BBD

Lets see if we can bump this back to page 1~~~~~~

Impurrfect

(((Kats)))

How are you doing today?

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

BBD

Just checking on you kats. Hang in there hon..things will get better. I know you can stick to a plan so get ready and make a good one!!! Smiles, Bonnie

Kat67

Hey everyone! Today I'm going to see my therapist, she's really sweet but I find it's just getting harder to want to tell her stuff cause I just want all the answers now lol!
This opening up thing is pretty new for me since I haven't been open to anyone since I can remember(before high school), and makes me so tired and raw cause all my crap is rising to the surface. Lately I have been thankful that I've decided to get better but theres some points where I'm just WHY!!! I don't want to! lol

Aysha

Maybe because its easier to ognore it and keep doing what you have been.
But it gets harder eventually. You can only stuff and numb for so long.
Some day all that stuff is going to just come rushing at you.
Ok..Here it is...my liner time...We didnt become addicted in one day. It is going to take time to get your answers as it took time to become addicted. Your going to learn alot of patience in recovery.
Hope your appt goes well.

maltipoobear

Hey there. Don't put too much pressure on yourself! Everything can't be fixed in one day. I am the same as you about the opening up to others but mostly to myself. Change is scary but good change is awesome! You didn't mention how long you have been sober I don't think but it just gets easier and better each day until pretty soon you feel like a totally new person!

BBD

Oh Kat~~I hope your appointment is going well. Let me tell you something. My son is addicted to cocaine and until I went to therapy I blamed myself for this addiction. How wrong I was. I had to sit and hear about codependancy~~all the things I had done wrong with enabling him~~and facing the fact that I had to change as a mom to try and save him. Counciling has been so hard on me but thank god I have faced somethings and am changing. I don't have this disease~~he does!! So I spent so much time wondering why I was the one hurting so much. It's a tough road hon but you will feel so much better after you have opened up and gotten all those demons out !! PLEASE~~~don't give up. I bet you have a family that will be so proud of you..Big hugs and smiles, Bonnie

Impurrfect

(((Kat)))

I've found out that the hardest things I've gone through have helped me to grow the most. It doesn't make it any easier, though I'm like you...I want all the answers NOW!! I want someone to say "do this, this and this and everything will be fixed by tomorrow". Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.

Keep working with the therapist. The good ones KNOW it's hard bringing up the past stuff, but can help you get through it.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Hevyn

Kat, the stuff can only hurt you if it stays buried and festers. When it sees the light of day it will start to disappear. You don't need to waste anymore of your life staying on square one, afraid to move forward. You are brave to be facing up to all this - being sober is the only way to really feel things and make progress. Hope you stay around for a long time and let us go on the journey with you. Love, Joanie

newsandi

Hi Kat, Dont be afraid to tell the thearpist anything that is on your mind. They have heard it all and no one else will ever know. It is between you and your thearpist. I think talking to someone is going to help you so much. I saw a thearpist before and I couldn't shut up. Answers will come in time and your desire to use will lessen in time. Good luck and keep coming back here.

newsandi

How are you Kat today???? You need to check in with us. We are here to help you thru your issues. You will be happy and content in time, I promise you that. You will probably feel that you wish you would of done it a lot earlier. Keep us posted.

Kat67

Hey I'm ok, I've been trying to post but when I hit reply or post reply it doesn't let me......

Kat67

Yesterday I went and saw my therapist Kim and it went well but an hour later I felt crappy. I need to figure out how I can wined down without having a melt down, cause it makes me want to use.
I tried to stop myself from calling my friends who use but I couldn't and did.
I still talk to my ex who drinks constantly and is fun to hang out with but he really deep down(i feel)only cares about himself and the next drink.
Meanwhile theres the sweetest guy waiting for me supporting me, but no I rather drink. He and have been friends for about over a year now and hes been sober for a year and three months. I love and care about him a lot but I don't want him to see me struggle. It's like it goes hand and hand with the fence thing a unhealthy relationship(that I seem to not rip myself away from)or a healthy one. Aaaaaaaahhh!

