yeahgr8 back at day 1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
yeahgr8 back at day 1
Went out yesterday and got pissed. Didn't try and control it just drank loads and went to casino and dropped €5k in 30 minutes so it turned out as i thought it would. Anyways felt like **** all day, been sleeping most of the day! So after 5 months sober I am at Day 1 again!
Ok this is what happened. I came off the anti depressants 3 days ago and felt pretty normal yesterday, started thinking about last year and going out drinking and felt really lonely so thought i would go out and drink. I knew i would drink as much as i could and end up going to the casino as thats what i used to do all the time. Anyways had 6 beers and then some whisky (hate whisky) and went to casino went back to bar bought some more whisky and some more beers went home and had a whisky and coke and by then was totally ****** up, so went to beddie byes!
Hmmm what have i learned from this experince? Nothing really i know if i have one drink i will drink until i have had enough, i know that i can't drink and go out with normal people as my drinking will ruin it for everyone and I know that i always head to a frigging casino at some point!
I know why i did it, I haven't done enough work to stay sober, I haven't started to do new things and haven't got down to AA. I don't know how to live normally and be happy i guess and don't know how to make new friends and wouldn't know where to start to have a normal relationship with a woman?!
I'll get my ass down AA this week, there is a meeting on Wednesday for steps 1 and 2.
So I am back at day one and happy to be really, I could see this happening so am glad it is out of the way now and I can start again, this time doing more work on my sobriety from the start:-)
Ok this is what happened. I came off the anti depressants 3 days ago and felt pretty normal yesterday, started thinking about last year and going out drinking and felt really lonely so thought i would go out and drink. I knew i would drink as much as i could and end up going to the casino as thats what i used to do all the time. Anyways had 6 beers and then some whisky (hate whisky) and went to casino went back to bar bought some more whisky and some more beers went home and had a whisky and coke and by then was totally ****** up, so went to beddie byes!
Hmmm what have i learned from this experince? Nothing really i know if i have one drink i will drink until i have had enough, i know that i can't drink and go out with normal people as my drinking will ruin it for everyone and I know that i always head to a frigging casino at some point!
I know why i did it, I haven't done enough work to stay sober, I haven't started to do new things and haven't got down to AA. I don't know how to live normally and be happy i guess and don't know how to make new friends and wouldn't know where to start to have a normal relationship with a woman?!
I'll get my ass down AA this week, there is a meeting on Wednesday for steps 1 and 2.
So I am back at day one and happy to be really, I could see this happening so am glad it is out of the way now and I can start again, this time doing more work on my sobriety from the start:-)
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 181
do you feel like you got it out of your system?
it sounds like you wanted to do a big "fk" you to yourself and everyone, and you did. did you prove your point? ready to move on?
good for you for having a plan, don't let the shame or guilt pull you back down.
it sounds like you wanted to do a big "fk" you to yourself and everyone, and you did. did you prove your point? ready to move on?
good for you for having a plan, don't let the shame or guilt pull you back down.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
No guilt or shame at all, no wish to drink today, yep i knew it was coming and yes i've proved my point to myself and am glad it happened to be able to move onwards and upwards. It was all i imagined it to be, completely unsatisfying and no joy there at all!
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I'm glad nothing horrible happened to you last night. Not sure about the amt of money you spent, but at least you weren't hurt in a car accident or worse.
Ok, so you obviously saw this relapse coming, right? And you know what you did and didn't do to prevent it. What, besides going to the meeting on Wed are you going to do to prevent this from happening again?
Are there no other meetings in your area until Wednesday? If you have to drive a ways to get there, do it! I hope you will get to one sooner. A lot can happen between now and Wed.
If you don't mind me asking, what was the reason you went off your Anti-Depressants anyway? I didn't know going only 3 days without can cause you to feel that "low" already.
Thanks for being honest about what happened. The worst thing you could have done was to hold that inside and act like everything is fine.
God Bless,
Judy
Ok, so you obviously saw this relapse coming, right? And you know what you did and didn't do to prevent it. What, besides going to the meeting on Wed are you going to do to prevent this from happening again?
Are there no other meetings in your area until Wednesday? If you have to drive a ways to get there, do it! I hope you will get to one sooner. A lot can happen between now and Wed.
If you don't mind me asking, what was the reason you went off your Anti-Depressants anyway? I didn't know going only 3 days without can cause you to feel that "low" already.
Thanks for being honest about what happened. The worst thing you could have done was to hold that inside and act like everything is fine.
God Bless,
Judy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Hey Judy
It was time to come off the anti's and i'm going to be going on concerta tomorrow i have been diagnosed with adhd. There is a lot i need to start doing and have known this...i just need to start doing all the stuff i want to do instead of hiding away all the time!
I've got lots of stuff to do to keep me busy until wednesday! Worst part of last night was ringing my exgf who i am best friends with and she was crying a lot.
Got to go to my counselor on Tuesday, she will be less than impressed!
Got that horrible hangover feeling, shaky etc...wow how the hell did i drink everyday before?!
