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Think I made a major mistake in coming to this rehab

Old 03-11-2009, 09:04 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by nickishine View Post
Can I give you a hug????

:ghug3:ghug3:ghug3
Yes Please and BIG HUG back atcha!!

I wonder what time I am supposed to go down for my breathalyzer. Not sure. Should go check soon.

Hope all is well with you!!
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Old 03-11-2009, 09:12 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
Too far from the beach
 
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Originally Posted by mle-sober View Post
Can you put a sign on the door that asks people to be careful not to let your dogs out?

Can you find a nearby place that will come and get them and keep them for you?

Do you realize that you are avoiding recovery by making it all about pets and your comfort level? Do you recognize that no matter what you do, no matter how many other issues you let distract you - your alcoholism will still demand attention? Do you know how likely it is that you are upset right now and seriously uncomfortable precisely because you are having to live without alcohol? Those other issues are merely allowing you to distract, detract, and rationalize. Distracting, Detracting and Rationalizing are your biggest tools, Katie. They are what you turn to again and again when you are cornered. Well, here you are.

Be bigger, braver, stronger. Reach deeper. Be bold. Let go of all the noise in your head. All the excuses. All the reasons why you shouldn't have to do it, don't want to do it, feel excused from doing it. Reach past that and dive into recovery. Instead of looking for what doesn't work for you, look for what you can learn. What's in front of you waiting to be learned right this minute?

It is so painful to read your posts, Katie. Probably because I see myself in you. Probably because I was in so much denial for so many years. I felt so righteous. Like others were out to do me wrong and take advantage of me. Like things were against me. But the truth was, I was the biggest problem in my own life. Not all the other things I was blaming. Me. I was the problem.

Sobriety and recovery helped me see and understand and change that. I really hope you stay in rehab. And I really hope you learn to let go of all that noise in your head so that you can make room from the truth that comes with recovery. It's a miraculous thing when it happens. It's very powerful. Everything in your life shifts. Everything looks completely different.

But I think you have to be desperate. I think you have to be ready. You have to let go of all the me-me-me stuff. You have to be humble. You have to stop trying to control stuff. You have to trust. Go ahead. Give it a try. It's scary but you can do it. Put down all your junk and pick up recovery.
KATIE read every word of this again. every word. What she said is true. Think about every word. Hugs!
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Old 03-11-2009, 09:20 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
Too far from the beach
 
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HI again Katie,
Ya know I was just thinking...when we were children/babies, we did not need any of this sh*t. No booze, no smokes, no pills, no nothing. We were pure. No poison in our blood. Happy, smiling, babies, children. We didn't need it. You can...we can all be like that again. AMEN
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Old 03-11-2009, 09:22 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by TTOSBT View Post
Katie,
Are you an alcoholic? I am sorry but now I am confused. I have posted on your threads believing that I was doing my best to share my experience, strength and hope with another alcoholic. But from your last couple of posts, now I am not sure if you believe that you are an alcoholic? Is this an alcohol rehab or something else?
According to my p-doc I am alcohol dependent and bipolar depressive, OCD, claustrophobic, etc.

Do I believe alcohol will kill me if I continue to drink as I have? Of course, but I don't like labels.
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Old 03-11-2009, 09:36 PM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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Thanks for sharing Katie!
I see you have a lot to deal with now.
Well, for me. I am not alcohol dependent cause I do not depend on alcohol today.
But I am an alcoholic and if I drink, my life becomes unmanageable immediately.
You do not have to label yourself or carry the title alcoholic, just work on getting well.
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Old 03-11-2009, 11:49 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by firestorm090 View Post
Hi again Katie,

I don't know how old you are, but that is really immaterial as far as where you are right now. The reason I mention age is because I will turn fifty next week, on the 19th of March. I wish it were possible for me to truly express just how much damage my use of alcohol has caused over the last thirty years, but the words that would describe the devastation elude me now. I wish I had been able to stop thirty years or more ago. I've lost so much, have caused so much pain to my loved ones, and am still torn apart over losing my wife almost ten years ago because of my alcoholism. My ex wife was and is a beautiful lady, and she made my life seem worth living. Of all the many things I've lost due to my alcoholism, the loss of my wife is the most devastating thing I could possibly imagine, yet it happened to me. I could not be the man she wanted, even though the potential was there, because alcohol ruled my life in every respect. The stories I could tell you would undoubtedly bring tears to your eyes, because they do mine, and I don't cry, because I was taught that men don't cry. The truth is, whenever I think of her, it is damn hard not to tear up, so I've literally spent years trying to drink her memory away. It doesn't work, nor does it ease my pain. The horrid memories of my neglect and abuse of her love and kindness haunt me to this day. I abandoned her, while she never abandoned me, and she cared for me when I could not care for myself. That is the legacy I live with each and every day.

