ruch

Hey All, my 20th day of sobriety is becoming the toughest so far. And I think it is my social anxiety that is doing me in. My last two AA meetings have been very dissapointing for me. First I went last night and sat there like a bump on a log. I didn't speak to one person during the meeting. During the midpoint coffee break, I believe I was the only person not having a conversation with someone. This morning I attempted to go to a 9am meeting and saw a bunch of people standing outside and decided to drive away. I was afraid to go because of all the peopl out there all seeming to know each other. I ended up forcing myself to go to a meeting at a local clubhouse at 10am and again sat there in my own little world. Again around me I see and hear people laughing, talking, and just having a great time. I sat there and said nothing to nobody. The meeting ended and I couldn't wait to bolt out the door.

I find myself to be emotionally parylized when I am around new groups of people. I think i may need to see a doctor and get this figured out. I don't wanna blame anybody but I am very dissapointed in the fact that nobody approached me in either situation. I'm not saying I was made to feel unwelcomed but I did feel like an outsider. I am very discouraged right now and am not looking foward to going to another meeting.

gneiss

That three week mark is when I have had the most trouble connecting with people (and it happens each time I hit that three week mark). I end up crying a lot, being really frustrated. My head's a mess, my emotions go kinda whacko around the 3-week mark, and after 2 weeks without horrible cravings, they come back right around 3 weeks. I'm a shy person by nature, I really hate approaching people, but at that 3-week point I quit trying for a few days. I go to my house, eat some chocolate, watch a depressing movie, and wait it out. After a couple days it passes and it gets a little easier to approach people again. Maybe you just need a break from people? That's what seems to work for me.

Good job on 20 days! That's wonderful. Stick with it, things get better!

Aysha

I have felt like that too at the few meetings I have been to. Either that or I get bum rushed with hugs. Which I am not comfortable with either. So its a no win for me. LOL
But I also can get like that in any situation.
As much as I talk here and stuff. I am really shy when I first meet new people and find myself feeling uncomfortable at times.
Like I dont know what to say. And its harder like you said when it seems everyone else knows each other.
I dont have any advice on the anxiety.
But just dont let it discourage you and drink. Hang in there. Maybe if you have a friend or someone you know that can go to meetings with you. Or if you know someone that does already go. Maybe that will help you some.
Hang in there.

ruch

Thanks Gneiss. I think you may have nailed it for me. I really needed that. Something I can really relate to. I almost teared up reading your post and it's my emotions. They seem to be turning on a dime. I felt them all today. Anger, insecurity, discomfort, anxiety,...I could keep naming them. It just feels good to hear someone put into words feeling some of the same things throughout their experiences.

Dee74

I sounds pretty normal to me - I was a cat on a hot tin roof.

I think speaking with a Dr might be a good idea tho - leastways it can't hurt
As for the meetings - I don't do AA so I dunno.

Are there other meetings you could try on for size, mebbe?

Congrats on the 3 weeks, Ruch
D

Dime

Hi Ruch,
Would you believe you are not the first to feel this way? Just about everyone that I have met coming to AA felt this way including me. It is hard to break the ice at first but it is so important to your recovery. If you can get a temporary Sponsor they will normally help a lot. You can also ask a member of the same sex for help. It's uncomfortable at first but before long you can also help other new people. Just being friendly, saying hello and asking them how they are doing means a lot to folks just coming in. Please keep going to meetings, it will get a lot more comfortable and is so important to a program of recovery.

Lynxster

Hey Ruch,
I can also relate to your post, I don't go to AA meetings; but I have been in many social situations where I felt like I didn't fit in. I guess in part that is also why I would drink to get rid of those inhibitions and gain self-confidence. Just keep at it, if nobody speaks to you then find someone that you think you could relate to and just introduce yourself and say "Hey I'm Ruch, I'm new here and just trying to meet some folks". Who knows, they may be feeling the same way. Good Luck, Lynx

Jrock75

Grats on 20 days sober!!!

ruch

Right Chiynita, it's the fellowship they have with each other which is a great thing. But for someone like me walking into that situation I just feel like I don't belong. The fellowship is what it is all about and right now I find it hurting me. In my messed up brain I can't imagine myself ever being in good enough to feel apart of it the way they are. I'm sure it's possible if I give it time but my brain lack patiance.

