Real Scared these days
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: sfo, ca
Posts: 17
Real Scared these days
Hey all.. I'm about 60 days sober... staying that way day-by-day
But real scared these days. Everyone says we need to turn the controls over to the Lord and trust in him which I do as best I can... but reality is if I don't take action and do things for myself I'll lose it all.
So how does one do the needful for themself but turn the control over to the Lord? My minister brother says put my faith in the Lord and know he will care for me but take action and do what is right and needful for my well being.
Trying to keep things basic here and not over think ..
Well thanks for listening..
I'm grateful to still have my job
My Girlfriend
Another sober day
The nice walk at lunch time yesterday
The beautiful Ferry Ride
My sanity (mostly)
Solving a Hard techonolgy problem for my co-workers yesterday
The nice meal my girlfriend made for me
This great web site.
All please help me to be more gracious to others daily.. althought it's in my heart it's a skill I was never really taught.
Learning one day at a time...
But real scared these days. Everyone says we need to turn the controls over to the Lord and trust in him which I do as best I can... but reality is if I don't take action and do things for myself I'll lose it all.
So how does one do the needful for themself but turn the control over to the Lord? My minister brother says put my faith in the Lord and know he will care for me but take action and do what is right and needful for my well being.
Trying to keep things basic here and not over think ..
Well thanks for listening..
I'm grateful to still have my job
My Girlfriend
Another sober day
The nice walk at lunch time yesterday
The beautiful Ferry Ride
My sanity (mostly)
Solving a Hard techonolgy problem for my co-workers yesterday
The nice meal my girlfriend made for me
This great web site.
All please help me to be more gracious to others daily.. althought it's in my heart it's a skill I was never really taught.
Learning one day at a time...
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 69
There are many ways to get sober. The one about turning it over is about 5% successful according to its own research. The majority of those who stop using drugs or drinking do no program at all to the tune of 80%.
Read a bit. If you are undecided then perhaps you might find something that fits better. There is SOS, SMART, RR... Google Harvard/AA Efficacy. There are also Christian groups for support if you tend that direction. They are based in the bible as in Luke 7: 39: "Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into the ditch?" Hence I am not leading... just telling you that your best thinking did get you to seek help. Seek thoroughly!
Thinkingabit
Read a bit. If you are undecided then perhaps you might find something that fits better. There is SOS, SMART, RR... Google Harvard/AA Efficacy. There are also Christian groups for support if you tend that direction. They are based in the bible as in Luke 7: 39: "Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into the ditch?" Hence I am not leading... just telling you that your best thinking did get you to seek help. Seek thoroughly!
Thinkingabit
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: NSW
Posts: 2,907
Congratulations on 60 days.
What worked for me was doing the next right thing in front of me
letting go of the outcomes..it was scary and I felt like I was free falling for a while
but it gets better, and then it keeps getting better.
What worked for me was doing the next right thing in front of me
letting go of the outcomes..it was scary and I felt like I was free falling for a while
but it gets better, and then it keeps getting better.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
niceguy turning it over does not mean to sit and wait for something to happen. Your brothers advice:
Is spot on!!!
Turning it over means that we do our HPs will when we can, that means we take action.
There are things in life we have no control over no matter how much action we take, these we have no choice but to accept that we can not do anything about it and rather then worrying about it we turn it over to our HP.
put my faith in the Lord and know he will care for me but take action and do what is right and needful for my well being.
Turning it over means that we do our HPs will when we can, that means we take action.
There are things in life we have no control over no matter how much action we take, these we have no choice but to accept that we can not do anything about it and rather then worrying about it we turn it over to our HP.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: michigan
Posts: 92
Originally Posted by Thinkingabit 
Luke 7: 39: "Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into the ditch?"
Thinkingabit
Thinkingabit
I sat outside a meeting the other night talking with three men....between them they had 81 years of sobriety.
I would not call that "the blind leading the blind".
