Eclipse

I bought a "milkbox of wine" today which is about 3 glasses and a bottle for the evening. I decided I will quit tomorrow. So...I drank the "milkbox" and decided I wouldn't drink the bottle until after 6:00pm...its 3:34 and I am halfway through the bottle. My theory is that if I just hurry up and drink it all I can be done with it and its gone and I can start on my recovery (yea right). The problem with that is that I may decide that I "need" to go to the store for paper towels or dog food and buy another bottle. When does it end and why can't I get there? I have quit before and been so happy and satisfied...why can't I do it?

Not many know my story. I have always been a drinker. I got a DUI in college. We were all drunk, I just happened to have a car and drove. Just fun on the weekends nothing more. Once I got married, my husband and I would "overdrink" on weekends, but it was always fun and nothing bad happened. We got into coke for a month or two and I knew that was a bad thing and never did it again....I've had 4 children and never drank during pregnancy or when I was nursing...so that was several years. Now that the kids are older and the stresses of extracurricular events all the time and monitoring grades and homework and going back to work after 12 years and keeping up on laundry and bills and yardwork and making dinner yak yak yak....so I have drank more to relax. It has become excessive in the last couple of years. My dad is an alcoholic but it never surfaced until I was in college and wasn't home so I didn't see what was going on...but now I know.

I just want to do the right thing for my kids and DO NOT want them to think back someday and say "remember that time mom did snow angels in the snow but her arms were up in the air (true story)...it was funny then, but mortifying to me now.

Thanks for letting me vent and I hope to figure it out.

flutter

Just don't drink more..

joey8262

hun-u sound like u want help and i do as well-we're all here for the same reason-we've all been there-and we're all here if you need anything-it helps to talk and if you want to then am online-i hope ur ok and can get thru the nite-i know it sounds cheesy but if u want me just pers msg me-am here xx john

tommyk

Thanks for letting me vent and I hope to figure it out.

I think you have it all figured out.

(But keep fooling yourself, lol.)

Keep coming back.

Dee74

Eclipse the best time to start is now - not tomorrow.
I had too many tomorrows - it's insidious the way we suddenly find ourselves into the 'yets'. Don't let this happen to you.

Make a statement - tip out what's left and start tomorrow as Day One

D

Jomey

You can do it Eclipse. Do as D suggested....get rid of what's left and start tomorrow by doing something new to begin recovery...try something you have never tried before...make it work....I have three kids of my own and my neice lives with us also....I hear you on the stress situation....but I believe you can do it. Please try - you deserve it and so do your kids. Take care! Jomey

Emily2002

Oh, please don't drive to the store. Think about how much you've already had and if you're at all like me -- and you sound SO MUCH like me -- you've got a pretty good buzz cooking.

THIS IS ME. EVERYTHING right down to the 4 kids!!! Oh -- and if you substitute "mom" for "dad."

I'm so with you when it comes to not wanting the kids to look back and remember me at my worst. Mortified. Um,,, yeah.

Glad you vented, Eclipse. We're not alone in this, you know, so PLEASE keep trying. I ended up starting all over again this week and was "mortified" to see that I've been "failing" here on SR for 2 1/2 years. I'm hanging here for a bit tonight because I'm having a hard time and I realize that I shouldn't really look at it that way. I'm trying, at least, which is better than nothing.

And your being here says something. YOU'RE TRYING too. You don't REALLY need any more wine when you have us, right? :ghug2

Hevyn

Eclipse, you sound ready to do this thing. I knew for ages what I needed to do, but kept putting it off - always trying to moderate. It never worked, and I found myself in a very dangerous situation, with DUI's, health issues, etc. It only gets worse. We fool ourselves into thinking we're calming ourselves down with a few drinks, but it's never as simple as that. You describe my behavior exactly, and it led me to ruin. You don't have to ever trash your life the way I did. Be thankful you've come to this realizaton. Looking forward to hearing about your progress.

Pixy1

Eclipse :ghug3 you know I know!

We will keep trying different things until we find what works. But above all we keep coming back!

TryingSoHard

Hi sweetie,

What can I do to help you get started on this? I KNOW you can do it. I KNOW you can. YOU know you can. You've done it before.

Take Dee's advice. Dump out whatever's left. Stay home tonight. Talk to us, call me, watch a movie, play a game, SOMETHING - ANYTHING, but don't drink any more and let tomorrow be Day 1.

I have complete faith in you.

Anna

I agree with Dee, start now.

I kept saying tomorrow way too many times.

I think you know what you need to do and you can do it.

adore79

Hi, I dont have a husband or children but Ive read over and over here that love cant make us better, only we can get better for ourselves. It takes a major commitment, one that I am still working on, but I feel I almost got it! Just stay sober today, and say that every morning when you wake up. PM me if you want to talk, Im here a lot! :ghug3

CarolD

Eclipse...

For me to finally quit...I had to want to quit
more than I wanted to drink.

I hope you soon reach that turning point.

Aysha

No better time than now.
Get rid of it and just keep trying.
And for goodness sake. DONT DRIVE ANYWHERE!!

Isaiah

Eclipse, my theory is you wouldn't have posted anything if you didn't want to hear us all tell you to flush whatever you've got, rest well, and to come back to us.

You can quit. I know in the past you've never let anyone else get away with saying it can't be done, and so don't think you can get away as an exemption. You've had wine today, but you can be sober tomorrow, and you know darn well that we'll be with you 110%.

KenL

You've quit before and you can do it again. You know how to do it. Just one day at a time is all it takes. Just this day. Let tomorrow worry about itself for now and focus on keeping a clean mind for today.

TryingSoHard

A quote from the back of a book I just bought yesterday:

"Sobriety is not a miracle; it is a decision. If you want to stop drinking, you can quit right now and you know it. So pick a time, like NOW. Accept that you are in control of your own drinking and drugging and that you have been in control all along."

Let us know how you're doing. :ghug3

Eclipse

So, its almost 10:00 and I didn't go to the store for "toilet paper". Instead we all had a bowling tournament on wii. Guess who won??? ME! My husband is very competitive so he was not so happy. I never got drunk, but I did drink all the wine. We have rum and gin in our house, but I would never think to drink it, its just the wine. So I will start again tomorrow, I have a dull headache and am just sick and tired and I really want this SO much, I just don't understand what is holding me back. I watched a really sad movie earlier today "Rails and Ties" and one of the main character dies and it just made me sick to think that I could die from what I am doing to myself....so...

Thanks so much for your support. Don't mean to be a whiner, SR has really become a lifeline for me and I look forward to getting online and having your friendship.

colagirl

Eclipse! I totally, totally know. Why are the milkboxes so awful and yet so enticing? I haven't given in yet, but I've thought of them often. I hate who I am when I drink, and I'm trying really, really hard to make that at the forefront of my mind, even though the addict voice is telling me that I want to drink more than I care about how bad it will make me feel.

:ghug3

NewDayNow

Hi Eclipse,

Same here. I spent a couple of years looking for my "hit bottom". It ended up being just me and a decision.

Now it's day to day, every day.

I can't say it's getting easier day by day, because it's getting harder for me to remember what I was like when I was drinking.

Just don't drink today Eclipse