Think I made a major mistake in coming to this rehab
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
As always great post mle...Perfect.
The faster I got out of my own way the faster I got the help I needed.
I see alot of me in you too katie.
Thats why I am so stuck on seeing you make it. And why I can not let this go.
Its easy for me or anyone to say I am done with it. But I have been exactly where you are. And I know all that finding excuses to not do what I need to do stuff. Like said..If you look ..you are goin to find a million and one ways to avoid this.
Your there. Just do it and get it over with. Pay attention to what they are trying to teach you.
I hope you come back and tell us what it is you have learned there and not what it is that is bothering you.
Your there for a reason. Make use of it.
There are ways of dealing with whats bothering you. Its petty really and fixable in all reality.
I just know if you keep an open mind and focus on why your there and not things that have nothing to do with why your there. Your goin to make progress. And it will be a good experience.
I hope you decide to stay and hopefully get alot out of it.
You have won half the battle by just getting there. Dont flake ...Take it all the way.
Good luck katie. I will be thinking of you and hoping you make the right choice.
The faster I got out of my own way the faster I got the help I needed.
I see alot of me in you too katie.
Thats why I am so stuck on seeing you make it. And why I can not let this go.
Its easy for me or anyone to say I am done with it. But I have been exactly where you are. And I know all that finding excuses to not do what I need to do stuff. Like said..If you look ..you are goin to find a million and one ways to avoid this.
Your there. Just do it and get it over with. Pay attention to what they are trying to teach you.
I hope you come back and tell us what it is you have learned there and not what it is that is bothering you.
Your there for a reason. Make use of it.
There are ways of dealing with whats bothering you. Its petty really and fixable in all reality.
I just know if you keep an open mind and focus on why your there and not things that have nothing to do with why your there. Your goin to make progress. And it will be a good experience.
I hope you decide to stay and hopefully get alot out of it.
You have won half the battle by just getting there. Dont flake ...Take it all the way.
Good luck katie. I will be thinking of you and hoping you make the right choice.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,141
Thanks all. Even though I think there are some points that are not valid and don't apply to me, it's all ok. Right now, if it weren't for y'all and this cell phone I think I'd be in the psych ward.
I CAN'T leave, even if I want to, because I can't drive home. Unless you have this driving thing, just like unless you have an addiction, you can't really get how crippling it is. So I have no choice but to stay, as I have to be in some sort of shape to make the trip, if I can at all.
I am not making excuses to not want to recover, for any of you who think I am. In the mental shape I'm in, I have no choice. For no other reason, the phobias are just getting worse. I cancelled on today's museum trip, as I don't want to be somewhere where I can't get to a hospital easily, plus my friend forgot his things/I forgot to give him this things and is making the three hour drive down here on these maddening freeways just to get his things. I want to be here to at least hand him his things, if they'll allow that.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I CAN'T leave, even if I want to, because I can't drive home. Unless you have this driving thing, just like unless you have an addiction, you can't really get how crippling it is. So I have no choice but to stay, as I have to be in some sort of shape to make the trip, if I can at all.
I am not making excuses to not want to recover, for any of you who think I am. In the mental shape I'm in, I have no choice. For no other reason, the phobias are just getting worse. I cancelled on today's museum trip, as I don't want to be somewhere where I can't get to a hospital easily, plus my friend forgot his things/I forgot to give him this things and is making the three hour drive down here on these maddening freeways just to get his things. I want to be here to at least hand him his things, if they'll allow that.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I'm just a girl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by Katie09 
I CAN'T leave, even if I want to, because I can't drive home. Unless you have this driving thing, just like unless you have an addiction, you can't really get how crippling it is. So I have no choice but to stay, as I have to be in some sort of shape to make the trip, if I can at all.
.
.
Knucklehead
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
Katie, just try to relax. Where I went to treatment costed less for the entire 21 days than your down payment for this one, so you can imagine what amenities were offered, lol. Look, I assume you're going through w/d, so probably nothing is going to seem/feel right. Just try to be as rational as possible, let them know of your concerns, but try not to freak out. Deep breaths... 
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Katie,
I just wanted to tell you that I wish you the very best. I really hope you stay and find recovery.
All I can say is that I wish you willingness. When I was indeed done, I was willing to do WHATEVER it took to get and stay sober. And I DO mean whatever. If someone told me that I had to stand on my head for 5 hours I would have done that. There are so many people (some on this board) that wish they could attend an inpatient rehab, but alas not everyone has that opportunity.
