colagirl

I've been thinking about this subject lately because I'm pondering how to tell people about my not drinking. Personally, if any of my friends at a future point did something like what you described, I would be very, very disappointed in them. For me, friendship is about supporting each other even if you don't totally understand what the other person is going through. Just knowing that it was a struggle to get where you've gotten should illicit a little more respect and compassion from a true friend, in my opinion. I do think if you care about these relationships you should explain how you feel to give them the chance to change their behavior before you just cut them loose.

Good luck!

Daddio

That is amazing. And you are going on 20 years sober. That too is amazing.

I have a friend that appears to be close to the end. Booze and cigs. The one that I spoke of in this post has many health problems. Again, booze and cigs.

I guess that is where all of this is leading. The stonger I get the more I realize the shallowness of those "friendships" and the more I should seek people on my path. Thanks for sharing.

CarolD

I was editing when you had already quoted me.
It's a little confused now
but I see you understood my reply.

barb dwyer

hey daddio -

(I can't even TYPE that without wanting to snap my fingers or something)

I have learned the hard way - that when that inner voice startrs talking .... listen to it.

I mean, you said it yourself, didn't ya?
You were getting the feeling it's time to cut the cord.

It can be done gently.

The guy doing the put down stuff...

trying to tear YOU down because
you are in fact healing.
and standing straighter. makes others have to see
where THEY really are.
They don't like that.
Remember?

Animals ... strike out.
Humans... reach out.

They get all nasty and stuff
but in the 'real world'
they're just afraid.

YOu becoming who you REALLY are ...
is reflecting to them ...
who THEY 'really' are.

That's all.
I don't know if it's 'sad' or not -
it just ... is what it is.

The particular inner voice you're talking about in that first post -
is the one to lissen to.

It's telling you - you've grown.
Be glad for that - pray for them ...
and let the Infinite lead you where It wants you to be.

JMO

blitzen

i know that you don't know me or anything about me, nor i you...but....you said :
"a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts" and i just wanted to point out that ...while maybe its just me, but one of the reasons im here is that i say things when im drinking that i don't mean. i say things that....yes..i think...but only for a moment. my brain filter shuts off is all. when sober id think "i bet hes lying about being sober." and then think "um hello. this is my friend and i know him to well to think hes lying."
Now....if im drinking...id just say that i thought you were lying without the follow up thought...ugh. this came out lecture like and i didn't mean it that way at all. please understand that as someone who's only recently stopped drinking i at least remember saying douchey things to people that i truly didn't mean. i hurt people that i never meant to hurt and took shots that i knew would hit below the belt yet... i truly didn't mean them. ill pray for you to make the decision thats right for you (its all i know how to do. i hope thats ok.) just know that i don't envy your situation one bit. its a tough one.
just to be clear, i do agree that once you "wonder" if a friend is toxic...you already know the answer. just see both sides. maybe...even by cutting the cord, you could help him too. i cant remember a single person in my life that ever called me out on my drinking that was wrong. in addition , i cant think of anyone i ever called out (hehe....all...two ...of them) that i turned out to be wrong on. i did lose the friendships. hardcore arguments until i realized it was just a defense. one came back years later and....ironically enough ...is helping me now with my attempts at sobriety.
ugh. this is so random of a post. its almost five am here and i can barely formulate a sentence lol. (ugh. my brother made me watch this stupid all night horrorfest thing. dont do it. its stupid.)
my advice is....i guess....do what you already KNOW you need to do. if they're a "real" friend, they'll come back to you. its so cliche i know...but its true from what ive seen. it sounds bad, but in the end, once you boil it down, life is about YOU. what YOU need. all the good things you provide to others wont happen until your life is the way you know it needs to be. life is selfish. but in a good way ...if you let it flow that way...

dave47

Hi Daddio, in my case I don't think that there was any cord cutting, just a gradual pulling away. Some friends have been better than I could have imagined and some of these like to party hard and drink heavy. Others have made the odd ignorant comment which I laugh off, but I have definitely noticed that without that one thing which bonded us together more than any other, the friendships have all but disappeared. I can't say I am bothered about the situation, we are all just moving in different directions and want different things. I think you have had some excellent replies which will back up your own thoughts on the matter, best wishes and good to have you around.

Daddio

Thanks to all of you for sharing with me. It truly means a lot.

You guys are the best.

tommyk

Thanks for your post Daddio.

Your account of your 'friends' and their words brought back memories of my OWN thoughts when I was a drunken idiot. I too thought everyone who didn't drink was either lying or a 'weenie', lol.

Most of the absurd behavior I see among drinkers now makes me laugh... I was in their shoes once upon a time.

Forgive them... they know not what they say.