Toomutch

Let me start by saying that I am posting this inthe newcomer forum because I dont get alot of responses from either the mental or the managing pain in recovery. There are afew in those forums that are helpful and they know who they are.

To look at me, you wouln't know I'm sick, I'm but I am. I really do not want to whine but I have to get this out. I take nine different medications for for both mental and pain related illnesses. I have gone off some in the past and the doctors said for the rest of my life I will need antidepressants, anti anxiety and possibly bi-polar meds.

I'm not sure what my point is, I am just hurting so badly. I go from feeling like I'm on the top of the world to a much lower place in a matter of minutes.
I am so low right now. I never feel like eating and have to force myself to do things. i wouldn't feel any lower than this if I were to drink. I'm just a f***** up mess right now.

I'm sorry I have be complaining ALOT lately, it is shameful.

I guess the bottom line is I need support and prayers.

Love, Suzette

Anna

Hi Suzette,

First of all, the mental health and managing pain forums are great forums, but less 'busy' than the newcomers forum, so you are always welcome to post here about anything.

I know you've talked about having fibromyalgia. I have that disease as well, and I know that it's a disease that people can't see and so they don't really understand. I had a lot of pain for many years and it added considerably to my depression. I know how difficult it is to deal with chronic pain. What kinds of things have you tried in order to live with the fibromyalgia? If there is anything you want to talk about, feel free to PM me anytime.

Have you talked to your dr about the depression and that your meds are not working well at this time? There might be something else you could try.

TTOSBT

Suzette,
You have my prayers and sympathy :ghug
But I do truly believe that there isn't a single thing that could not be worse if you drank
Hang in there honey.
Can you possible do some volunteer work for some less fortunate than you?
It might help to refocus on something besides how bad you feel?

scaredykat

Hi Suzette, You have support from me. I actually haven't been on the pain forum in a while. Sometimes it's hard to keep up with everything on here.

I don't have any real advice for you, but to hang in there and that things will get better. My sponsor is always telling me "life on life terms". Sometimes i hate that so bad, but it is so true.

& :praying for you.

Take care, Barb

Dee74

you would feel lower if you drank Suzette. Most people know me - I deal with pain every day - it really sucks to have pain every minute of the day - I don't know if many people know how wearing that can be. But you have to live with it.

I tried self medicating...and look where that got me.

A man I know is in Africa at the moment - he says these people have nothing materially - but they're *happy*. What they do have is a strong faith and a positive outlook.

How we feel about our pain or our life is a major factor in how we deal with it. I'm nOT saying I'm great at this either LOL but I try.

hugs
D

Toomutch

Dee - Some days I cope just fine and others I dont Im like a Jeckyl and Hyde. My moods are all over the place. Worse than the pain right now is not being able to control my mind.

serenityqueen

Suzette, don't ever apologize for feeling what you are feeling. And venting in the proper forum is a hell of a lot better than other ways I'm sure we both have expressed our feelings.

I also "look normal" but I suffer from chronic pain conditions as well as a heart condition. I have to take 13 Rx medications on a daily basis just to maintain my conditions well enough to function and go to work.

There are a few women in my homegroup as well as a co worker who are constantly complaining about how bad they hurt. I get sooooo tired of hearing this. Their "horrible pain" has been things like a blister from a new sandle that took a month to heal, normal, monthly cramps, a pulled muscle . . . I live with chronic, ongoing pain that will never get any better, the conditions deteoriate as time goes on. There are days where every single joint in my body feels like it is going to explode and they're whining about a blister! Every once in a while I have to wear a splint on my left hand since the rheumatoid arthritis is extremely bad in it and they will comment about how they have arthritis too and know how bad I hurt. No, they don't know how bad I hurt. There is a big difference is someone's body being attacked by Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis on a daily basis and an occassional bout of mild, arthritic pain.

I feel blessed that I am able to forgo the enormous amts. of opiate pain killers that I was addicted to and that all of the Rx meds I take, as well as the Methadone I get at the MMT is able to make it possible for me to work and for the most part, do the things that someone without these disabilities can do. It's just at times, I want to scream . . . "Shut up!"

There, I said it.

I will Pray for you to get relief from your illnesses. I've come to believe that Prayer can make anything bearable. I hope you know that if you would drink, you would feel much worse than you do now. We all have days that $uck, sometimes the days go into weeks. But please know that many people do care, I know I do. I can relate to how you're feeling. If you need to talk, please PM me. I'm gonna send you a PM right now with my email address. Please contact me whenever.