Tell you one thing the world looks great today, I am so grateful that I don't have to struggle with doing this crap everyday anymore!
It was time to come off the anti's and i'm going to be going on concerta tomorrow i have been diagnosed with adhd. There is a lot i need to start doing and have known this...i just need to start doing all the stuff i want to do instead of hiding away all the time!
I've got lots of stuff to do to keep me busy until wednesday! Worst part of last night was ringing my exgf who i am best friends with and she was crying a lot.
Got to go to my counselor on Tuesday, she will be less than impressed!
Got that horrible hangover feeling, shaky etc...wow how the hell did i drink everyday before?!
Tell you one thing the world looks great today, I am so grateful that I don't have to struggle with doing this crap everyday anymore!
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
yeahgr8
I`m shocked to hear you drank,but I am glad you are sober and getting over it.Good to see you are planning on spending more time on your recovery.
5K in 30 minutes?
That alone would kill me I`m so tight.
a $5000 slip...
I`m shocked to hear you drank,but I am glad you are sober and getting over it.Good to see you are planning on spending more time on your recovery.
5K in 30 minutes?
That alone would kill me I`m so tight.
a $5000 slip...
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi Yeahgr,
Did you dr tell it was time to come off the anti-depressants? Just curious, because I've been taking them for almost 9 years and when I've come off them to see what would happen, all I want to do is stay in bed and pull up the covers. And, it's not the first day that I notice it either, it's usually the 3rd or 4th day. I need the medication to balance my brain chemicals.
And, I'm so glad you're back and working at recovery.
Did you dr tell it was time to come off the anti-depressants? Just curious, because I've been taking them for almost 9 years and when I've come off them to see what would happen, all I want to do is stay in bed and pull up the covers. And, it's not the first day that I notice it either, it's usually the 3rd or 4th day. I need the medication to balance my brain chemicals.
And, I'm so glad you're back and working at recovery.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Scared me when I read this, glad you're back. I'm glad you're ok, I hope you didn't do any driving while you were at it.
Good also to see that you have an action plan.. my counselor has told me and told me that complacency can really destroy sobriety, and it sounds like you found that out.
Stick with a plan, it sounds better than nothing
Good also to see that you have an action plan.. my counselor has told me and told me that complacency can really destroy sobriety, and it sounds like you found that out.
Stick with a plan, it sounds better than nothing
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
That was an expensive lesson but I too am glad you are back. You are a great asset here and I always get something from your input.
I probably shouldn't even ask this but I am curious and if you don't want to answer you can call me a banker.
It is a new trend to call people banker instead of the old British term with a W instead of a B.
Anyways what game were you playing to lose so fast. I only play poker.
I probably shouldn't even ask this but I am curious and if you don't want to answer you can call me a banker.
It is a new trend to call people banker instead of the old British term with a W instead of a B.
Anyways what game were you playing to lose so fast. I only play poker.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Careful, then, with that Concerta (methylphenidate (MPH)). That was my DOC bigtime. I didn't go through a doctor and thought I could handle it myself...
Well, the way I used it (wrongly), I ended up with a triple addiction - MPH, sleeping pills and Alcohol.
Please understand, I'm not suggesting that you will do the same as I. But, you can see that almost any Rx med can cause a bunch of problems.
Mark
Well, the way I used it (wrongly), I ended up with a triple addiction - MPH, sleeping pills and Alcohol.
Please understand, I'm not suggesting that you will do the same as I. But, you can see that almost any Rx med can cause a bunch of problems.
Mark
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Hi Anna - My doc told me to come off the anti's. I took them for five months and they really did sedate me, i was sleeping in the afternoon etc but kept me off the booze. I will talk to my counselor about this on Tuesday. I should get this blood test i have been putting off for months now as i could not be assed to go, will do that this week.
Flutter - got taxis to and from the casino, never drunk drive it's not worth the potential 10 years inside if you kill someone! You are right that complacency does destroy sobriety, i haven't been doing enough and i know it!
BB - the money i feel like a ****! I could have given that away to a charity!
Fubar - The term is merchant banker and it is cockny rhyming slang. I think i'm the merchant banker today mate lol Blackjack, I am very good at it, but just got in there and wanted to lose asap to get it over and done with...i didn't want to be there really anyway...
Cubile - a hat trick of addiction, bloody hell pls no!!! My phychiatrist prescribed it and am going to be taking it from tomorrow. I'll keep a careful eye on it and see how it affects me, thanks a lot for the heads up. If it is ok i might pm you and tell you how i feel after a week, see if you can identify any potential problems through your experiences!
Just got off the phone with my exgf, her uncle is in hospital with cancer, has been given 3 months to live. I tell you one thing, even before that phone call, I don't feel sorry for myself one bit this time or depressed at all. So much living to be done, i'm just grateful to be sober today, on SR, watching south park and about to cook some chicken pasta yum!
Flutter - got taxis to and from the casino, never drunk drive it's not worth the potential 10 years inside if you kill someone! You are right that complacency does destroy sobriety, i haven't been doing enough and i know it!
BB - the money i feel like a ****! I could have given that away to a charity!
