I need more opinions
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: IL
Posts: 71
Hi htg
Theres not too much I can add that hasnt already been said. I went through the same feeling and thoughts as you. When I first began reading all the posts I was searching for something that would tell me I don't have a problem and I could continue doing what I was doing. All I learned was I was SOOO much like everyone on here. Some more than others but oddly linked to everyone. I googled and read so much on what defines an alcoholic hoping to find a site that doesnt define me.
I tried controlling my drinking many times. Notice the "many times". I could do it for a while and I thought I was king sh!t. But it never stuck.
I just reached my 30 day goal and the last thing I want is to be where I was 2 months ago. Try it, you'll be surprised what you will come to terms with.
I also worried about what I was going to tell people. ESPECIALLY because I was known as "the partyer". People notice I am not drinking. I understand not wanting to stand up and announce youre an alcoholic so I came up with all sorts of excuses-medication, trying to lose weight, trying to quit smoking (which is true), ill, you can think of something. Nobodys questioned it. I have also began telling those close to me the truth and am surprised with their response.
I had to smile when I read about your fiancee game night. You reminded me of myself...Can't stop drinking yet, I got (fill in the blank) coming up. I always had something going on that I couldn't stop for.
I think you know the answer deep down. Good luck my friend
Theres not too much I can add that hasnt already been said. I went through the same feeling and thoughts as you. When I first began reading all the posts I was searching for something that would tell me I don't have a problem and I could continue doing what I was doing. All I learned was I was SOOO much like everyone on here. Some more than others but oddly linked to everyone. I googled and read so much on what defines an alcoholic hoping to find a site that doesnt define me.
I tried controlling my drinking many times. Notice the "many times". I could do it for a while and I thought I was king sh!t. But it never stuck.
I just reached my 30 day goal and the last thing I want is to be where I was 2 months ago. Try it, you'll be surprised what you will come to terms with.
I also worried about what I was going to tell people. ESPECIALLY because I was known as "the partyer". People notice I am not drinking. I understand not wanting to stand up and announce youre an alcoholic so I came up with all sorts of excuses-medication, trying to lose weight, trying to quit smoking (which is true), ill, you can think of something. Nobodys questioned it. I have also began telling those close to me the truth and am surprised with their response.
I had to smile when I read about your fiancee game night. You reminded me of myself...Can't stop drinking yet, I got (fill in the blank) coming up. I always had something going on that I couldn't stop for.
I think you know the answer deep down. Good luck my friend
Just another day...
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 274
Soarinhigh..Ive always got something coming up that has kept me from quitting..but there will always be something going on too..so no time like the present. I will either not drink at whatever is happening or not go. I am supposed to be going on a girls night this weekend..was planned a few weeks ago. I want to go, to see my friends(they all drink normal) but I dont want to drink. I think Im going to drive myself and if the urge to drink comes out, I will leave. If I drive to a party or bar, I will not drink..Im scared of getting a DUI or worse...that much control I do have. Its when someone else drives...look out..THAT drunk girl is here! or at least was.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
HardtoRegister:
You say, "However, I guess my actual concern is whether I will just be able to tone it down to a few drinks a week once I get out of university."
Does this mean you don't feel concerned about your current drinking?
You also say, "However, I thought if I could drink responsibly over the 30 days, then I would prove to myself that I don't really have a problem with alcohol, I just like to have a drink once and a while, like coffee."
Honey, if you could drink responsibly over 30 days & that would thereby prove to yourself that you didn't have a problem, then you could just look at your weeks of military courses. Not drinking during those times would be sufficent proof, don't you think?
But the truth is, you are not sufficiently soothed by those times. You still want proof somehow. You want someone to say, oh don't worry this is just how university students drink. When you get out of college, you'll be fine.
You obsession of your mind tells you all you need to know. That doesn't mean it's easy to accept.
I'll tell you a my quickie version story: I started drinking at 14 after I was raped. Had friends and family sufficiently freaked out to do an intervention when I was 21. Went through 4 weeks of inpatient treatment to make my family feel better. NEVER admitted I was an alcoholic. Got out and kept drinking.
Stole from people in order to drink. Lied to people. Got raped when drunk. Drank harder. Still couldn't admit it. Got married. Had 2 babies. (Stopped drinking while pregnant - see?? I'm no alchy!) Got divorced. Drank harder. Went really crazy. Got married again. Had 2 more kids. (Stopped drinking while pregnant - see?? I'm no alchy!)