Hugs and Prayers,
Judy

LouLou629

I am sorry you feel so horrible. Power of prayer is insane..I hope god answers yours..I am new to this, I am from littleton also, althought I havent lived there in two years..I hate it there..Just thinking about it makes me feel sick...I just thought it was a small world thats where you are..maybe you need a relaxing vacation?

colagirl

Toomutch,
I don't suffer with any of the physical pain that many of you describe, but I wanted to send my thoughts and prayers to you. I have what I think are mild problems with depression and anxiety and even those drive me CRAZY (no pun intended). It is scary and maddening to not be able to control your moods and reactions to people and situations. I'm sorry you're going through this.

winwin

Toomutch- I also am sending prayers your way. Hang in and don't let the anxiety get the best of you. We all know that drinking won't take away the pain for very long and then we have to sober up and deal. Hang in and don't drink today.

Mattcake

Hi Suz,

I'm sorry to hear you're in so much pain right now. I know next to nothing about fibro, so I can't really comment on that, other than let you know I'm sending you lots of support and hope.

Regarding mental health, I've fired a number of pdocs who insisted that I was basically screwed for life. Though it's true that some people (especially BP) need consistent medication, it's very important to figure out exactly what those meds should be. Have you considered switching docs? Maybe a fresh review of your mental health and meds could help a lot.

You're in my thoughts, I admire your courage and determination

Toomutch

The doctor I am seeing know is my new doctor, I really like him, and hope in time he will figure it out. My next step is the neuro. doc.

least

You're not 'complaining' and you're not 'shameful' - you're human and feeling a lot of pain, both mental and physical. Pain does really wear you down, both kinds, and makes it hard to imagine things ever getting better.

I'm all too familiar with the Jeckyll and Hyde thing - I have little control over my feelings too often and my own emotions often are so powerful they scare me. I don't like feeling like my mind is a runaway train. With no engineer in the engine.

Please try not to be too hard on yourself, tho I know that's easier said than done. But try anyway, please!

sending up prayers for you and sending you lots of love and hugs,

:ghug3

Mattcake

Good, liking (and trusting) your doc is really important. I'm sure you know that, unfortunately, psych meds work by trial and error - no way to predict how you'll react to them. I hope you can figure out the right combination soon In the meantime, vent a lot; like you told me, it does help

adore79

Im so sorry for what you are going through Suzette, im sending all the strenght and prayers I can to you. :ghug3

CarolD

Prayers and Hugs coming your way
(+) (+) (+)

Horselover

(((SUZETTE))) I hope you can get the meds soon. I am so sorry you're going through this, but I am so happy you turned hear to vent.

:praying for you my dear!

mle-sober

Toomuch,

I am sorry you are in the kind of pain that you describe. I do not know about it. My closest experience by which I can relate is that I one of my 4 pregnancies was particularly hard. I had too much amniotic fluid so I was huge. And I had a hernia rupture on my belly button. It was excruciating. Plus I had sciatica and lower back pain on a constant basis. For my last trimester, there was no comfortable position ever. But that was only 3 months. So, I feel very sympathetic toward you and others who have constant debilitating pain that is ongoing and does not have an end in sight.

I felt crabby and rude all the time. It was all I could do to just meet my most basic committments. Anything above and beyond that required what I considered a heroic act. When the baby was born, the relief I felt was phenomenal.

So, I am sorry. Very sorry, for your constant pain.

In terms of the pysch meds and the mental condition, I can relate a little better. I am bipolar and lived undiagnosed for 20 years. I have a very extreme Bipolar I, partly, they say, because it went untreated for so long. I take 4 medications for this. They have yucky side effects. But I am so greatful for them.

When I finally found the right medicines, I had immediate relief from some symptoms and it was an amazing thing. It does not sound to me like you've found that and I'm sorry. My alarms went off when I read that you might be taking both antidepressants and bipolar meds. My understanding is they don't work well together. Antidepressants have made me dramatically manic in the past. There are other meds (atypical antipsychotics like Seroquel) that can work as antidepressants for bipolar people. That's what I understand and that has been by experience.

Of course, I'm not trying to dispense medical advice, just to relate my own experience. I suspect you and your doc would've already talked about this....

Anyway, I'm sorry you're struggling. And I'm glad you're here at SR.

Love, MLE

Aysha

Toomutch..Never and I mean never ever feel bad for coming here and letting **** go.
This is the place to do it.
There are alot of people who care here.
I dont really have alot to say about the meds. But I do know that you wont always feel this way.
Life has bad days too.
Whether we are sober..sick..or perfect. It is just how it is.
Hope you feel better soon.

Lenina

toomutch,

I have fibromyalgia too. It's a nuisance and inconvenient as all get-out. I was diagnosed in 1991 as I was lucky enough to have been referred to a rheumatologist who had some experience with it. He helped me so much. Just knowing I wasn't imagining all of it was a big relief. He had me take 100 mg of B6 and B1 with 1000 mg of Calcium at bedtime along with a tiny dose of some antidepressant. Also, some easy stretching exercises and water aerobics helped.

During acute flare ups he gave me "trigger point" injections of saline (salt water) and lidocaine. That made me able to continue working. I am so grateful.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and if you can find a good rheumatologist, I think you'd find some relief.

Much love,

Lenina