Relapses
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
Relapses
Okay..I see a trend with people experiencing relapses after they hit a milestone: 30, 60 days sober, etc. How do I avoid this? This is really scaring me. I'm starting to dread my 30 days. I'm on 21 days and I'd like to stay here now, please. I see a lot of brave people drinking and going back to day 1 and starting over right away. I think I know myself well enough and I can say with total honesty that I would not do that. If I mess up I won't try again for awhile. Please give me tips on how to be brave.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I dont know abotu anyone else. But when I ahve relapsed after those times. It was because I got too comfortable in my recovery. Or I felt so good I was doing good. That I just had to do it one time. Oh it wont hurt...HA! Or I have even said to myself. I made it this far. I can do it again. All kinds of reasons I imagine.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
bostonluv,
All I can offer is what is working for me.
#1 I ask myself if I can guarantee myself that I have another recovery in me if I go back out one last time. I can not make guarantee today. Last time I went out, it took 10 years to come back and I KNOW I could not live for another decade like I was living.
#2 I play the ENTIRE tape of my drinking. Not just the first initial buzz and warm feeling washing over me. I remember the hiding, the lying, the hangovers, the look of disgust in my own eyes when I looked in the mirror, the disappointment in my kids eyes, the feeling of hopelessness and self loathing.
Gawd, I never want to go back there. Do you?
Call somebody, anybody, PM me, ask for help if you need it.
You can do this today.
You are WORTH this today. :ghug
All I can offer is what is working for me.
#1 I ask myself if I can guarantee myself that I have another recovery in me if I go back out one last time. I can not make guarantee today. Last time I went out, it took 10 years to come back and I KNOW I could not live for another decade like I was living.
#2 I play the ENTIRE tape of my drinking. Not just the first initial buzz and warm feeling washing over me. I remember the hiding, the lying, the hangovers, the look of disgust in my own eyes when I looked in the mirror, the disappointment in my kids eyes, the feeling of hopelessness and self loathing.
Gawd, I never want to go back there. Do you?
Call somebody, anybody, PM me, ask for help if you need it.
You can do this today.
You are WORTH this today. :ghug
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
TTOSBT - No Way! I never want to go out there again. And that is why I'm scared. This is not in "in the bag" for me. I see people say, "Oh. I got this down!" and then hold my breath and there they go down like big trees. Timber! It's just so easy to pick up. Lately I haven't been having cravings but that makes it even more nerve wracking. It's just lurking there. Waiting to get me. That's how I feel about it.
I will PM you if I ever feel like drinking (which I will will) but I don't today. I really want to stay free of this stuff.
What does TTOSBT mean by the way?
I will PM you if I ever feel like drinking (which I will will) but I don't today. I really want to stay free of this stuff.
What does TTOSBT mean by the way?
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Some of us relapse and it becomes a part of our journery. Its not a requirement of recovery to relapse though. If you have and work a program then stay in teh middle of that program and make recovery No 1. You will stay clean and stop living in fear.
Kevin
Kevin
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
Thanks Kevin. I think it's time to look into AA again and really commit to trying it for a month. Liz says they need people to help set up chairs and make coffee. I would feel more comfortable if I'm busy doing things. Now I just need to do it and stop just thinking about doing it. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Don't panic 
Keep doing what you've been doing - the key really is to stay in the day - you stayed sober today, you can do it again tomorrow.
The times I fell I either wasn't ready to stop drinking (but looking back I knew that) or I got cocky and thought I was cured, or I looked too far ahead and got, at times, either complacent or frightened.
Just stay in the day, and put a lot of those little days together.
Be cautious sure, but don't worry.
Don't think about it too much right now - just do it, you know? Plenty of time for in depth analysis down the track
Just keep doing what you're doing - and post here if it starts to go a bit
screwy
D
Keep doing what you've been doing - the key really is to stay in the day - you stayed sober today, you can do it again tomorrow.
The times I fell I either wasn't ready to stop drinking (but looking back I knew that) or I got cocky and thought I was cured, or I looked too far ahead and got, at times, either complacent or frightened.
Just stay in the day, and put a lot of those little days together.
Be cautious sure, but don't worry.
Don't think about it too much right now - just do it, you know? Plenty of time for in depth analysis down the track
Just keep doing what you're doing - and post here if it starts to go a bit
screwy
D
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
How I stopped relapsing....and learned the joy of recovery
1. I read "Under The Influence" .. took that information
2 Reconnected to my God
3. Started working the AA Steps
and have not had another drink.
In my experience and observation the key is
You have to want to be sober
more than you want to drink
Every day....no vacations...
You too can win over alcohol
1. I read "Under The Influence" .. took that information
2 Reconnected to my God
3. Started working the AA Steps
and have not had another drink.
In my experience and observation the key is
You have to want to be sober
more than you want to drink
Every day....no vacations...