So please take a minute to stop, breathe, be grateful and think about what this really means. If you want recovery, please do not waste this opportunity! You never know if this might be your last, ya know?
I just wanted to tell you that I wish you the very best. I really hope you stay and find recovery.
All I can say is that I wish you willingness. When I was indeed done, I was willing to do WHATEVER it took to get and stay sober. And I DO mean whatever. If someone told me that I had to stand on my head for 5 hours I would have done that. There are so many people (some on this board) that wish they could attend an inpatient rehab, but alas not everyone has that opportunity.
So please take a minute to stop, breathe, be grateful and think about what this really means. If you want recovery, please do not waste this opportunity! You never know if this might be your last, ya know?
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
I know it may not seem like it now, but it is a blessing that you can't drive and leave treatment. This is what you wanted and really need to do. In a few days, hopefully, things will settle down and you can focus on why you are there. I can relate to your anxiety. I suffered with debilitating anxiety throughout my drinking years. Once I quit drinking and worked on my issues, it has left me, totally. There is hope. Try to hang in there and soon treatment will get to the core of recovery.
I understand your concerns about your pets. I think it was a good idea to put a sign on your door. Is there a pool close by where the animals can get to??? If not, then one less worry.
I've never heard of a treatment center that has field trips to the museum. It sounds lovely, but I'm not quite sure what that has to do with getting sober. I do enjoy the museum, but didn't have much use for it when I was drinking. I'm really not trying to nit pick, but I really want to see you become successful with your recovery.
It will be difficult in the beginning. That is to be expected. Patience is a virtue, but try to find some. I know it is hard. Try to keep and open mind and hopefully, you can soon get any concerns taken care of. Remember, there are other patients who need to be attended to as well.
Deep breaths and think things through to the end. Every meaningful journey is difficult. It is the process of coming full circle that will make it worth your while. Getting sober and staying sober was one of the most difficult things I have ever accomplished. It isn't easy, but it was worth every bit of the pain. Today, I'm not filled with pain, guilt, fear and shame. You can achieve this, Katie. Just stay focused. It will be alright.
I understand your concerns about your pets. I think it was a good idea to put a sign on your door. Is there a pool close by where the animals can get to??? If not, then one less worry.
I've never heard of a treatment center that has field trips to the museum. It sounds lovely, but I'm not quite sure what that has to do with getting sober. I do enjoy the museum, but didn't have much use for it when I was drinking. I'm really not trying to nit pick, but I really want to see you become successful with your recovery.
It will be difficult in the beginning. That is to be expected. Patience is a virtue, but try to find some. I know it is hard. Try to keep and open mind and hopefully, you can soon get any concerns taken care of. Remember, there are other patients who need to be attended to as well.
Deep breaths and think things through to the end. Every meaningful journey is difficult. It is the process of coming full circle that will make it worth your while. Getting sober and staying sober was one of the most difficult things I have ever accomplished. It isn't easy, but it was worth every bit of the pain. Today, I'm not filled with pain, guilt, fear and shame. You can achieve this, Katie. Just stay focused. It will be alright.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I'm glad you got there Katie and have stayed so far.
First, with the puppies, maybe it would be best for them to be boarded somewhere, even if for the first week or so while you get settled. Three puppies is enough to keep anyone jumping and right now, you don't need the distractions. After that, perhaps a large cage, as someone suggested, to keep them in while you are in Programming would be best. They would be safe in there and you wouldn't have to worry. As many have said, your only priority right now should be your Recovery. I'm sure you are still going through withdrawals aren't you? Any little thing is going to set you off, trust me. I remember wanting to bail because I couldn't get any ketchup on my tray one day! Give it time Hon!
I'm still rather baffled that you were allowed to bring your dogs, have an in room tv, a cell phone, a Museum Trip? I'm not knocking where you are, I guess I have always had to go to the treatment centers that were state funded since I was unable to afford a private treatment center. I don't think anything like that is available in Ohio. I had to take whatever I could get.
