hardtoregister

Okay so last night I drank. I didn't get drunk, but I drank. 1 beer and 3 rum and cokes (weakly mixed), then I went home and went to bed. I broke the 30 day challenge that I had started after 4 days.

I'm really trying to be as honest as I can be, so here's the short story. I'm not going to lie, I felt cravings for alcohol after four days, it were as if my body was asking me "It's Saturday, why arent you drunk yet?". They weren't strong cravings, but they made my mind wander to alcohol every once and a while. If anyone remembers me from a previous post, I am still trying to figure out whether I am really addicted or just used to the university lifestyle. This is what I am still seeking opinions about. Yes, I felt cravings for alcohol, but not major cravings, or major withdrawl that I have been reading about from other sufferers (my heart goes out to you). Also I was able to stop after a few drinks, this is really what I want to get back to. (not often given the opportunity due to drinking contests, etc.)

So I guess my question is, is this a sign that I should restart the 30 day challenge? Or is this a sign that I can control my drinking and just continue to limit my consumption? What exactly is the 30 day challenge? Whether you go without cravings, whether you can go without a single drink, or whether you can go without getting hammered?

The reason I broke was my fiancee had been planning this game night with her friends for weeks prior, and it really would have been quite awkward if I chose not to even have one drink during the night. Which raises another question, if you choose not to drink, how do you deal with situations like that?

tommyk

Make a deal with yourself...?

_that if you can always keep it to a beer and three 'weak' rum & cokes and then go home and go to bed - you keep drinking.

_but... if you ever fail at that and go over that limit, you'll stop drinking for 30 days.

NOTE: you will always be able to find an excuse to drink. Never a reason, but always an excuse.

Best wishes...!

Isaiah

I would regard the 30-day thing as being suggestive. It's like an ink blot test, it's something that might help you learn something about yourself, but it's not scientific measurement.

I think just because you have a craving or a thought about drinking, doesn't indicate that you must have a problem, but it could very well be that you might. I get cravings for coffee, but I'm not addicted, and I don't have a coffee problem.

What signifies an alcohol problem is that you crave, you use, and you do so to a point where it has continuously negative consequences in your life. If you're blacking out, throwing up, provoking fights, missing work due to hangovers, etc. and such things happen repeatedly, more than a few times, then you have a problem of some degree.

lisa t

hey again htr,
i just posted on your other thread about the controlled drinking but as far as how do you handle situations where others are drinking and you're not. it's pretty basic for me...i don't put myself in alot of those situations. now i'm not in college (thankful for that...those were some scary years for me), so i would go with what others have suggested...tell your friends you're taking a break, you don't feel like it, you have alot of work to do....whatever works! i think alot of people get caught up in what others will think and quite frankly i haven't found that many people that interested in my not drinking...they are more interested in the fact that they can!! if they hassle you...leave!! most people i have encountered in my sobriety are supportive and those that aren't i don't hang with...some people don't get it...oh well! i feel better about myself now and that really is the bottom line for me!! be true to yourself!
Hugz,
Lisa

nickishine

Thanks HTR! :chatter


Now for my chatter.... In my early stages, and at times, not in my early stages... I could stop and be okay with it. Because of that one or two time feat, I felt I may not be an alcoholic! That I may just have the power (will or strength) to be somewhat normal like the rest of them. Hmmm..... Inevitably, this only lasted a second and then I was in full swing once again kicking and screaming at myself that "I should of known better".

I can't say if your a "heavy drinker", "problem drinker", "hard drinker", "high or low bottom drunk". I suggest sitting down with a pen and paper and be COMPLETELY honest with the affects alcohol has had on your life. Has it caused you to have fights and/or broken relationships, not do "as good" in school as you could have, etc., etc., etc..... Maybe taking a look at what alcohol/drugs have created in your life maybe awakening for you????....

As far as cravings go, that's all apart of it for most of us here. That doesn't go away when we stop drinking, that's when it hits the hardest! From what I understand it can last a long long time, it's what we do with them that makes the difference in our lives. I've had cravings in the past that literally had me salivating for a drink and feeling that alcohol was the only thing that could satisfy that desire. True enough, it is -- but the consequences of my drinking and giving into that craving rips my mind, heart and life to shreds in some way or another.

I wish you the best and look forward to hearing more about the journey you are on!!!

Hugs,
Nicki
:ghug3

bstt03

I just say no thanks, I am not drinking. If they don't like it the heck with them and they are not my real friends anyway.

roadguy100

In my opinion it is a problem because obviously it is bothering you. As far as your friends go...put them up to the challenge when they give you a hard time.

Stay true to yourself.

AW2486

You were able to stop.. But did you want to?

Anna

I think that, if alcohol was not a problem in your life, you could have gone 30 days without drinking and not thought about it. The fact that you gave in to the thoughts, is part of the obsessive-compulsive aspect of the disease. You thought about drinking and then you drank.

