My heart is broken
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
My daughter was an absolute NIGHTMARE at 15. She is 21 now and we are fantastically close. The teen years have a bad reputation for a reason, and of the 11 young people who lived in my house, the girls had the worst attitudes by far between 13-18. As everyone has said, hang in there, it gets better
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I told my teen son that if he gave me a smart mouth attitude
he would not be playing football that year.
....Worked really well cause he knew I had to sign permission
he would not be playing football that year.
....Worked really well cause he knew I had to sign permission
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
My daughter is more draining than my 2-16 year old boys and 18 year old boy combined.
There is just something about her that gets me so riled up - I cant put my finger on it.
I love her dearly... although she is a pain.
There is just something about her that gets me so riled up - I cant put my finger on it.
I love her dearly... although she is a pain.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 263
I don't know you guys, but I guess one thing: at this point your daughter has absolutely no idea whatever on what you have sacrificed for her, what you have given her, or how much you have striven for her. I hope one day she does.
trying to get it right
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: globe, AZ
Posts: 243
i read somewhere that "teenagers are our punishment for enjoying sex" LOL
keep your boundaries, set limits, she will appreciate that more later.
it is hard to be a teenager these days.....give her a year or 3 and she will be your best friend i hope! my girls DID become my best friends and still are, my son was always close to me
hang in there sweetie, you are worth it and so is your daughter!!!!!
love jow
keep your boundaries, set limits, she will appreciate that more later.
it is hard to be a teenager these days.....give her a year or 3 and she will be your best friend i hope! my girls DID become my best friends and still are, my son was always close to me
hang in there sweetie, you are worth it and so is your daughter!!!!!
love jow
Last edited by jowinbo; 02-01-2009 at 05:27 PM. Reason: spelling
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
There is just something about her that gets me so riled up - I cant put my finger on it.
I only have the one child, a son who's 20. He's a great kid, sorry, man. I never worry about him doing the things I did because he saw first hand what drugs and alcohol did to me.
But he went through his stage where Mom was a big, embarressing bore.(Not when I was using, after I got into Recovery) Most teenagers don't want to hang out at home with their parents. Maybe the boys enjoy it because there's three of them, they still have each other. Your daughter is the only "girl" in the house so I imagine she feels alone at times. I hope you're following what I'm struggling to find the words to say.
I do think it's a good thing to find some things to do with her that aren't little girl things, Victoria's Secret is a good one. . . . getting your nails done? Just make sure you don't try to do these things at times when she wants to be with her friends. Don't try to make her feel like she has to choose between you and her friends. At that age, the friends will more than likely win.
I also think that her being the youngest may have something to do with it. Maybe trying to find her independence and be her own person at the same time.
Finally, just remember, This Too Shall Pass. She isn't going to be a teenager forever. Thank God.
Hugs,
Judy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
When I think back on being Kaylee's age, I was probably worse than her - in fact I know I was. I was already drinking, smoking and completely bored with my family.
I am just being immature and need to knock it off. I am the parent, she is the child and I am in charge. She has plenty of freedom that can easily be taken away from her if she doesn't stop it with the disrespect.
When we do things together, which is fairly often, we do teenage girl type stuff. Like Serenity suggested, we go to Victoria Secret along with all the other teen type stores. We talk quite a bit when she's not gone or texting lol. She has even asked for my help in how to ask the "super hot" boy to the Sweethearts dance, where the girls ask the boys.
I need to stop rambling, I'm sure you're all thinking wtf. I was just feeling extra weepy earlier, maybe because I'm losing my little girl. She is turning into a beautiful young woman and I should be happy. I will be - I just need to set some ground rules and brace myself for the wild ride.
I am just being immature and need to knock it off. I am the parent, she is the child and I am in charge. She has plenty of freedom that can easily be taken away from her if she doesn't stop it with the disrespect.
When we do things together, which is fairly often, we do teenage girl type stuff. Like Serenity suggested, we go to Victoria Secret along with all the other teen type stores. We talk quite a bit when she's not gone or texting lol. She has even asked for my help in how to ask the "super hot" boy to the Sweethearts dance, where the girls ask the boys.
I need to stop rambling, I'm sure you're all thinking wtf. I was just feeling extra weepy earlier, maybe because I'm losing my little girl. She is turning into a beautiful young woman and I should be happy. I will be - I just need to set some ground rules and brace myself for the wild ride.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I am told raising girls is way harder than boys.
