nordicwalker

I don't think I would feel ok writing on the same forum as my wife but maybe thats because I've only just started talking about it. Once I'm used to letting it all out to others then perhaps it would be even better if she read all I have to say to others.
Maybe your husband feels the same way?

TryingSoHard

Well see, here's the thing (for me): I was a secret drinker. He had no idea that I had a problem with alcohol, and he CERTAINLY had no idea how bad it was. Seeing that this is a recovery forum for addicts, I speak freely here about how I felt and things I did while I was drinking. While he *says* that nothing I could say would hurt him or bother him, I maintain that there's no way that he could possibly know that, not knowing what things he might hear.

What if, for example, he found out I got a DUI and hid it from him? I didn't - but that's just an example.

There's nothing going on NOW that I would write about here but not discuss with him, but I'm more concerned about when I want to write about my drinking past.

Also, he would be in the F&F forum writing about ME. On the surface, I think I'm ok with that... I know that he really has no one to talk to and he NEEDS someone, and I've read the F&F forum enough to know that they are incredibly supportive and objective there. But I can't promise that I wouldn't stumble upon some of his posts, and I can't promise that my feelings wouldn't ever get hurt.

I'm not trying to make it sound like there are things we can't discuss, because there's not anything we can't discuss. I'm just afraid it could be asking for trouble.

We haven't really talked about this; he just made the comment in passing last night that he wouldn't want to "intrude" on "my site" and make me uncomfortable, and ever since he mentioned that I've been thinking about whether or not I should tell him to come on over. I DO think it would be good for him. I just don't want it to bite me in the butt and wind up being bad for US.

Latte

My husband knows about SR and knows my screen name but he would never come here unless I asked him to. He respects me too much I think.

Ananda

well...just to be the odd one, and single at that

But...when i got sober in 85 my home group had MANY couples that attended our meetins together. It was more than fine it was great. My boyfriend and I went through h*ll in our personal lives with each other at one point and both of us were members of that home group, attended the same meetings frequently (mostlly) and used the same friendship group of support.

During the worst of it..the members provided support to both of us never making us feel that one of us was right or wrong...just helping us deal from whatever perspective we had at the time.

Of course....I have also chosen so far not to share this site with my brother, although I think about doing so often...because I know that for me I am TOTALLY frank here and in meetings....and that makes my brother uncomfortable. I don't moderate my share much for others. But i agree I want him and would want a SO to get the same wonderful opportunity for recovery that I have found here.

Also - I guess I didn't always share the details when my SO was in the room with me...and here at SR once you post...it's there forever Of course there is Chat that can be utilized with many rooms if we don't want it down forever available to all.

Additionally, I don't think that men find it hard to avoid going in the womans forum so there is that privacy as well in the situation you described.

I'm glad you posted...no answers just thoughts and a little semi related expereince.

oh yeah....I have grown more in this sobriety where I have the stronger anenimoty her at SR than I ever have in f2f meetings...mmmmmmm

bstt03

I think that if you feel uncomfortable you should tell me not to. If he's a "normie" I think you need to be here more than he does.

nordicwalker

Also, he would be in the F&F forum writing about ME. On the surface, I think I'm ok with that... I know that he really has no one to talk to and he NEEDS someone, and I've read the F&F forum enough to know that they are incredibly supportive and objective there. But I can't promise that I wouldn't stumble upon some of his posts, and I can't promise that my feelings wouldn't ever get hurt.



I can understand his need to talk to someone, even if people around you know what's going on they can't really understand the problem (how could they it takes us years of living it to start to understand how it works)
So a forum is a great place to share, and to ask and give advice,

Can I just say that my wife has said things on her forum that she could not say to my face but has asked me to read them afterwards, which was beautiful, and I don't think that we should get hurt (or feel guilty) if our partner writes things about us that need to be said to get them out of our heads!

nordicwalker

OK So my wife just came in I talked to her about it and from the "other side" perspective she said that no way should he be there with you but that you have to look after yourself
and get better on your own and that the forum should be your own place to get better in without everybody following your every move all the time! (she was fairly wound up at the time to say the least but I see her point!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Philly

TSh-

I hope you get your answer. I could never have my husband come anywhere near this site. It is one of my greatest fears however your relationship seems to be on better ground.


I do think it would be impossible not to read each other's posts but like someone said he can do that anyway so that shouldn't be the determining factor.

I did read somewhere to be careful who you tell this site about because they will be reading your posts. I have not told anyone. I am very honest here so it would be very easy for someone to tell who I was so I think I will
eventually change my name just in case.


Good luck

sailorjohn

But non-members can't use the search function, so it is a little more difficult.

TryingSoHard

Nah, he knows the site and he knows my user name so it wouldn't be hard. I'm not actively trying to hide anything from him. I just want us both to have the best recovery experience possible.

Eclipse

I would never want my husband to be on SR. This is MY thing and my place to vent and be honest (even though he knows about my problem and we've talked about it.) I just need somewhere/someone (you guys) to discuss my feelings and thoughts, also he really doesn't know how bad it really was.

shaun00

That is a hard one and i can see your predictament..
I think its fundemental to have anonymity......vital in fact...imo
What i share here is for me and people like me...

I wouldnt be happy having my wife reading my posts although i show her the occasional one.....but the point is if i asked her not too.... she wouldnt..

Thats a bit like listening in on my wife calls.......no way.

Could you ask him not to go on certain forums?.....i think thats a fair request
And you stay away from his forums?..........would you trust him not too?

I cant think of any other option other than changing your screen name?
Is that possible? .......no good with this forum stuff.

Part of this....imo is about trust.

I dont envy you........it a difficult one.....but good luck with it..your find a way...........trucker