My apologies
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I know how it feels to say you are weak and need help. I did it for the first time last year.
I felt like the biggest loser..basket case..a burden. Like I was siuppose to be able to pull it together at the flip of a switch.
I felt real uncomfortable for a little while when I first came here.
I was like..these people are going to think I am so weak and that I am crazy.
You know. After just a week or two. I found out quite the opposite.
As a matter of fact. It was odd to most everyone that I thought that way.
It took me a long time to finally admit I was powerless. I still struggle sometimes. But not really.
And if everyone here has put up with my BS for over a year. Than they can deal with anything.
I was awful last year. Down right mean and angry. Very confrontational. Thought I knew it all and then some.
Thanks to me opening up and actually listening and just letting go and letting it all out. I found that everything I was feeling and going through was normal for an addict.
And all the great support I got. And alot of them have alot of patience and very high tolerance levels. I can promise you that.
I still sometimes feel like I am a pain and a burden.I been at it here for over a year and still havent gotten any clean time. A month or so here and there. But I feel like I will never get it and a broken record.
But this place hasnt failed me yet. And neither has any of the other programs or people I have met F2F on this crazy journey.
We all hate doing stupid stuff. Use that to drive you in your recovery.
Getting sober is hard and is draining alot of times. But I can promise you. It cant be done alone. And it is so very worth it.
And you only have to go through it one time.
Now if I would listen to myself. Thatd be even better.
But I am. I slowly let people in. I slowly let all that ego go.
I dont know what the hell I am doing. Or I would be sober. Right?
It takes a very strong person to admit they need help.
That takes so much strength and humility.
Just keep an open mind and look for support wherever you can.
Always be willing to listen. And never feel like you are burdening anyone that is willing to help you.
Sorry so long. I got carried away with the pep talk. I just know exactly how you feel. And I am also here to tell you. It isnt like that.
We are here for a reason. And that reason is what you are looking for.
I felt like the biggest loser..basket case..a burden. Like I was siuppose to be able to pull it together at the flip of a switch.
I felt real uncomfortable for a little while when I first came here.
I was like..these people are going to think I am so weak and that I am crazy.
You know. After just a week or two. I found out quite the opposite.
As a matter of fact. It was odd to most everyone that I thought that way.
It took me a long time to finally admit I was powerless. I still struggle sometimes. But not really.
And if everyone here has put up with my BS for over a year. Than they can deal with anything.
I was awful last year. Down right mean and angry. Very confrontational. Thought I knew it all and then some.
Thanks to me opening up and actually listening and just letting go and letting it all out. I found that everything I was feeling and going through was normal for an addict.
And all the great support I got. And alot of them have alot of patience and very high tolerance levels. I can promise you that.
I still sometimes feel like I am a pain and a burden.I been at it here for over a year and still havent gotten any clean time. A month or so here and there. But I feel like I will never get it and a broken record.
But this place hasnt failed me yet. And neither has any of the other programs or people I have met F2F on this crazy journey.
We all hate doing stupid stuff. Use that to drive you in your recovery.
Getting sober is hard and is draining alot of times. But I can promise you. It cant be done alone. And it is so very worth it.
And you only have to go through it one time.
Now if I would listen to myself. Thatd be even better.
But I am. I slowly let people in. I slowly let all that ego go.
I dont know what the hell I am doing. Or I would be sober. Right?
It takes a very strong person to admit they need help.
That takes so much strength and humility.
Just keep an open mind and look for support wherever you can.
Always be willing to listen. And never feel like you are burdening anyone that is willing to help you.
Sorry so long. I got carried away with the pep talk. I just know exactly how you feel. And I am also here to tell you. It isnt like that.
We are here for a reason. And that reason is what you are looking for.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
FL, Chiy, Least, and everyone,
This is what it's all about, isn't it? People sharing and caring.
I've often said to people that teasing is the second most intimate thing you can do with another person. Tease a person who doesn't accept or allow your teasing and disaster follows.
But, I was wrong. That was before I encountered this place and my disease. Teasing is the third most intimate thing. Sharing here is the second. Taken seriously, what we write here can change lives. It can also ruin lives if we do not take it seriously. Give it a thought.
FL, this is the first day of the rest of your life. Cliche, I know. But true. There is momentary pain and there is lasting pain. I know which I prefer. Let's be sober together.
warren
This is what it's all about, isn't it? People sharing and caring.
I've often said to people that teasing is the second most intimate thing you can do with another person. Tease a person who doesn't accept or allow your teasing and disaster follows.
But, I was wrong. That was before I encountered this place and my disease. Teasing is the third most intimate thing. Sharing here is the second. Taken seriously, what we write here can change lives. It can also ruin lives if we do not take it seriously. Give it a thought.
FL, this is the first day of the rest of your life. Cliche, I know. But true. There is momentary pain and there is lasting pain. I know which I prefer. Let's be sober together.
warren
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
FL
We all need to question why we are here. It's not because we are weak. It is because we are strong. No one requires our presence here. This is real life.
You have taken a very important, giant step. So have I. Why are we here?
