Ananda

Hi,

I told someone the other day that in my first sobriety i was miserable the first 2 1/2 years. THATS NOT TRUE!!!!!

I completly forgot that first part of the journey in sobriety and how wonderful it was. I want to talk about what that was like for me and hope others will share the concrete things that helped during that early part of the journey where many of the promises and steps (if you are in AA) may not be enough to hang on to.

My first jorney into sobriety I didn't go to treatment. I had a 5 year old son and a very understanding mother. I was able to go to AA meetings from 6-9 each nite and coffee afterwards on Fridays and Saturdays.

I was fortunate enough to meet many other people in their first year. Some who came at the same time as me and we CLUNG together. People with long term sobriety gave me hope and provided guidance, but the newbies like me were in the trenches saving my a$$ on a daily basis.

We all saw it as an adventure, even if somewhat painful. We shared with each other how we had so many things that happend each day that went differently because we were sober. How looking at our behavior was really a rather exciting thing as we could see things in ourselves we never saw before. We were constantly Awed by eachother. We could talk about those neat things like our first kiss (or more) sober, what it was like to make a new friend, what neat thing we noticed about our kids that we never noticed before. What spiritual books we had read and what wonderful new things we had expereinced as we applied the concepts to our selves.

I worked as a bartender my first 9 mos. I took 6 daily reflection books to work. I was told that everytime I thought about alchohol...to think about "god" instead and my obsession would be lifted. So i thought about sprituality every day....and i just plain old felt good about all the new insites and tools i was given.

Thats all for now just wanted to get a thread started on this. Please share.

Horselover

Thanks Ananda! You told me you were going to do this and I REALLY appreciate this post. I do hope others will share also. Its a great idea and will probably help many of us newbies. Thanks again!

:ghug3

By the way, I also have a 5 year old son and I am new at this sober living. I guess I've started as you did.

gravity

After the fear & self pity reached a tolerable level, I found that focusing on the moment or task at hand really helped. Whatever I was doing, I would try and do my best (not try and be perfect) be it a major work project, going to the fitness centre, playing with my kids, or washing the dishes.

I also try and refocus my thinking away from myself. I help where I can and I try and appreciate how my words & actions, no matter how small, help others.

And gratitude. I am so grateful for everything I have been blessed with and I often reflect on these blessings. I am so fortunate.

Daily prayers (at least twice), reading (self-help books/the Big Book), 2 or 3 AA meetings a week, working through the 12 steps, posting on SR...it all seems to be about reaching out for help and helping others. Everything strengthens my recovery and it’s been quite the little journey so far!

Thanks for starting this thread, Ananda.

And best wishes to everyone!

BUTTERFLY-7

what help me stay clean my first few month was my determanation
and my H.P. and S.R

dave47

Ditto to what Butterfly says.

lizw

Over the last year I've thought alot about this subject and I think for me (outside of a sponsor and the steps) it was:

- all the other newcomers I hung out with in AA. Playing cards. Drinking coffee. Swapping war stories. Complaining about the old timers. Laughing a lot. Talking about what we were 'going to do' in the future. Shared breakfasts/dinners/lunches. Visiting old timers who were a bit house bound.

- service. Opening meetings. Going to area meetings. DCMs. Mtgs in treatment centres/prisons. Taking others to meetings.

- literature. Reading books as well as the BB. Came to believe. Living sober. 12 steps and 12 trads etc... and all the phamplets. Learning about the history of AA.

Great Topic!

Surlyredhead

I remember the last day I drank as if it were yesterday.....I remember how I felt, guilty, ashamed, broken, helpless, hopeless and so sick my nose would bleed if I sneezed...that is one of my strongest tools to stay sober...NEVER forget!!!!

Ananda

thought of another one - I had to focus on the things in my life that were getting better - which mostly were inside stuff and basically avoid my external mess for about the first 9 months. I simply couldn't clean my physical house or take enough baths or get the chrismas stuff done.....but i could grow to understand the ways that I was acting and reacting that caused reactions and actions in others...and I could begin to change.

Others I knew made external changes far faster than I....but as i changed on the inside i was able to change on the outside...just how it worked for me.

And i really talked about all that stuff....and still do with my friends. A sense of humor was a lot longer developing in me....but in my second sobriety that has saved me many a time from the horrible sad overwhelmed feelings.

My first time through, I cryed at every meeting...but because I really let that stuff out, It would disappear for a while and i could see the bright spots again...then the next meeting I would cry again...then heal. quite a process but it worked.

tommyk

Physical fitness and the fear of dying.

Rowan

Great thread, nands, and great share. Thank you.

What helped me in my first months were meetings, Big Book studies, avoiding any place where alcohol was served (that included some family functions), being secretary of my group and then intergroup rep, reading of my daily meditations, exercise, spending time doing sober activities with other recovering alcoholics like card nights, coffee meets, barbecues, pool parties, etc.