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 69
I was recently researched online and had personal information posted in a forum by a woman with 20 years sober all because my different views threatened her into bullying and fear tactics. Interesting view to equate time with respect...
I equate kindness with respect and let the time speak for itself. Sometimes it says very interesting things.
T
I equate kindness with respect and let the time speak for itself. Sometimes it says very interesting things.
T
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
"Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into the ditch?"
I would certainly follow the path of an alcoholic who has been sober for 20 years long before I would follow the path of some one who researchs sobriety on the internet. LOL
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Hi Niceguy - It's a struggle that I have had, also, the whole concept of "God will move a mountain, but He expects you to bring a shovel" (that's how a priest friend of mine puts it- LOL). So, how do I know when to wait for Him to starting moving, or is He waiting for me to start shovelling? It used to baffle me - but then I realized that I was focusing on the mountain being moved, when I wanted, where I wanted, in exactly the way I would like it moved. That's still trying to control my HP.
I've learned in my short sobriety that the value of waiting, praying, and giving up on control (which was - and continues to be at times ) very hard for me.
If you listen to your HP, you will get the information you need about what is the "next right thing" and when to do it. Just take your time, move as slowly as you have to during this phase of learning in your life journey.
Take care, Jomey
I've learned in my short sobriety that the value of waiting, praying, and giving up on control (which was - and continues to be at times ) very hard for me.
If you listen to your HP, you will get the information you need about what is the "next right thing" and when to do it. Just take your time, move as slowly as you have to during this phase of learning in your life journey.
Take care, Jomey
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Luke 6:39 actually LOL
I'm not an AAer but I recognise that if all is working as it should, a sober alcoholic who's diligently worked the Steps and is committed to recovery, is no longer 'blind'.
I also recognise that yeah - sometimes this doesn't always happen - but that's the human factor isn't it?
As far the the original query here, I can't give a better answer than Jomey's
Faith - and surrender - is a hard thing to grasp, especially when you've had a life full of letdowns, but I no longer live in fear about my sobriety.
D
I'm not an AAer but I recognise that if all is working as it should, a sober alcoholic who's diligently worked the Steps and is committed to recovery, is no longer 'blind'.
I also recognise that yeah - sometimes this doesn't always happen - but that's the human factor isn't it?
As far the the original query here, I can't give a better answer than Jomey's
Faith - and surrender - is a hard thing to grasp, especially when you've had a life full of letdowns, but I no longer live in fear about my sobriety.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Miamisburg, Ohio
Posts: 217
Originally Posted by Thinkingabit
There are many ways to get sober. The one about turning it over is about 5% successful according to its own research. The majority of those who stop using drugs or drinking do no program at all to the tune of 80%.
Read a bit. If you are undecided then perhaps you might find something that fits better. There is SOS, SMART, RR... Google Harvard/AA Efficacy. There are also Christian groups for support if you tend that direction. They are based in the bible as in Luke 7: 39: "Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into the ditch?" Hence I am not leading... just telling you that your best thinking did get you to seek help. Seek thoroughly!
Thinkingabit
Read a bit. If you are undecided then perhaps you might find something that fits better. There is SOS, SMART, RR... Google Harvard/AA Efficacy. There are also Christian groups for support if you tend that direction. They are based in the bible as in Luke 7: 39: "Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into the ditch?" Hence I am not leading... just telling you that your best thinking did get you to seek help. Seek thoroughly!
Thinkingabit
You state the "turning it over" method of sobriety has a 5% success rate and then offer up the Christian group approach as an alternative. My experience as a member of a Bible based church is that these groups lean more towards "turning it over" then any AA program I've ever encountered.
Take your example, Luke 7:39, although this is not the reading of Luke 7: 39 in my Bible, we can use the words posted. Who determines who the blind are? In the context of the Bible it could be argued that all are blind who do not believe. Believe in what...the teachings of the Bible and the proclaimation that Christ Jesus is the way and the light. If that's not "turning it over" I don't know what is.