You are presently in a place that can help you find ways of living your life differently than I've lived mine. That's why I'm writing this to you tonight. I don't really care what anyone else in this group thinks about what I'm writing here, because I'm not writing this to them, I'm writing this for you and you alone.

Regardless of any unpleasant factors that may confront you today, and in the upcoming days and weeks, you may be in the one place that can help you avoid the type of life I've lived. I sincerely, to the depth of my soul, regret the life I've lived. Alcohol became my bride, and stole my wife from me, as well as most of my life. Alcohol took every good thing in my life and left me with only a few crumbs by which to sustain myself, only to allow me to look in the mirror and see my losses on a daily basis. The vicious cycle of alcoholism is not created by alcohol itself, it is created by the unretrievable losses we endure in order to drink our fill. It is the most vicious of masters.

The only way to stop the pain is to stop the addiction, one day at a time. There is no other way. If there were, I would not be here trying to help you.

Please give yourself a chance, so that you may avoid the pain that has brought so many of us here to our knees.
Yup, that is the plan. I am not looking for reasons to leave. I only have a couple of requirements here and that is sleep and my pets' safety. Yes, I'd like to see the beach, but this is more important. So...for finally returning to SoCal after so many years, you'd never know I was even here.

I am so sorry you had to go through all that pain and still do. And I thank you for your well thought out and sincere post. Yeah, I've had a LOT of screwed up things happen in my life and now is my time I guess. I too will be 50 this year, and I can't even believe it. I suspect I might sound younger (when I read some of my posts I shake my head and swear they were written by a youngster, and I'd like to think look much younger ), but I suppose that's because, well, I am not sure why!

I really am committed to seeing this through, although it wasn't quite advertised the way I expected. Today someone told me that I could find alternative groups to go to and I'll meet my case manager tomorrow and see about this.

Thanks so much for sharing your story and happy 50th soon!
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Old 03-11-2009, 11:53 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by LosingmyMisery View Post
Just remember, Katie, no matter what perspective you view our "condition" from, it doesn't matter, it will kill us all dead just the same. We shouldn't get hung up on the view. More importantly, we should be reminded what the result of the view can be. Be it good or bad.
This is very true. Thanks for stating this so well.
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Old 03-11-2009, 11:53 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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Katie, it seems that you are overwhelmed right now and out of your comfort zone. I hope you stay. I hope you don't let the demon win. Stick with it. Tomorrow will be a better day. Is your friend that is coming the same friend that you drank with? Please tell me you're not thinking of leaving with him. You're going to go through many emotions, I hope things get better and I hope you stick it out a bit longer. Like trying not to drink, maybe taking it one hour at a time might help. You are going to go through alot of emotions, you are a strong person, don't forget that. This is what you've been working for, give it a chance to settle down. Give your head a little time to clear. I'll be thinking of you.
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Old 03-12-2009, 12:01 AM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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Brilliant post for firestorm...again!

IMO it has taken me 5 months sober to realise how much drink had destroyed my life, dreams, relationships etc. I guess some of the denial carries over to early sobriety, quite a realisation actually!
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Old 03-12-2009, 12:27 AM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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Glad to see you are settleing in Katie..

Wishing you all the best on your journey
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Old 03-12-2009, 07:29 PM
  # 51 (permalink)  
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Do I believe alcohol will kill me if I continue to drink as I have? Of course, but I don't like labels.
I hate to see people get hung up on labels. It is what it is. I didn't like accepting the fact that I am an alcoholic, but nothing will change that. I can't drink and never will be able to, ever. Call me an alcoholic, a circus clown or a lost soul. The name isn't going to make one bit of difference. I can't drink. I have a condition and the focus is on treating the condition by changing behaviors and thinking. That is all that matters. Words don't really change matters, actions do.
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