Set your bounderies again.
It hurts when a child says mean things. Whether they mean it or not.
But again. I think it is just the age.
Your not being rediculous. I imagine it is hard to see your baby growing into a young adult.
Youll be ok. But dont let that disrespect fly IMO.
Set your bounderies again.
It hurts when a child says mean things. Whether they mean it or not.
But again. I think it is just the age.
Your not being rediculous. I imagine it is hard to see your baby growing into a young adult.
Youll be ok. But dont let that disrespect fly IMO.
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Ooooooooooh, 15 year old girls....yeah....they're pretty mouthy....I think there's a rule about it somewhere!
Seriously, you are her mom, not her friend. If she doesn't like you, tough. You love her enough to do what's right.....right?
Yeah, I wouldn't put up with the disrespect, either. If she knows she is 'getting to you' she has half the battle won.
FWIW....once they hit about 19, 20....they become human again.
Seriously, you are her mom, not her friend. If she doesn't like you, tough. You love her enough to do what's right.....right?
Yeah, I wouldn't put up with the disrespect, either. If she knows she is 'getting to you' she has half the battle won.
FWIW....once they hit about 19, 20....they become human again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: MN
Posts: 528
Originally Posted by Toomutch 
I wish I was stronger, after all I am the parent. My 15 year old daughter is breaking my heart. She is constantly disrespectful to me and act's so aloof.
She has become very popular in school, plays on the basketball team, gets good grades. For these things I should be thankful and I am, I just wish she was nicer to me.
She stayed out last night 1 hour after curfew and told me that she thought I didn't care. Telling me if I really wanted her home I should have called her and reminded her.
Today she came down and told me she was going to a friends house until 4:00 and then to another friends until the superbowl is over. I said no and to be home at 4:00. Thats when the fit throwing started. Saying to me why would she want to be here in this boring house with me just sitting around when she could be some place fun. Telling me that I am always sick and that we never do anything exciting and that all her friends parents are having parties etc...
We have always been so close and now I am being punished for my attitude as a teenager. All I know is it hurts. All my sons spend all their free time here and this is where they like to be. I should be greatful for that. She is my youngest and a free-spirit.
I am actully crying right know, I feel like I am a failure somehow. If I ever wanted to take a drink it would be now. **** I think she liked me better that way. Besides it would numb the way I feel inside. I am just weak. What the he!! is the matter with me?
I wont drink but I am wanting to take an extra pain pill - I have never abused them before. Just 1 to take the edge off.
She has become very popular in school, plays on the basketball team, gets good grades. For these things I should be thankful and I am, I just wish she was nicer to me.
She stayed out last night 1 hour after curfew and told me that she thought I didn't care. Telling me if I really wanted her home I should have called her and reminded her.
Today she came down and told me she was going to a friends house until 4:00 and then to another friends until the superbowl is over. I said no and to be home at 4:00. Thats when the fit throwing started. Saying to me why would she want to be here in this boring house with me just sitting around when she could be some place fun. Telling me that I am always sick and that we never do anything exciting and that all her friends parents are having parties etc...
We have always been so close and now I am being punished for my attitude as a teenager. All I know is it hurts. All my sons spend all their free time here and this is where they like to be. I should be greatful for that. She is my youngest and a free-spirit.
I am actully crying right know, I feel like I am a failure somehow. If I ever wanted to take a drink it would be now. **** I think she liked me better that way. Besides it would numb the way I feel inside. I am just weak. What the he!! is the matter with me?
I wont drink but I am wanting to take an extra pain pill - I have never abused them before. Just 1 to take the edge off.
I wish I had some wonderful advise, but I think I am just in the same boat as you. I will read the other posts to see if we can get some good advise!
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I was that girl, treating her mom like that, at that exact same age. I regret it horribly, I had no idea how to look outside of myself at that age, and I know hurt her often. Over time, we have become and remained best friends to this day. I think mother/daughter relationships are very unique.. lots of pain, lots of treasures.
Like with everything else.. one day.. one hour, one minute at a time.
Thinking of you..
Like with everything else.. one day.. one hour, one minute at a time.
Thinking of you..
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Suzette)))
You're not whining...heck, a lot of other people are probably thinking "yeah...I'm not the only one with a mouthy teenage daughter!!!".
