JJPA

Hi

I've posted once here before, almost a year ago (the forum software won't let me post a link). I wanted to quit drinking then, but ultimately it never happened. In fact it never came close.

I've been drunk just about every day since then (April '08), until about a couple of weeks ago. I've begun the regime I go on every year, healthy eating, lots of excercise, no drinking. Well, I say no drinking, but having tried my best I've slid well and truly back into the habit.
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As hard as I try, I can't stop. I've tried to replace the 'buzz' with endorphins from excercise, but it's not the same. I can't stop the cravings. If anything, abstinance makes me realise that I love to drink, I love being drunk. I find being drunk thoroughly enjoyable; I find not being drunk thoroughly boring.

But at the same time, I know it's destroying me. I struggle to function in the morning, which costs me at work. If I've drunk I feel like **** in the morning (though I only truly realise that when I take a break from drinking). Ultimately, I know I need to stop drinking, which I suppose is something, but the thought of never drinking again, of never experiencing the thrill of a cold beer after a hard days work, absolutely scares the **** out of me.

Additionally, missing out on social events. I'm a young man and not being able to be in places where there might be booze fills me with fear.

Admitting to my girlfriend, family and friends that I am an alcoholic also fills me with fear / shame. Especially where my mum is concerned. I was a difficult kid and got into a lot of trouble; she always maintained I would turn out right. I'm now overacheiving in life, but coming out as an alcoholic would perhaps prove the knockers right all along - I don't want to take away her pride.

I don't know what to do, where to go next. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks!

grateful2b

JJ, welcome to Sr
I am glad you came back

Anna

Hi and Welcome back,

It takes awhile for the cravings to go away, but they will lessen and disappear over time. I was afraid to stop drinking too, and in the time it took me to get over that fear, my drinking worsened.

In order to stop drinking and stay sober, you need to really, really want it. You need to want to be sober, more than you want to drink. Many of us feel guilt and shame. I had guilt about things I've done while drinking and about being an alcoholic. The only way to deal with it, is to deal with it. The negative feelings ease up and you will be surprised that you feel better.

And, yes, I had to make changes in my life to stay sober, such as friends, etc. But, I am SO grateful to have done that.

nickishine

My heart goes out to you! I understand, as so many here do what you're dealing with. There will be so many others that will post that have clearer and better insight than I do at this given point. I can say one thing, that it always gets worse. Never better. My prayers are with you. Please keep reaching out here. You are not alone!

:praying:ghug3

jsml1234

Hi JJPA and welcome. I have spent a lot of time viewing this site and posted when I felt led. I thank all who post here...It has helped and encouraged me beyond my expectations.
Continue to read and post often.

24hrsAday

jjpa: welcome from another who has struggled long and hard with alcoholism..

ibotuser

I just joined AA on 2/14. It was really scary at first to go but being surrounded by people that are going through the same thing is helping. Plus they embraced me and have been very genuine people to be around. Listening to their stories helped me realize that I am not alone. It's the only place you can go where they will applaud you for saying "I am an alcoholic". And now, I don't feel so isolated with my problem and I think that as long as I want to quit and work the problem that I will succeed. Good luck to you.

redpat

JJ you can bet your bottom dollar your family know you are a heavy drinker,they may not suspect alcoholism yet,and yet is the key word alcoholism is a very progressive illness,you should try to quit i guarantee you it will make your life far better for you and your family and friends into the future

take care Pat

yeahgr8

Go to a private alcohol counselor, no records and get some help as well as staying on SR. Ideally go to AA too. I know it sounds obvious but just spend a little of the drinking time spending some of your money and/or time on getting more informed and help.

I've always been an overachiever and earned lots of money, alcohol has ruined my life and i could be exactly you as your post read. I'm 37 now, 4 months sober and happy but hey take it seriously there is plenty more time to overachieve etc. if you could see the future ahead of you with booze you would not just give up money and mother's pride to fix it you would give anything anyone asked of you to do it whilst you are young.

Same advice i got and i didn't listen, i don't regret it but it's a real shame for the young man i was...good luck:-)