Nainoa

I hear ya Bro... Thanks...

I just remember an old guilt...

All my life I've been a leader...

And honestly... I've misused that leadership ability in the past... I lead sobre people with bright futures into addiction... I gave them that first taste... They fell to darkness as I did... Because they Followed me there...

Then I rescued myself... And I didn't take them with me.. I couldn't... Because you can only save yourself in this life...

I've "Cheered on" most of them since...

But God I went through an awful guilt... That these people believed in me, and I lead them into darkness, and I left them there.
(I feel like Robert Redford in "the Last Castle.")

So for a long time now I've take an rather hippocratic oath of "Above all else... Do no harm."

So it's a "Change of routine" for a structured person.

adore79

Well, I understand that it was drug-induced, but I've talked with other people who have had drug-induced psychosis and their experience was very much like my "natural" psychosis. I have come to believe that psychosis is like living in a dream, just like dreams come from our our subconcious so to can we learn from what we experience in psychosis. I can look back at the 6 months that i was psychotic and in a living hell and I have learned a lot about myself from it. During that time I had to face my greatest fears, even if it was only in my mind, I think it was a major learning process for me. In a way, it was like my mind forced me to get over some traumatic past experiences, it is hard to explain. Basically, I dont think psychosis is a bad thing like most people think, I think it is one way for our mind to cleanse itself. I hope that you have learned from your experience as well.

Nainoa

I think that's a very healthy perspective...

In Shamanic/tribal cultures... People who suffer psychosis (Like Schitzophrenia) often are shepherded into the role of a Medicine Man Or spiritual healer.

Many of those cultures believe that it's actually a gift... That it is this person who can better percieve the other layers of the "Spirit world."

*****

However in western culture it doesn't work like that... In western culture it's a disease...

And without that "Shepherding" process, it becomes too easy for one to lose their way, and encounter the negative aspects of this other world.

RobbyRobot

felly,
a beautiful post. i'm gonna skip the story itself just now but your message called me out to play and i wanna tell you that i did LSD [window pane, orange dbl barrel, blotter, purple micro-dot] and booze [vodka, rum, beer] and of course [grass, hash, shrooms, mesc] as my staple DOC for too many years; and at age 21 found myself in a secure mental hopsital receiving for my efforts a finding of stable chronic schizophrenia. completely incurable of course. they thought it was natural, i thought then and still do today, drug induced. whatever the difference it is totally moot.

i refused treatment and sought my release. upon release four days later, in my friends car as we drove away, i instantly used my DOC. wtf, eh.

"In a way, it was like my mind forced me to get over some traumatic past experiences, it is hard to explain. Basically, I dont think psychosis is a bad thing like most people think, I think it is one way for our mind to cleanse itself." -- you're a beautiful interesting person and i can't help but love you after that message. i know you understand exactly what i mean by that, felly79. i am smilin as i think of your sweet message. rock on.

living the dream daily,

Robby