New girl here! Here's my story!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 2
New girl here! Here's my story!
Hi all.
I'm new here. This is my first time ever trying out a public forum in the form of support... Maybe it will work?
I guess I'll start out giving a bit of a background story.
At 14 I started drinking heavily and smoking pot. Nothing bad, and I didn't feel I ever needed it at any point. Anxiety and depression started to kick in.
At 16 the drinking had carried on. I stopped smoking pot, and thought it was pretty nasty stuff. My anxiety/depression had become much worse. I refused medication, and tried psychiatrists...
At 17 I started doing mushrooms, acid and maybe once every few months did pills.
At 18 I had started drinking a lot more. I had stopped drugs for the most part. I did mushrooms once during this period.
At 19, I had started out drinking hard, but became sober for a month. When sober I started medication for anxiety/depression (cipralex) I started drinking once the side effects started to be less frequent (a week or so) I ended up starting to use cocaine (through snorting) and had become entranced in it. The first time was a feeling of invincibility, but each time after that was a search for a high on par with the first. A month and a half/two months later I went to detox as I told my parents what went on and I had hurt somebody I cared for very much during this ordeal. I was sober from March until November. In November I met my ex boyfriend, an addict. We did cocaine together, but it wasn't his drug of choice and I only used when he did and had no unbearable urge to do it any more than the few times we had done it. It basically made me want to sleep and nothing more. I started taking percocet as my ex was perscribed it for back pain, and didn't take it. I had unbearable pains from it being that lovely time of the month and advil just wasn't working. I had a very slight high and was searching for it to grow stronger so even after the pain was gone I continued taking them.
At 20 I had done dilautid (snorting) as my boyfriend injected them. I found very little high from this. I had then stayed sober for about a month before drinking and doing cocaine once. After this I had moved away with my boyfriend. While in our new place, the monthly pains had overcome me once again to the point where I was vomiting and could not move. My boyfriend decided giving me some of his methadone would help, so I went for it. I had never expierienced such an amazing high. The next day I felt horrible. The pains from the day before were nothing compaired to this. If I moved I would vomit. I was shaking. I was barely able to talk. All I could do was lay in bed and stay completely still, trying not to cry. My skin was crawling and sore. I would drink methadone at least every other day from that moment on until we broke up and he went to jail.
It has been since June since I have touched anything. I find myself craving so bad to have a bottle of methadone. I moved into a new city so I would not find myself in a situation where I could get any drugs if I ever felt I wanted or needed them. Now that I am here, I know if I ask a few people I could find whatever I want. I've seen so many people smoke crack in one area of town... The police don't even bother.
Basically this is my situation! Don't I sound fun ahaha
I'm new here. This is my first time ever trying out a public forum in the form of support... Maybe it will work?
I guess I'll start out giving a bit of a background story.
At 14 I started drinking heavily and smoking pot. Nothing bad, and I didn't feel I ever needed it at any point. Anxiety and depression started to kick in.
At 16 the drinking had carried on. I stopped smoking pot, and thought it was pretty nasty stuff. My anxiety/depression had become much worse. I refused medication, and tried psychiatrists...
At 17 I started doing mushrooms, acid and maybe once every few months did pills.
At 18 I had started drinking a lot more. I had stopped drugs for the most part. I did mushrooms once during this period.
At 19, I had started out drinking hard, but became sober for a month. When sober I started medication for anxiety/depression (cipralex) I started drinking once the side effects started to be less frequent (a week or so) I ended up starting to use cocaine (through snorting) and had become entranced in it. The first time was a feeling of invincibility, but each time after that was a search for a high on par with the first. A month and a half/two months later I went to detox as I told my parents what went on and I had hurt somebody I cared for very much during this ordeal. I was sober from March until November. In November I met my ex boyfriend, an addict. We did cocaine together, but it wasn't his drug of choice and I only used when he did and had no unbearable urge to do it any more than the few times we had done it. It basically made me want to sleep and nothing more. I started taking percocet as my ex was perscribed it for back pain, and didn't take it. I had unbearable pains from it being that lovely time of the month and advil just wasn't working. I had a very slight high and was searching for it to grow stronger so even after the pain was gone I continued taking them.
At 20 I had done dilautid (snorting) as my boyfriend injected them. I found very little high from this. I had then stayed sober for about a month before drinking and doing cocaine once. After this I had moved away with my boyfriend. While in our new place, the monthly pains had overcome me once again to the point where I was vomiting and could not move. My boyfriend decided giving me some of his methadone would help, so I went for it. I had never expierienced such an amazing high. The next day I felt horrible. The pains from the day before were nothing compaired to this. If I moved I would vomit. I was shaking. I was barely able to talk. All I could do was lay in bed and stay completely still, trying not to cry. My skin was crawling and sore. I would drink methadone at least every other day from that moment on until we broke up and he went to jail.
It has been since June since I have touched anything. I find myself craving so bad to have a bottle of methadone. I moved into a new city so I would not find myself in a situation where I could get any drugs if I ever felt I wanted or needed them. Now that I am here, I know if I ask a few people I could find whatever I want. I've seen so many people smoke crack in one area of town... The police don't even bother.
Basically this is my situation! Don't I sound fun ahaha
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
X the problem on a move, is that we go along with the move...
hope you find a solution X
good wishes
rz
I moved into a new city so I would not find myself in a situation where I could get any drugs if I ever felt I wanted or needed them.
hope you find a solution X
good wishes
rz
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 281
Welcome!
You have found a great site. That is so great that you have been sober since June. You can do this, we are here for you if you need someone to listen. I am on day 9 of sobriety and feel amazing!
Have a great day!
You have found a great site. That is so great that you have been sober since June. You can do this, we are here for you if you need someone to listen. I am on day 9 of sobriety and feel amazing!
Have a great day!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Congratulations on being clean since June. Do check out the substance abuse forums and the info there about narcotics anonymous (NA)
Please let us know how you're doing. We care! Welcome to a great site for recovery and support!
Please let us know how you're doing. We care! Welcome to a great site for recovery and support!
Welcome to SR!
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