mamabin

I need some fun in my life. I find this funny so I thought I'd share it. Sorry it's off subject.

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously ********. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

C23

Very funny. I needed a laugh.

serenityqueen

Amazonqueen522

That is Hilarious, Thanks for the laughs

NewBeginning010

I actually cried.... laughing that is :-)

I tried to post a youtube link but I need 15 posts ;-)

James13

Funny stuff.

We should all write diaries through the eyes of our pets.

CoF1984

This was too hilarious mamabin. Thanks! That was a much needed laugh. Thanks for turning a good day into a better one.
Wes

lovinmenow

The Life of a Puppy

This morning, I woke up & kissed my dad's head.
I peed on the carpet, then went back to bed.
"The life of a puppy, oh my, this is great."
Then I thought about breakfast," I hope it's not late."

Mom took me outside, we walked for a while.
This never fails to make Mama smile.


I sniffed of everything, that we did pass,
I ate something weird - it gave me gas.



I'm sure God loves me, I know that is true.
He gave me so many great things to chew.
Rugs, plants or rocks, I really don't care.
What I truly like best, is Dad's underwear.



That obedience book, was sort of yummy.
Though it didn't sit well on my poor puppy tummy.
I threw up a bit, but that was all right,
When Mom found it later, I was well out of sight.



I made streamers of T. P., while running at full speed.
Mom is pretty quick -- but I was still in the lead.
I flew under the bed, and Mom flew past,
She stopped-shook her head, and breathed,
"You're too fast."



Mama later phoned Daddy, and said, "It was frightening!"
That afternoon, she was sure I'd pooped lightning.


She'd sat at the computer, while I chewed the cord,
She thought I was mad, but I was just bored.

When Mama had enough, couldn't take anymore,
That's when my tushy got shoved out the door.


I love it inside, but outside is best.
Lay in the cool grass, and had a good rest.

That didn't last long, there was too much to do--
Can't quite remember where I hid Daddy's shoe.
I found an old bone, and scratched at a flea,
I watched the dumb squirrels as they jumped in a tree.



I barked at the kids, when they got off the bus.
I can't figure out why this makes Mama fuss.
I barked at the neighbor, I barked at the wind.
I barked and barked, till Mom yelled, "COME IN."



The sun dipped in the west-soon Daddy would come!
I sure love my daddy: we always have fun.
I barked at my daddy, then turned on my charms,
I woo-wooed, "Hello," then jumped in his arms.

Sitting under the table -- it's sooo hard to wait.
Daddy slipped me a goodie right off his plate.


I raced through the house, and scattered my toys,
Ricocheted off the furniture, and made lots of noise.

Mom found her purse - the one I abused.
Daddy let loose a chuckle. Mom asked "Amused??"
I cowered down low, I must be in trouble.
Dad said, "Wasn't MY boy, it must be his double!"



Mom turned off the TV, and said,"Time for bed."
Dad said "Let's go boy," and patted my head.
I got in my spot, between Mom and Dad,
I thought 'bout my day and what fun I had.



Mama kicked out my bone from the covers below,
Then let loose a sigh -- a sigh deep and low.
She gave me a kiss, and snuggled me tight,
And whispered so softly, 'My darling goodnight'.

Unknown

louis

Brilliant one mamabin....thanks.

ok..... heres one my sister told be when she was 10... my sense of humour may be sick tho.

What have you got, if you have 2 small green balls in the palm of your hand?



Kermits full attention!!!!!

serenityqueen

lovinmenow

Wow Serenity queen thats a good one! got another one and this is a true story.
Mom sent me to the store for napkins. When I saw a box that said Sanitary Napkins I thought "Wow, they are extra clean ones!" After I brought them home it was to my dismay that mom made me take them back and tell the clerk I got the wrong kind. The clerk knew exactly what mom meant when I told her and gave me the correct dinner napkins!!

Another true story! My son (when he was 6 or 7) learned how to make a bird feeder at school by dipping a piece of toast in peanut butter, spreading bird seed all over it and tieing it on a tree with a string. The next day I looked out the window to the front yard and saw several tampons hanging from a tree with peanut butter and bird seed all over them. Seems that he thought the built in string was much more handy than a piece of toast!!

Speaking of toast...another true story.
When my son was 2 years old and we started potty training, I was trying to teach him to always push the lever down on the toilet flusher to flush the toilet after he went potty. One morning he decided he wanted to make his own toast and when his little hands had a hard time pushing down the lever on the toaster he says "mommy can you come and flush the toast?"

He is in college now and boy do I miss him!!!

NewBeginning010

Great stories LMN

Here is another:

"A mother was taking a shower when her2 year old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so she ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that she had copies made and included one with each of their Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting that she take a closer look. Puzzled, the mother stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to her son, she had captured her reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!

vegibean

Read this customer review at amazon. Best review I have ever read!!!! :rotfxko

Amazon.com: B. Govern "Bee-Dot-Go...'s review of Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt