2 years sober and girlfriend pregnant
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
No need for amends at all, Aristo.
I think you have the focus on the right thing now - the relationship with your girlfriend. I think things will work out fine if you keep the focus on that.
And, ya know what, if she doesn't want you to go to the appointment, then you shouldn't go.
I think you have the focus on the right thing now - the relationship with your girlfriend. I think things will work out fine if you keep the focus on that.
And, ya know what, if she doesn't want you to go to the appointment, then you shouldn't go.
Resentment Building
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posts: 174
I bought this book called "So your pregnant - what about me ?"
That's so how I feel right now !
That's not to say that I am not thinking about what she is going through - I am - and it must be a lot of stuff.
That's so how I feel right now !
That's not to say that I am not thinking about what she is going through - I am - and it must be a lot of stuff.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Thanks for the update.
I hope she has a safe trip home. It sounds like you are in a good place with helpful support! Part of being sober, for me, has meant learning new coping skills. It's all part of the process of recovery.
Best to you both!
I hope she has a safe trip home. It sounds like you are in a good place with helpful support! Part of being sober, for me, has meant learning new coping skills. It's all part of the process of recovery.
Best to you both!
Resentment Building
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posts: 174
I received text messages from my GF yesterday - on their way back, her son had to go to hospital - profuse vomiting - SHe would have been beside herself. He had to stay in overnight - I tried calling her - but she didn't answer the phone - I guess she was busy. So I sent a message to her saying that I hope everything is OK and that I am here for her if she needs me.
Next morning I sent an early morning message with me thoughts for her sick son. Her plan was to leave early and be back by lunch time. Since I assumed she'd be late due to her son being in overnight, I called at 11:30 to check that things were Ok and to find out what time she would be leaving or if they were leaving at all - I didn't here back from her.
So I made some plans to keep busy - I went to a meeting and then out to dinner with my sponsor - I let her know this by text.
It was 4:00pm when I receive a text saying they left at 2 and would be home about 8.
When she arrived I got a text (god I hate communicating be text message) - anyway - she said that they were all tired and probably best if we caught up tomorrow. OK that was cool with me.
Then, after dinner , I get another text saying that she was hurt by me now being there when she got home - So I went over there after dinner at about 8.45.
Her kids ran up to me me and gave me hugs when I arrived - which was nice - And I gave her one of my extended hugs - as it was good to see her and then family back in one piece.
I felt really awkward and was a bit quiet - And I know she had a lot going on - so I helped unpack a little, moved cars around and so forth - Her Dad was there and I had a chat to him for a bit.
The kids went into their rooms - she turned on the tv to a sport she liked to watch (and I don't) - Nothing was really said.
So I excused myself politely and went home.
We obviously couldn't talk about feelings and baby stuff, and I was feeling uncomfortable - which is another reason why I decided to go home.
Oh and in the middle of all of this , some of her friends came over for a little while and she chatted with them whilst I watched TV.
I'm not very good at pretending everything is OK with me - I don't think I should pretend - I just make my best effort to be nice and civil - Usually this means I am quite and a little withdrawn - Maybe I need to work on this - I'm not sure.
I don't think I feel guilty about leaving - it was nearly bed time for me anyway.
This is my best and most honest re-count of what happened tonight, but I want to check in to get perhaps some feedback on my behavior and actions ??
She has an appt with her Psych tomorrow - so I'll leave her be until after that - Perhaps she needs some time to process that appt - maybe I'll wait until she calls me - if she wants to talk - She may not want to talk.
I find it really hard to act is if nothing has changed between us - but is has in a big way.
thx
-Aristo
Next morning I sent an early morning message with me thoughts for her sick son. Her plan was to leave early and be back by lunch time. Since I assumed she'd be late due to her son being in overnight, I called at 11:30 to check that things were Ok and to find out what time she would be leaving or if they were leaving at all - I didn't here back from her.
So I made some plans to keep busy - I went to a meeting and then out to dinner with my sponsor - I let her know this by text.
It was 4:00pm when I receive a text saying they left at 2 and would be home about 8.
When she arrived I got a text (god I hate communicating be text message) - anyway - she said that they were all tired and probably best if we caught up tomorrow. OK that was cool with me.
Then, after dinner , I get another text saying that she was hurt by me now being there when she got home - So I went over there after dinner at about 8.45.
Her kids ran up to me me and gave me hugs when I arrived - which was nice - And I gave her one of my extended hugs - as it was good to see her and then family back in one piece.
I felt really awkward and was a bit quiet - And I know she had a lot going on - so I helped unpack a little, moved cars around and so forth - Her Dad was there and I had a chat to him for a bit.
The kids went into their rooms - she turned on the tv to a sport she liked to watch (and I don't) - Nothing was really said.
So I excused myself politely and went home.
We obviously couldn't talk about feelings and baby stuff, and I was feeling uncomfortable - which is another reason why I decided to go home.
Oh and in the middle of all of this , some of her friends came over for a little while and she chatted with them whilst I watched TV.
I'm not very good at pretending everything is OK with me - I don't think I should pretend - I just make my best effort to be nice and civil - Usually this means I am quite and a little withdrawn - Maybe I need to work on this - I'm not sure.
I don't think I feel guilty about leaving - it was nearly bed time for me anyway.
This is my best and most honest re-count of what happened tonight, but I want to check in to get perhaps some feedback on my behavior and actions ??
She has an appt with her Psych tomorrow - so I'll leave her be until after that - Perhaps she needs some time to process that appt - maybe I'll wait until she calls me - if she wants to talk - She may not want to talk.
I find it really hard to act is if nothing has changed between us - but is has in a big way.
thx
-Aristo
Resentment Building
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posts: 174
Maybe this thread needs to be moved to another section ? I just tough of that - it's not really about recovery from drinking -
More about how to handle relationships sober - I find this very challenging.
More about how to handle relationships sober - I find this very challenging.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
I have read your thread and recent post and recovery isn't just about quitting your DOC. We are here to offer moral support but sometimes that is all one can offer. I can't offer any wisdom or advice to your last post. Maybe she needs time like you said. I know you are real antsy and nervous right now and if I was in your shoes I would be climbing the walls too.
All I can say is try your best to hang tough and try to wait it out as best you can.
Good luck.
All I can say is try your best to hang tough and try to wait it out as best you can.
Good luck.
Moving out of Limbo
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Today
Posts: 343
Aristo,
Really sorry about what you are going through. Tough situations can make us stronger individuals when we treat ourselves properly during these times. When I say this, I mean take care of you in every way possible. Respect yourself and be your own best friend during these times. Of course, the obvious, stay sober, because without that, things can fall like a house of cards. I know you know this, but it's good to be reminded sometimes. At least for me.
I can sure relate to the feeling of powerlessness of a situation with someone close to you. I just went through something about 6 weeks ago. This is really one of the ultimate tests for us codependents and addicts. When the world goes upside down, it's hard to go upside down with it. But we have to go with the flow and control only what we can control.
As others have said here, all you can really do right now is let her know how you feel. What I have done wrong in the past is let someone know how I feel, but did it with intentions of changing another person's feelings. It's tricky. I have to keep in mind that expressng how I feel relieves inner struggle.
I wish you the best in this situation, Aristo. Give me a shout if you need someone to listen.
Much love
Really sorry about what you are going through. Tough situations can make us stronger individuals when we treat ourselves properly during these times. When I say this, I mean take care of you in every way possible. Respect yourself and be your own best friend during these times. Of course, the obvious, stay sober, because without that, things can fall like a house of cards. I know you know this, but it's good to be reminded sometimes. At least for me.
I can sure relate to the feeling of powerlessness of a situation with someone close to you. I just went through something about 6 weeks ago. This is really one of the ultimate tests for us codependents and addicts. When the world goes upside down, it's hard to go upside down with it. But we have to go with the flow and control only what we can control.
As others have said here, all you can really do right now is let her know how you feel. What I have done wrong in the past is let someone know how I feel, but did it with intentions of changing another person's feelings. It's tricky. I have to keep in mind that expressng how I feel relieves inner struggle.
I wish you the best in this situation, Aristo. Give me a shout if you need someone to listen.
Much love
Resentment Building
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posts: 174
Just an update on this thread
WE have both gone to couples counseling - and both talking to our sponsors etc
We are both back on track and have just had the 3 month ultrasound and blood tests - all good - No need for amnio -
During this period I worked my PRogram harder than I have ever worked it before - and it works....
HOW ??
Honesty
Openness
Willingness
The Willing bit has to come first though -- all the rest follows.
This just proves to me yet again - how sick I was - how little I know and how much my HP has to do with good outcomes when all I have to do is the next right thing !
We are in love and we will get married and we will have a beautiful child together - Another gift of sobriety !
Thank god for god and AA !
(and this site)
Take care !
Aristo
WE have both gone to couples counseling - and both talking to our sponsors etc
We are both back on track and have just had the 3 month ultrasound and blood tests - all good - No need for amnio -
During this period I worked my PRogram harder than I have ever worked it before - and it works....
HOW ??
Honesty
Openness
Willingness
The Willing bit has to come first though -- all the rest follows.
This just proves to me yet again - how sick I was - how little I know and how much my HP has to do with good outcomes when all I have to do is the next right thing !
We are in love and we will get married and we will have a beautiful child together - Another gift of sobriety !
Thank god for god and AA !
(and this site)
Take care !
Aristo
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