I was in a behavior modification program that lasted anywhere from 9 months to a year. I had a 8 year old son at home and a husband of about 2 years. But I had decided that I wanted to live and by going in there, this was the only way. We had to get up at 5:00 am, had exactly 45 minutes to get showered, dressed, room perfect (military fashion) We were allowed no make up, no hairspray,no curling irons, no blow dryers, no jewelry. I thought this was the most ridicilous thing I had ever heard of. But now I know, they wanted us to focus on our Recovery, not our outside appearance which many of us hid behind for years. I always had my makeup perfect, every hair in place and all my bling on - all to hide just how unhappy and ugly I felt on the inside. I hid behind that mask.
There was a small group of residents, maybe 12 when they were at maximum capacity. We had to do all the cooking for every meal, had a half hour to eat, and another half hour to have everything put away. If a water spot was seen in a sink we got a low, which was demerit. Three lows and we had consequences. The first several days I thought I would collapse. We were in programming until 10:00pm. TV's were allowed only on the weekend for maybe an hour or two and our shows were chosen for us on the one tv in the common room. We had to earn a phone call, and this was after about a week or so, and it was at a 10 minute, public pay phone out in the common room.
I was able to bring 2 pictures, no bigger than 4 x 6 with me when I went. The rest I had to earn. Incoming and outgoing mail had to be a privlidge that was earned as well. I still have to laugh at myself, the day I went there, I had brought a case of Diet Pepsi with me and asked where the frig was to put it in. I soon learned that I could earn a can of pop on Sat night IF I wasn't late for any groups all week.
Katie, I could go on and on but looking back, I wish I could have completed this Program. I was there for about 4 1/2 months when I had a series of mini strokes and the Program Directors didn't want to be liable for me coming back from the hospital and something possibly happening. At the time I could not understand what all of these crazy things had to do with keeping me off drugs and alcohol. I was taught how to change my behaviors, my reactions to situations. I had to learn that I was responsible for my actions and if I neglected what I was supposed to be doing, there were consequences. I learned that if someone did or said something I didn't like, I had to learn how to deal with it in other ways besides getting drunk or high. I learned to appreciate the simple things like a can of pop that we all take for granted. I also realized that my outer appearance was not as important as what was on the inside. I knew I couldn't hide behind that mask of "everything is perfect" anymore.
There were many painful groups and individual sessions I went through but I had to face my past in order to let it go. Katie, if you stay there and get everything out of treatment that they have to offer, I image you won't have the images of the puppy drowning haunting you ever again. Kinda along the lines of the Let Go & Let God. When you lay your head on your pillow tonight, be grateful that you are there and not at home drunk and in misery. You have your beloved puppies with you to comfort you. Ok, if you go without a good night's sleep for a few days, you will get used to the noises around you. Hell, when I was in prison, I was in a dorm room one time for 5 months with over 120 other women! Imagine the noise there! I got used to is, I learned to sleep and you will too. Tomorrow morning, again, be grateful that you woke up clean and sober, your puppies right there, not possibly running around out in traffic as they very well could have been if you were at home and had gotten drunk the night before. Just tell yourself that you will stay, get everything out of it until lunch. After lunch, stay til dinner . . . And find that gratitude all over again at night when you lay your head on your pillow.
I will end this here, (I'm sorry I get so wordy, I just want so bad for Katie to find the peace inside that I have found in my Recovery) Katie, there is one final thing I wanted to add. I know each time I went into treatment and the rules were given to me, many times I would ask, "Why?" Sweety, don't ask why, just go with it.
Keep us updated on the positive things you have learned there and try not to focus on the negative.
Hugs & Prayers,
Judy
First, with the puppies, maybe it would be best for them to be boarded somewhere, even if for the first week or so while you get settled. Three puppies is enough to keep anyone jumping and right now, you don't need the distractions. After that, perhaps a large cage, as someone suggested, to keep them in while you are in Programming would be best. They would be safe in there and you wouldn't have to worry. As many have said, your only priority right now should be your Recovery. I'm sure you are still going through withdrawals aren't you? Any little thing is going to set you off, trust me. I remember wanting to bail because I couldn't get any ketchup on my tray one day! Give it time Hon!
I'm still rather baffled that you were allowed to bring your dogs, have an in room tv, a cell phone, a Museum Trip? I'm not knocking where you are, I guess I have always had to go to the treatment centers that were state funded since I was unable to afford a private treatment center. I don't think anything like that is available in Ohio. I had to take whatever I could get.