Right now I'm up in the air for tonight. I'm either gonna try a beginner meeting and hope I have some success or I may just try to foget about AA for the day and go to the movies with my wife or something. I won't drink today though. That much I can assure you.

helpup

Hey Ruch, I am some what of a social outcast myself.... I am just not a people person, however, I have been clean now for 5 yrs and it is all directly connnected to my ability to do things that I was uncomfortable doing and getting around people. You know that most things we fear turn out to be non existant anyway. It also may be that you are attending the wrong group. I would suggest to just approach people even when you are scared and try to connect with them because those good people connections are going to get you through the hard times. Sitting at home alone listening to your own mind suggesting things for you to do is probably not a good idea this early in sobriety. The most frustrating thing I am learning about being a sober healthy person is I have to do a lot of things that I don't want to do and that are uncomfortable for me...... So far nothing has killed me:ghug2

gneiss

Good attitude. I'm off to a banquet in a bit. Take care, enjoy your evening.

ruch

Don't they say that when you begin drinking you stop growing emotionally? Well I started drinking at the age of 13. And now here I am, a shy 13 year old inside the body of a 33 year old man.

Alcohol was my crutch when dealing with social situations for the past 20 years....

Aysha

Wow..Thats me too. I started when I was 12 and am now 33 too. I have heard that alot of times about not growing. I believe I am like that too.
But time can work alot of things out.
Glad your staying positive. A movie does sound like fun.

Angelic17

Ruch, 20 days sober. WOW!!!!! That is awesome. What's happening, is that your feelings are starting to come back, and your feeling it. Your at the 3 week mark, and that's where your addiction is trying to call you back. Hang in there, and if you feel out of place in an AA meeting, you at least can come here. You will get so much support here. So many people suffer with the same exact problems that you have. Some worse, and some similar. Addiction isn't something that should be done alone, even though I handled mine that way. It's wonderful to have others who know exactly how you feel, and can tell you what to expect, and when to expect relief. Hold on, your life is going to get better and better. Do your best to stay away from the poison that ruins lives. We are all here for you.

Anna

Ruch,

I got stuck at the 3-week point too. I do think it was a time for me, when the reality of my life and the messes I had made, were staring me in the face and I had no skills for coping with my emotions and with life. But, trust me, you can get through it. Just prioritize things in your life, be kind to yourself and congratulate yourself at the end of each day.

ruch

Thanks so much for the support in this thread. I felt so miserable when I posted it and now I feel so much better. I think the combo of putting my feelings into words and reading relatable posts really helped a lot. I have decided to do the meeting and the movies. Beginner meeting at 7pm and then last house on the left at 10:20. Nothing like a movie with gratuitous violence to dumb down my brain a little and make me forget about all the important stuff for a while.

Thanks agains folks.

least

My anxiety comes and goes. Sometimes I can go up to a stranger and introduce myself, other times I'm paralyzed with fear. If you could just summon up the courage to speak to one person, tell them how you feel and ask for introductions.

I also agree that professional counseling might be a good idea for helping your social anxiety. I see a counselor once a week (she's an addiction specialist) and her feedback and ideas are very helpful to me. Also I'm taking two meds for anxiety, and they're not benzos or addictive, but they help a lot most of the time. (gabapentin and buspirone)

Congrats on your sober time! It does get better.:ghug3

Dime

What the heck we all a bunch of drunks anyway. The qualifications aren't too tough and everyone there is just like us. Of course you find out later that drunks are mighty nice people when they are sober, I bet you are one too!

Lenina

Congrats on your time! SR is a wonderful place for support with great people. It helps me a lot. I know some links and recommendations for meditation CD's have been posted but I don't know how to find them to post for you.

Breathing exercises help me. Breathe a deep breathe in through your nose, hold for the count of four and then slowly blow the breathe out through the mouth. It seems to settle me down.

Love,

Lenina

TiredofTired

Oh Ruch...number 1 thank u for sharing as your post mirrors some of my experiences TRYING to do the right thing (for me) and find a meeting. I can tell you this, all meetings appear to be a little different. My Dad (30 yrs recovered) is very active with AA and I risked being disowned over the fact that I had nothing good to say about my experiences...sage advice...keep looking for a meeting that you like, that fits and I have to defer to Dad because it is true. I was so excited about finally making my decision to FINALLY quit the booze and was "chomping at the bit" to get started.
Well, there was an outdated website for meetings that of course I followed and went and there was choir practice taking place and 2 other confused AA'ers and no meeting, there was the HUGE meeting (75 + people) and no mention of Newcomers. I desparately searched for JUST a Newcomers meeting and after 30 mins. of trying to find it I said to myself "This is enough to make a person drink trying to find this darn place".
I am 17 days sober and have found a good home group, I do believe I am still one of the youngest at 47..?..good foundation, people didn't knock me over to hug me and gave me room and I shared, this coming from a girl who threatened to quit school if I had to speak in front of more than 3 people!! I also found my temporary sponsor there who is now my forever sponsor....it works!
Hang in there and keep looking...you know you never really know who has been through what, how many times someone has been to "THAT" meeting so do what you feel and just sit and listen, there are some educated folk in those rooms. Trust me you will be fine...hey, I don't drink coffee, I had 2 marks coming in...a Newcomer and don't drink coffee...I had NO props....lol! Congrats on your sobriety and keep posting with your soon to be new adventures!