it probably would be fun for ONE night....
A new dawn and new chapter
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kansas City, Missouri
Posts: 298
it probably would be fun for ONE night....
If I was to break down and drink I can almost see the results. For the trip down to the store and back feeling very edgy and nervous about the whole thing. Debating back and fourth in my mind to just get up and dump it out. But eventually deciding just to bring that old familiar frosty cold can to my lips and taking a small sip.
I know after that I would still be feeling guilty and nervous about it. But once I feel that brew travel through my body and give that old warm tingling feeling I would slowly start to change my mind about the whole thing. I would lean back in my chair half smiling.
7-10 cans later any guilt I have would be thrown out the window. It would be party time after that. Feeling high and fine again as I use to call it. Start jamming my tunes, calling and inviting people over I haven't spoken to in a while. It would be awesome! In fact f**k that whole sobriety thing! I can handle drinking and partying again, this is fun dammit!
11-18 cans later after maybe getting one person to hang out with me I would start getting bored of my current surroundings and be insisting on a adventure out. And God forbid if I'm the one driving or anyone I'm getting drunk with. This is the danger zone area as I wont call it at the time but I would refer to it in the morning.
19-?? amount of cans later, who knows. My mood is known to wildly change here. I could be content just hanging out at home. Could be at the bar trying to convince some woman I'll be the best thing she ever had in her bed. Could be feeling depressed, angry that I'm drunk again and oh my god how could I've f***ed this up again.
And then finally the next morning. I only hope I wake up in my own house. But probably wont feel to bad at first since there's a good chance I'm half drunk still. I will stare blankly at the walls for a while not really feeling anything. then after while regret moves in. The realization of this is the first morning in a while I've woken up hungover and then later in the day the dizziness, anxiety nausea takes over. Heart will be pounding like a sledge hammer on my chest. Wondering if I'm going to go insane or need to get to the emergency room. After that I will swear off the alchol again and try to climb up on the wagon. But I have a certain pattern I follow. I just don't get drunk, quit and go a couple months again without drinking. After a day or two after my hangover clears up I'm even more tempted then ever to drink again and will usually follow through. And then who knows how long I will stay out drinking before the next time I'm all fired up and serious about getting sober again!
I've been through this to many times to count. I always regret my choice to drink but I just become so overwhelmed with my desire to drink that I go back out and do it again. I thought in the past if I was 4 moths sober that I would have smooth sailing from there on out. Apparently now is where the weather turns stormy and the real navigating begins!
Anyway I better go distract myself for a while.........
I know after that I would still be feeling guilty and nervous about it. But once I feel that brew travel through my body and give that old warm tingling feeling I would slowly start to change my mind about the whole thing. I would lean back in my chair half smiling.
7-10 cans later any guilt I have would be thrown out the window. It would be party time after that. Feeling high and fine again as I use to call it. Start jamming my tunes, calling and inviting people over I haven't spoken to in a while. It would be awesome! In fact f**k that whole sobriety thing! I can handle drinking and partying again, this is fun dammit!
11-18 cans later after maybe getting one person to hang out with me I would start getting bored of my current surroundings and be insisting on a adventure out. And God forbid if I'm the one driving or anyone I'm getting drunk with. This is the danger zone area as I wont call it at the time but I would refer to it in the morning.
19-?? amount of cans later, who knows. My mood is known to wildly change here. I could be content just hanging out at home. Could be at the bar trying to convince some woman I'll be the best thing she ever had in her bed. Could be feeling depressed, angry that I'm drunk again and oh my god how could I've f***ed this up again.
And then finally the next morning. I only hope I wake up in my own house. But probably wont feel to bad at first since there's a good chance I'm half drunk still. I will stare blankly at the walls for a while not really feeling anything. then after while regret moves in. The realization of this is the first morning in a while I've woken up hungover and then later in the day the dizziness, anxiety nausea takes over. Heart will be pounding like a sledge hammer on my chest. Wondering if I'm going to go insane or need to get to the emergency room. After that I will swear off the alchol again and try to climb up on the wagon. But I have a certain pattern I follow. I just don't get drunk, quit and go a couple months again without drinking. After a day or two after my hangover clears up I'm even more tempted then ever to drink again and will usually follow through. And then who knows how long I will stay out drinking before the next time I'm all fired up and serious about getting sober again!