You too can win over alcohol
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
You guys are right. I'm panicking. Looking too far down the road. Tonight I'm okay. Tonight I did not drink. I have to keep learning that. I'm sooooo new at this. I have so much to learn.
getting there
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
Hi Bostonluv,
Sorry to be one of the ones to scare you. I had 35 days and chose to drink today - let me tell you how that happened. I was having some cravings during the day - no big deal, I've had them off and on and been able to resist them. I came home from work, took a nap, thought about how I was glad for my sober time, etc. Then my mom called and started talking about the financial problems of my dad and my brother (who is about to be a first-time dad), and how she, on her social security-only income, loaned them both some money to pay bills.
Of course this is stressful - I make a very good salary and am reluctantly used to feeling like I am in charge of the financial security of everyone else in my family, even though it has stressed me out for years. But, remembering the cravings from earlier today, my mind told me, hey, this is an excuse, you can drink over this and it feels like it's justified, right?
I paced around my house doing chores for about a half hour, thinking about it. I decided to go to the store and buy a bottle of wine. I came home and poured a glass, then sat here for about 90 minutes, looking at the glass, doing a few more chores, thinking about whether I should post here, did I want to ruin my sober time, how mad I will be at myself in the morning, etc. I almost poured it out about 10 times. In the end, the glass of wine won. I am not proud of this. I know there is a lesson here and I intend to learn it.
BUT, you don't have to follow my example! You're doing great at day 21. The only way I made it 35 days (for the first time, ever) was one day at a time, and sometimes one minute at a time. I intend to get back to that right away.
I hope this helps you.
Sorry to be one of the ones to scare you
. I had 35 days and chose to drink today - let me tell you how that happened. I was having some cravings during the day - no big deal, I've had them off and on and been able to resist them. I came home from work, took a nap, thought about how I was glad for my sober time, etc. Then my mom called and started talking about the financial problems of my dad and my brother (who is about to be a first-time dad), and how she, on her social security-only income, loaned them both some money to pay bills.Of course this is stressful - I make a very good salary and am reluctantly used to feeling like I am in charge of the financial security of everyone else in my family, even though it has stressed me out for years. But, remembering the cravings from earlier today, my mind told me, hey, this is an excuse, you can drink over this and it feels like it's justified, right?
I paced around my house doing chores for about a half hour, thinking about it. I decided to go to the store and buy a bottle of wine. I came home and poured a glass, then sat here for about 90 minutes, looking at the glass, doing a few more chores, thinking about whether I should post here, did I want to ruin my sober time, how mad I will be at myself in the morning, etc. I almost poured it out about 10 times. In the end, the glass of wine won. I am not proud of this. I know there is a lesson here and I intend to learn it.
BUT, you don't have to follow my example! You're doing great at day 21. The only way I made it 35 days (for the first time, ever) was one day at a time, and sometimes one minute at a time. I intend to get back to that right away.
I hope this helps you
.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
Thanks ColaGirl and I am sorry for just thinking about myself. I just got really scared after sobergirl relapsed and posted in the 12 step forum and then you were doing so great and I thought, Sh*t, I'm next. But D reminded me that it's not monster who is going to come in and over power me - make me drink.
Again, I'm sorry with the me me me. I appreciate you sharing your story.
Again, I'm sorry with the me me me. I appreciate you sharing your story.
getting there
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
I didn't feel like you were me me me at all. I admire that you're trying to learn from others' mistakes and not make them yourself! You started this thread, after all.
Ultimately it is completely up to us to make the choice to drink or not drink. I think I was probably still under the influence of the addiction, just waiting for me to have something that let me justify what I wanted to do. I knew exactly what I was doing, thought the whole thing through, and did it anyway. Truly, this disease is cunning, baffling, powerful.
You really are doing great though, 21 days is no joke! I know how hard that is.
Ultimately it is completely up to us to make the choice to drink or not drink. I think I was probably still under the influence of the addiction, just waiting for me to have something that let me justify what I wanted to do. I knew exactly what I was doing, thought the whole thing through, and did it anyway. Truly, this disease is cunning, baffling, powerful.
You really are doing great though, 21 days is no joke! I know how hard that is.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Hell you could call me Mr Relapse
Although I have had more clean time than using time since 2002
The point is that relapse isn't a requirement but it has been part of my journey.
I am hoping that maybe someday I will get it but this just might be the course of my life.
I hope not but ya never know.....
<a href="http://www.sobercomments.com/"><img src="http://www.sobercomments.com/images/angels5.jpg"><br>Sober Comments For All Occasions</a>
Although I have had more clean time than using time since 2002
The point is that relapse isn't a requirement but it has been part of my journey.
I am hoping that maybe someday I will get it but this just might be the course of my life.
I hope not but ya never know.....
<a href="http://www.sobercomments.com/"><img src="http://www.sobercomments.com/images/angels5.jpg"><br>Sober Comments For All Occasions</a>
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
Half the battle (I think) is being aware in advance.
Not super sensitive, living in fear, but aware.