As a matter of fact, I'd argue that 100% of people who are sober are in fact "turning it over". Turning it over to something, maybe a higher power, maybe God, maybe a group, maybe an individual (a sponsor) that they've opened up to, maybe a program of recovery, maybe AA, maybe just a system that seems to work or maybe they have just turned their life over to Good Orderly Direction. Whatever, if they are alcoholic or addicted and are clean and sober they are turning over their self-will to something.
Just My Opinion
God's Peace
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: sfo, ca
Posts: 17
What I'm scared of is losing everything...
My Girlfriend, My Job, My House, I owe BiG $$$ so my credit ....
I'm working off a DUI so if I lose the Job it will be hard to find another like I have...
I'm trying to find a way to provide value to the company but my cretibility is in question .. some of my own doing someout of my control..
Life had thrown me allot of hard balls and I used them as excuses for my drinking.. 21 years ago I had to turn life support off on my New Born, 18 month ago the same for my wife of 27 years in Honolulu (our last vacation together) My Son and his family moved 900 miles away last year, I had to put my dog of 14 years down around last christmas, I endured 12 years of care for my wife helping her to recover from allot of illness...
No pity party just venting and providing some background as to the complications I am dealing with along with what I think are PAW symtoms.
It's nice to be here seems very safe..
My Girlfriend, My Job, My House, I owe BiG $$$ so my credit ....
I'm working off a DUI so if I lose the Job it will be hard to find another like I have...
I'm trying to find a way to provide value to the company but my cretibility is in question .. some of my own doing someout of my control..
Life had thrown me allot of hard balls and I used them as excuses for my drinking.. 21 years ago I had to turn life support off on my New Born, 18 month ago the same for my wife of 27 years in Honolulu (our last vacation together) My Son and his family moved 900 miles away last year, I had to put my dog of 14 years down around last christmas, I endured 12 years of care for my wife helping her to recover from allot of illness...
No pity party just venting and providing some background as to the complications I am dealing with along with what I think are PAW symtoms.
It's nice to be here seems very safe..
No AA
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 259
my heart goes out to you nice 
i'm not going to get into the debate about aa. it doesn't trip my trigger, but i don't have to be a hater either. i wouldn't push any certain program on you. try things that make you feel good or at least content and when the going gets bad come here. there are so many ppl to talk to. most of them would probably give you the shirt off their back.
take care--im glad you came.. come back
i'm not going to get into the debate about aa. it doesn't trip my trigger, but i don't have to be a hater either. i wouldn't push any certain program on you. try things that make you feel good or at least content and when the going gets bad come here. there are so many ppl to talk to. most of them would probably give you the shirt off their back.
take care--im glad you came.. come back
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 69
I am not sure that the Christian groups are into confession to a drunk or druggie with no qualification other than a statement that they are working "the program." The shame and guilt approach is not what churches are pushing. Confession in the church is with a priest or pastor. That is why I suggested a Christian group... just answering your question. They are very different indeed!
But please check it out and see...
Read Dr. Kasl's book Moving Beyond the 12 Steps. She has lots to say about it. So do many psychologists. I do encourage you to educate yourself. Please by all means do so...
Thinking...
But please check it out and see...
Read Dr. Kasl's book Moving Beyond the 12 Steps. She has lots to say about it. So do many psychologists. I do encourage you to educate yourself. Please by all means do so...
Thinking...
"Welcome To The Future..."
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: WV
Posts: 224
niceguy,
My heart aches for all of your losses. I had no idea you had endured so much. It is good that you can talk about it. Putting it out there makes it real and that leads to a path of acceptance.
I cannot imagine enduring such tragedies. We've all had our own troubles, some worse than others. I hope that you can learn that those really are the things that we cannot change, and must accept. It's not an easy task to do, but relying on the support of your family, friends, and your HP will help you succeed.
