yeahgr8 back at day 1
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I've already kicked off about relapse today, so I won't repeat myself too much.
Feeling guilty is useless, beating yourself up will probably kick off another round - but we can learn from these mistakes. When we drink, we're doing ourselves harm - and willingly....we need to set a spell and look at that IMO
If you think you haven't worked hard enough, you're probably right mate.
Here's hoping this was the last one
D
Feeling guilty is useless, beating yourself up will probably kick off another round - but we can learn from these mistakes. When we drink, we're doing ourselves harm - and willingly....we need to set a spell and look at that IMO
If you think you haven't worked hard enough, you're probably right mate.
Here's hoping this was the last one
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
No Bugs I did not take it like that, i was just commenting on how i've felt today. I'm back on board today no probs, feel like crap today hopefully will be able to get some sleep soon! One night on booze and today, missed cleaner, didn't do work i had to do, slept all day, eat junk, had to empty my euros bowl as i spunked all my money at the casino (need to do transfer on monday), had to listen to my exgf cry last night...jeez and that's just one night...
Thanks Dee to be honest i'm more pissed off about the casino bit than the drinking, i knew what would happen with the booze and know i need to do more work on myself...all silliness that would be understood if i was a fresh 18 year old but pretty poor performace for a 37 year old guy IMO I am choosing not to have the above in my life and willing, this time, to actually do some work i may not want to do to be able to live sober...I would be lying if i said i am not glad to have you guys posting on this thread, that feels good!
Thanks Dee to be honest i'm more pissed off about the casino bit than the drinking, i knew what would happen with the booze and know i need to do more work on myself...all silliness that would be understood if i was a fresh 18 year old but pretty poor performace for a 37 year old guy IMO I am choosing not to have the above in my life and willing, this time, to actually do some work i may not want to do to be able to live sober...I would be lying if i said i am not glad to have you guys posting on this thread, that feels good!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
I understand...been there done that.
I tell my kids...(my oldest son is 20)...that for every action there is a consequence...some good some bad. One night of drinking for you led to bad consequences...maturity and personal responsibility is a huge factor when determining what we are willing to endure. I'm glad your back on board...learn from your mistakes.
I tell my kids...(my oldest son is 20)...that for every action there is a consequence...some good some bad. One night of drinking for you led to bad consequences...maturity and personal responsibility is a huge factor when determining what we are willing to endure. I'm glad your back on board...learn from your mistakes.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Amarillo, Texas
Posts: 49
Hey man, 5 months is awesome. Don't think one night is going to change 5 months of sobriety. Yes, you have a new day one, but you have knowledge of what it is like to be sober. Keep that in mind. You seem to handle the problem well today.
I too am avoiding AA. I think it will actually put the logo "Alcoholic" on me. I'm just scared. I'll go someday.
Dave
I too am avoiding AA. I think it will actually put the logo "Alcoholic" on me. I'm just scared. I'll go someday.
Dave
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 179
yeahgr8:
What are we engaging in our important, significant, SR discussion--do you wonder?
Yeahgr8, I can see how gifted you are, especially within the site of the current economy.
Your posts prompt me to ask, how honest am I about my trip-ups.
I find your honest, blantly posts similar, yet somehow in contrast to the young man 'hawk's" posts about his painful estrangment from his fiance, it appears that his fiance demands an honesty that to which few of us can respond.
How do we, on this forum, respond to this request for honesty?
What are we engaging in our important, significant, SR discussion--do you wonder?
Yeahgr8, I can see how gifted you are, especially within the site of the current economy.
Your posts prompt me to ask, how honest am I about my trip-ups.
I find your honest, blantly posts similar, yet somehow in contrast to the young man 'hawk's" posts about his painful estrangment from his fiance, it appears that his fiance demands an honesty that to which few of us can respond.
How do we, on this forum, respond to this request for honesty?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hey yeahgr8,
Glad you made it back and are being honest about this experience. It's not fun, huh? Sometimes it seems like we just self-destruct for the hell of it, knowing full well the consequences we will face after our trip into oblivion. I wonder why we do that? Just plain crazy stuff, but then again, we're human and our brains are made up of a bunch of twisted, crunched up globs of mass, with fluids swirling through them all day, so how can you control that, lol.