I was in a behavior modification program that lasted anywhere from 9 months to a year. I had a 8 year old son at home and a husband of about 2 years. But I had decided that I wanted to live and by going in there, this was the only way. We had to get up at 5:00 am, had exactly 45 minutes to get showered, dressed, room perfect (military fashion) We were allowed no make up, no hairspray,no curling irons, no blow dryers, no jewelry. I thought this was the most ridicilous thing I had ever heard of. But now I know, they wanted us to focus on our Recovery, not our outside appearance which many of us hid behind for years. I always had my makeup perfect, every hair in place and all my bling on - all to hide just how unhappy and ugly I felt on the inside. I hid behind that mask.
There was a small group of residents, maybe 12 when they were at maximum capacity. We had to do all the cooking for every meal, had a half hour to eat, and another half hour to have everything put away. If a water spot was seen in a sink we got a low, which was demerit. Three lows and we had consequences. The first several days I thought I would collapse. We were in programming until 10:00pm. TV's were allowed only on the weekend for maybe an hour or two and our shows were chosen for us on the one tv in the common room. We had to earn a phone call, and this was after about a week or so, and it was at a 10 minute, public pay phone out in the common room.
I was able to bring 2 pictures, no bigger than 4 x 6 with me when I went. The rest I had to earn. Incoming and outgoing mail had to be a privlidge that was earned as well. I still have to laugh at myself, the day I went there, I had brought a case of Diet Pepsi with me and asked where the frig was to put it in. I soon learned that I could earn a can of pop on Sat night IF I wasn't late for any groups all week.
Katie, I could go on and on but looking back, I wish I could have completed this Program. I was there for about 4 1/2 months when I had a series of mini strokes and the Program Directors didn't want to be liable for me coming back from the hospital and something possibly happening. At the time I could not understand what all of these crazy things had to do with keeping me off drugs and alcohol. I was taught how to change my behaviors, my reactions to situations. I had to learn that I was responsible for my actions and if I neglected what I was supposed to be doing, there were consequences. I learned that if someone did or said something I didn't like, I had to learn how to deal with it in other ways besides getting drunk or high. I learned to appreciate the simple things like a can of pop that we all take for granted. I also realized that my outer appearance was not as important as what was on the inside. I knew I couldn't hide behind that mask of "everything is perfect" anymore.
There were many painful groups and individual sessions I went through but I had to face my past in order to let it go. Katie, if you stay there and get everything out of treatment that they have to offer, I image you won't have the images of the puppy drowning haunting you ever again. Kinda along the lines of the Let Go & Let God. When you lay your head on your pillow tonight, be grateful that you are there and not at home drunk and in misery. You have your beloved puppies with you to comfort you. Ok, if you go without a good night's sleep for a few days, you will get used to the noises around you. Hell, when I was in prison, I was in a dorm room one time for 5 months with over 120 other women! Imagine the noise there! I got used to is, I learned to sleep and you will too. Tomorrow morning, again, be grateful that you woke up clean and sober, your puppies right there, not possibly running around out in traffic as they very well could have been if you were at home and had gotten drunk the night before. Just tell yourself that you will stay, get everything out of it until lunch. After lunch, stay til dinner . . . And find that gratitude all over again at night when you lay your head on your pillow.
I will end this here, (I'm sorry I get so wordy, I just want so bad for Katie to find the peace inside that I have found in my Recovery) Katie, there is one final thing I wanted to add. I know each time I went into treatment and the rules were given to me, many times I would ask, "Why?" Sweety, don't ask why, just go with it.
Keep us updated on the positive things you have learned there and try not to focus on the negative.
Hugs & Prayers,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 49
Hi Katie..this is my first day of recovery (again) and I do understand your fear. I am alot like you and the worrying. I have a 13 year old dog that I have had since birth and am faced with possibly having to move to a sober living home that does not take pets and that terrifies me and how would I deal with it, drink and drink some more, avoiding the inevitable but you know what it doesn't go away but I truly believe that things are going to be what they are good or bad drunk or sober. I KNOW that by being sober will be the first part of managing your life again. I truly wish you luck and from one "worrywart" to another.....we have made the first step and I do know that it really works if we do the work!
trying to get it right
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: globe, AZ
Posts: 243
katie
i am with you here! you are in the right place, you have your puter and your animals!!!!!! what an awesome rehab! it is hard i know, i always felt "confined" and had to struggle w/that issuse?
but then my folks were both sent to the nursing home? wow how confined can that get? my parents never drank! my dad handled the home fine, my mother kept running away? what was she running from? herself mainly
think about it katie, we run from our true self! our true self is living, learning, sobriety, and becoming our sober self! i was afraid of my sober self!
i have learned that nothing is more important then me being sober! for my kids, all grown, for my cat, who loves me and for my dog!
i love animals, BUT am i good to them when i drink?? NO........
you can do this katie, i have faith in you! hang in there and love your animals, as they will give you comfort and love!!
i wish you the best katie, love and prayers!
