birthday blues..
it's a movie, you're the star
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 355
birthday blues..
WARNING FROM THE WRITER: this is a totally self-obsessed post, i just need some input because it's driving me nuts. nothing is making me feel better - usually if/when i'm down, i just run to the gym and i'm great. not so much with this.
happy valentine's weekend everyone!
my brother's been visiting so I've been unable to do 3 critical things: 1. smoke cigarettes 2. get to meetings and 3. chat on SR!
It's been fun with the exception of my roommate and her behavior. She is 21 and we've been living together for a few months now. (I moved away from a roommate who was active in addiction.) This new roommate, let's call her girl, started off nice & caring - she even offered to not keep alcohol in the room (i was very up front about being in recovery, my sponsor suggested i do this). So, girl and I had planned my birthday party for about 2 weeks or so. She helped me bake the cake and everything - and helped me picked out what we'd do, who we'd invite, etc..
Friday rolls around and a group of us (mutual friends, my friends, and even some of HER friends) are gathered together and we go to the resturant. It's great, we all order EXCEPT for my roommate. Now, I know all the tricks of getting drunk. No fooling a ******* alcoholic. As we're all leaving the resturant and about to move onto our next activity (playing some texas hold em and eating some cake) she says "oh i'm actually getting picked up by this guy i met last week, i'll see you guys later!" and DITCHES all of us.
She wound up stumbling back to our place at 3:30 or so Saturday morning, drunk as hell. She then stayed out until 5:00 this morning - knowing I had bought us all tickets to go to a basketball game today - and she had to miss the game because she "had studying to do" (a.k.a. was hung over).
I am so hurt. I don't ever get mad, really, just sad - it's just manifesting itself as anger because i have no idea how to handle depression besides using. Am I THAT ******* boring? Is being wasted so much better than chillin with me..on my birthday?
I'm really really really upset, and have no idea how to handle this. Plus, my brother is visiting and I'm sick of letting it get to me and I literally live in a 10 foot room with this girl. I'm really in need of either some strong sedatives or some advice, so let's hear it.
I also cannot wait to be back on the chat with all my SR friends - i'll be returning on Tuesday, if I can make it through the next few days.
-Rach
happy valentine's weekend everyone!
my brother's been visiting so I've been unable to do 3 critical things: 1. smoke cigarettes 2. get to meetings and 3. chat on SR!
It's been fun with the exception of my roommate and her behavior. She is 21 and we've been living together for a few months now. (I moved away from a roommate who was active in addiction.) This new roommate, let's call her girl, started off nice & caring - she even offered to not keep alcohol in the room (i was very up front about being in recovery, my sponsor suggested i do this). So, girl and I had planned my birthday party for about 2 weeks or so. She helped me bake the cake and everything - and helped me picked out what we'd do, who we'd invite, etc..
Friday rolls around and a group of us (mutual friends, my friends, and even some of HER friends) are gathered together and we go to the resturant. It's great, we all order EXCEPT for my roommate. Now, I know all the tricks of getting drunk. No fooling a ******* alcoholic. As we're all leaving the resturant and about to move onto our next activity (playing some texas hold em and eating some cake) she says "oh i'm actually getting picked up by this guy i met last week, i'll see you guys later!" and DITCHES all of us.
She wound up stumbling back to our place at 3:30 or so Saturday morning, drunk as hell. She then stayed out until 5:00 this morning - knowing I had bought us all tickets to go to a basketball game today - and she had to miss the game because she "had studying to do" (a.k.a. was hung over).
I am so hurt. I don't ever get mad, really, just sad - it's just manifesting itself as anger because i have no idea how to handle depression besides using. Am I THAT ******* boring? Is being wasted so much better than chillin with me..on my birthday?
I'm really really really upset, and have no idea how to handle this. Plus, my brother is visiting and I'm sick of letting it get to me and I literally live in a 10 foot room with this girl. I'm really in need of either some strong sedatives or some advice, so let's hear it.
I also cannot wait to be back on the chat with all my SR friends - i'll be returning on Tuesday, if I can make it through the next few days.
-Rach
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Bleh!! Well, happy birthday to start with. I'm glad you had other people there, and your brother. It sounds like besides "girl" you had a good time. I try really hard to not to let others bring me down, but it sure is hard sometimes. I'll leave the advice to others here, and just send you some positive vibes right now.
