CAPTAINZING2000

Really, when you stop to think about it, a good friend has got your back and supports you. Anyone that would try to force a drink on you, isn't a friend anyway

Bamboozle

If someone pesters you about it, turn the focus away from you onto them. Maybe make a joke about it...offer to find them something else to do other than bothering you. If you don't want to share your business with everyone, you do not have to. You are not obligated to be 100% truthful about everything.

My guess would be that the only ones who want you to drink no matter what are the ones who have a drinking problem. I used to be this way...I would pester people to drink because I didn't want to be the only one...I was a jerk about it sometimes. Now I know better...if someone doesn't want to drink, I don't even care. Ah, what a relief!

FizzyWater

I too used to worry about this ............

I've now realised though that nobody else cares ..............

I just ask for a soft drink and say no to alcohol, been 8 months now and nobody has ever questioned me.

If somebody asked you if you wanted gravy with your meal you wouldn't worry about saying yes or no !!!!!!!!!!!!

mle-sober

I just remembered another good response someone once told me: Say, "No thanks. I don't have a stop button." I thought that was funny.

I'm an artist so I don't have an office type of situation at work. But I do have to interact with gallery owners, people who buy my paintings, and openings with a lot of people I don't know. I absolutely have no problem saying I'm a recovering alcoholic in all those situations. I just don't feel ashamed about it at all. I really do feel proud.

I don't feel like it's inappropriate or too personal. I don't go around shouting it. Generally speaking, no one cares. At my most recent opening, I asked the gallery owner to have my favorite drink (cran-grape juice and pelligrino with a lime) at the bar. It's kind of important that the gallery owner know I don't drink because I don't want them handing me a glass of good wine. Yikes.

Then, if someone asks why I'm not drinking, I have no problem saying I'm a recovering alcoholic. I find that I can't help smiling when I say it because it's something I am truly so happy about.

Aysha

I dont and never have drank. I was a bartender for 10 yrs tho ironicly.
So when people ask me about drinking. I just say I dont drink..It makes me sick. Which it does.
I agree with Anna..No thanks..Bottom line. You owe noone an explanation.
Just because someone turns down alcohol doesnt mean they are alcoholic.
And you would be surprised at how many people wont even think twice about it if you were to just say no thank you.

I agree mostly what mle said. I am the type of person that could care less what anyone thinks. And if someone asks me something. I will tell them as truthful as I can.
But to be fair..Not everyone is comfortable with that.
There are certain situations where I wouldnt say that I use to be a crackhead. Most times if it happens to come up...I will say I have/had a problem but I am working on it or whatever.
To me..Bottom line..Its nobodys business unless you want them to know.

TryingSoHard

MLE, I really love and admire your attitude about this. Honestly. I hope to some day be as comfortable in my own skin.

grrrr

Thanks for sharing. That is really cool. I have felt very proud to say that I quit drinking, and I hope with more time under my belt that I will be more comfortable saying the "a" word in public.

laurie6781

For many years now, a simple "No Thank You" has done the trick.

However, there are times when I find somebody is really persistent and my not drinking really seems to be bothering them. It is then, I look them straight in the eye and queitly but firmly say:

"Do you like living here in ________(insert name of city or town)" When they nod or give a verbal assent, I simply say "Then you DON'T want to see me take a drink, I will rip this town apart. I was a mean, vicious, nasty drunk, so you best be happy I am not drinking."

It is absolutely amazing how quickly the person will scamper away, roflmao

As had been said previously, most people accept a simple "No Thank You." I have also noticed over these many years that not that many people at a function are actually drinking alcohol. Many do not.

So just stick with a "No Thank You" and you should be alright.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Taking5

I think the bigger issue, especially if you are new in sobriety, is WHY are you at a gathering where people are drinking?

Avoid these situations at all costs in early sobriety, IMHO. It is a lot safer for you, and you'll never have to answer any questions.

CAPTAINZING2000

that's funny as hell

TryingSoHard

Well, I'm still early in recovery and I can give you an example of a situation that I don't feel needs to be "avoided at all costs" but still presents the question. I was on vacation with my mom. We went out to eat. The waiter walks up and asks what he can bring us from the bar. I say, "I'll have a Diet Coke." My mom says, "Oh, you don't want something else?"

I don't think I should have to avoid restaurants just because I don't drink anymore. I don't have any problem going to a restaurant (NOT a sports bar-type restaurant) and ordering my Diet Coke. But when I'm with someone who KNOWS I usually order alcohol, they are going to ask why the sudden change.