:praying
but then my folks were both sent to the nursing home? wow how confined can that get? my parents never drank! my dad handled the home fine, my mother kept running away? what was she running from? herself mainly
think about it katie, we run from our true self! our true self is living, learning, sobriety, and becoming our sober self! i was afraid of my sober self!
i have learned that nothing is more important then me being sober! for my kids, all grown, for my cat, who loves me and for my dog!
i love animals, BUT am i good to them when i drink?? NO........
you can do this katie, i have faith in you! hang in there and love your animals, as they will give you comfort and love!!
i wish you the best katie, love and prayers!
:praying
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
Originally Posted by Katie09
plus my friend forgot his things/I forgot to give him this things and is making the three hour drive down here on these maddening freeways just to get his things. I want to be here to at least hand him his things, if they'll allow that.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Your above quoted comment concerns me a lot. What type of rehab is it where your friend was allowed to leave some things there? He wouldn't be bringing you in any...ahem...contraband???? Would he?
I am only asking because isn't this the same "friend" who came to drive you to rehab but ended up drinking with you first???
I've just never heard of a rehab where you are allowed visitors in the first week, let alone one where people who are not patients can exchange or pick up or leave property with patients. This doesn't seem safe for the other patients. We are our own worst enemies as addicts and our disease will find any loophole in the rules when we are in withdrawal to cheat and get our drugs, including alcohol.
I urge you to take this opportunity seriously. I never got a chance to go inpatient. I never even got to take a day off of work for recovery. I am a single mom and I have to work about 55 hours a week just to support my son (in highschool) and to keep my daughter in college. I would have given anything for the oldest of rehabs. Or just the time off to go to meetings every day. I am staying clean and working on recovery while still doing my very demanding life.
I don't tell you all that to make you feel sorry for me. I just want you to look outside of yourself for a second and consider how you are thinking of wasting a precious chance that Chiynita and I would both give our left butt cheek for. Or whatever.
Pets are important. We all love our pets. But you must put your recovery first, or you will lose everything you put above it, including the puppies. And your computer, and home...everything. If we keep using, our bottom gets worse...we keep digging. My dear, addiction unchecked has only three destinations: jails, institutions, or death. Puppies aren't allowed in any of those three places...
Love,
KJ
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
I guess if you want it bad enough....NOTHING will stop you getting sober..
You have...imo got some very level headed advice here..these are people that had enough and i guess went to ANY lengths to get sober..
I have picked up a few alcoholics to take to treatment...over the years...and i always heard similar stuff like this.....what about...what if...how can i go if...but i haven't canceled the..blah.blah.
Not drinking suddenly becomes a reality and they are full of fear and apprehension........it means reality is around the corner....frightening stuff.
The denial dial is generally set to max......."maybe i should give up my place for someone that needs it."......
You and your alcoholism are cornered katie......its crunch time..
its OK to say your frightened katie......i would be......
BUT lets have a little reality check here........for me as well as you..
One of my dearest mates.....tony....ex policeman.......lovely daughters and more grandkids than anyone i know...........
Watched him slowly die with multiple organ failure......his stomach blew up like a balloon.....
He didn't die a nice pretty death.........he died in pain and alone...
Alcoholism....played its ultimate goal.........death..
Thats it....there ain't no nice outcome with this....
Open your arms and embrace this chance......and do anything to get sober.
I'm gonna pray for you.........because lots of good people did for me when i got very close to joining tony...
trucker
You have...imo got some very level headed advice here..these are people that had enough and i guess went to ANY lengths to get sober..
I have picked up a few alcoholics to take to treatment...over the years...and i always heard similar stuff like this.....what about...what if...how can i go if...but i haven't canceled the..blah.blah.
Not drinking suddenly becomes a reality and they are full of fear and apprehension........it means reality is around the corner....frightening stuff.