Seriously, I'm proud that you are back and starting where you left off. Just learn as much as you can from your experience and keep on trucking. That's the best we can all do, one day at a time.
Glad you made it back and are being honest about this experience. It's not fun, huh? Sometimes it seems like we just self-destruct for the hell of it, knowing full well the consequences we will face after our trip into oblivion. I wonder why we do that? Just plain crazy stuff, but then again, we're human and our brains are made up of a bunch of twisted, crunched up globs of mass, with fluids swirling through them all day, so how can you control that, lol.
Seriously, I'm proud that you are back and starting where you left off. Just learn as much as you can from your experience and keep on trucking. That's the best we can all do, one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Many people go back for a quick look....
You know the score......lots dont get back...
Me........i had a few "further research episodes"....
i used to think it was cos i couldnt get "it"......fact is i hadnt had enough..
To be honest im glad you found it crap.......it means your back here where you belong....sharing your story and supporting newcomers..with us.
You reminded me of one of my relaspes.....i thought it was a great idea to go to work in la manga for 5 months on a paracending boat..
Once i got there and found scotch for 3 quid a bottle i was off again.
And very nearly didnt get back..
My advice would be get to AA and get a sponsor....but you know that.
Glad to see you back.......and god be with you.............trucker
You know the score......lots dont get back...
Me........i had a few "further research episodes"....
i used to think it was cos i couldnt get "it"......fact is i hadnt had enough..
To be honest im glad you found it crap.......it means your back here where you belong....sharing your story and supporting newcomers..with us.
You reminded me of one of my relaspes.....i thought it was a great idea to go to work in la manga for 5 months on a paracending boat..
Once i got there and found scotch for 3 quid a bottle i was off again.
And very nearly didnt get back..
My advice would be get to AA and get a sponsor....but you know that.
Glad to see you back.......and god be with you.............trucker
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Anger is a human emotion and one letter d from being harmful.
I'm not going to tell you how to do your recovery. I'd suggest, learning to channel your anger into a healthy outlet. Lift weights, go for a walk or a run. Work on any projects you've been putting off.
The fun has long left my drinking. I have no desire to go out and make myself miserable.
I'm not going to tell you how to do your recovery. I'd suggest, learning to channel your anger into a healthy outlet. Lift weights, go for a walk or a run. Work on any projects you've been putting off.
The fun has long left my drinking. I have no desire to go out and make myself miserable.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Thanks all! It is 9am here, birds are singing, sun is shining. What a difference a day makes as the song goes! Just to share 5 hours ago I was sat at the computer wondering if i would be able to sleep because i felt so shite! This morning i still have that horrible fuzzy head, stomach still a bit ergghh...but im smiling and thanking God for being sober again.
Theresa - I have to be honest and say that was over my head, and I have to be more honest with my recovery to myself. I know there are a couple of smaller (maybe the most important things?!) I haven't dealt with through counselling and actually turning up at more than one AA meeting! I'll double my efforts, make it triple this time.
Firestorm - No it was not fun. One of my bigger problems is being lonely. I don't know how to have friends etc. I have been out with people from work a couple of times and had brilliant times but they do that every week, I would actually prefer not to drink in those situations as it is more fun for me (obviously). I was bought up to believe that needing people is weak and that it was cool to be a loner. After all these years of being cliff i don't know how to be any different and, as we are starting again honestly, i believe that i don't deserve friends or gfriend as i don't like myself at all. I feel pathetic writing that but i need to talk about it at counselling on Tuesday as i know it's one of the main reasons i drank and the drinking has always ensured that i stay in the same place and am not able to move on with this at all. AA on wednesday and this time i will get involved and actually listen! It never ceases to amaze me at how much everyone else likes me and how ******* much i hate myself, i think most people that know me would be very surpised at my level of self loathing...ffs...why?! I know my Dad hardly built up my self esteem and we had not real emotion of affection in the house as a child, but i'm 37 now...jeez?!