Done_With_It

Hey Kat~~

Welcome to SR! Glad to have you here!! Sounds like you are doing some pretty hard work on yourself... Been there done that.... 8
I'm going on almost, 3 years off of crystal meth, no cutting, and no purging.
I stopped all of them on November 14, 2005... So I can relate to those
overwhelming feelings you have mentioned about in here.

I hate to tell you but .... You said,
that is a Good thing... That means you are WORKING.... if you go to therapy ESP. this early in the game and come out feeling good, that 'usually' means your still covering up your feelings, faking it, not working, not wanting to do what your doing, or lying about your feelings, etc....
Therapy is hard..... and esp. in the beginning, it does feel bad..
When we are using, ask anyone here, I know Amy and I often say we used as a habit to cover our feelings... Being numb was second nature to us..
To feel is freakin scary.. Then to stop using, and on top of that to start going to therapy it is a bit of a shock.. That is how it was for me anyway and many others I know...

But you know what, being numb, not feeling, not 'feeling sad' is a terrible way to live, because that means you don't get to feel real happiness either.
If you can't 'really cry' you can't 'really laugh'.... You don't get it both ways.
Life is so worth the fight.. When I first stopped, it hurt so bad physically, emotionally, etc. I thought I was just going to die.
But since I've stopped all the crazy insanity I have learned that I was blessed with burdons, and problems for a reasons. They lead you to a better place in life. Pain can be a good thing.. Everything can lead you to
a better place and to be a stronger person.. Using and being numb keeps
us stagnant...

So try not to be afraid to feel, it is what life is. Life is life.. Nothing more,
nothing less... Things happen... I can handle it.. is my motto. as you can.
You are an amazing person, you can do this thing without drugs, alcohol, etc. Treat yourself the best way you can, and the best will come to you.

Believe in Yourself......

Lots of Love and Light to you!!


DWI :day4

Mattcake

Hi Kat, welcome to SR

I'll just chip in regarding the fear thing.. For the longest time I feared change. Had it been up to me, I would have frozen everything in a cutesy sepia photograph just to get a breather. Of course that's impossible. But something gave me a lot of comfort: knowing that everything changes all the time, but nothing (absolutely NOTHING) is truly lost. Finally surrendering everything, including my fear, has helped me start flowing in a new direction. Yeah, I still feel scared at times. But it's definitely worth it. And I don't feel like I've "lost" anything, it has just changed shape. I'm okay with that.

Keep posting

Kat67

Yeah its been pretty rough lately with the therapy and feeling like a ping pong ball. I'm so glad my mom has raved about sr for about a year now, and I haven't really checked it out till now. I guess I wasn't ready but I'm pretty sure I am now. I love all the little smiley faces really cool!

BBD

So kat~~you do have some family behind you here to help you along. It's a rough road but in the end, I'm sure you'll be living a happier life. As far as friends~~~why not give that recovery friend a chance. He's probably one that will help you along and keep you where you want to be. When my son got out of rehab they told him relationships should be put on the back burner for a year or so. But friendships are very important and healthy. Be good to yourself and remember~~~~you have tons of support right here as you can see.....smiles, Bonnie

Impurrfect

(((Kats)))

Done is right...when we numb ourself, we miss a lot of GOOD things, too. Yeah, the pain of working through stuff is hard, but it is so worth it. We find out that feelings won't kill us..they're just feelings.

The other day, I drove by this farm and saw a bunch of baby goats in the field. They were adorable and made me smile. When I was using, NOTHING made me smile but more dope. Now I can smile at the silliest little things.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Aysha

Baby goats are so cute. They are so little and bouncy.
Hows it Kat?
Yep Miss done is right. Hope your doing well today.

RobbyRobot

Hi Kat,

yeah it can be rough sometimes we all know about that. It will get easier though and somethings just take longer then others, but its all good at the end of the day, when we fall asleep sober and wake up all clean and ready to rock!!

RR