Fubar - The term is merchant banker and it is cockny rhyming slang. I think i'm the merchant banker today mate lol Blackjack, I am very good at it, but just got in there and wanted to lose asap to get it over and done with...i didn't want to be there really anyway...
Cubile - a hat trick of addiction, bloody hell pls no!!! My phychiatrist prescribed it and am going to be taking it from tomorrow. I'll keep a careful eye on it and see how it affects me, thanks a lot for the heads up. If it is ok i might pm you and tell you how i feel after a week, see if you can identify any potential problems through your experiences!
Just got off the phone with my exgf, her uncle is in hospital with cancer, has been given 3 months to live. I tell you one thing, even before that phone call, I don't feel sorry for myself one bit this time or depressed at all. So much living to be done, i'm just grateful to be sober today, on SR, watching south park and about to cook some chicken pasta yum!
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: london
Posts: 35
powerful disease
so sorry to hear about your relapse yeahg8t. it must have been tough sharing it, but so nice to know that you felt you could share it with friends on sr. my first day after a relapse i posted on sr for the first time, i was so low and remorseful , but you wrote me such a lovely encouraging post, i got so much comfort from what you wrote, you gave me the strength to put down a drink and give sobreity my best shot, i will never forget that. just remember how many people you have helped. today is day 40 for me , and i am struggling at the moment. it is a powerful disease isnt it? but iam going to try to be strong. well done for putting that drink down when you did. you could have carried on and on, but you have made it back . time flies quick, tomorrow will be day two already!! never give up, god bless x
Living in sobriety
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,870
Hmmm what have i learned from this experince? Nothing really i know if i have one drink i will drink until i have had enough, i know that i can't drink and go out with normal people as my drinking will ruin it for everyone and I know that i always head to a frigging casino at some point!
Im sorry you had to test your life again like that and glad your willing to look at your recovery though/ I wish you well.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Nelco I am keeping upbeat, any alcoholic will know how i feel really. It is a matter of fact though what happens when i take a drink and i do know that! I don't know why i decided to have the first beer yesterday, i guess i was trying to see if i knew what would happen would actually happen and it did.
To be honest i could spout a load of crap about yesterday and analyse why and wherefore but the fact is im an alcoholic that has no control over drinking and i need to do more work on my sobriety.
Is there really anything to learn from yesterday other than i have not worked hard enough to be really sober and stay sober? Am i supposed to feel guilty and remourceful and regret it, what happens if i don't feel like that? All i know is that i did not enjoy even one minute of yesterday after the first beer, it was shite!!!
To be honest i could spout a load of crap about yesterday and analyse why and wherefore but the fact is im an alcoholic that has no control over drinking and i need to do more work on my sobriety.
Is there really anything to learn from yesterday other than i have not worked hard enough to be really sober and stay sober? Am i supposed to feel guilty and remourceful and regret it, what happens if i don't feel like that? All i know is that i did not enjoy even one minute of yesterday after the first beer, it was shite!!!
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
yeahgr8...
I took the MPH for years for what I thought (and probably is/was...) ADD... I believe that for many of those years, before I got into the abusive/dependent use of pills/alcohol, that MPH was of some benefit. I believe absolutely that MPH is safe and effective for ADD when used correctly...
But I also believe that it is one of the more addictive substances on the planet. In the US it is a schedule C-II drug, the most stringently controlled class of meds that can be prescribed by most physicians. I also believe that potential side effects... nervousness, insomnia, etc... leave adults at risk for abusing alcohol and other pills. It did me. I was in my 30's when I started them.
You are doing things right by going through a specialist and your use will be monitored. If ADD is an issue for you, by all means explore all treatment options. Please don't think I'm critical of anyone who uses MPH for ADD, I just wish I hadn't abused it.
I will be more than happy to hear from you by PM or here on the boards, it will help me in my recovery to discuss my experiences...
Let us know how you are doing!
Mark
I took the MPH for years for what I thought (and probably is/was...) ADD... I believe that for many of those years, before I got into the abusive/dependent use of pills/alcohol, that MPH was of some benefit. I believe absolutely that MPH is safe and effective for ADD when used correctly...
But I also believe that it is one of the more addictive substances on the planet. In the US it is a schedule C-II drug, the most stringently controlled class of meds that can be prescribed by most physicians. I also believe that potential side effects... nervousness, insomnia, etc... leave adults at risk for abusing alcohol and other pills. It did me. I was in my 30's when I started them.
You are doing things right by going through a specialist and your use will be monitored. If ADD is an issue for you, by all means explore all treatment options. Please don't think I'm critical of anyone who uses MPH for ADD, I just wish I hadn't abused it.
I will be more than happy to hear from you by PM or here on the boards, it will help me in my recovery to discuss my experiences...
Let us know how you are doing!
Mark
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Hmmm Bugs i really haven't looked at it that way, what a great post! Well i have only said i can't believe it what a ******* **** 100 times today so at least im not beating myself up over it...but seriously what a ******* ****!!!!
Good to be back and on Day 2 lol
Good to be back and on Day 2 lol
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