I think it's a good thing to come here, even if it's just to vent. It releases a little stress (which you've had plenty of), and let's others see that this is a safe place to come when we need to vent. In other words, sweetie...stop apologizing...you never know who you may have helped, that may be struggling with THEIR kids, today.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
You're not whining...heck, a lot of other people are probably thinking "yeah...I'm not the only one with a mouthy teenage daughter!!!".
I think it's a good thing to come here, even if it's just to vent. It releases a little stress (which you've had plenty of), and let's others see that this is a safe place to come when we need to vent. In other words, sweetie...stop apologizing...you never know who you may have helped, that may be struggling with THEIR kids, today.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
I tried to respond and lost it
I try not to point my finger at my teenagers as they are going through tremendous change filled with the fear and insecurity and anger that I remember experiencing in my own adolescence. It is hard to react, instead of act. It is hard to not sucumb to the "knee jerk" reaction of anger and "perfect-parent-ness".
it hurts when they begin to break away and continue to do it everyday. but that is inevitable. and also i find that I must honor the fact that they are creating their own life's path now and i have to honor that and not micromanage them too much. and they do need to get out of the house.
it is a tremendous growing experience, being a parent of adolescents, one that can bring me to my knees on a regular basis.
I try not to point my finger at my teenagers as they are going through tremendous change filled with the fear and insecurity and anger that I remember experiencing in my own adolescence. It is hard to react, instead of act. It is hard to not sucumb to the "knee jerk" reaction of anger and "perfect-parent-ness".
it hurts when they begin to break away and continue to do it everyday. but that is inevitable. and also i find that I must honor the fact that they are creating their own life's path now and i have to honor that and not micromanage them too much. and they do need to get out of the house.
it is a tremendous growing experience, being a parent of adolescents, one that can bring me to my knees on a regular basis.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Reading through this thread I have found that there is many of us who have teenagers at home, going through similar experiences.
That said - who would be interested in a raising teenagers in recovery thread. It could be an ongoing thread in the newcomers.
That said - who would be interested in a raising teenagers in recovery thread. It could be an ongoing thread in the newcomers.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
I'm in on the teenagers thread Suze...by the way, I was talking to my MIL this morning - she's known me since I was 14 years old - and she said, if I was her daughter, she would have sold me when I was 14 and bought me back somewhere around 20/21, when I became human again!! LOL !!! I love her dearly, and I know she's right! Hope you are feeling a little better today - don't ever apologize for being weepy about the kids - if that is something to apologize for, I can limit my vocabulary to one word -- "sorry"!!!! LOL
Love ya, J
Love ya, J
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 811
Originally Posted by Impurrfect
You're not whining...heck, a lot of other people are probably thinking "yeah...I'm not the only one with a mouthy teenage daughter!!!"
P.S. I remember my mom not letting me go out on a Friday night and I would almost just go berserk because I couldn't understand why she would make me stay home with them on a Friday night when all my friends were out!
trying to get it..
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
Posts: 286
I can only echo most of what everyone has said…I have a boy, well man now 25 and a daughter 21….she is not yet a woman, in the sense that she does not love herself and makes bad choices in life.
No shes not an addict, but her friends, lack of focus etc….she doesn’t give us a hard time personally, as it appears you are getting. And I can only counsel patience…I practice it everyday…and no I am not always good at it. lol.
No shes not an addict, but her friends, lack of focus etc….she doesn’t give us a hard time personally, as it appears you are getting. And I can only counsel patience…I practice it everyday…and no I am not always good at it. lol.
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
I'm dropping by late... Suzette 
I'm most definitely not a parent 
But I do know that, if you focus on your own wellbeing, those around you also benefit from it. Place your boundaries, and don't get overwhelmed by the circumstances. And remind yourself often that your daughter is lucky to have you as a mother
I'm most definitely not a parent But I do know that, if you focus on your own wellbeing, those around you also benefit from it. Place your boundaries, and don't get overwhelmed by the circumstances. And remind yourself often that your daughter is lucky to have you as a mother Too far from the beach
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 387
Sorry to disagree folks, but there is no excuse for anyone, no matter how old they are, to treat anyone disrespectfully. Just because she is a kid does not give her a free ticket to treat ANYONE like crap.
Let's not confuse what we consider "average behavior" with "normal behavior." There is a big difference.
Let's not confuse what we consider "average behavior" with "normal behavior." There is a big difference.
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