Dee74

I've had this argument before - and I don't want to hijack the thread cos this is a really important issue.....

I know some folks see this as a recovery tool in the sense of knowing what they might expect....fine

I want to add tho I think it's a bizarrely way too general theory/model that can scare people quite unnecessarily, especially those in early recovery.

I had good times and bad times, recovery wise, due to my circumstances and moods. Go figure.

takes ya pick

PM me LOL
D

Rusty Zipper

BL, for me i found out that the horizontal posistion aint good for this drunk!

no watch'n Oprah(sorry Ope) and eat'n Bon-Bons!

its action!

good wishes BL

rz

Latte

I stopped counting and just started living my life.

I did it the other ways and failed.

It's amazing, sobriety is amazing but what is more amazing is how normal it is. It's getting up every morning and feeding the dog, making breakfast, hanging out with my kids, doing the laundry etc.

dancinggirl

Wow...I totally think to myself, "maybe I over-reacted"...and I'm on Day 31. I KNOW that last time when I'd gotten to day 54 it was the same thinking, nearing my day 60 mark...."aww, this wasn't so hard, i'm not REALLY an alcoholic if I could do this, I can drink again, i'll just stop after a few times". That lasted HALF A YEAR!!!

I'm still battling those thoughts today! I just have to remember the advice to "play the tape through". The comments I've gotten form this forum really stick with me during the day. Someone else mentioned that we tend to romanticize our DOC...I can totally see that. Rarely do I fondly remember going in the tub 'cause I was too cold...then getting too hot and sitting on my porch naked to cool down. lol My poor, poor neighbours....

Mattcake

I agree with Ksplash and Latte, I stopped counting days. I know when my last drink was (fuzzily ) and I doubt I'll ever forget it. But when I decided to stop drinking altogether, part of my program included letting go of time as much as possible and concentrate on Now. Ticking off days in a calendar just feels binding. I'd rather not think about my final tick. So no more countdowns (countups?) for me. Some days I just go "wow, 4 weeks" or whatever, but I leave it at that. It feels liberating.

Having said that, I really enjoy reading about other people's milestones. A good pat on the back is always great

least

In answer to your question: TTOSBT stands for To Thine Own Self Be True. It's from Shakespeare.

I too was a chronic relapser but now have 30 days. I think of what Carol said about wanting to stay sober more than I want to drink. Well I finally got that message. Now I play the tape to the end - the horrible shameful disappointing end. And have so far been able to beat back the demon. Altho lately and time I think of drinking I really feel sick. So I'm getting myself trained to think about alcohol's negative points, which are many. I'm doing "behavior modification" by thinking of the bad parts to drinking and making my "yuck" into the first response to any cravings.

I just want to stop drinking more than I could ever want to drink. So far it's working, tho I had so many "practice" runs and failures along the way.

Ezzi

For me, it always reminds me of when I quit smoking. Somewhere I heard that after 3 days the cravings subside then after 21 days you are no longer addicted to nicotine. BIG LIE! After three days I was sick, cranky and miserable. But, I thought to myself - knowing what I know now, how horrible this nicotine withdrawal is, I will never try to quit again. If I didn’t succeed, I would never have the b***s to try again.

Alcohol is trickier for me, because I don’t have the physical withdrawal and the psychological isn’t all that bad. I’m certain that physically I could quit again and again.

I never really messed my life up with alcohol. I didn’t lose a job or ruin relationships. But, I did lose lots of time and some money. I drank 5 to 7 nights (starting anywhere from 3 to 6 pm) a week, 4 to 7 beers. Of course, occasionally, at parties, much more.

I really thought of lots of reasons not to quit and none to quit. I decided that was reason enough. Not sure I could mentally convince myself again and again. And that, so far (day 12), has given me resolve.

bostonluv

Latte & Ksplash & Mattcake. I agree with you. If counting is scaring me and taking me out of the present then I should stop counting for awhile. I love all the advise on this thread and glad other people can read it also. It's been very helpful and supportive.

TTOSBT

Ya kniow what I love? The fact that there are so many ways to get and stay sober. You do not have to do it any one way, just the way that keeps you sober and growing. I personally like counting but I can see how it is not helpful for many.

If we stay in today and if we participate in our recovery every day (no matter how we dewcide to do that), we can stay sober!

Luckyv2

Quote Out Of The NA Basic Text

Makes sense if we are not responsible to recover than it won't happen. No one is going to do this deal for us.

Eclipse

I think I am not going to count. The things I am going to count are the times that I played gin rummy with my kids and husband last night while we watched the Olympics, my husband made my lunch for me to take to work (he really liked seeing me sober and not "sleeping" during the Olympics, I am going to count that I got up this morning at 6:00 and went for a walk with a friend and felt great! That is what I am going to count!