The denial dial is generally set to max......."maybe i should give up my place for someone that needs it."......
You and your alcoholism are cornered katie......its crunch time..
its OK to say your frightened katie......i would be......
BUT lets have a little reality check here........for me as well as you..
One of my dearest mates.....tony....ex policeman.......lovely daughters and more grandkids than anyone i know...........
Watched him slowly die with multiple organ failure......his stomach blew up like a balloon.....
He didn't die a nice pretty death.........he died in pain and alone...
Alcoholism....played its ultimate goal.........death..
Thats it....there ain't no nice outcome with this....
Open your arms and embrace this chance......and do anything to get sober.
I'm gonna pray for you.........because lots of good people did for me when i got very close to joining tony...
trucker
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,141
What wonderful replies. Thank you. I will be staying in order to get my head on straight. Don't really have a choice in the matter. The staff are all very nice here. It's great I have my computer and pups and phone. The girls here have been very nice, but I must admit I am so used to being alone I worry about boundaries. Wow, imagine if I had to room with someone. I guess that is something to work on. Plus, I am such an internet junkie it's pathetic.
I've had to quit smoking today too and put on the patch. I can't pick up a glass of wine to breathe - or it would be a very expensive glass of wine. Don't really want to go to the ER either and possibly die. I've always relied on wine when my asthma got out of control. My one ace-in-the-hole that has allowed me to continue with my smoking addiction is gone. The two go so hand in hand.
I don't know if I mentioned this before, as I am so dang tired, but "the girls" as I call them will always be supervised by me when someone is here. I've resorted to keeping their leashes on them in the apt, just in case. Cat has been hiding in the cupboard non-stop, which I guess is quite normal. Anyway, blah blah blah.
I want to read through this thread again, as there are so many wonderful replies. As always, thanks. :ghug
I've had to quit smoking today too and put on the patch. I can't pick up a glass of wine to breathe - or it would be a very expensive glass of wine. Don't really want to go to the ER either and possibly die. I've always relied on wine when my asthma got out of control. My one ace-in-the-hole that has allowed me to continue with my smoking addiction is gone. The two go so hand in hand.
I don't know if I mentioned this before, as I am so dang tired, but "the girls" as I call them will always be supervised by me when someone is here. I've resorted to keeping their leashes on them in the apt, just in case. Cat has been hiding in the cupboard non-stop, which I guess is quite normal. Anyway, blah blah blah.
I want to read through this thread again, as there are so many wonderful replies. As always, thanks. :ghug
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,141
Originally Posted by firestorm090
Hey Katie,
I realise that you're putting a lot of money out here, so it is important to try to ensure that you recieve the best treatment available for your problem. You've only been there a short time, so I know this is a difficult question, but do they have the necessary resources to help you get on track with your life? I'm sure there are drawbacks to any recovery facility, however, is it possible for you to utilize this place as a starting point toward a new life? It's the quality of support, guidance, and coping tools they provide that should be the barometer of whether or not you should stay there. are there any people there with whom you build friendships to help you through this experience and support you while you are there? Before you leave, at least strongly consider these significant aspects of their program, because it really is about your life, not just the money.
I realise that you're putting a lot of money out here, so it is important to try to ensure that you recieve the best treatment available for your problem. You've only been there a short time, so I know this is a difficult question, but do they have the necessary resources to help you get on track with your life? I'm sure there are drawbacks to any recovery facility, however, is it possible for you to utilize this place as a starting point toward a new life? It's the quality of support, guidance, and coping tools they provide that should be the barometer of whether or not you should stay there. are there any people there with whom you build friendships to help you through this experience and support you while you are there? Before you leave, at least strongly consider these significant aspects of their program, because it really is about your life, not just the money.
I am here for dual diagnosis and to stop drinking completely (as hard as that is for me to envision). I just hope they will bring me to some SMART or LifeRing meetings. Not even sure they exist here. Was told yes, but maybe no. I have no idea where I even am and no concept of how far these meetings might be, so I guess I'll have to research this. Thanks for your post.
