mrsmurph

Hi ya'll

I am an alcoholic, and have been half-heartedly trying to quit for 2 years now. I have a good job, clean house, good husband, etc...

I drink every night after work, usually only 2 beers, but I need them. On the weekends I start at about 9-10 am, sometimes I get drunk and need a nap, sometimes I work on a project and don't get a buzz till evening.

I am trying to have a baby. I will get sober for the baby ( I have to, I am an over achiever and could not deal with an FAS kid!!!), but I'm very afraid of afterwards. Maternity leave will have me at home all day for 8 weeks and I know having a newborn will be tough. Help me understand that a sober mom is the best I can do for baby!!!! My period was late and I avoided taking a test, because I wanted to drink ONE MORE DAY (not pregnant)

I am an atheist and have attended AA and found it scary-cultish, I am not willing to go back. What other help is out there?????????????

I also smoke.... which should I quit first? Has any mom out there had success quitting both????

I am 29 and don't have a lot of time to screw around.... Hubby also drinks, what can we do toegether?
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mrsmurph

plan---- embarrassing, I'm an excellent speller but a poor typist LOL

mrsmurph

I read of people wanting to be drunk, dreaming of it all the time.... I don't feel like that, I just drink when I have the time, and eventually I get drunk.... I'm confused

mrsmurph

Way to go guys, thanks for the help

Fubarcdn

It is good that you want to stop and congrats on your decision to have a baby. Please make sure you stop before you do this. You may find that after being sober you will not want the drink but it is good to have a plan that you can start now. My only plan is to quit and use this forum as my support. Don't know if it will work but I am hoping so because right now that is all I got. I am similar to you I drank because I enjoyed drinking and all the social things that go with it. Good luck.

TryingSoHard

Hi mrsmurph,

First of all let me say - please don't be discouraged - you posted 4 times within about 10 minutes! Give us a chance to see your post before you get upset that no one is responding. The site tends to have less traffic on the weekends, too. People will eventually find you, though - don't worry.

Yes, absolutely, a sober mom is best for your baby!!! Not only do you need to abstain from alcohol during pregnancy, you need to abstain if you are planning to breastfeed. Alcohol passes to the baby in breast milk (I think the retention rate is 30%). Even if you use formula, though, how attentive can you be to the needs of a newborn if you're under the influence? Babies require A LOT of time and attention, especially those first 8 weeks. And you will be incredibly sleep-deprived there for a while. Alcohol should actually be the LAST thing on your mind for a while!

So, do you feel you have a problem with alcohol, or are you just looking for advice on how to stop for 9 - 12 months because of the baby?

Best wishes to you, and I look forward to hearing more from you soon.

bstt03

Hey, weekends may be a little slower around here, give us a little time to respond! I myself was busy shampooing carpets. I quit drinking without the use of AA myself, so I personally know it can be done. This website has been a tremendous help for me, so come here, read read read and post. There is a lot of good people here, those who used AA and those who did not. That is your choice. What is your plan? If you get pregnant, it sounds like drinking is out of the question no ifs ands or buts. So why not just tell yourself you are preparing for that? What does your husband say, is he supportive of you quitting?

TryingSoHard

Also, there is lots of help other than AA. Check out the Secular Connections forum for information on other groups and recovery methods, like SMART, LifeRing, WFS, and Rational Recovery. A lot of us read tons of recovery books - there are some threads floating around right now about good books. SR is a fantastic source of support and encouragement, and it's the main support resource for a lot of the members here.

Whatever works for you to keep you sober. That's all that matters.

mrsmurph

I have a problem that will only get worse with time... Goal one is to stop for a year, goal 2 is forever, or be able to drink like a normal fing person---- imagine my surprise when I found out most people don't even drink weekly!!!!

Horselover

Boy I can definitely relate. Drinking almost caused me to miss out on the best thing to happen to me and my husband EVER!! I was willing to forgo becoming a Mom because I drank and smoked and didn't believe I could stop. One day, I don't know why, but I decided to become a Mom and did that stop me from drinking? No. I did stop as soon as I found out I was pregnant, but I certainly didn't prepare the home the baby would grow in. I didn't stop UNTIL I found out, which was pretty scary. He turned out to be healthy and all, but it could have easily been the other way. If I could do a "do over" I would have stopped months before trying and started to find a recovery program. I was able to kick cigarettes for good, but drinking did eventually come back to haunt me. I am 42 years old and have been sober since May of 2008. My son is 6 years old and very grateful I don't drink anymore. You think you can hide it from them but kids are some of the smartest people in the world and they know.

AA turned you off from them because of the Higher Power thing I guess, but there are a ton of different AA meetings out there and I'm sure its not one size fits all. Just like a bathing suit you have to keep trying them on until you find one that is workable. I'm sure there's other types of meetings.

Good for you for reaching out. Keep doing it and make this your quit day if you haven't already. Don't make my mistake. You will really have a hard time forgiving yourself. Hugs to you and respect for you for starting a very difficult thread.

mrsmurph

As for hubby.... I don't know. I think he will keep it up, after all he won't have any restrictions. I'm afraid it will be a lot of temptation for it to be around

ToABetterMe

You should be able to quit for the baby, but as I'm sure you know its tough to stay off of it after. My sister had a baby in April & was back drinking 2 wks later! Now she is an every day drinker, and like you sometimes starting as early as 10am.

