it will take time to prove that you have changed.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
To me it sounds like you have feelings for your friend that are deeper than just friendship feelings and you are jealous when she talks to other men and this makes you angry and you take your anger out on her.
If this is a possibility you should consider trying to clarify your feelings toward her and see where you want to go from there.
It is possible that she is worrying about the same thing.
You are right it isn't always about the drinking.
If this is a possibility you should consider trying to clarify your feelings toward her and see where you want to go from there.
It is possible that she is worrying about the same thing.
You are right it isn't always about the drinking.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: London UK
Posts: 86
Originally Posted by curiousfox
Thanks for the support guys.
I've decided I'm going to give myself 3 more nights going out, really really make a conscious effort to try and control myself with how much I'm drinking (which to be fair I havn't really tried that hard to do in the past I don't think), and see how I get on. I feel I owe myself that.
It might not work, and those 3 nights out I might end up as just as much of a mess as usual... but I think it's worth a go. If it doesn't work then I'm going to have to look at stopping altogether I think.
Cheers. Will let you know how I do
I've decided I'm going to give myself 3 more nights going out, really really make a conscious effort to try and control myself with how much I'm drinking (which to be fair I havn't really tried that hard to do in the past I don't think), and see how I get on. I feel I owe myself that.
It might not work, and those 3 nights out I might end up as just as much of a mess as usual... but I think it's worth a go. If it doesn't work then I'm going to have to look at stopping altogether I think.
Cheers. Will let you know how I do
Maybe, instead, you owe yourself a better life?
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
Posts: 878
This disease of alcoholism is very odd as it is a spiritaul malady that wants us to believe we do not have it and can continue.
It is a problem if it creates problems.
A few questions.
can you drink half a beer and walk away
do you have problems staying away from that first drink(quitting)
do you drink emotionally and find realease when drinking
do you drink for the effect from alcohol
If you say yes to any you might be one of us.
If you need help keeping the plug in the jug the only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking
WELCOME you ain't alone
It is a problem if it creates problems.
A few questions.
can you drink half a beer and walk away
do you have problems staying away from that first drink(quitting)
do you drink emotionally and find realease when drinking
do you drink for the effect from alcohol
If you say yes to any you might be one of us.
If you need help keeping the plug in the jug the only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking
WELCOME you ain't alone
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
I don't want to stop drinking though... I just want to be able to get a "buzz" when I'm out and stop there.
Ya, me too........tried for 22 years longer than you. Never worked.
really really make a conscious effort to try and control myself with how much I'm drinking
same response as above.
I DO know it's amazing the garbage thinking we come up with re: alcohol.
Let us know how your plan works out.......
Ya, me too........tried for 22 years longer than you. Never worked.
really really make a conscious effort to try and control myself with how much I'm drinking
same response as above.
I DO know it's amazing the garbage thinking we come up with re: alcohol.
Let us know how your plan works out.......
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Overseas... on the shore of an uncharted desert isle.
Posts: 254
I had a similar problem to yours however in many ways it was less severe:
- I would drink socially between 1 to 3 times a week (as I got concerned about my drinking behavior and health, I pared it down to once a week).
- I would not have a problem over-drinking each time I went out - which made recognition of the problem much more insidious. Regardless of the frequency, I'd end up over-drinking 20-25%.
- Even though the odds seemed favorable to many a drunk mind, I reckon it'd be a matter of time before I ended up doing something stupid, permanent and totally regrettable. At some point also, the same **** that your body lets you get away with when you're in your 20's, somehow starts catching up with you when you hit your 30's. It's called 'aging'.
I quit drinking at the start of February 2009. The first two weeks were mentally rough, but from the start, a huge relief. The physical health benefits like losing body fat, getting rid of a fatty liver and just simply looking and feeling better were evident after a month or so.
I know I used to think it'd be totally impossible to enjoy a successful social and business life without alcohol. Now I still sometimes wonder why I did not start earlier.
- I would drink socially between 1 to 3 times a week (as I got concerned about my drinking behavior and health, I pared it down to once a week).
- I would not have a problem over-drinking each time I went out - which made recognition of the problem much more insidious. Regardless of the frequency, I'd end up over-drinking 20-25%.
- Even though the odds seemed favorable to many a drunk mind, I reckon it'd be a matter of time before I ended up doing something stupid, permanent and totally regrettable. At some point also, the same **** that your body lets you get away with when you're in your 20's, somehow starts catching up with you when you hit your 30's. It's called 'aging'.
I quit drinking at the start of February 2009. The first two weeks were mentally rough, but from the start, a huge relief. The physical health benefits like losing body fat, getting rid of a fatty liver and just simply looking and feeling better were evident after a month or so.
I know I used to think it'd be totally impossible to enjoy a successful social and business life without alcohol. Now I still sometimes wonder why I did not start earlier.
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