Have you ever tried meditation? I just recently started it, and I wish I had known long ago the power that quiet meditation can give you over addiction. I find that while meditating, I can relax and give up my burdens to God. I always feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me afterwards. The contentment from it gives me something to hold onto during these trying times. That is just something that works for me. Maybe it can work for you too. You truly seem like a "niceguy", and I wish you much luck in everything you set out to do. You are doing a wonderful job so far. Congrats on the 60 days. It is quite an achievement!!!!
butterfly19
:ghug2
My heart aches for all of your losses. I had no idea you had endured so much. It is good that you can talk about it. Putting it out there makes it real and that leads to a path of acceptance.
I cannot imagine enduring such tragedies. We've all had our own troubles, some worse than others. I hope that you can learn that those really are the things that we cannot change, and must accept. It's not an easy task to do, but relying on the support of your family, friends, and your HP will help you succeed.
Have you ever tried meditation? I just recently started it, and I wish I had known long ago the power that quiet meditation can give you over addiction. I find that while meditating, I can relax and give up my burdens to God. I always feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me afterwards. The contentment from it gives me something to hold onto during these trying times. That is just something that works for me. Maybe it can work for you too. You truly seem like a "niceguy", and I wish you much luck in everything you set out to do. You are doing a wonderful job so far. Congrats on the 60 days. It is quite an achievement!!!!
butterfly19
:ghug2
Certified Scrabble Cheat!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The Hill City, MS
Posts: 316
Wow. I feel like I'm walking through a minefield here. Someone help me understand the following statements.
See if I have this right. 95% of those going the HP only route fail?
20% of those trying an organized program fail?
I was always told that the blind leading the blind reference was about uninformed and incompetent people leading others who are similarly incapable. So is the above reference an affirmation or a put down of the Christian based help groups? And it's Matthew 15:14 BTW.
Thanks. I'm just reading a bit and seeking thoroughly.
See if I have this right. 95% of those going the HP only route fail?
20% of those trying an organized program fail?
Originally Posted by Thinkingabit
There are many ways to get sober. The one about turning it over is about 5% successful according to its own research. The majority of those who stop using drugs or drinking do no program at all to the tune of 80%.
Read a bit. If you are undecided then perhaps you might find something that fits better. There is SOS, SMART, RR... Google Harvard/AA Efficacy. There are also Christian groups for support if you tend that direction. They are based in the bible as in Luke 7: 39: "Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into the ditch?" Hence I am not leading... just telling you that your best thinking did get you to seek help. Seek thoroughly!
Read a bit. If you are undecided then perhaps you might find something that fits better. There is SOS, SMART, RR... Google Harvard/AA Efficacy. There are also Christian groups for support if you tend that direction. They are based in the bible as in Luke 7: 39: "Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into the ditch?" Hence I am not leading... just telling you that your best thinking did get you to seek help. Seek thoroughly!
Thanks. I'm just reading a bit and seeking thoroughly.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 69
I am not a Christian and was given the source by a Christian... bible is dusty! lol
I was referring to the shame and guilt and doing confession with someone who is bound to some responsibiltiy. There is no accountability for a sponsor, where for a priest or pastor it is a bit safer(so I have heard). That is where the suggestion came in for the Christian group. I have heard good things. but if you choose the Christian fundamentalist method of aa ...cool.
The blind leading the blind was a reference that I heard from a Christian and again, I am not... so take it or leave it...
Thinking ...not much about it! LOL
There are lots of ways... I think that was my original point, but if you need to argue details ... carry on!
I was referring to the shame and guilt and doing confession with someone who is bound to some responsibiltiy. There is no accountability for a sponsor, where for a priest or pastor it is a bit safer(so I have heard). That is where the suggestion came in for the Christian group. I have heard good things. but if you choose the Christian fundamentalist method of aa ...cool.
The blind leading the blind was a reference that I heard from a Christian and again, I am not... so take it or leave it...
Thinking ...not much about it! LOL
There are lots of ways... I think that was my original point, but if you need to argue details ... carry on!
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