In my opinion, someone who is not an alcoholic, will not have to think about controlling their drinking. It's a non-issue.

I'm glad you are asking questions and looking for answers in your journey.

mle-sober

Hardto Register,

Since you titled this thread "I need more opinions" I'm going to go out on a bit of a limb and give you my opinion. Note that it is just that - my opinion. Nothing really matters except your opinion when trying to determine whether or not you are an alcoholic. Because others can say you are until they are blue in the face but you won't feel very inclined to seek help until you "get it" on your own. So that's my first little preface.

I have one other preface. Speaking honestly sometimes comes off a little harsh. I do not judge you or condemn you are seek to cause you pain. I'm just trying to be honest in response to your request for opinions. I apologize in advance if I hurt your feelings. I'm not meaning to.

I don't understand how someone can say they they are going to try not to drink for 30 days and then equivocate when they drink on their 4th day. It doesn't matter whether your girlfriend was having a game night and would be affected in a negative way by your not drinking. It doesn't matter if the rum and cokes were weakly mixed. It doesn't matter if you didn't get drunk. It doesn't matter if you stopped yourself at 4 drinks. It doesn't matter if your cravings were minimal or even nonexistent.

When you say you are really trying to be as honest as you can be, I think you could recognize that all of these things your site are things that attempt to minimize the bare fact that you tried to quit drinking for 30 days and were only able to go 3 days before you drank again.

You ask is this a sign you should try again or is it a sign that you can control your drinking? Well, I tried to maintain the illusion that I could control my drinking for a long time. And in the end it got very ugly. Each of us has to be utterly convinced in our own hearts that we cannot control our drinking before we can surrender to the idea that we are alcoholics. It doesn't help very much to have others say that you can't control your drinking. But, since you asked, it looks to me like you tried to control your drinking and couldn't.

You ask what the 30 day challenge is. How did you define it when you started it? Did you give yourself an "out" at the very beginning by saying that you could drink "a little" and still be in the game? I doubt it. The 30 day challenge is that you go without drinking without 30 days. Then see how you feel. People who are not alcoholics can go without drinking for 30 days and it's just not that big of a deal. They don't make excuses about how they had to drink to fit in or they only drank a little or they didn't experience big cravings. Or they didn't get hammered.

Choosing not to drink is a big deal for an alcoholic like me. It wasn't something I just did overnight. In a way, it was like watching a hurricane from a distance as it slowly approached me. I was terrified. I'd been drinking and relying on alcohol to define who I was, protect my fears and insecurities, numb me from my pain and give me courage. For two decades. There is a difference between deciding not to drink and finding the recovery path to sobriety.

When the hurricane reached me, it upturned everything I knew. It sent me spinning into unknown territory. And when things settled down, I really saw myself and my life in a whole new way.

I would suggest that, if you really want to be honest with yourself, that you begin to read AA's book called The Big Book. And go to a minimum of 6 meetings. You may have already discounted that possibility in a previous thread. Sorry if I missed that. But going to AA helped me recgonize myself. It might help you too. And if you just can't stand going to AA, reading the Big Book can be very powerful too.

It's hard, very hard, to see ourselves as alcoholics. And we come up with all kinds of excuses. I understand that. You are young and don't want to be an alcoholic.

It doesn't matter what other people think. What would you say if you thought it mattered to them what color your skin color was? You would tell them to frick off. If your girlfriend only likes you when you drink, maybe she's not the right girlfriend.

But for the record, I am one of those people who say, "I'm an alcoholic, I can't drink." If it's a social situation where people would be weirded out by that, I have sometimes said one of two things: "No thanks, I've had enough." (Which is kind of funny I think.) or "No thanks." And when they say ah common or why? I say, "I don't have an off button."

For what those are worth. There's no shame in being a recovered alcoholic. There's a lot of shame in being an active, slobbery, sloppy, stupid, drunk.

tellus

My two cents... I have very rarely experienced cravings and I had no withdrawal symptoms whatsoever. But I am definitely, unequivocally, an alcoholic: if I drink again, it will eventually kill me. Whether or not you have cravings and/or withdrawal don't come into play, at least in my definition of alcoholism. You made a 30 day challenge to yourself (this wouldn't occur to most normies), and it didn't work. Even if you're not an alcoholic, there's no harm in trying the 30 day thing again, right? (Out of curiosity, what were the terms of your challenge? Was your goal to not drink at all?)

Re: refusing alcohol, does your fiancee know about your concerns? If she does, that's a huge help. Discuss with her what you're going to say if you're offered a drink. "My doctor put me on a new med that interacts badly with alcohol" will raise fewer questions than "I just found out I'm allergic," I've found.

Good luck.

Celebration1994

No sense in challenging yourself if you find the loop holes to not stay alcohol free. Only you know if you have a problem with drinking...if you do, we will support you to stop if you want. If you don't, continue doing it your way.....the good thing about life is we have choices. You can get all the opinions you want, but it is still your choice. Luck and love.