I've been through this to many times to count. I always regret my choice to drink but I just become so overwhelmed with my desire to drink that I go back out and do it again. I thought in the past if I was 4 moths sober that I would have smooth sailing from there on out. Apparently now is where the weather turns stormy and the real navigating begins!
Anyway I better go distract myself for a while.........
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
It sounds like you already know the what ifs and the result doesn't seem too attractive.
I am sure just typing that out was enough to convince you that drinking isn't a good idea.
Thank you as my path would be similar and the end result is something I don't want for either of us.
I am sure just typing that out was enough to convince you that drinking isn't a good idea.
Thank you as my path would be similar and the end result is something I don't want for either of us.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Bard, this is the time you run to a meeting.
Find the "Alano Club" in Kansas City, they are usually open all hours and head there immediately when you start the "stinkin thinkin". Whether a meeting is going on or not, there will be sober peeps there that you can talk with, shoot pool with, play cards or chess or whatever with and get past this.
Yes you are correct, the fog is lifting, the mush is melting and now your acoholism is going to try and tell you this time will be different. NOT
On line what I found were:
Kansas (2 clubs)
Alano Club 311 E. 9th St., Lawrence (785) 841-1992
Alano Club 140 S. 3rd St., Salina (785) 825-9923
and
Missouri (2 clubs)
The Alano Club 1800 E. 30th St., Joplin (417) 623-9645
Steps Alano Club 1935 Park Ave., St. Louis (314) 436-1858
However, I am pretty sure there is one in KC, MO. Call your local AA number and they should be able to give you the name and the number of the club.
Alano Clubs are not AA per se, but are great places for sober folks to hang out, and usually have lots and lots of meetings held there, with the individual meetings paying 'rent', which helps keep the doors open on the club.
Run to a meeting, CALL somebody. Call your sponsor, etc.
Hope the above helps some.
Love and hugs,
Find the "Alano Club" in Kansas City, they are usually open all hours and head there immediately when you start the "stinkin thinkin". Whether a meeting is going on or not, there will be sober peeps there that you can talk with, shoot pool with, play cards or chess or whatever with and get past this.
Yes you are correct, the fog is lifting, the mush is melting and now your acoholism is going to try and tell you this time will be different. NOT
On line what I found were:
Kansas (2 clubs)
Alano Club 311 E. 9th St., Lawrence (785) 841-1992
Alano Club 140 S. 3rd St., Salina (785) 825-9923
and
Missouri (2 clubs)
The Alano Club 1800 E. 30th St., Joplin (417) 623-9645
Steps Alano Club 1935 Park Ave., St. Louis (314) 436-1858
However, I am pretty sure there is one in KC, MO. Call your local AA number and they should be able to give you the name and the number of the club.
Alano Clubs are not AA per se, but are great places for sober folks to hang out, and usually have lots and lots of meetings held there, with the individual meetings paying 'rent', which helps keep the doors open on the club.
Run to a meeting, CALL somebody. Call your sponsor, etc.
Hope the above helps some.
Love and hugs,
A new dawn and new chapter
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kansas City, Missouri
Posts: 298
Thanks for the support everybody. I tell you these cravings have been popping up more and more. No real apparent cause for it either. Just had my windows open, felt a nice breeze blow in and that's all it took to send me off to the razors edge again!
But I had to do some running around today. I was at the gas station earlier and when I went in to pay I could almost hear the beer section calling to me but remained strong. And when I was at the grocery store I made it point to make sure I didn't even so much as look at where the liquor section is at. But I decided right then that I've been good and haven't rewarded myself with anything for a while. So I picked up a box of ice cream bars and picked up a movie to watch. Then when I ordered 2 of those cheese steak sandwiches and about inhaled those when they got here.