6 
6 Resident Awesome Guy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
Rach,
I am sorry "girl" did that to you on your B-Day. If there is one thing I have noticed the times I have tried sobriety, there are some friends who can deal with the idea of what you are trying to do, and some that can't. I have even had to confront some friends before to ask how come I have stopped being invited to get togethers. I was of course told, we didnt think you wanted to be around us if we were drinking." What they really meant was "we wouldn't feel comfortable getting smashed and acting like idiots around sober people." I have come to realize that only people who truly understand, respect, and encourage your sobriety are people you want to be around. I have also come to realize that those that are drinking buddies, are sometimes just that. What this roommate of yours did is mean and disrespectful, but it will blow over I am sure. Don't let her decisions bother you. You just keep doing what you are doing and enjoy your life to the fullest. We are all here for you and cant wait till your back on 100 percent.
Chris
I am sorry "girl" did that to you on your B-Day. If there is one thing I have noticed the times I have tried sobriety, there are some friends who can deal with the idea of what you are trying to do, and some that can't. I have even had to confront some friends before to ask how come I have stopped being invited to get togethers. I was of course told, we didnt think you wanted to be around us if we were drinking." What they really meant was "we wouldn't feel comfortable getting smashed and acting like idiots around sober people." I have come to realize that only people who truly understand, respect, and encourage your sobriety are people you want to be around. I have also come to realize that those that are drinking buddies, are sometimes just that. What this roommate of yours did is mean and disrespectful, but it will blow over I am sure. Don't let her decisions bother you. You just keep doing what you are doing and enjoy your life to the fullest. We are all here for you and cant wait till your back on 100 percent.
Chris
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
At least she did her drinking away from you.
Try to respect that....even if your
peeved about her actions.
Ask your sponsor what to do about resentments.
Belated.....
Try to respect that....even if your
peeved about her actions.
Ask your sponsor what to do about resentments.
Belated.....
I hope you got to enjoy it other than "girl".
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
There are a great couple of lines in AA's BB; they are.....:
"...my serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations. The higher my expectations..., the lower is my serenity. I can watch my serenity level rise when I discard my expectations...when I place more value on my serenity and sobriety than on anything else, I can maintain them at a higher level--at least for the time being..."
What I picked up from your post was your expectations of 'girl'--your roommate (remember, now, she's just a roommate, not your mate). The impression I got was that, although she helped you make your plans for your birthday day, she probably only planned, at most, to attend the dinner and then split. You felt 'ditched,' while all she may have been doing was going on with her own plans for her day/evening.
My suggestion for you would be to just let it go; think on/remember ALL the good things about that day--your friends around, not drinking and being able to remember your celebration day.....forget about the ONE thing that didn't go as you planned. It's funny, but it's so easy to focus on the one miniscule irksome detail and forget about the majority--the good stuff.....keep it simple, Rach, don't worry, be happy.... (o:
NoelleR
P.S. When you wrote....: "...nothing is making me feel better..." I was reminded that 'things' don't make us feel better, or make us happy; these are decisions we make for ourselves (even your going to the gym to work out and feeling better; you've already got it in your head that you'll feel better)....and that's the good thing about it.....all we have to do to have a 'better'/'happier' day is ......... change our mind...!
"...my serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations. The higher my expectations..., the lower is my serenity. I can watch my serenity level rise when I discard my expectations...when I place more value on my serenity and sobriety than on anything else, I can maintain them at a higher level--at least for the time being..."
What I picked up from your post was your expectations of 'girl'--your roommate (remember, now, she's just a roommate, not your mate). The impression I got was that, although she helped you make your plans for your birthday day, she probably only planned, at most, to attend the dinner and then split. You felt 'ditched,' while all she may have been doing was going on with her own plans for her day/evening.
My suggestion for you would be to just let it go; think on/remember ALL the good things about that day--your friends around, not drinking and being able to remember your celebration day.....forget about the ONE thing that didn't go as you planned. It's funny, but it's so easy to focus on the one miniscule irksome detail and forget about the majority--the good stuff.....keep it simple, Rach, don't worry, be happy.... (o:
NoelleR
P.S. When you wrote....: "...nothing is making me feel better..." I was reminded that 'things' don't make us feel better, or make us happy; these are decisions we make for ourselves (even your going to the gym to work out and feeling better; you've already got it in your head that you'll feel better)....and that's the good thing about it.....all we have to do to have a 'better'/'happier' day is ......... change our mind...!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Be thankful that you are no longer that person that is letting other people down with their drinking, hangovers & all of the stuff that goes along with it.
I know its tough as I am only on day 7 right now, it looks like you are on the right track. Keep on keeping on
Happy Belated Birthday!6
I know its tough as I am only on day 7 right now, it looks like you are on the right track. Keep on keeping on
Happy Belated Birthday!
6
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