Have a great day! And all of you hang in there, we can do this!

sobergirl77

I know what you mean, bostonluv. Counting for me is becoming a drudgery. It feels like I am just waiting for that magic number, whatever it may be. I know I can't drink, and like least said above, I now play the tape to the bitter end. All I have to do is remember how sick I was after my last drunk and how badly my head ached the next morning. I force myself to remember the shakes, the withdrawals and detox symptoms, and the fact that I don't even get that "buzz" anymore. I go straight from sober to drunk, no fun in-between time anymore. And now that my body isn't "set up" for alcohol anymore, I get terrible hangovers with every relapse.

It also helps to remember that alcohol is nothing more than poison. We are damaging our bodies every time we take a drink.

I also know now not to ever get overconfident again about my sobriety. I just take one day at a time and be grateful at the day's end that I am sober yet another day.

LogCabin

May have been answered...I found out today too, and I love it.

To Thine Own Self Be True.

For me it was things like Money in my hand and feeling good that took me back out. Then I made it 10 months, then I made it 2.5 years. And I LOVED being clean and sober. And I say it to myself all the time. I love waking up clean and sober. I love feeling happy and strong.

Feeling scared is ok. Remember what you are scared of most of all. Being sick and tired scares me a great deal. I also beleive it is a positive thing to say, "I will never drink or drug again the rest of my life!" For if I fall, I fall. I have to get back up. But as someone else mentioned...If I ever fall again...I may end up dead. I almost died from my addictions in the last relapse. I never want to be so close to death ever again...until it is naturally, of course.

I have been clean and sober for 95 days now. And I love it even more than before. I love having money in my pocket. I Love being responsible to myself and my kids. I love being able to listen and learn every day. I love finding ways to feel peace and calmness everyday. I focus on the positive and good in life and people.

And I reach out to people I trust and love when I feel down or fear. I spend 15 minutes everyday finding a quiet place to read and meditate on what I read in my daily meditation recovery books. I keep recovery the most important thing I do every day. I am committed to going to two meetings a week.

LogCabin

I just read all the replies...good stuff for sure. And very interesting to see how many different ways people do it. Newcomers and long-termers...

The tape kept breaking for me as soon as I hit "Play!"

I am a visual person. And I have what I call "My sleeping Dragon" just over my right shoulder. As long as my dragon is sleeping I will be ok. But if I wake that dragon up...it is really hard to get it back to sleep. And I may die trying. So better to let it sleep.

Call me crazy if you must...but I have gotten so used to my dragon that when stinkin thoughts enter my mind...it's like my dragon is yawning, and starting to lift it's head...And I say.."Oh Sh*t! What is going on with my recovery?" And I know I need to figure out why I am starting to want to drink and drug.

Isolation is a warning sign to me. Not wanting to go to my regular meetings is a sign to me. Not wanting to call my sister is a sign to me. For she is my strongest lifeline. Feeling frustration, short-tempered, or high anxiety is a warning to me.

And I know know that no matter how busy or happy I get in life...I have to always keep my recovery the most important thing I do. That too was one of my downfalls. The same thing that was said above. I thought I had it licked, and since I had had some clean and sober time...I could control it NOW. HA! Double HAHA! Now I know to the bottom of my toes...I will never be able to control it. And so I have completly surrended, and accepted that I can't ever drink again. And I feel good about it. No sadness at all. I'm happy to be clean and sober.

I've been debating with myself for a couple years now about getting a purple and teal medieval sleeping dragon tattoo on my right shoulder, but so far...have not done it. I want something that also symbolizes my two children...but I can't have them with the sleeping dragon. And so...nothing.

kj3880

I remember when I got to 30 days I came on here and was ready for my "congratulations" posts but some people said "watch out" instead. This scared me. I wasn't even thinking about using. Then at 60, and 90, and 120, people said "watch out" but I don't really credit it anymore. I appreciate the warnings, but it isn't certain amounts of clean time that makes me want to use.

The times that I've had cravings, they've always been tied instead to feelings. When I have bad feelings to deal with, like this past episode with J. coming over, I want to get away from it by using. I call my sponsor or others in recovery instead. Everyone is different though. For some people, anniversaries are a challenge, just not for me. For others, maybe they don't have as much trouble with rejection or loneliness as I do. We don't all have the same triggers. I think what is important, is that when you identify your triggers, to work within the framework of you disease, be mindful of what triggers you and combat those triggers with what is effective for you. For me, calling someone, or getting to a meeting helps enormously. Posting on here or going into the chat room, sometimes it helps, sometimes lately, people say mean stuff and hurt my self-esteem even more, making me feel even lonelier and more isolated.

So do what works for you, Boston. And be confident that you can handle those triggers~as they arise! Don't borrow trouble, as my Grandmother used to say!!
KJ

kj3880

Log Cabin, what about a sleeping dragon with your kids playing around it? If it wakes up, it might "eat" them...scary, huh? No just kidding. That might scare the kids. This disease, when active, does kind of eat up our family in a way, doesn't it?
KJ

bostonluv

I like you KJ. You think too much.