Phal - Thanks for the good wishes
Trucker - I hear you man! AA this weds for step 1 and 2. I won't want to go and will think about not going right up till i get through the door, but i will be there and stay behind at the end for the coffee and talk about how to move forward and get on the train! I don't want to drink anymore, there is not a single drop of joy in it for me anymore and for that i feel very grateful, it just need more action on my part this time...and yeah i do know that and have done for months now:-) La Manga hehehe Yeah i always thought my move to Gibraltar was a great one, bottle of spirits 5 pounds and ciggie a pound a packet and a 3k max win gambling machine in every bar...?! Glad you made it back man!!!
Captain - No, by all means sir please feel free to tell me how to do my recovery!!! Anger is an issue that i haven't talked about, i am angry at my family and most of all myself. I want to be a person i am not at the moment and need to deal with that. Exercise you say, hmm like the psychiatrist told me 5 months ago, which lead to me purchasing a state of the art step machine which is set up downstairs in front of the telly so i can watch films whilst working out. Haven't used it once, just another example of my list of inactions that will always lead to the enevitable!
Anyways thats the state of play today, thanks to everyone who posted on this thread! Please don't misconstrue any of my words as moaning, I know I am very fortunate in a lot of things...I just want to live sober so i can ******* enjoy them all!!!!!!!!!!! So no i don't want any cheese today thanks;-)
Theresa - I have to be honest and say that was over my head, and I have to be more honest with my recovery to myself. I know there are a couple of smaller (maybe the most important things?!) I haven't dealt with through counselling and actually turning up at more than one AA meeting! I'll double my efforts, make it triple this time.
Firestorm - No it was not fun. One of my bigger problems is being lonely. I don't know how to have friends etc. I have been out with people from work a couple of times and had brilliant times but they do that every week, I would actually prefer not to drink in those situations as it is more fun for me (obviously). I was bought up to believe that needing people is weak and that it was cool to be a loner. After all these years of being cliff i don't know how to be any different and, as we are starting again honestly, i believe that i don't deserve friends or gfriend as i don't like myself at all. I feel pathetic writing that but i need to talk about it at counselling on Tuesday as i know it's one of the main reasons i drank and the drinking has always ensured that i stay in the same place and am not able to move on with this at all. AA on wednesday and this time i will get involved and actually listen! It never ceases to amaze me at how much everyone else likes me and how ******* much i hate myself, i think most people that know me would be very surpised at my level of self loathing...ffs...why?! I know my Dad hardly built up my self esteem and we had not real emotion of affection in the house as a child, but i'm 37 now...jeez?!
Phal - Thanks for the good wishes
Trucker - I hear you man! AA this weds for step 1 and 2. I won't want to go and will think about not going right up till i get through the door, but i will be there and stay behind at the end for the coffee and talk about how to move forward and get on the train! I don't want to drink anymore, there is not a single drop of joy in it for me anymore and for that i feel very grateful, it just need more action on my part this time...and yeah i do know that and have done for months now:-) La Manga hehehe Yeah i always thought my move to Gibraltar was a great one, bottle of spirits 5 pounds and ciggie a pound a packet and a 3k max win gambling machine in every bar...?! Glad you made it back man!!!
Captain - No, by all means sir please feel free to tell me how to do my recovery!!! Anger is an issue that i haven't talked about, i am angry at my family and most of all myself. I want to be a person i am not at the moment and need to deal with that. Exercise you say, hmm like the psychiatrist told me 5 months ago, which lead to me purchasing a state of the art step machine which is set up downstairs in front of the telly so i can watch films whilst working out. Haven't used it once, just another example of my list of inactions that will always lead to the enevitable!
Anyways thats the state of play today, thanks to everyone who posted on this thread! Please don't misconstrue any of my words as moaning, I know I am very fortunate in a lot of things...I just want to live sober so i can ******* enjoy them all!!!!!!!!!!! So no i don't want any cheese today thanks;-)
trying to get it right
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: globe, AZ
Posts: 243
hey yea
:ghug2i do so appreciate your honesty and i know you are right back on track now! am proud of you dear friend!!!
and the invitation still stands for lunch we are meeting next friday if all works out!!!!!
congrats on your quick recivery, u inspire me!
:ghug
and the invitation still stands for lunch we are meeting next friday if all works out!!!!!
congrats on your quick recivery, u inspire me!
:ghug
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