It may take some time. It may take multiple failures. But, we all want that same precious thing. A life worth living. And we have found that it cannot include the substance that causes us such great harm and disgrace.
Can we do it? H*ll, yes we can do it! With the help and support of others. We were sober before we were not. We were born with all that we needed. Somehow, we allowed that balance to be f'd up. Most of us probably have serious reasons why that balance was f'd up. OK, so what now? That is the question that I face.
I do not wish to continue like this. Contrary to what is written here, being drunk is boring! I am so tired of the predictable consequences. Same old, same old, and none of it good. Duh?
So, why not engage in something different? Something where the outcome isn't so predictable? That doesn't involve an orange suit or a relationship shattered? Wouldn't that be nice? As for me. I am simply tired of it all. Maybe you have more left in you, but you will end up in a very predictable place. A place where you do not want to be.
Let's get rid of this crap once and for all. Can we do it? If we focus on the benefits we can. Lifelong benefits. A life without anything but our life force pulling our strings. Wouldn't that be nice? A day without planning in advance how to fit in our substance. Free. To be you and to be me.
We can do it. All of us. We learned how to be dependent on crap. We can unlearn that. To be free. To be just you and me.
warren
We all need to question why we are here. It's not because we are weak. It is because we are strong. No one requires our presence here. This is real life.
You have taken a very important, giant step. So have I. Why are we here?
It may take some time. It may take multiple failures. But, we all want that same precious thing. A life worth living. And we have found that it cannot include the substance that causes us such great harm and disgrace.
Can we do it? H*ll, yes we can do it! With the help and support of others. We were sober before we were not. We were born with all that we needed. Somehow, we allowed that balance to be f'd up. Most of us probably have serious reasons why that balance was f'd up. OK, so what now? That is the question that I face.
I do not wish to continue like this. Contrary to what is written here, being drunk is boring! I am so tired of the predictable consequences. Same old, same old, and none of it good. Duh?
So, why not engage in something different? Something where the outcome isn't so predictable? That doesn't involve an orange suit or a relationship shattered? Wouldn't that be nice? As for me. I am simply tired of it all. Maybe you have more left in you, but you will end up in a very predictable place. A place where you do not want to be.
Let's get rid of this crap once and for all. Can we do it? If we focus on the benefits we can. Lifelong benefits. A life without anything but our life force pulling our strings. Wouldn't that be nice? A day without planning in advance how to fit in our substance. Free. To be you and to be me.
We can do it. All of us. We learned how to be dependent on crap. We can unlearn that. To be free. To be just you and me.
warren
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,007
I figure it didn't take me overnight to get into this mess....it's not going to take overnight to fix it. I mess up ALL the time. I'm doing much better right now - but it's taken me 6 months to get 14 straight days in. And I'm not going to say that I'll never use again, because I've said that before. I do tell myself however, that I know for TODAY I'm going to be ok - and no matter what happens, I'm going to keep trying. because after much contemplating, I've decided that I AM worth it.
you are too Florida, and it will happen. you are dealing with SO much right now......I wish I had better advice for you to make it better, but I don't. All I can suggest is to try and take things a little slower and make a plan on how to deal with the different things you're going through. and remember it's going to take time. You're only human, and none of us can work on 20 things at once.
you are too Florida, and it will happen. you are dealing with SO much right now......I wish I had better advice for you to make it better, but I don't. All I can suggest is to try and take things a little slower and make a plan on how to deal with the different things you're going through. and remember it's going to take time. You're only human, and none of us can work on 20 things at once.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 428
Flgirl- I am so happy to see you back on here and posting. There are so many great people on here that can offer us so much support. You are one of those people for me. I love what Warren points out about us being strong... It is so hard to keep it in that perspective, but you know what, it is true. It takes a strong person to willingly face what we are dealing with.
One day at a time.... sobriety is not cummulatively measured. All that matters is that you are sober today. Tommorrow you can worry about being sober tommorrow.
One day at a time.... sobriety is not cummulatively measured. All that matters is that you are sober today. Tommorrow you can worry about being sober tommorrow.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Flgirl, it is not easy at first, it is a struggle, people need people, SR is a great place to reach out for help, you say your sponsor has been down the same road, trust me she is there for you as well as a lot of other ladies in meetings. There are no rules saying that the very same folks in the meetings are not willing to help you through these tough times outside of the meetings. Why not meet some of them for coffee? Call them just to talk, they have all been right where you are at now, give them a call, they will be more then happy to share with you how they got through the early days of thier sobriety.
We are here to help each other, when you reach out for help you are not putting a burden on any one, you are helping others by letting them help you.
We are here to help each other, when you reach out for help you are not putting a burden on any one, you are helping others by letting them help you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 448
Thanks guys,
I am doing better today. I had an employee go "postal" on me today because I had the audacity to explain to her that being late was unacceptable. She damn near bit my head off! And I thought I had problems...LOL
I am doing better today. I had an employee go "postal" on me today because I had the audacity to explain to her that being late was unacceptable. She damn near bit my head off! And I thought I had problems...LOL
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