TryingSoHard

Anyone here have their spouse/partner/SO also use SR? My husband commented last night that he was looking at online forums and only found this one (that he knows I use) and a couple others that were really horrible. He said that he knows I like it here and he doesn't want to make me uncomfortable by being on the same site.

Got me curious if anyone else is in this position.

I've been thinking about it a lot since last night and I can't decide if it would be a good idea or a bad idea. Part of why SR is so helpful to me is that I can post completely honestly and freely without worry of repercussions. I know that we could always agree not to read each other's posts but 1) is that even realistic and 2) is that just setting ourselves up for too much temptation to handle? I think if we both were afraid that the other was reading everything we wrote, we might not be completely honest and that would defeat the whole purpose of the forum.

Suggestions? Opinions?

TTOSBT

THAT is a hard one!
I will look forward to hearing people's responses.
I am glad that I do not have to make that decision. My husband is a normie.

TryingSoHard

Oh, he's a normie. He would hang out in the F&F section. Sorry, I forget that y'all can't read my mind sometimes.

(TTOSBT - see my post titled Al-Anon in the Alcoholism forum for more info.)

Dee74

I think, unless you were both totally OK with the idea, it wouldn't work - even if it was in another forum.
Total honesty is required here - and that's a big burden for a couple to share - in public.

If that's gonna be problematic - there are any number of good sites out there
SR is great but it's not the only one

D

TryingSoHard

See, that's what I'm leaning toward. I just don't know. I think in a perfect world it should be possible, but we sure don't live in a perfect world.

Thanks, D

Anna

That's a hard one.

I agree with you, it would be hard to be completely honest. Maybe, not possible. But, it is great that your husband is seeking support.

I hope you guys work this out and your husband is right that SR is the best recovery forum!

colagirl

Wow, I think I would have a really hard time with that. I think I would end up censoring myself even if I was trying not to. Depends on your relationship, though.

TryingSoHard

That's exactly what I'm afraid of. And I think even if a relationship was picture-perfect (which NONE are) that would still be an issue. Just the sensitivity of the topic is enough to be problematic, ya know?

sailorjohn

I would give it very careful thought, you might even want to discuss it with some of the forum leaders, I told the ex about this place with disastrous results. Yeah, and I would ditto that, you might be stifled a bit if you knew the other was reading your posts, hopefully that isn't the case for you. Good Luck.

michigangirl

TSH - I dont think I would be comfortable posting if I thought my hubby would see it. Even if it is in a different forum. I know I sometimes read the other forums for insight. I think it would be hard to keep seperate. I agree with what others have said.

TryingSoHard

I absolutely read the F&F forum, too, and even if I weren't actively LOOKING for his posts I think I would be able to identify them pretty easily.

Yeah, I'm leaning toward it not being a very good idea. Thanks to everyone for your input, I really appreciate it.

YaySartre

The former fiance has the URL to SR, and while I don't know if he uses it, our particular situation hasn't hurt from it. Since our relationship doesn't abide by any formal titles and we no longer live together, I've had to earn his trust and friendship back by utilizing the exact frank, brutal honesty that I post with, here on SR and in other places.

I think it could be a disaster for some people, and I can see why it has been. I send him excerpts from books and lists (ie; the codie thread's checklist) posted on here, and some of my own posts, but nothing else. He's a recovering addict, himself, is an adult child of an alcoholic, and to be fair, he did live through most of my own alcoholic madness.

Your mileage may vary. Seriously. I'd think it over, hard. :ghug

Mark75

I think that in addition to, perhaps, making your posts less open and honest, you could, unconsciously, be writing your posts to him. Do you know what I mean? Like if you wrote in your private journal with the knowledge that someone close to you would read it... you might unintentionally skew the message.

Hope I made that clear!

Mark

gypsytears

He can read your posts even if he's not a member.

Something to think about.

Mark75

I've checked one or two other recovery forums out, no other even comes close to soberrecovery.com. I mean, seriously.

Maybe there's an Al-Anon forum?

Mark

TryingSoHard

Gypsy, I know that and I've already thought about that. But actually having him be an active, participating member here would be different. Just MHO.

He was looking for Al-Anon forums and said he found a couple but they were really lame. I believe it, because when I was looking for a support site I tried a couple others and was totally UNimpressed. When I came across SR I just thought it was too good to be true. Hopefully he can find SOMETHING out there, though. I don't really know how extensively he's looked.

And Mark, I understand and agree completely with what you said about skewing my posts, even if unintentionally.

coffeenut

Good question!

I have left SR up on the screen numerous times. I would love my husband to see this site and get involved. That's just me, though.

Tommyh

I don`t think it would be a good idea for both of you to be here or in the same f2f meeting together.It may work,but sometimes it causes problems.I certainly would not want my wife here.I would feel weird,and she probally would too.

Sugah

My husband isn't a member here, but he is on another, smaller recovery forum where I participate. He is an alcoholic in recovery, and we don't have any problems "sharing" a community. There's nothing I'd say here, there, or in a meeting that I wouldn't want him to hear. And, though I don't do it so much here, I do post on the other forum asking for input on recovery issues. Anything having to do with our relationship, I discuss directly with him.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

afiet

My husband is a recovering addict and we attend meetings together. He comes with me to Alanon and I go to NA or AA. We also attend meetings separetly to have some time for ourselves but I agree with Sugah. There is nothing I would say to someone else that I wouldn't say to him and my husband has finally gotten to a point where he feels the same. (For a long time he just wouldn't say those things to anyone and by talking to me about it first, he's been able to talk about it in rehab and meetings.) I don't know I guess it depends on where you are in your relationship/recovery. Sorry, I don't know if that is helpful or not.