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
We are rooting for you, Katie. We really are. However, I know how damn conniving and deceiving alcoholism is. I remember how well it would trick me into doing the exact opposite of what I wanted or needed to do. Alcoholism does not have your or my best interest in mind. Luckily, we do, even though we may sound a bit harsh at times. I remember hating what I needed to hear, but I needed to hear it. You are where you need to be. You are safe and you are working toward sobriety. Hey, the plan is in play and now it is time to make the best of it. You can do this. Haha....easy for me to say, huh? Seriously, I wish you well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,141
Originally Posted by kj3880
Katie, I don't really know you, but I read all your threads. You are a very interesting woman. I admire the fact that despite people really laying the tough love on you, you keep coming back. You must know that need the company and honesty of other addicts at some level.
Your above quoted comment concerns me a lot. What type of rehab is it where your friend was allowed to leave some things there? He wouldn't be bringing you in any...ahem...contraband???? Would he?
I am only asking because isn't this the same "friend" who came to drive you to rehab but ended up drinking with you first???
I've just never heard of a rehab where you are allowed visitors in the first week, let alone one where people who are not patients can exchange or pick up or leave property with patients. This doesn't seem safe for the other patients. We are our own worst enemies as addicts and our disease will find any loophole in the rules when we are in withdrawal to cheat and get our drugs, including alcohol.
I urge you to take this opportunity seriously. I never got a chance to go inpatient. I never even got to take a day off of work for recovery. I am a single mom and I have to work about 55 hours a week just to support my son (in highschool) and to keep my daughter in college. I would have given anything for the oldest of rehabs. Or just the time off to go to meetings every day. I am staying clean and working on recovery while still doing my very demanding life.
I don't tell you all that to make you feel sorry for me. I just want you to look outside of yourself for a second and consider how you are thinking of wasting a precious chance that Chiynita and I would both give our left butt cheek for. Or whatever.
Pets are important. We all love our pets. But you must put your recovery first, or you will lose everything you put above it, including the puppies. And your computer, and home...everything. If we keep using, our bottom gets worse...we keep digging. My dear, addiction unchecked has only three destinations: jails, institutions, or death. Puppies aren't allowed in any of those three places...
Love,
KJ
Your above quoted comment concerns me a lot. What type of rehab is it where your friend was allowed to leave some things there? He wouldn't be bringing you in any...ahem...contraband???? Would he?
I am only asking because isn't this the same "friend" who came to drive you to rehab but ended up drinking with you first???
I've just never heard of a rehab where you are allowed visitors in the first week, let alone one where people who are not patients can exchange or pick up or leave property with patients. This doesn't seem safe for the other patients. We are our own worst enemies as addicts and our disease will find any loophole in the rules when we are in withdrawal to cheat and get our drugs, including alcohol.
I urge you to take this opportunity seriously. I never got a chance to go inpatient. I never even got to take a day off of work for recovery. I am a single mom and I have to work about 55 hours a week just to support my son (in highschool) and to keep my daughter in college. I would have given anything for the oldest of rehabs. Or just the time off to go to meetings every day. I am staying clean and working on recovery while still doing my very demanding life.
I don't tell you all that to make you feel sorry for me. I just want you to look outside of yourself for a second and consider how you are thinking of wasting a precious chance that Chiynita and I would both give our left butt cheek for. Or whatever.
Pets are important. We all love our pets. But you must put your recovery first, or you will lose everything you put above it, including the puppies. And your computer, and home...everything. If we keep using, our bottom gets worse...we keep digging. My dear, addiction unchecked has only three destinations: jails, institutions, or death. Puppies aren't allowed in any of those three places...
Love,
KJ
Thanks for the compliment too. At times it sure doesn't feel like tough love, but I do realize that a lot of folks view this "condition," as I call it from a certain perspective and that is ok. I just view it from another perspective.
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
Just remember, Katie, no matter what perspective you view our "condition" from, it doesn't matter, it will kill us all dead just the same. We shouldn't get hung up on the view. More importantly, we should be reminded what the result of the view can be. Be it good or bad.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Katie,
Are you an alcoholic? I am sorry but now I am confused. I have posted on your threads believing that I was doing my best to share my experience, strength and hope with another alcoholic. But from your last couple of posts, now I am not sure if you believe that you are an alcoholic? Is this an alcohol rehab or something else?