SoberStephanie7

My opinion is that you want us to tell you it is OK to drink. That is not our call. It is your life. How you handle your failed challenge is up to you. YOU WANT US TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT AN ALCOHOLIC.

I like to tease myself into thinking I can have one or two... and I can for a day or a week or even months... I can even quit while pregnant... but inevitably for me, the slide starts after a few days or weeks and I am back drinking WAY too much. I tell myself anything I have to to justify my drinking again... I am my own con artist... but deep down I know the truth and I just hate to admit it... BUT THAT IS ME...

Only you know what is right for you. I would think that since you *think* you might have a drinking problem, you probably do... only you can decide.

Dee74

I can only agree with MLE.

I was the one who suggested, in an offhand way, the 30 day thing, in the other thread.
It's no alcohol for 30 days - no excuses no caveats.
If you have no alcohol problem, it should be fine.

It's not fool proof - I've known alcoholics who can do it - but if you broke on day 4, I think your aim of getting back to controlled drinking is gonna be pretty tough.

I let peer pressure break me in college.

Fitting in was more important to me than doing right by myself - I guess its good I eventually got it right...but it took 20 years.

Don't be like me. Do what you want to do - if that's to not drink? then anyone who doesn't support you doesn't care about you, and is not your friend.

D

TryingSoHard

MLE and Dee are spot on. Good luck to you.

FizzyWater

I used to worry about what other people thought of me not drinking, funnily enough I also used to woory about what other people thought of me drinking too much.

How would it have made your fiancee or her friends feel awkward if you had drunk soft drinks or is the reality of it the fact that you would have felt awkward doing that, nobody else.

Don't feel bad about feeling awkward not drinking, society programmes us to feel that way for some reason, like your a big man if you can hold your drink.

I'm slowly coming round to the idea that people also respect you for being an individual and being able to get up the next morning clear headed while everyone else is struggling is great.

I think you know the answer to your own question though .............

Jersey Nonny

One more opinion.

There are 12 Steps in the AA Program of Recovery. The very first one is:

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable.

If you made a decision to quit for 30 days and found an excuse to drink after four, you may very well be powerless over alcohol. If indeed you are, it's inevitable that the second part of the step will follow.

The choice of how you live the rest of your life is up to you.

hardtoregister

I guess when I started I didnt really go over the rules in my head. I will start another 30, no drinking period. I thought perhaps only having a few and then stopping was in the OK category.

It's true, I know I drink too much, and it has made my marks at school slip. However, I guess my actual concern is whether I will just be able to tone it down to a few drinks a week once I get out of university. I'm just not sure exactly on what the 30 day thing proves? I mean I go without alcohol for 7-12 weeks at a time when I go on military courses,I do get cravings on the weekends, but so does everyone else.

I thought the test was whether I would get cravings in the 30 days, which I failed after four. However, I thought if I could drink responsibly over the 30 days, then I would prove to myself that I don't really have a problem with alcohol, I just like to have a drink once and a while, like coffee.

Dee74

Don't get fixated on the 30 day thing.

I just suggested it cos you seem unsure whether you had a problem or not, Hardtoregister.

You're right - if you can go weeks without alcohol when you have to, like on a military course, it probably won't prove much to you whether you go 30 days or not.

All it proves at the moment is that drinking is a pretty big part of your life and you feel uncomfortable when it's not there, or when others are drinking and you're not...

Nothing and noone is gonna make up your mind for you, man.

You have to work out whether this is an alcohol problem or a peer group/social one - and then you need to work out a solution, if in fact a solution is what you think you need.

We all did that. You can't be led to a solution - noone can - but we can give you the benefit of our collective experience, if you want it LOL

If you want to use the 30 days to try controlled drinking, it's your dime - do that.

SR will always be here if you need advice

D

Fiona630

Hey HTR,

If it means anything to ya...when I was in my 20's, I had a lot of friends that were in college...they drank like fish. College, at least university's, were one big party. If there was nothing to do at home, find ur college friend. Road trips were made to friends that were going to school a few hours away cuz there were always frat/sorority parties. It seems that most college students drank till the threw up and were carried out of the bar or frat house. Years later, these friends of mine that drank like serious alcoholics are now professionals that enjoy their getting together and having a few cocktails but nothing like back then. They grew up, got jobs, families and became "normal" people. I, on the other hand, only got worse with my drinking as the years went on. It obviously wasnt my environment, it was/is me.

Im not saying u dont/wont have a problem. No one can decide that but u. But Im just saying it very well could be ur environment. Ur in college..different lifestyle! Maybe once u set into a routine with a job and a rent/mortgage and all that stuff..the crazy college kid stuff will go away. Ur responsibilities will be more. Not to mention ur going to meet new people and ur friends u party with will also hopefully be working. Good luck!