I am unsure how many folks know much about addiction/alcoholism as a disease in the medical sense but (here in NZ) at treatment centres some of the medical information handed out include a reconginsed cycle in alcoholics and addicts and it is defined as 'buding' = Building Up to Drink/Drug.
I am unsre what this cycle is based (as in evidence) but the just of it, is the BUDing cycle is based on the idea that upon getting clean/sober the alcoholic/addict will be in some phase of the cycle, without knowing it, and be more likely to relapse at certain points of recovery.
From memory, unsure if I have skipped any or how accurate they are:
- 30 days
- 60 days
- 90 days
- 6 months
- 1 year
- 1.5 years
Then the expectation is once a recovering person reaches the 2 year mark, they are less likely to lapse.
They also believe this cycle/model is accompained by a certain type of thinking (in us) too which kicks in before we pick up. Things like: A begins to considering possibilites of drinking socially, A begins to think I can just use 1x and I will stop, A begins to think soberity/clean time is boring, A begins to think they have over reacted to the situation, A begins to find fault in everything friends and family do. So, according to this model, the relapse itself starts in our minds, not when we put the chemical into our bodies. Using/drinking is the end of the lapse.
As I said I am unsure what this is based or even if this model is still used in 'recovery feilds.' It was popular when I got sober/clean 10 years ago. I will also add that throughout my entire recovery so far, I go through periods where I have 'the thinking' this cycle has, even though I am past the 10 year mark. According to this 'theory' I probably should have been drunk long ago. So it is by no means accurate for me, but I found it helpful as it served as a reminded that addiction/alcoholism is a disease.
If there is something here that you (the reader) is unclear on, just ask me to explain further as I know it sounds a bit complicated, and it is really but as I said I found it helpful and still do as it reminds me we are dealing with a disease - not a lifestyle choice.
:ghug2
Not super sensitive, living in fear, but aware.
I am unsure how many folks know much about addiction/alcoholism as a disease in the medical sense but (here in NZ) at treatment centres some of the medical information handed out include a reconginsed cycle in alcoholics and addicts and it is defined as 'buding' = Building Up to Drink/Drug.
I am unsre what this cycle is based (as in evidence) but the just of it, is the BUDing cycle is based on the idea that upon getting clean/sober the alcoholic/addict will be in some phase of the cycle, without knowing it, and be more likely to relapse at certain points of recovery.
From memory, unsure if I have skipped any or how accurate they are:
- 30 days
- 60 days
- 90 days
- 6 months
- 1 year
- 1.5 years
Then the expectation is once a recovering person reaches the 2 year mark, they are less likely to lapse.
They also believe this cycle/model is accompained by a certain type of thinking (in us) too which kicks in before we pick up. Things like: A begins to considering possibilites of drinking socially, A begins to think I can just use 1x and I will stop, A begins to think soberity/clean time is boring, A begins to think they have over reacted to the situation, A begins to find fault in everything friends and family do. So, according to this model, the relapse itself starts in our minds, not when we put the chemical into our bodies. Using/drinking is the end of the lapse.
As I said I am unsure what this is based or even if this model is still used in 'recovery feilds.' It was popular when I got sober/clean 10 years ago. I will also add that throughout my entire recovery so far, I go through periods where I have 'the thinking' this cycle has, even though I am past the 10 year mark. According to this 'theory' I probably should have been drunk long ago. So it is by no means accurate for me, but I found it helpful as it served as a reminded that addiction/alcoholism is a disease.
If there is something here that you (the reader) is unclear on, just ask me to explain further as I know it sounds a bit complicated, and it is really but as I said I found it helpful and still do as it reminds me we are dealing with a disease - not a lifestyle choice.
:ghug2
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 357
Hi boston! I agree, this thread is not "me, me" at all. If I had had access to SR the first time I stopped drinking, and was able to ask the question you are posing, perhaps I would have been equipped with more tools in the times that I relapsed. No matter; I learned from those experiences and I am working on not beating myself up for my "mistakes"---this makes it a hell of a lot easier to stay sober. And like TTOSBT, I never want to feel that sh*$#y again. One thing I have noticed when I relapse: yes, I have gotten cocky and comfortable (I'm cured-whoo hoo!), but I also seem to watch myself making the decision (a F*ed up sense of spite?). I know that drinking isn't going to lead to anything less than a mini train wreck, but I choose to ignore my own sober voice. Really paying attention to that voice keeps me sober right now. It is like my mind is in training-lol. And, when I think of all the hiding, lying, physical discomfort and social debilitation that accompanied my drinking life, I know that I can stay away from alcohol another day. We do have a choice, though it is often a difficult one. Knowing that this is true removes the fear factor for me. I am not powerless. I have an issue with alcohol, but I can choose to remove it from my life. Whew-that feels pretty darn good!!! I am speaking in the first person (like a good alkie-LOL), but I do so because it is the only experience I can share first hand. We all have our own way of getting and staying sober---and "working a program" can mean whatever you want it to mean. Finding things that feed you on all levels and making healthy commitments to yourself---that is what matters most.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