Are you an alcoholic? I am sorry but now I am confused. I have posted on your threads believing that I was doing my best to share my experience, strength and hope with another alcoholic. But from your last couple of posts, now I am not sure if you believe that you are an alcoholic? Is this an alcohol rehab or something else?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hi again Katie,
I don't know how old you are, but that is really immaterial as far as where you are right now. The reason I mention age is because I will turn fifty next week, on the 19th of March. I wish it were possible for me to truly express just how much damage my use of alcohol has caused over the last thirty years, but the words that would describe the devastation elude me now. I wish I had been able to stop thirty years or more ago. I've lost so much, have caused so much pain to my loved ones, and am still torn apart over losing my wife almost ten years ago because of my alcoholism. My ex wife was and is a beautiful lady, and she made my life seem worth living. Of all the many things I've lost due to my alcoholism, the loss of my wife is the most devastating thing I could possibly imagine, yet it happened to me. I could not be the man she wanted, even though the potential was there, because alcohol ruled my life in every respect. The stories I could tell you would undoubtedly bring tears to your eyes, because they do mine, and I don't cry, because I was taught that men don't cry. The truth is, whenever I think of her, it is damn hard not to tear up, so I've literally spent years trying to drink her memory away. It doesn't work, nor does it ease my pain. The horrid memories of my neglect and abuse of her love and kindness haunt me to this day. I abandoned her, while she never abandoned me, and she cared for me when I could not care for myself. That is the legacy I live with each and every day.
You are presently in a place that can help you find ways of living your life differently than I've lived mine. That's why I'm writing this to you tonight. I don't really care what anyone else in this group thinks about what I'm writing here, because I'm not writing this to them, I'm writing this for you and you alone.
Regardless of any unpleasant factors that may confront you today, and in the upcoming days and weeks, you may be in the one place that can help you avoid the type of life I've lived. I sincerely, to the depth of my soul, regret the life I've lived. Alcohol became my bride, and stole my wife from me, as well as most of my life. Alcohol took every good thing in my life and left me with only a few crumbs by which to sustain myself, only to allow me to look in the mirror and see my losses on a daily basis. The vicious cycle of alcoholism is not created by alcohol itself, it is created by the unretrievable losses we endure in order to drink our fill. It is the most vicious of masters.
The only way to stop the pain is to stop the addiction, one day at a time. There is no other way. If there were, I would not be here trying to help you.
Please give yourself a chance, so that you may avoid the pain that has brought so many of us here to our knees.
I don't know how old you are, but that is really immaterial as far as where you are right now. The reason I mention age is because I will turn fifty next week, on the 19th of March. I wish it were possible for me to truly express just how much damage my use of alcohol has caused over the last thirty years, but the words that would describe the devastation elude me now. I wish I had been able to stop thirty years or more ago. I've lost so much, have caused so much pain to my loved ones, and am still torn apart over losing my wife almost ten years ago because of my alcoholism. My ex wife was and is a beautiful lady, and she made my life seem worth living. Of all the many things I've lost due to my alcoholism, the loss of my wife is the most devastating thing I could possibly imagine, yet it happened to me. I could not be the man she wanted, even though the potential was there, because alcohol ruled my life in every respect. The stories I could tell you would undoubtedly bring tears to your eyes, because they do mine, and I don't cry, because I was taught that men don't cry. The truth is, whenever I think of her, it is damn hard not to tear up, so I've literally spent years trying to drink her memory away. It doesn't work, nor does it ease my pain. The horrid memories of my neglect and abuse of her love and kindness haunt me to this day. I abandoned her, while she never abandoned me, and she cared for me when I could not care for myself. That is the legacy I live with each and every day.
You are presently in a place that can help you find ways of living your life differently than I've lived mine. That's why I'm writing this to you tonight. I don't really care what anyone else in this group thinks about what I'm writing here, because I'm not writing this to them, I'm writing this for you and you alone.
Regardless of any unpleasant factors that may confront you today, and in the upcoming days and weeks, you may be in the one place that can help you avoid the type of life I've lived. I sincerely, to the depth of my soul, regret the life I've lived. Alcohol became my bride, and stole my wife from me, as well as most of my life. Alcohol took every good thing in my life and left me with only a few crumbs by which to sustain myself, only to allow me to look in the mirror and see my losses on a daily basis. The vicious cycle of alcoholism is not created by alcohol itself, it is created by the unretrievable losses we endure in order to drink our fill. It is the most vicious of masters.
The only way to stop the pain is to stop the addiction, one day at a time. There is no other way. If there were, I would not be here trying to help you.
Please give yourself a chance, so that you may avoid the pain that has brought so many of us here to our knees.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