I am so early into this, its hard for me to make a plan. I fully believe you can get into this board & the support of others here, with out attending AA meetings. I actually HAVE to attend some next month & will tell you I am very scared to go so I understand.

All I can tell you is how I did it, I got sick of feeling like $hit when I was sober. I was tired of my girls saying they didn't want to play games & even go bowling with hubby & I if I was going to bowl.

It did take me a few weeks, I tried to cut back - then I said I would quit on Jan 1st, then I pushed it back to daughters birthday. Then I found myself binge drinking because I knew "the end was near" I mean seriously drinking 6-7 drinks before dinner!!!
I just got up this week & thought F-IT! I hate myself sober, and I can't be drunk every minute. So I dumped my stuff out & come here alot of support.

All the best, I hope you find some interesting things here! Feel free to PM anytime!

~Jules

mrsmurph

I've searched and searched, but there is no info on alcoholism and pregnancy other than FAS info, duh, I just want know if there is any help for expectant mothers? My doc just said "well no drinking and no smoking" as if it's some magic sh** you can just turn off. I'm not a party animal, just a normal chick who drinks too much and smoke too much after work! And all my reasoning won'y make it stop!

AA wasn't bad just because I don't believe in god, it was just weird with people calling me and up my butt all the time. "Oh, dinner will get cooked without you (yeah right) come have coffee" "oh, can I be your sponsor?, I'll buy you a BB, I've never been a sponsor" "oh, smoking isn't bad (after I had quit for a year) just have one, it'll make you feel better"....

Horselover

Was this your one meeting you went to or did you try others? Just wondering. When I lived in Illinois I tried several meetings and then eventually found the one I loved to go to. I don't know about them being up your butt, but they do help some people and most of the time they try to keep you busy so you don't get yourself into trouble. I was aggravated at first until I realized what was up with all of that. Its not a cult. Its a group of people that have been there and done that and have come out of it alive. Sorry, really sorry you had such a bad experience.

mrsmurph

Only went to one group 8 times, twice it was a speaker with many other people attending. Those are the ones where I got sponsor hit on and started smoking again. The girl I really liked never pushed it but I lost her number and she was very put-off when I called her to tell her I drank. It seems they are there for you when you follow the rules but not when something happens

Horselover

Definitely wrong group for you and it would be for me. Most people would be there for you whenever as long as you had the desire to be sober. I had an awesome sponsor and she was non-judgmental. I wish I could tell her she did help because even though I did go back to drinking I have now stopped and I still recall a lot of wisdom she shared with me from back then. Kind of like dating in a way too. Sorry about the analogies, but I tend to do that. I'm not currently in AA, but I would run not walk if I felt I needed the help again. There are other forms of recovery groups I'm sure. I just don't have experience with any of them. SR has helped me, but I have HAD to come here when I thought I was going to cave and drink and reach out. This is key and if you can't do that or feel you don't need to be cause we're a bunch of faceless people then it wouldn't work. I am glad you joined SR though.

Dee74

hey Mrs Murph

I dunno about plans - there are no magic pills or magic wands as you say - just damned hard work, every day. I just make a commitment every day not to drink, no matter what.

I do anything but drink - ride it out, post here, talk to friends, distract myself...it's simple in that respect - but it's not easy.

I think Horselover has a point - you should check out other AA meetings, other programmes.

As someone who did it alone, I can tell you it's very very hard to quit that way - like I said - you have to accept that there will never again be a good enough reason to drink...there's no leeway there.

Thats why most ppl here use the support and fellowship of groups.

And millions of women give up drinking and smoking for their babies - and not just women 'out there'...I've seen many mothers here on SR do it too. Love is a powerful motivation. I'm sure you'll be fine when the time comes

D

jsml1234

Wow, lots of hard questions with a complicated situation; Alcoholic smoking atheist that desires to have a baby with a husband that also drinks and is not willing to attend AA..... I'm dizzy!
The answer, as I'm sure you know, is straight forward and not complicated-on the other hand, the execution is difficult and requires hard work.
Obviously I don't know you or your spouse. But, from just reading your postings I don't think you two are ready to add a pregnancy/newborn to the situation at this time...you did come to this site and asked.
Seek wise and professional counsel. I'm interested in what others will post.
I wish the best for you.

KindBird

Good having you here Mrsmurph. I think having a plan is important - and making not drinking a real priority. It helps me to remember that this has to be the most important thing in my life. If you are planning to have a baby, that will become #1 really fast (it just happens - for necessity reasons), so getting the drinking thing dealt with is really a great idea.

I think everyone's plan is personal. Read around this site a lot and you will get lots of ideas. I just posted a thread under Alcoholism about what people do when they don't use AA and am getting loads of good ideas (books, etc). Personally I am in day 14 and had a lot of non-drinking on 2008 but also some slips. My goal now is complete abstinence - it just seems easier than playing around with any drinking.

Having a kid is a great experience - wild and wonderful. Good for you for trying to be sober in that experience. The kid will need you to be!

Good luck and keep posting here!

least

I have four girls and wasn't drinking thru any of those pregnancies or childhoods... and that was hard enough without drinking. I wouldn't venture into pregnancy/childbearing without the full support of a husband/father. There are lots of ways to quit drinking without AA - there are lots of programs out there, the thing is to give it your all. Having a baby is such a huge experience... be sure you're ready to commit to a lifetime of responsibility.

In the meantime, check out the many forums here. Lots of experience and advice. Read and post your questions, but give us time to respond.:ghug3