I used to cry at meetings too, nands, and still do sometimes. I was told that tears are healing so I let them flow when they come.

lizw

I rarely cried in an AA meeting until I started attending Al Anon @ 5 years sober. I liked to think of myself as a bit of a hard a**. LOL.

However in Al Anon someone said to me, that we cry because we start to thaw from being the 'ice queen' and when something thaws, it melts - hence the tears. I've never forgot that.

mle-sober

I think the main thing I did differently was I completely and utterly surrendered. Most of my hours were spent in treatment, AA meetings, meeting with my sponsor, going to therapy, or reading and posting here at SR. The rest of the time, I was just trying so hard to do exactly what I was told to do as I went about my day. I stopped thinking about what I wanted and I kind of put blinders on about everything except for my recovery process. If I was unsure or scared or upset about anything, I'd bring it to my treatment group or here or my AA meeting and get it out there - I'd ask questions and try to follow the wisdom of others who'd gotten sober before me. It was a constant act of trying to free myself from my own will and mindset.

It was like a total immersion foreign language program. I completely wrapped myself in the recovery process and tried to be as faithful to it as I could.

Good idea for a subject Ananda.

mle-sober

Oh man - at 4 1/2 months sober, I've probably only NOT cried at 4-5 meetings. I just start shaking and tearing up almost as soon as I hit the meeting. It's kind of funny, really. I'm such a wet blanket.

Dee74

coming here was my meeting - helping others.
Kinda gave me perspective.

D

SecretMuffin

My sponsor right off the bat gave me the advice to keep my thoughts where my feet were. That has been a godsend so far for me. One of my biggest problems has been, and still is, worrying about what's going to happen in the future.

I just finished step 2 and now I'm working on step 3. It's been tough on me steps 2 and 3 since I've always pegged myself as an agnostic. If anyone has any advice on that I'd greatly appreciate it.

gravity

A really good thread from a couple of days ago. I think it kind of relates to the agnostic viewpoint as well. I believe there are other similar threads around.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...k-atheist.html

PassItOn2KeepIt

This is a great thread! What I find keeps me sober is of course all the things we're supposed to do, call sponsor, go to meetings, read the big book, talk to other alcoholics, no wackiness, mind my own business, do something I love every day. Sometimes though, that cunning baffling powerful part of it gets really strong and I feel like it's trying to get me really bad (wackiness). The thoughts start racing around in my head and I can't make it stop even by doing all that stuff. It is the worst feeling in the world, restless, irritable, discontent, PAIN!!! The thing I have learned for me, and this helps me SO much is as soon as I feel that manic wackiness starting up, I immediately make myself a list of things, (whether mental or written, even better) I can do right NOW to help someone else, even if I have to start small, like calling someone and giving them a compliment, doing something thoughtful, a chore to help someone else, offer to do something..........I swear, its like a trick, because I stop thinking so much about myself and my problems or whatever it is racing around my head and in helping someone or being of service, it distracts me. I feel better about myself for helping, and the craziness subsides after a little while, and helping others makes me want to do it more. For me it's the "big guns" of my sobriety, when nothing else works ( but I also try to do it as much as possible because it just always makes things better). I am SO grateful for that tool, because it is something I didn't have the first time I tried sober living, and I went out because of it. I'm so glad that today I don't have to do that!

Hevyn

Thanks for this Ananda, I've enjoyed your posts ever since your arrival here at SR & you add so much to our family. My first sobriety was 1997-2000. I quit because my son was disgusted with me & old enough to let me know it: "You've been drunk every weekend of my childhood, Mom...". I stopped so he wouldn't be upset anymore by my erratic behavior. For those 3 yrs. I was resentful & bitter. My heart wasn't in staying sober. I longed for my old life. I felt I was just putting in time. He was my only motivation then for staying off the booze. Not an idea that lasted, since of course he eventually left home. In 2000 I met my now husband & on our first date he asked if I liked wine & instead of saying I didn't drink, I said yes. That decision to not tell him the truth about myself led me to another 7 yrs. of drinking. This time it was much worse. No amount was enough to achieve the desired effect. Won't bore you with all the horror of it, but by the time that I decided drinking was killing me (this past Jan.) I was completely out of control. My motivation this time is, I know I'll lose my life if I go back to it. The fear of dying and leaving this earth before I make my presence here matter has terrified me. I try to remember my last withdrawal, shaking, crying, pacing, afraid to close my eyes because I was convinced I was going to die in my sleep. That's enough to keep me on track. Ananda, alcohol turns this nice, kind, considerate lady into an emotional, unstable, insane broad. I'm afraid she'll come back, and this time take me down. That's what keeps me from picking up.

Ananda

wow...i cant tell you how much this thread is helping me....lots to consider and be grateful for tonight as i go to bed.

Taking5

Before I became a drunk I used to read a lot, also like Taz I was an outdoorsman. Like everything else, these hobbies got pushed back so I could practice my new hobby - drinking.

When I sobered up, I got back into both reading and the outdoors in a big way. You can meet a lot of people taking up your old hobbies as well. And going to AA of course is highly recommended