Kept drinking. Did a million stupid things I regret. Kept drinking. Harder. Pretended I wasn't drinking. So my husband wouldn't leave me. Tried to control my drinking. Couldn't. Not even a little. Tried really really hard to control my drinking. Still couldn't. Got caught by my husband. I was 39. I'd been drinking alcoholically for 25 years.
I finally fell down on my knees and asked for help and admitted that I couldn't control this demon in me. Finally got help. I've been sober for 10 months.
Sorry to take up space with my story. This is your thread. But I thought it might be interesting for you to know. I've had loved ones telling me I was an alcoholic for 20 years. And I just turned my back on that because I couldn't bare to give up my alcohol.
If I could go back and do it all over again, I'd have asked for help when I was 14. There are so many people who I've hurt. And so much mayhem and stupidity because of my selfishness.
You are so young. And you have your whole life ahead of you. You can choose to ignore the voice in your head that is telling you something. Or you can choose to pay attention and get help.
But like we have all said many times, nothing counts except your own opinion. I can tell you what I think and it won't matter one whit unless you feel it too.
You say, "However, I guess my actual concern is whether I will just be able to tone it down to a few drinks a week once I get out of university."
Does this mean you don't feel concerned about your current drinking?
You also say, "However, I thought if I could drink responsibly over the 30 days, then I would prove to myself that I don't really have a problem with alcohol, I just like to have a drink once and a while, like coffee."
Honey, if you could drink responsibly over 30 days & that would thereby prove to yourself that you didn't have a problem, then you could just look at your weeks of military courses. Not drinking during those times would be sufficent proof, don't you think?
But the truth is, you are not sufficiently soothed by those times. You still want proof somehow. You want someone to say, oh don't worry this is just how university students drink. When you get out of college, you'll be fine.
You obsession of your mind tells you all you need to know. That doesn't mean it's easy to accept.
I'll tell you a my quickie version story: I started drinking at 14 after I was raped. Had friends and family sufficiently freaked out to do an intervention when I was 21. Went through 4 weeks of inpatient treatment to make my family feel better. NEVER admitted I was an alcoholic. Got out and kept drinking.
Stole from people in order to drink. Lied to people. Got raped when drunk. Drank harder. Still couldn't admit it. Got married. Had 2 babies. (Stopped drinking while pregnant - see?? I'm no alchy!) Got divorced. Drank harder. Went really crazy. Got married again. Had 2 more kids. (Stopped drinking while pregnant - see?? I'm no alchy!)
Kept drinking. Did a million stupid things I regret. Kept drinking. Harder. Pretended I wasn't drinking. So my husband wouldn't leave me. Tried to control my drinking. Couldn't. Not even a little. Tried really really hard to control my drinking. Still couldn't. Got caught by my husband. I was 39. I'd been drinking alcoholically for 25 years.
I finally fell down on my knees and asked for help and admitted that I couldn't control this demon in me. Finally got help. I've been sober for 10 months.
Sorry to take up space with my story. This is your thread. But I thought it might be interesting for you to know. I've had loved ones telling me I was an alcoholic for 20 years. And I just turned my back on that because I couldn't bare to give up my alcohol.
If I could go back and do it all over again, I'd have asked for help when I was 14. There are so many people who I've hurt. And so much mayhem and stupidity because of my selfishness.
You are so young. And you have your whole life ahead of you. You can choose to ignore the voice in your head that is telling you something. Or you can choose to pay attention and get help.
But like we have all said many times, nothing counts except your own opinion. I can tell you what I think and it won't matter one whit unless you feel it too.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
You have received some really wonderful advice here. And truly, people who do not have a problem with alcohol do not focus so much on it. The one thing I wanted to add was something I learned and that is that "moderate" (i.e., normal) drinking (according to the US government) is defined as consuming no more than two drinks a day for men and one for women. I don't know about you but I was NEVER a moderate drinker by this definition....
new and scared. :(
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: chicago, il
Posts: 114
Originally Posted by mle-sober 
I was terrified. I'd been drinking and relying on alcohol to define who I was, protect my fears and insecurities, numb me from my pain and give me courage. For two decades. There is a difference between deciding not to drink and finding the recovery path to sobriety.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
You can do this!!! You are right on the cusp, it sounds. It really does get better. After all the initial terror and repositioning and re-writing the new plays you are going to use, you might (if you let it happen) find yourself settling into a space that you vaguely recall. It is you. The real you. Without all the pickling. And it's becautiful!!
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