Bars? Parties? Sitting at the bar at a restaurant or going to a pub/sports bar? I whole-heartedly agree... I don't think I'd handle any of those well right now and I don't want to try it and see. But I don't think it's too fair, either, to say I should just be able to avoid being in that situation entirely. Heck, one of my friends recently asked me what the deal was with me not drinking anymore and all we were doing was walking down the street window shopping!!

Taking5

I am not trying to hijack your thread, but would it really be that hard just to tell SOME people at least - like your Mom for crying out loud - that you are in recovery?

I have found that the majority of people who I don't know or don't know that well could give a rats ass if I am drinking or not. Those that I know well not only knew that I drank, they knew that I had a big frickin' problem with it.

So when I tell those people I am in recovery I get nothing but support. There has only been 1 exception to this and this is from a person who needs AA as badly as I do.

Thats just been my experience.

Rusty Zipper

we dont have to justify good healty behaviors to a soul...

a simple, no thanks will do...

and if we get nag'd, we can take it from there...

the i found out i'm allergic to to it is always a crowd pleaser...

All About Love

for some people, for whatever reasons these situations are unavoidable
& its that simple

rust is right you do not have to JUSTIFY y what whens or hows to anyone...

just say "no thankyou i dont drink"

littlefish

I think maybe the crux of the issue here is telling all the people who have seen you drink that you aren't drinking anymore.

Declining drinks from perfect strangers or new friends is not hard at all. Just ask for water or a soda pop, etc. If they question why I don't drink, (they haven't) I wouldn't give them an answer (and strangers or new friends are being rude anyway to ask for an explanation).

After I quit though, I was worried about all my friends who have always seen me drink. No, I have not wanted to grab a mr. microphone and announce to all my friends at the party that I quit drinking. I thought this would be a problem, but for the last 5 months I have been to lots of parties and bars while sober and haven't had much of a problem at all.
In several cases, I was driving so I said "I'm driving". Wow, that made it simple.

At one bar, I ordered a non-alcoholic beer at the bar and brought it back to the table.
In all the other cases I drank water or coke.
I would have to say that in 99% of the events, not one single one of my friends asked me why I wasn't drinking. Only one friend did ask: "You're not drinking?" And I said no. He did ask why. I said "Oh, I'm just not drinking right now". It felt awkward for a minute or so, but I didn't feel the least bit bothered by it.

To be honest, I think he may have asked because he might have problems himself or someone he is close to might. Because I suspected that, I didn't take it as rudeness or prying. Maybe some other time if he still shows he is curious, I may share with him. He is a good friend and I wouldn't be uncomfortable. But it wasn't the right time or place when he did ask.

Naturally the reason why it is awkward to explain why we aren't drinking is because if we choose to be completely honest about it: we aren't drinking because we drank too much and are alcoholics. That is a personal subject about my emotional health that I think is inappropriate discussing over appetizers at a noisy dinner table or a bar.

The bottom line is that a lot of people, even good friends and family, don't understand alcoholism, are uninformed about it or are judgemental and sharing the reason for your sobriety with them could end up hurting you more than helping you.

I don't feel the least bit guilty telling a white lie because, well, that is taking the concept of honesty to ridiculous lengths. If it is something people don't need to know and will not harm them by not knowing it hardly qualifies as a lie. I look at it as a "conversational tool".

Gypsy Feet

My mom will trip out and then dig for details if I don't have a good cover story (seeing her for the first time this weekend). She is an alcoholic, the kind I was. She drinks a few at night and gets a little tipsy at functions. Her sister has been 12 stepping for years, and was the type to bring vodka to work in the am and lose jobs. So to her, if I am going sober it will mean that something big happened, and she would never see me the same if she knew what happened. So for some people, I will just have to bend the truth for my own health.

grrrr

I totally understand. I chose not to tell my father and stepmom at the holidays this year because I didn't want it to be the topic of conversation. I am not overly close to them, and it just wasn't important. My dad has had a drinking problem in the past and hurt this family because of it. I definitely didn't want that to be the Christmas conversation either. Everyone else was drinking, but I just asked for diet coke and said I was worried about getting sick because folks at work were. No one cared.

I feel great recognizing how to do doing things for my own health. Everyone has a different story and has to make the best choices for them. Thanks for sharing.

BKP

I like to put it out to others i am a drunk but for some they don't feel so free you can say that you have some things to deal with and you are taking some time off, a hiatus from it in which is the truth day by day my friend.