So now I'm stuffed and much more calmer now then I was earlier, I manage to get through another tough moment and feel better for not giving in. I was saved once again by the more overwhelming bad memories and disgust I had towards drinking compared to all the "good" memories of being a drunk. Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna wobble back to the couch and pop in a movie.
But I had to do some running around today. I was at the gas station earlier and when I went in to pay I could almost hear the beer section calling to me but remained strong. And when I was at the grocery store I made it point to make sure I didn't even so much as look at where the liquor section is at. But I decided right then that I've been good and haven't rewarded myself with anything for a while. So I picked up a box of ice cream bars and picked up a movie to watch. Then when I ordered 2 of those cheese steak sandwiches and about inhaled those when they got here.
So now I'm stuffed and much more calmer now then I was earlier, I manage to get through another tough moment and feel better for not giving in. I was saved once again by the more overwhelming bad memories and disgust I had towards drinking compared to all the "good" memories of being a drunk. Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna wobble back to the couch and pop in a movie.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Great job in not giving in to the craving...I remember my first month of sobriety and it was really hard..I felt like I was in a wrestling match with myself...I made it through by latching on to any support I could find, whether it was here or AA...Really, it was the only way out of that torment of wanting just not to feel what hurts.
It did get easier in time...
You have proved that you can do this!!
It did get easier in time...
You have proved that you can do this!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 64
Bard, I have been gong through that whole thing all day today. Had to laugh, 'cos also made myself a cheese, chilli and ham sandwich(which I am currently eating) and sat down at the computer to see if there is some way to distract myself, and your thread is the first one that came up. I feel a bit calmer now, but today has been dreadful. And its only 4PM.....I am trying to focus on the fact that tomorrow morning I want to wake up sober and not drunk or hungover. Gah! Save me from myself!!!
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 157
Oh I so needed to see this post from you today. Because I was actually thinking stupid thoughts in my head of going and just for a night having some drinks. AFTER ALMOST SIX MONTHS! I was bored and just wanted to go and have a drink. No harm right, just one. Wrong! YOu are soooo right, one turns to many, turns to stupidity, turns to regret, etc etc etc. One is downhill, always. Again, thank you so much for your post.
A new dawn and new chapter
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kansas City, Missouri
Posts: 298
It's getting later and I manage to get through another rough ride. Honestly though after stuffing myself and planting myself on the couch I was to bloated up and sluggish feeling to want to do anything else. It worked pretty good but I don't want to get into the habit of gorging on junk food every time I start to feel edgy or I'll wind up on the discovery health channel lying up in bed and called the worlds fattest human being! 
Anyway that's my second thread in less then a weeks time about these cravings attacking me. Hate to do that and draw away attention from the newer members who are fresh into their sobriety when they need the most support. And also to you new members don't let my complaining bother you any. I'm very happy to be sober today and I feel my best that I've had in a long time. Most cravings I've had have been minor and leave as quick as they come on but every once in a while a serious one will hit, but even then they are still manageable. It all part of the recovery process!
Anyway that's my second thread in less then a weeks time about these cravings attacking me. Hate to do that and draw away attention from the newer members who are fresh into their sobriety when they need the most support. And also to you new members don't let my complaining bother you any. I'm very happy to be sober today and I feel my best that I've had in a long time. Most cravings I've had have been minor and leave as quick as they come on but every once in a while a serious one will hit, but even then they are still manageable. It all part of the recovery process!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Bard,
Congrats on not caving. You just did what in the rooms of AA is called "playing the tape to the end". Rather than giving in to the temptation of a nice buzz, you "played the tape to the end" and realized the adventure you were tempted by would not end well.
Great job.
Congrats on not caving. You just did what in the rooms of AA is called "playing the tape to the end". Rather than giving in to the temptation of a nice buzz, you "played the tape to the end" and realized the adventure you were tempted by would not end well.
Great job.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
Playing the tape through to the end is what I have to do also when hit by cravings. I have to remind myself how awful I'd feel and how ashamed and full of regret I'd be. It's just not worth it. Thanks for posting! I can never have too many reminders!
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