ViciousCycle

I found this site quite by accident.....I was looking for info on liver damage! I have always been a pretty decent drinker but things picked up drastically when I got cancer, a DUI, lost my job as a result of that, kept drinking, lost the boyfriend, had to sell my dream home due to the job loss...spent the holidays alone....or should I say with bottle of wine. I absolutely HATE my life. Ever night I tell myself tomorrow will be different. Then 11:00 am hits and I am a goner. I have given up even going to parties or social functions as I know I will "over do" it and don't want to risk driving home. I have become anti-social as a result of all this and mentally beat myself up for not being stronger with all this. I am currently in a seasonal layoff whcih does not help. Too much time on my hands. I could just scream. Funny though, it feels good writing this all out. I think alcohol has caused some depression. I cry and become quite emotional very easy.......as a result of that I wake up with swollen eyes.....yo adrian! LOL..........it's so fun to be me, thanks for listening and would love to hear from people who know where I am at. I went from a strong, funny, intelligent & independent woman to a swollen-eyed drunk who stays at home wishing I could get a grip on this.

Richard54

Hi, I hear you I found this site by accident also and I know just what you are going through...Today is my first day of not drinking in many moons,.. You can join me if you like, lets see how we feel tomorrow!

Katie09

Well, I think you are in the right place and good to have you here. It is something how wine (booze) takes us to another level when consumed in a certain way. I too spent with holidays with wine. Glad you found SR.

grateful2b

Hi Vicious Cycle!
Welcome to SR
Glad you stumbled on us
I also 'stumbled' in here a year ago and it has been a huge blessing in my life..

ANGELINA243

Welcome! GLad you are here. I understand where you are coming from. I couldn't recover/get well on my own. Alcohol/depression went hand in hand for me too (toward the end of my drinking--anyway). There is hope...and I don't think any of us "accidentally" found this place. Either way--you are here now and that is what matters. There is hope for you. You don't have to go through this alone. We do recover.

ViciousCycle

Thanks Richard but it's too late for today...I have been sipping beers since 11. Not as many as usual.....the thing that gets me....there's always the next event that involves drinking! For instance, there is a girl's night out on Wednesday and then I am supposed to be working a fance wine tasting on Saturday.......oh yeah, and bowling Monday night. That's the alienation of all this. You almost have to stay hunkered in to get away from it all!

Katie09

Well, what is important is that you found this site today. Today may already be a done deal, but tomorrow you can wake up and make it day #1, if you like.

I myself am on day # 4. This doesn't really impress me, but it sure has been hard to get here - harder than the times before.

Amazonqueen522

Wow Vicious, reading your story sounds like what I have done for so many years, I too struggle with alcohol and it was killing me, lost my job behind it and it cost me a loving relationship of 12 years....keep coming back I will be here if you need a friend.:ghug

ViciousCycle

That's the problem, day one never comes. I start to shake a little and want to rid myself of that feeling. Hence my username.......vicious cycle. Good for you with day 4. That is awesome. That would get me over the hump for sure. Keep on going! Do you feel better yet?

Anna

I don't think any of us find this place 'by accident'. I think we are guided here.

I was amazed how isolated I had become by the time I stopped drinking. It happened gradually, but by the end, I was doing nothing, but sitting at home by myself and drinking.

I'm glad you found us and I hope that you will keep reading and posting.

Katie09

Yes, I do I went to my Dr. on Wed and fessed up. He took a test for pancreatitis that was negative, but my blood sugar was high. I've had stomach pains since Tuesday but today is the 1st day I haven't felt the pain.

VC, you can do this too! You mentioned you were looking for info on liver damage. Well, at one point my enzymes were high but things healed up.

Please do consider to make tomorrow day #1 and join the party! There are ups and downs, but I sure am happy that pain went away. If you think you need medical attn to detox, then go for it. I needed to go to detox once myself. It was no picnic, but it was an experience. Plus, a Dr. can give you something to do at home if it's advisable.

ViciousCycle

I bet my enzymes are soaring. I don't have "pain" per se but know there is just a strange feeling around the liver area. It's either that or an ulcer!

I do not think I will do a detox. There is only one here and it was horrible--tried it a year ago. They were downright mean. Treated me like a bum. I came home after one night. What can a doc give you at home?

Katie09

Well, a Dr. can give you meds to deal with the withdrawals. I once had a psychiatrist do this for me. Of course, you do need to consult your Dr. so he or she can give you exactly what you need, depending on your situation.

prettypoison

Welcome ViciousCycle. I hear ya loud and clear. You just described me to a T. All of those things are what alcoholism takes from us, if we let it. I have spent too much time, too much of my youth and too much money staying at home cowering in my bedroom (or any room) drinking bottles of wine to make all of the sadness in my life go away, I understand where you're coming from. I was a goner at 3 p.m.

Staying sober takes more work than I was willing to give in previous attempts at quitting, but this time I feel entirely different. I'm disgusted with myself for choosing the worst best friend ever -- White Zinfandel. I'm done with that. I came here instead -- and yes writing it all out feels wonderful. Now I look forward to coming to SR instead of swigging, it is so much more fulfilling. Glad you're here, I hope you keep coming back

Fubarcdn

Welcome VC. It sounds like you have had a real tough time and my heart goes out to you. You will get plenty of moral support here but it is a good idea to see your doctor. We are all here for each other so if you get the urge to use, which we all do from time to time, come here and read and post. At least for me it has a calming effect. Good luck you can do it.

ToABetterMe

WOW! We have so much in common! I too recently got a DUI, My kids & husband & parents are so fed up with my drinking! I also lost my job because of the DUI, as managers need a DL.
my parents were there that next day with $1200 in hand to bail me out of jail, the only thing they asked was I quit drinking. I agreed. It lasted 3 days.

The day I found out I lost my job I stopped & bought a new bottle!
I continued to drink, then said I would stop beinging of the year, but as that drew closer I found it more important to binge because I was scared to quit.

I found reasons to slip up all month, usually only taking a day off. This week I decided I hate myself sober, and I can no longer function drunk. I decided to throw up my arms & look for some help. I also stummbled upon this site while searching "alcohol addicion"

I hope you can find the strength & wisdom that this site offers to help you make the decision that you are ready to be a better you!

God Bless
~Jules

Aysha

By accident? I believe everything happens for a reason.
You have found a wonderful place with lots of support and info.
Its tough with all that has happened to you. It can be depressing. But you can change all that. I know easier said than done.
Stick around. It always feels good to get thiongs off your mind. And even more when you can relate to epople who understand.
Keep posting.